Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab
Hey y'all
I really had to laugh at an email I received a couple of weeks ago. A long-time
subscriber asked to be removed from my newsletter list because of all of the
'Obama bashing'. Interesting that Bush haters can dish it out but they damn
sure can't take it when it's THEIR turn to be in the hot seat!
Turn about is fair play
Be careful when surfing the Internet.
I have checked EACH link submitted to you and
they are in working
order as of this posting.
Always be aware of the risks out there and
keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my
heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an
email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and
your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to
ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild
ride!
Saturday (September 19) was
International Talk
Like a Pirate Day. But not everyone plays
along.
copyright chris white topfive.com
The Top 15 Signs Your Co-Workers Hate Talk Like a Pirate Day
15> The new dress code passed this morning specifically bans
pantaloons.
14> Everyone's wearing buttons that say, "Friends don't let
friends talk like pirates."
13> You've been invited to "Walk the Sales Tax Audit Plank" on
the HMS Generally Accepted Accounting Practices, but the word
"matey" appears nowhere on the post-it note.
12> Someone keeps replacing your grog with Slim-Fast and Scope.
11> When you mention "grabbing some booty" in the supply closet
for your cubicle, the wench from HR slaps you with a
harassment complaint.
10> Your boss tells everyone he spent last night having your wife
walk his plank.
9> Mr. Obama sends you to Iraq for the third time since you were
sworn in as Vice President.
8> Every time you ask for "me cutlass" the nurses make you say
"scalpel."
7> To avoid being subjected to your pirate-speak, Tina stuck her
arm into the deep-fryer so she could go home early.
6> "Put down the coffee. Coffee is for NON-pirate closers."
5> Each of your hearty "Ahoy!"s is met with a frosty "Bite
me,
Eyepatch-Boy."
4> Your choices: Keep it to yourself or walk the plank. From the
14th story.
3> Someone pooped all over your shoulder, and there's not
a parrot in sight.
2> Getting a snack is difficult, what with the life-sized
effigies of Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom hanging in front
of the vending machines.
and Topfive.com's Number
1 Sign Your
Co-Workers Hate Talk Like a
Pirate Day...
1> People keep tacking notices to your peg leg. Only you don't
*have* a peg leg.
.
BADVETTE87
.
Husband says, "My olympic condoms have arrived tonight so I
am going to wear a gold one."
Wife says, "Why don't you wear a silver one and come second
for a fucking change."
.
"Sex is interesting, but it's not totally important. I mean
it's not even as important (physically) as excretion. A man
can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die
in a week without a bowel movement." -Charles Bukowski
.
MMojoy
YouTube - Ode to Forgetfulness
Hilarious - and I can relate
Rentoni keeps track of your lent and borrowed things related to people
you deal with together with deadline dates for you.
When a deadline date is coming Rentoni sends email reminders to you and related people
New York City Street Artist: Swoon « Bit Rebels
Swoon is a 31 year old female graffiti artist based in New York City.
Her main focus is creating life-sized, cut-out,
wheat paste prints and paper cutouts of figures based upon people in her life.
Of course, Swoon is not her real name.
She keeps her real name a mystery to avoid prosecution
for vandalism crimes associated with her street art.
BBC - Science & Nature - Human Body and Mind - Face Memory Test
We're going to show you 12 photos of people.
The photo will change on its own after four seconds.
Concentrate on the photos so that you can remember them later.
Privnote - Send notes that will self-destruct after being read
Send notes that will self-destruct after being read
For your kids and/or grandkids! Fantastic site!
ron_stott
10 Weirdest Theme Parks - Oddee.com
That about says it all!
2. 8 Brilliant Uses For Banana | Life Hackery
Really!
3. Doodurls: Oodles of Doodles!
You can submit your own, too
DeVulcano
Virg297
Nobama Network - Dedicated to Unity Democrats, Republicans, Independents Election 2008
Nobama Network is a portal site designed to bring together the Grass Roots Movements in America spawned by
outrage over this faux president and his attempts to destroy the traditional values that makes America great.
We work to take back our country from the
power drunk Democrats on a spending spree who threaten it!
WE WILL NOT SUPPORT THIS RIDICULOUS PRESIDENCY!
HELP KEEP AMERICA FREE! GET INVOLVED
So sweet - share this with a friend
.
"You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of
a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when
you start liking them, they start drooping." -Cindy Crawford
.
There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when
she hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early
from work. She has no idea what to do with her lover so she
sticks him in the closet and successfully covers up every part
of his body except his balls. Thinking quick, she paints his
balls red with some spray paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors
to get out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging
there. "What are these?" he asks.
"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale
this afternoon," she answers.
He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not
making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together,
but all he hears is "uuuggghhh."
He says, "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me
try again. So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them
together. Still the only noise made is "UUUGGGHHH."
He is beginning to get a little annoyed and he says, "I am
gonna try once more and if these things do not chime, I am
gonna throw them in the fireplace and burn them. So he
stretches them as far apart as he can and slams them
together. At that moment the guys sticks his head out of the
closet and screams, "DING DONG, MOTHERFUCKER! DING DONG!"
.
BADVETTE87
.
Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like
calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist".
.
The Top 9
Reasons Cats Are Better Than Babies
9> Cats are much better at staring contests.
8> If you call the fireman to come get your baby out of the tree,
you get jailed for child abuse.
7> Ever see a baby try to lick its ass? Successfully?
6> With a cat you only have to throw some Friskies into a bowl
and stick it on the floor, but with a baby, Mom has to drop
whatever she's doing, sit down, undo her... OK, scratch that
one.
5> Not only don't babies always land on their feet, testing the
theory results in a call to Social Services.
4> No diapers to get caught in the Cuisinart blades.
3> Cats run away when the dog licks their ass.
2> If a cat leaves a dead, disemboweled mouse on your kitchen
floor, you don't have to go running for a priest.
and the Number 1 Reason Cats Are Better Than Babies...
1> When cats cough up something, it's usually a furball that can
be used for knitting sweaters. What babies cough up is
*entirely* useless.
.
.
The Top 7 Differences If We Were a Species Who Ate
Our Young
7> We'd be extinct after about three generations.
6> All the benefits of deductions every April 15th, with none of
the costs associated with child-rearing.
5> Child care would go from Morning, Afternoon, or Full Day to
Breakfast, Lunch, or Dinner.
4> Newest craze: ketchup baths.
3> McDonald's? Out. Hannibal's? In!
2> Being the weaker of the two brothers, Eli would never have
grown up to win a Superbowl.
and the Number 1
Difference If We
Were a Species Who Ate
Our Young...
1> Chili's offers a whole new look at Baby Back Ribs.
.
.
YOU'RE A BIKER WHEN...
- You ever bought saddlebags so you can carry more beer.
- Your girl follows you to the party with the car so you can take more beer.
- Your best friends are named after animals.
- Your best shoes have steel toes.
- You have motorcycle parts in the dishwasher.
- Your idea of jewelry is chains and barbwire.
- You can tell what kind of bugs they are by the taste of them.
- You're only sunburned on the back of your hands.
- You carry around a crushed beer can in the case of soft tar when you park the
bike.
- You pull your bike into the motel room and use a bath towel to wipe it
off.
- Your girl friend has to climb over the bike to do the laundry in the
basement.
- You carry a picture of your bike in your wallet.
- Any day you ride is a good day.
- Your other vehicle is a truck with motorcycle ramps in it.
- You get hit by a Taxi in N.Y.C., slide 80 yards and ride the bike
home 30 miles with a fractured hip.
- You've been too drunk to Piss but not to drunk to ride your bike home.
- Your three piece suit are Chaps, Leather Vests & a Leather Jacket.
- You don't think its a good party till someone rides his or her bike
in and does doughnuts in the living room.
- You think Tequila is a Sex Aide.
- You wake up next to your girl and your first thought is if your bike will
start.
- Your kids learn to ride on the back of your bike before they can walk.
- Your garage has more square footage than your house.
- Your coffee table collapses from the weight of motorcycle magazines on it.
- You throw a party and more bikes show up than cars.
- Your kids take a motorcycle chain to Show
and Tell .
- All your ashtrays are pistons from your last engine rebuild.
.
.
“Today marks 100 days of President Obama being in office,
which is a big deal because 100 days is when his warranty runs out.
We couldn’t return him now even if we wanted to.” --Jimmy Kimmel
.
HOOSIER-HUNK
Kitchen Clues for The Clueless
*
BREAD:
Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable
"spots"
that should be seen on the surface
of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth
areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a
pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
*
CANNED GOODS:
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should
be disposed of. Carefully.
*
CARROTS:
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
*
CEREAL:
It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded
when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.
*
CHIP DIP:
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it
has gone bad.
*
DAIRY PRODUCTS:
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled
when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled
when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing
but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is
already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is bleu cheese but
you realize you've never purchased that kind.
*
EGGS:
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
probably past its prime.
*
EMPTY CONTAINERS:
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick,
but it only works if
you live with someone or have a maid.
*
EXPIRATION DATES:
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly
good food so that you'll spend
more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in
your kitchen.
*
FLOUR:
Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
*
FROZEN FOODS:
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem
in your freezer compartment will
probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out
with a kitchen knife.
*
GAG TEST:
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what
you cooked for yourself last night).
*
LETTUCE:
Iceberg lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the
vegetable crisper without sandpaper.
Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.
*
MAYONNAISE:
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is
spoiled.
*
MEAT:
If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray animals within a
three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is
spoiled.
*
POTATOES:
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
*
RAISINS:
Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
*
SALT:
It never spoils.
*
UNMARKED ITEMS:
You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the
Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware
containers should not burp when you open them.
*
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster.
Keep a hamster in or near your refrigerator to gauge this.
*
.
.
BADVETTE87
The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was
quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when
I said, "I wanna watch."
.
tomjan357
True Story from Houston Medical Center
A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his
hoohoo. According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend
found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him, she used
petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his hoohoo while he was asleep.
I don't know what's worse:
1) Having your girl friend find out you're married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your hoohoo.
3) Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring.
.
.
NEED HELP, CALL JESUS
1-800-005-3787
Out of curiosity, I did..
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
.
.
In order for the Italians not to be left out
in naming their ships,
they finally accomplished the following.
USA is USS which means "United States Ship".
British is HMS which means "Her Majesty's Ship".
and now Italy is AMB which means "Atsa My Boat!"
.
You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
.
harlmilligan
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, t
he last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode
was just another false alarm another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed,
gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out of the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling,
cursing and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off,
and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard,
(barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident,
walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down at the bed sheets in amazement, replied:
"I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost?!
.
Standing Still
by Kelly Simmons
Journalist and suburban mom Claire Cooper suffers from panic disorder. Most of her anxieties seem irrational,
nothing that can't be fixed with the help of some Xanax. But late one stormy summer night, when her husband,
Sam, is away on one of his frequent business trips, Claire's fears come to life.
She discovers an intruder has broken into her young daughter's bedroom.
She watches helplessly as he picks up her sleeping child from her bed.
Desperate to protect her family,
Claire puts herself in the line of fire and
utters the plea that will undo her: "Take me instead."
As she drives away in the kidnapper's car, Claire fears for her children, but
not for herself.
And she can't help noticing the reversal in her marriage -- for the first time in ten years,
Sam will not know where she is.
This was a wonderful book - not the same old tired storyline either! Easy read and a lot
of women will understand the fear of having their home broken into - and trying
to protect their child/children. Looking forward to this author writing another book!
.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
.
Wherever we take our twin daughters, strangers always come up to
us and say, "Look, twins!" During a Las Vegas trip, though, we
were wheeling them in their stroller through a hotel lobby when
a woman came around a corner and exclaimed, "Look, a pair!"
.
petcentric - Stories - National Feel the Love Day
Our pets make our homes — and our hearts — feel complete.
And National Feel The Love Day gives us a perfect holiday to share with our pets as well.
Even though the holiday is officially celebrated on September 7,
any true pet person will tell you that there are reasons to feel
the love for our furry friends every day of the year.
As dog owners, we tend to attribute a lot of human
emotions to our canines. And spite is one of them.
You've probably heard about more than one vengeful dog that chewed up a pair of
Italian leather shoes because he was angry about being left alone.
For some dog owners, bath time is pure canine chaos. One minute your pooch is calm, then,
when he sees the shampoo and grooming tools, he becomes a running, squirming, shaking mess.
pavanco1
Dogpile Search & Rescue - Dogpile ToolBar
Download the Search and Rescue Toolbar to help rescue pets!
Soothing Kennel Cough
That dry, raspy honking is called kennel cough for a reason:
Dogs tend to get it when they're kept in close contact.
But your pup can catch the highly contagious virus anywhere,
even at the groomer. Most dogs recover in 7–10 days,
but the vet may prescribe medication to prevent complications and ease the inflammation.
Here's what you can do to help Bowser feel better:
- Give him a steam treatment. Let him breathe the moist bathroom air while you take a hot shower.
- Use a body harness instead of a correction collar that presses on his windpipe.
- Ask the vet for a cough suppressant. Your pet -- and you -- will sleep better.
.
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier
would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's
not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until
the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and
wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."
.
HOOSIER-HUNK
.
You say "toh-MAY-toh," I say
"toh-MAH-toh." You say "soothing
lotion for breastfeeding mothers," I say "boob lube." This is
why
you shouldn't let me write the shopping list.
Brad Simanek
.
DeVulcano
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by,
put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when,
sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window,
had a peek, and in a soft voice asked "What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."
.
The Animal Rescue Site : Feed an Animal in
Need
Over ten million animals are abused, neglected or
abandoned yearly.
Visit The Animal Rescue Site every
day
to give a bowl of food to an abandoned animal -- at no cost to you -- and
participate in the fight to save animals in need.
Funding for nutritious food, paid for by site sponsors, is generated when
you click on the "Feed an Animal in Need" button on the Home page of The
Animal Rescue Site
Last year, from the site's launch in July 2002 to the end of 2002,
visitors to The Animal Rescue Site funded a total of 11,720,254 bowls of
food! In 2003, with your help, we'll help many more animals in need. But
it
depends on the number of people who visit the site.
So, please make visiting The Animal Rescue Site part of your daily
routine
and help spread the word to your friends and family!
.
RECIPE: SPICY ITALIAN BEEF ROAST
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 pkg. onion soup mix
1/4 tsp. paprika
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper to taste
1 tsp. garlic powder, or 3 cloves fresh garlic, finely chopped
1/2 tsp. oregano
1/2 tsp. basil
2 lb rump roast
DIRECTIONS:
Combine soup mix and spices with 3 cups water in a
roasting pan Add roast and bake at 350 degrees for 3 hrs.
Turn roast once and baste with juices often.
.
BADVETTE87
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
"Help, help!"
yells one of the blondes. "Help us, help us!" yells the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.
"Good idea," said the other.
So the both started yelling, "Together! Together!"
.
WARNING: The following links are XXX and I have not viewed
them -- view at your own risk
.
Rockin'
and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with
regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
.
Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the
making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind
v v v v v
©1999 - 2009 - Deborah Austin - All rights
reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
v v v v v
