Debsnewsletter

Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab

WOW

Another donation! Thank you so very much! Santa will be very good

to you guys! *smile*

Hope you aren't getting tired of the Obama Toons -- they just keep on

coming - he's such an easy target for the cartoonists.

Don't forget to let me know if you are on Twitter - I am loving it and have made

some fantastic friends!

Twitter.com

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, DebsSweet and your request will be handled promptly - or whenever I feel like it

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride!

YaY!!!!!!!
HUGS my friend,
Robbie

evlevo85

(on the return of the R&R)

ED: I got so many of these emails -- gone with my last computer crash

Thank you all!

harlmilligan

A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far
too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; "Have you had
any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied.
"I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama.

Pink Peppermint Pie

Ingredients

Graham Cracker Crust:
1 1/4 C. graham cracker crumbs, about 16 squares
2 tsp. sugar
1/4 C. melted butter

For filling:
24 large white marshmallows
1/2 C. milk
1 tsp. vanilla
1/8 tsp. salt
6 drops peppermint extract
6 drops red food coloring
1 C. chilled whipping cream
2 Tbs. crushed peppermint candy

Directions

To make crust: Heat oven to 350 degrees. Mix crumbs, sugar and butter. Press mixture firmly
against bottom and sides of an 8-inch pie plate. Bake for 10 minutes and cool.

To make filling: Heat marshmallows and milk in saucepan over low heat, stirring constantly, just until
marshmallows have melted. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla, salt, peppermint extract and food coloring.
Refrigerate, stirring occasionally, until mixture mounds slightly when dropped from a spoon. Beat whipping
cream in chilled bowl until stiff. Stir marshmallow mixture until blended and fold into the whipped
cream. Pour into crust, refrigerate for at least 12 hours. Just before serving, sprinkle with crushed candy.

Yield: 1 8-inch pie

HOOSIER-HUNK

BADVETTE87

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs

1. Man gets in car without opening door for woman

(no foreplay)

2. Can't hail a cab

(impotent)

3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant

(prefers virgins)

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant, but gets lost on the way

(he is a virgin)

5. Wants to go to a French restaurant

(will swallow)

6. Takes too long deciding what to order

(has trouble reaching orgasm)

7. Insists on ordering for you saying "the lady will have..."

(thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't)

8. Ask for 'the usual'

(insists on missionary position only)

9. Asks what the specials are

(will want you to use handcuffs)

10. Fills up on bread and crackers

(premature ejaculator)

11. Drinks decaf

(fakes orgasms)

12. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts

(Needs you to talk dirty during sex)

13. Credit card is refused

(low sperm count)

14. Under tips waiter

(small penis)

15. Uses toothpick

(is trying to tell you size isn't everything)

I heard that the world is going to end

in 2012, because that's only as far as
the Mayan calendar goes. But the news
gets even worse: I checked MY calendar,
and it only goes to the end of this year!

The Dairy

by Eileen Wells

As their mother lies dying in a nursing home, two sisters find her diary—and a mother they never knew.

Written shortly before their parents' marriage, the diary details their mother's romance with another man,

and the sisters are moved to discover the depth of their mother's heartache.

Slipping between a nostalgic past and the present, the story is suspenseful and surprising,

and the versatile Susan Ericksen gives the characters the life, color and personality they deserve,

effortlessly and faithfully conveying the middle-class, Midwestern setting.

I've read some crappy books lately but this one really is worth reading!

Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs?

She needed them for the darkroom she was building.

      The Top 13 Signs Your Pet Is Planning to Kill You
(Part II)

13> You throw a tennis ball. He brings back a grenade.

12> That 3'x6'x6' hole Rover's digging seems a bit excessive
for a bone.

11> The canary has turned kamikaze.

10> Your Persian cat broods silently while stroking her Austin
Powers action figure.

9> Your dog is in the backyard burying your newspaper, your
slippers and your inhaler.

8> The only things Lady fetches anymore are dented cans of
Bon Vivant vichyssoise.

7> After whizzing on the same tree for 10 minutes straight
during your daily walk, Rover barks out something sounding
like "What took you so long?" to the stranger in a trench
coat approaching you.

6> "Burth Kentorl Pilz" clumsily scrawled over rat poison label.

5> On the TV: a Discovery Channel show on piranhas. In the
aquarium: your goldfish, furiously taking notes.

4> You find a to-do list with:
1) drink from toilet
2) kill master
4) drink from toilet again

3> "I CAN HAZ FAVA BEANS AN' NISE KEYANTI?"

2> Slinky the python keeps showing up in the closet whenever
you're looking for a tie.

   and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign
   Your Pet Is Planning to Kill You...

1> You find scrawled notes reading, "DUEL? HIM: SIX SHOTS;
ME: NINE LIVES."

BillieJo50

"At a high school in Chicago, 115 of the 800 students in the
school are pregnant. Apparently their motto is 'Yes We Can!'"
-Jay Leno

The government announced today that it is changing its
emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the
government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys
the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives
you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

What does DNA stand for?

National Association of Dyslexics

ron_stott

Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was
really sore from moving furniture.

"Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked.

"I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to
move if he's not on it."

I actually liked it when my identity
was stolen; I walked around for
months and nobody knew who I was.

"It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there
was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying
in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was
fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that
first-aid course.

"What did you do?" asked the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

The two ladies were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed.

The daughter of the family was with them, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait.

The child was about six years old, snub nosed, freckled, buck toothed and bespectacled.

She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her.

Finally, one of them muttered to the other, "Not very p-r-e-t-t-y, I fear," carefully spelling the key word.

Whereupon the child piped up, "But awful s-m-a-r-t!"

A man rushed to the jewelry counter in the store where I
work soon after the doors opened one morning and said he
needed a pair of diamond earrings.

I showed him a wide selection, and quickly he picked
out a pair. When I asked him if he wanted the earrings
gift-wrapped, he said, "That'd be great. But can you make
it quick? I forgot today was my anniversary, and my wife
thinks I'm taking out the trash."

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden,

the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.

He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus

and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer said he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer replied,

"Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

A Polish immigrant goes to the Brooklyn DMV to apply for
a driver's license. He has to take an eye sight test.
The optician at the DMV shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I J N O S T W I C Z

"Can you read that?" , the optician asks.

"Read it?", the Polish guy replies, " My sister married
the bastard."

ron_stott

Make a Homemade Salt Substitute
Mix 5 teaspoons of onion powder, 1 tablespoon EACH of paprika, dry mustard and garlic powder,

1 teaspoon thyme, 1/2 teaspoon white pepper

and 1/2 teaspoon celery seed. Combine and keep in a spice jar.

Perfect Roast Turkey - Holiday Turkey Recipes - Everything Thanksgiving - MarthaStewart.com

I cooked a turkey once - in 1972 - cooked it upside down. I swear.

What You'll Need - How to Carve a Turkey - Everything Thanksgiving - MarthaStewart.com

Not applicable to me LOL

What You'll Need - How to Make Gravy - Everything Thanksgiving - MarthaStewart.com

Whatever

Puff Pastry - Recipe Detail - Holiday Brie en Croute

Nice

lg1

I got this new deodorant today. The instructions said to remove cap and

push up bottom. I can barely walk but whenever I fart, the

room smells awesome!

ron_stott

I had just moved to an address between Sunset Ave. and Sunset Blvd.,
one of Sacramento's major streets, and was explaining to a clerk
where my home was located for billing purposes.

"I live between Sunrise and Sunset," I told her.

"Oh, honey," she knowingly replied, "we all do."

BillieJo50

DeVulcano

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself

Man: 'May I buy you a cocktail?'

Maxine: 'No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs.'

Man: 'Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?'

Maxine: 'No, they spread.’

After the accident, I told the police officer I thought the
driver of the other vehicle was drunk. He told me the other
vehicle was a cow.

KP1983

CROCKPOT CHEESY MASHED POTATOES

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
5 lbs Red potatoes
1 8-ounce pkg Cream cheese
1 cup Sour cream
1 cube Chicken bouillon
1/2 cup Water
1 teaspoon Garlic powder
1 tablespoon dried Parsley

DIRECTIONS:
Wash and peel the potatoes. Cut in quarters to quicken
boiling time. Put the pieces into a large pot and cover
completely with water. Bring the potatoes to a boil on
the stove top. Boil rapidly for 10-20 minutes, or until
potatoes are fork-tender. Scoop out 1/2 cup of the water
from the pot. Add the bouillon cube to the water. Drain
the potatoes, and return to pot. Open the cream cheese
and put into the pot with the hot potatoes. Add sour cream.
Pour in the water with the bouillon cube, also. Add the
parsley and garlic powder. Mash with a potato masher
or wire wisk. After smashing well, scoop the potatoes
out of the pot and place into a 4 to 6 quart crockpot.
Cook on high for 2 hours, or on low for 4. Can be kept
on warm indefinitely.

YIELD: Approx 12 Servings

Q. Where can men over the age of 60 find younger sexy
women who are interested in them?

A. Try a bookstore, under fiction.



Q. What can a man do while his wife is going through
menopause?

A. Keep busy. If you're handy with tools you can finish
 the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Paw Print Post: A community for Dog, Cat, and Pet Owners - USATODAY.com

Studying pet dogs with cancer could yield valuable information

on how to diagnose and treat human cancers

The Martha Blog : Blog Archive : Introducing my new beautiful kittens

About a month ago, two new kittens came into my life. These adorable dominant calico Persians

were born on May 11th and exactly four months later, their breeder,

Pam Rutan Dillmuth of Top Shelf Persians,

topshelfpersions@aol.com delivered them to my home

YouTube - I'm a Chihuahua

Cuties!

YouTube - Jerry needs no help playing with his ball.

LOL!

Dog Facts Page 1 at DogQuotes.Com.

Worlds largest dog..... The worlds heaviest as well as longest dog ever recorded was an

Old English Mastiff named Zorba. In 1989, Zorba weighed 343 lbs and

was 8 feet 3 inches long from nose to tail! Lots

and lots more!

AB 241 - The Responsible Breeder Act

SHAME ON YOU Schwarzenegger

I'll try to be NICER if you try to be SMARTER

                         NOTE FROM CHRIS:

   President Obama was awarded the Nobel Prize
   for Peace today, surprising damn near everyone.

But Republicans were NOT surprised --
they were appalled and flabbergasted!

The Top 25 Republican Reactions to Obama Winning the Nobel Peace Prize

25> "Barack Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize -- or as it's
   known here at FOX News, the Carter/Gore Pathetic Whining
   Liberal Award."

24> "Illegal immigrants must've voted multiple times, as usual."

23> "Nobel was a terrorist -- the guy invented dynamite, for
   cryin' out loud!"

22> "There's only one explanation: ACORN is behind this!!!"

21> "Screw birth certificates -- let's check the ownership papers
   of this lucky bastard's SOUL!"

20> "Our guy liberates Iraq and runs the Taliban out of
   Afghanistan and receives nothing but scorn, but Mr.
   Chosen One oversees two different years-long failed
   armed conflicts and gets a friggin' Peace Prize?"

19> "Will he get the Nobel in medicine for proposing socialist
   health care?"

18> "Sure, Nobel committee -- ignore Ann Coulter AGAIN!"

17> "REAL Americans don't give a sh*t about peace!"

16> "You can bet the mainstream media won't cover THIS scandal!
   (Oops! Sorry -- just reading from the script!)"

15> "There's going to be rioting over this selection!
   Get Limbaugh, Beck and Hannity on the horn."

14> "What's next? The freakin' Heisman Trophy?"

13> "Now if he would just give a speech suggesting we could
   end double-digit unemployment, the extinction of the
   manufacturing sector, and multi-trillion-dollar deficit
   spending, they could hand him the Nobel Prize for
   Economics, too!"

12> "We're really happy for you, and we're gonna let you finish,
   but Ted Kennedy is having one of the most peaceful years
   of all time!"

11> "Riiiight. Next you'll tell me Al Gore won an Oscar."

10> "You lie! You're sh*tting me, right? No... really?"
   (Joe Wilson only)

9> "If this prize were worth a damn, the market would include it
   in an AIG executive compensation package."

8> "What you'd expect from the country that thinks Abba is good
   music?"

7> "Apparently, certain socialist-nazi European elitists regard
   killing Grandma as 'peaceful.'"

6> "Why doesn't the blessed bastard just bet the Fed on green 00
   while he's at it??"

5> "This means he's Norwegian! He can't be President!"

4> "ARRGGHH!!! Death Panel, take me away!"

3> "Finally! After years of being overlooked, Kenya gets the
   recognition it so rightly deserves."

2> "Somebody call Scalia and see if he can overturn this one,
   too."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Republican
Reaction to Obama Winning the Nobel Peace Prize...

1> "THIS... MEANS... WAR!"

[ Copyright 2009 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]

I was helping a buddy of mine, who was an orthopedic surgeon, move to his new office,

and using my car to help transport some of his office equipment.

I had decided to position his somewhat fragile display

skeleton strapped into the back seat of my car,

his bony arm across the back of my seat...

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became quite obvious.

I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to a doctor's office."

The other driver leaned out of his window. and commented,

"I hate to tell you, but I looks like you may be a bit too late!"

Paradise Beach | RealArcade

Full Version Features:

Land your dream job of running the world’s best beach resorts
Create the vacation spots any way you like
Build volleyball courts, plant palm trees, and serve ice cream
Go on object hunts to find missing items
Let your imagination take charge

BADVETTE87

Golf Trivia Quiz

See how well you do -- or how bad hehe

You put your right foot in,
You put your right foot out,
You put your right foot in
and you shake it all about.
Then you quit with the foreplay
and you get some hootchie-cootchie,
'cause THAT'S what it's all about!

harlmilligan

I went to "Lowes" recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're

definitely going to sh*t yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes

with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups

of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.

No 'Watson's Movement 2'.. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract,

I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for "Lowes" Store,

my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den. Upon entering the store, at first all seemed normal....

I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase.

It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about...

I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Sh*t, gotta go'

pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time...The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt.

In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines,

forcing their way into the large intestines,

and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief,

it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a

noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded.

I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body,

and I began to move up the aisle and out of it,

just as clerk in a red apron turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would

be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate....

Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean,

and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he

walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible,

wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running,

was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees.

This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. .......BIG mistake!!!!!

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean.

With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region.

Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked,

fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms,

laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God',

floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while

I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound,

and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-b*tch, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.

Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my

shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes.

It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store.

The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'

My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me...

The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and,

pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted,

'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager.

I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili,

so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Targets...

I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.

--==++ News Headlines from the National Probe ++==--

Obama Operatives Forge Nobel Peace Prize Certificate

Kanye Interrupts Obama Speech: "Beyonce Is One of the Greatest
Pieces of All Time"

Joe Biden Awarded Nobel Prize for Penmanship

Opinion: I Want Me Some of Whatever the Nobel Committee is Smokin!

Ashton Kutcher Claims White House Nobel Call Was "Punk'd" Prank

Christopher Walken, Will Ferrell Awarded Mo'Bell Peace Prize

GOP Demands to Know What Issues Obama Has Systematically Opposed
and Obstructed to Deserve Nobel

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid Awarded Noballs Peace Prize

Norway Invites First Black Visitor

Snoop Dog Wins Nobizzle Prize

Musing With Mitch
by Mitchell Kobriger

Idea! Why don't they start giving out a Nobel Pizza Prize?
It's not like any of us use physics or mathematics in our
everyday lives.

If I ever won a Nobel Prize, it'd most likely be in whittling.

Enrique from the garage tells me he turned down a Nobel once
because his mantle was already full of bowling trophies.
I almost believe him.

If there were a Nobel for "Steaming Cup of Straight Black Joe,"
Madge down at the diner would merit serious consideration.

Sorry, folks, but if you pronounce it "nucular" there is no
Nobel Prize in your future.

How can a man take the Nobels seriously when Lee Majors, my
barber, and the guy who invented Sans-a-Belt slacks have not
won a single one?

Pageonce: Personal Productivity Assistant application for iPhone, BlackBerry, Windows Mobile and Android

A personal assistant - manage all your online accounts through one application!

Mobile Minute tracter!

Pagephlix - Netflix queue manager on the go!

Amazing

BADVETTE87

YouTube - AMERICA IS ME - Anthem for "We the People" by Mack Hayes - Tea Party salute.

AMERICA IS ME - Anthem for "We the People" by Mack Hayes - Tea Party salute

ron_stott

20 greatest Monty Python sketches

2. http://www.thetoyzone.com/2009/blog/18-awesome-hand-drawn-mazes/

Amazing - terrific - hand-drawn mazes!

Amazing teeny tiny pieces of art

4. 25 of the Best Websites of Bands and Musicians | Vandelay Design Blog

25 of the best websites of bands and musicians

Tweet Tweet Twitter Apps - www.htmlgoodies.com

If you are reading this article while sitting under your rock then you probably have never heard of Twitter.

For everyone else, you have either heard of or participate on Twitter.com.

In this article we’ll take a quick look at 10 of the most popular Twitter apps,

find out how to make your own Twitter app and see what makes Twitter tick. I love Twitter!

Clever and funny!

YouTube - Waking Up Is Hard To Do

This is great! Singers are all Anesthesiologists in Minnesota!!

HOOSIER-HUNK

This is really cute! Trust me!

Stunning Papercraft: Castle On the Ocean | CoolThings.com | Anything and Everything Cool

Wow -- truly amazing

FLR2D2

YouTube - Elk Rut in Estes Park, CRAZY & WILD

These Elk are gorgeous!

Performers - Free streaming live music, Live concert recordings, Live music downloads, Classic rock concerts

Classic rock concerts too

DeVulcano

Let The Good Times Roll

http://www.procreo.jp/labo/flower_garden.swf

I have probably posted this before -- It makes me smile!

One night, Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his
wife. "How lovely, dear," she said.

"What's the occasion?"

"I want to make love to you," he said simply.

"Not tonight, dear. I have a headache."

The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and
explained that he wanted to make love to her.

"I'm awfully tired, honey," said his wife. "Can I have a rain-check?"

Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each
time his wife's answer was "no".

Finally he came home carrying six black kittens with little
red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife.
"How adorable, Jerry!" she exclaimed. "What are they for?"

"These are six little pallbearers for your dead pussy."

For Christmas I bought my brother a combination fax machine
and paper shredder. Either we hooked it up wrong or a lot of
people are faxing him confetti.

Pink Tequila

1 1/2 oz Tequila
1 oz Dry Vermouth
1 dash Grenadine
Mix ingredients in a shaker with
ice and strain into cocktail glass.

Thunderclap
3/4 oz Gin
3/4 oz Blended Whiskey
3/4 oz Brandy
Ice Shake with ice and strain into a glass

At the end of our first date the girl told me I was crazy
in the head and I should be committed to a mental institution.
Why do women always want us to make a commitment?

I like to buy women a lot of drinks, not so much to lessen
their inhibitions as to lower their standards.

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta help me!
Every time I look at myself in the mirror when I'm nude, I
get a raging hard on. Is there something wrong with me?"

The doctor checks him over, does some tests and explains, "I've
found the cause of your erection when you look in the mirror,
but I'm not sure I can treat the problem."

"Why not? What's the problem?"

The Doctor says, "You look like a pussy."

A Sisterhood Battling Breast Cancer | ThirdAge Articles

When a family member is stricken with cancer, it's natural to want to do something.

That was certainly the case for Sally-Ann Roberts (left) and Dorothy Roberts McEwen (right) when their younger sister,

Robin, co-anchor of ABC's Good Morning America, was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago.

Impaired Kidneys Linked to Memory Loss | ThirdAge Articles

U.S. researchers linked poor kidney function to a more

rapid rate of decline in cognition in the elderly.

7 Recipes for Healthy Bones | Lifescript.com

Calcium is your bones’ best friend. So is vitamin D. In

honor of World Osteoporosis Day, here are 7 tasty recipes with at least

15% of the recommended daily value of these skeleton-building minerals...

Flexibility Test May Indicate Heart Risk | ThirdAge Articles

Whether someone can reach his or her toes from a sitting position on the

floor may be an indicator of heart risk, U.S. and Japanese researchers said.

Choc Full of Goodness | ThirdAge Articles

Dark and bitter or milky and sweet ... there's nothing quite like chocolate to make a bad day better.

Luckily there are loads of reasons to enjoy the stuff, especially as this is National Chocolate Week.

Feeling SAD as the Days Grow Shorter?

Have you ever noticed how a gray, rainy day makes you feel gloomy and tired, but a sunny day can leave you

feeling cheerful and energized? Well, there's a scientific reason for this. Insufficient exposure to sunlight has

been associated with low levels of melatonin and serotonin, carbohydrate craving, weight gain, and sleep disturbance.

.

"In a new column by conservative pundit Pat Buchanan he
says that 'traditional Americans are losing their nation.
Traditional Americans? Who would that be, the American
Indians? I think they got screwed a few years ago."

A depressed blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a
tree in the park. A little bit later, a man was walking his dog and
spotted her hanging from the tree. He asked her what she is doing and
she replies, "I'm hanging myself."

"You're supposed to put the noose
around your neck, not your waist,' said the onlooker.

"I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."

OVILAFB

After spending all day Sunday watching football on television
a man fell asleep and spent the night in the chair.

His wife woke him in the morning.
"It's twenty to seven," she called.

"In whose favor?"

ron_stott

A man was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point; he really never said too much.

One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of cosmetics knocked on

his door and asked to see his wife. The man told her that his wife wasn't home.

"Well," replied the saleswoman, "could I please wait for her?"

The man directed her to the front room and left her there for more than three hours.

The saleswoman was getting really worried, so she called out to the man in the other room and asked,

"May I know where your wife is?"

"She went to the cemetery," he replied.

"And when is she returning?"

"I don't really know," he said. "She's been there eleven years now."

BADVETTE87

HOOSIER-HUNK

*Groaners*

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.'

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and
says 'Dam!'

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

4.Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says,
'I've lost my electron.' The other says
'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse. 'But why?' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said,
'I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!'

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to Spain; they named him 'Juan'. The other went to family in Egypt
and was named 'Ahmal'. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. since everyone liked to
buy flowers from the men of God. A rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious thug in town, to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up
the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't
close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh
can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him a (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good!) 'super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis'.

10. And finally... there was the person who sent ten puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.

Normantate12

Word to the wise: If a recipe
calls for allspice, Old Spice
is not an effective substitute.

I tell people I'm single by choice.
I don't bother to tell them that it's
the choice of over 3 billion men

KP1983

You can tell reality TV has gone too far
when you see TLC's promo for what promises
to be the "most explosive episode yet of
Intestinal Parasite Celebrity Challenge."



Okay, so maybe there's no place like home,
but I would think 107 Couch Potato Lane in
Bigscreenville isn't a bad second place to be.
Especially in apartment 44DD on the 69th floor.

KP1983

A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when
he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner, love? Chicken,
beef or lamb?"

He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

"Fuck you," she said. "You're having soup.
I was talking to the cat."

ron_stott

If the Vacuum Smells Musty

You can correct this simply by adding the following to the dust bag or cup before you vacuum:

a fabric softener sheet, or a cotton ball moistened with a bit of your favorite essential oil, like lemon or cinnamon.

| |

Awkward Bottles. A tip for all those girls out there who occasionally lack the oomph to

open screw-top water/juice bottles but are too proud to ask nearby guys for help...

If you are at home, a rubber glove or bottle gripper will give you the power you need to get into the stickier ones

A little boy came home from playing outside one day. He was huffing and puffing, like he
was winded. All of sudden, the boy's father heard a kitten squalling like it was extremely
uncomfortable. He turned around and looked. Sure enough, there's his son -- holding a
kitten - obviously no more than 6 weeks old!

"What have you got there, son?"

"It's especially for you, Dad," the boy replied.

The father asked, "What do you mean?"

"Remember the other night, you told Mom you
wanted 'a little pussy? ' "Well, I heard you,
and I went out and got you one!"

BADVETTE87

REJECTED TITLES FOR "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN":

High Nooner

Jeremiah's Johnson

True, He Grits

The Pleasure Of The Sierra, Padre

The Man Who Shot All Over Liberty Valance

How The West Was Hung

The Wild Brunch

He Wore A Yellow Ribbon

The Legend Of The Long Ranger

Doc's Holiday With Billy The Kid

Very Raw Hide

Lonesome Doug

The Hoarse Soldiers

Destry Rides Again... And Again

McCabe And Mr. Miller

A Fistful of Ned

Hi, Plains Drifter!

Quickly Down Under

Barebutt Mounting

Bone-Nanza

Don't Mess With Tex' Ass

Homo On The Range

Oklahomo

Little Bathhouse On The Prairie

Prances With Wolves

The Animal Rescue Site : Feed an Animal in Need

Over ten million animals are abused, neglected or abandoned yearly.

Visit The Animal Rescue Site every day
to give a bowl of food to an abandoned animal -- at no cost to you -- and
participate in the fight to save animals in need.

Funding for nutritious food, paid for by site sponsors, is generated when
you click on the "Feed an Animal in Need" button on the Home page of The
Animal Rescue Site

Last year, from the site's launch in July 2002 to the end of 2002,
visitors to The Animal Rescue Site funded a total of 11,720,254 bowls of
food! In 2003, with your help, we'll help many more animals in need. But it
depends on the number of people who visit the site.

So, please make visiting The Animal Rescue Site part of your daily routine
and help spread the word to your friends and family!

I hate those conversations that start with
"Do you know how fast you were going, sir?"
A good hooker should at least know your name.

"Donald Trump's daughter was married yesterday at one of her
father's golf courses, and she converted to Orthodox Judaism.
Of course, as soon as she became Jewish, she was kicked off
the golf course." -Conan O'Brien

Q. What do fishermen and hypochondriacs have in common?

A. They don't really have to catch anything to be happy.

Signs that you are too drunk

* You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
* You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
* Job interfering with your drinking.
* Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
* Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.

* The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
* Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
* 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
* Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
* You can focus better with one eye closed.

* The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
* Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
* Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
* Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
* At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

* Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
* You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
* The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in.

BADVETTE87

A blonde and a brunet are getting in the elevator, along comes this really hot guy.

The girls noticed he has a really bad dandruff problem. The brunette whispers to the blonde,

"Someone should give him head and shoulders", and the blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"

Warning: XXXX

Daily Ding Dong

Snatch Of The Day!

Surfer's Corner!

Hot Lunch

Open Bar

Amateur Tittie Fuck

Amateur BJ

Black Beauty

Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control

Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!

So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'

DoItDeb-lc