Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab
UNBELIEVABLE
You know -- I always try to update my computer with the latest and greatest
anti-virus software, firewall, registry cleaners, and any other program that the 'experts'
suggest. I run my cleaner programs every single night before I shut down my computer.
BUT this week one of my programs found numerous (numerous!) trojans, worms
and the nasty 'backdoor' virus. If it's bad and it's out there, it seems I got my fair
share! Oh please run your programs and clean often! The program that caught all of
this is 'Spyware Terminator' and it found the trojans, etc after running a DEEP scan.
I'm pretty disgusted after trying so hard every day to be diligent and on the ball
and I still got all of these infections -- *sigh* It's a jungle out there!
Be Careful
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED from this mailing list,
please send an email
to me at AOL and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's
time to ROCK AND ROLL!
- and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a
wild ride!
"India sent their first rocket to the moon. This is a perfect
example of good American jobs being outsourced to India."
Craig Ferguson
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Meatball Recipe For Oven Porcupines
1 pound hamburger
1/2 cup uncooked rice
1/2 cup water
1/3 cup chopped onion
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon celery salt
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
1/8 teaspoon pepper
Sauce
1 can (5 ounce) tomato sauce
1 cup water
2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
In a mixing bowl combine the hamburger, rice, 1/2 cup water, onion, salt, celery salt, garlic powder, and pepper.
Mix well. Shape into balls. Place meatballs in an ungreased baking dish. Mix together the tomato sauce, 1 cup water,
and Worcestershire sauce. Pour over the meatballs. Cover and bake in a 400 degree F. oven for 45 minutes.
Remove cover and continue baking for an additional 15 minutes.
This meatball recipe will make 15-20 meatballs.
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Q: What's the definition of Bigamist?
A: A foggy day in Italy.
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submitted by DeVulcano
Haven't heard from someone in a while? Check in with
them with this cute 'card'
2. ~ Wishing You A Beautiful Day ~
Send to someone you care about
v
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Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York,
my brother and three
other priests swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and
time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots,
their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"
"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "Why?"
"Because," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and
such
clean language."
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Giving
Spyware the Boot
Not even James Bond could bring any glamour to the nastiness of
spyware, which is a software program that installs itself
(without your knowledge) on your computer. After it's installed,
the software collects information about you, and when you're
online it sends the information to the spyware program's owner.
Figuring
Out How Spammers Get E-Mail Addresses
Sounding
Out Free and Clear Software
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Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of
them jumped up and yelled at the other ,"What about the powerful
interest that controls you?"
And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!"
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When you are out of the office, here are some away messages to
use:
1. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged
$5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word
in your message.
2. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing
system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive
a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
3. Due to a transporter malfunction, I am now in the 24th
century, and I don't know when I'll be back. But hey, leave a
message. Someone might get to it.
4. In case of a business emergency, I may be reached 24 hours a
day at (insert Boss's cell phone number here).
5. The e-mail server is unable to deliver this message. Please
restart your computer and try sending again.
6. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.
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Lecture: An art of transferring information
from the notes of
the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through
"the minds of either."
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated
by feminine water power...
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Adultery - The wrong people doing the right thing.
Chivalry - A mans inclination to defend a woman against every man
but himself.
Conscience - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.
Constipation - To have and to hold.
Husband - What is left after the nerve has been killed.
Minute Man - One who double parks while he visits a sporting house.
Morning - The time of day when the rising generation retires,
and the retiring generation arises.
Nun - A woman who ain't never had none, don't want none, and ain't
going to get none.
Nursery - A place to park last years fun until it grows up a bit.
Sin - Anything the other fellow enjoys and you don't.
Sissy - A man who gets out of the bath tub to take a leak.
Spring Fever - When the iron in your blood turns to lead in
your pencil.
Stork - The bird that had none of the fun in bringing the babies.
Taxidermist - A man who mounts animals.
Tomcat - A ball bearing mouse trap.
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Hard Drive Trouble?
Have you been having some trouble with your hard drive lately? Maybe you've been having so many problems,
you're almost ready to just give up on it and go buy a new one. Well, before you do that,
you might find this little tip a tad bit interesting. Keep reading for the full scoop!
Some hard drives are very sensitive to surfaces that are not level. Wow, who knew?! Most have trouble functioning
properly when they are placed on an uneven surface or at a slant. To move your hard drive and see if that could be the problem,
shut down your computer and move your system to a flatter area. You can even use a level to make sure the surface is
completely flat. When you've got everything set back up, go ahead and restart your computer
normally to see if the drive works any better than it did before.
Often times, this will help bring a doomed hard drive back to life. Keep in mind though that this trick will not work with every
single hard drive. Yours might have problems beyond repair and you, of course, will have to look into
those further. But you can always give this a shot, just to see what happens!
~ Erin ~ worldstart.com
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Writing: For the Sell of It was the theme of our community college's
annual writers' conference. When I called a widely published author
and asked him to be our keynote speaker, my request was met with
a long silence. He finally said, "I don't know what I would say
to that audience."
"You're just being modest," I replied. "I'm sure you're ex-
tremely qualified to speak on that subject."
He suddenly broke into laughter. "I thought you said, 'Writing
for the Celibate!'"
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"I know the country has been mired in deficit spending and it's been
terrible burden on the country in terms of interest payments. Good
news today out of Washington. They have raised the limit of debt we
can go to to $9 trillion. It sends a great message to the kids:
Hey, are you getting an F? Don't study harder, make the grading
curve go out to K. Then your F looks like a C."
Jon Stewart
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submitted by
KP1983
Classic memory game
Free Games Online at Games.com
Awesome games here
Brick breaking fun - I play this one a lot
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There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking for
a place to stop and picnic.The first blonde says, "Let's stop here,
and have our picnic under that tree."
The other says, "No! Let's
have it right here in the middle of the road."
They argued about
it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in the middle of the
road. All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to
swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.
The one blonde says
to the other, "See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"
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submitted by
HOOSIER-HUNK
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The Top 14 Ways Hell is Better Than Your Job
14. Your coffee stays hot all day!
13. Never have to look very far to find the legal department.
12. In hell, you *know* who drank your Coke in the fridge -- Satan!
11. 30% fewer "Dilbert" cartoons in the break room.
10. In hell, that devil-may-care attitude of yours comes in handy.
9. You get to spend more time with your spouse now.
8. No more wondering if the boss hates you.
7. Riding to work in a handbasket beats the hell out of public transportation.
6. Hourly dunks in searing pools of molten lava actually quite invigorating.
5. Surfing porno sites all day scores *major* points with the boss!
4. Your office: One free stale donut every Friday. Hell: One
brutal mutilation of a "Full House" cast member every Friday.
3. Your job? Suit and tie. Hell? Pitchforks and attitude, Baby!
2. Ferocious reptilian demons can appreciate a good dirty joke
now and then without threatening a sexual harassment complaint.
1. Microwave popcorn -- without leaving your cubicle!
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I've never even met Carly Simon, but I'm so vain, I *do* think
that song is about me.
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The Top
6 Signs Your Psychiatrist Is Depressed
6> She'll let you go past 50 minutes if you tell her a joke.
5> She asks if the gun has a second bullet in it for her.
4> He keeps the box of tissues next to HIS chair.
3> He sobs loudly whenever you tell him something sad.
2> When you come in, you find him laying on the couch cuddling
with a bottle of vodka.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Psychiatrist Is Depressed...
1> No longer dry humps the inflatable Freud doll.
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submitted by HOOSIER-HUNK
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Word to the Wise: Never accept an invitation to play "The Hatchet
Game" when all of the participants are drunk.
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In 1492 Columbus didn't know where he was going, had a mutinous
crew, and was entirely dependent on borrowed money. Today he'd be
a political candidate.
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The best thing about getting old is that all those things you
couldn't have when you were young you no longer want.
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President Bush is rehearsing his speech, using the teleprompter, for
the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games. He begins with "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!"
Immediately his speech writer rushes over to the lectern and
whispers in the President's ear: "Mr. President, those are the
Olympic rings. Your speech is underneath."
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submitted by DeVulcano
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An Oxford man walks into a bar in Texas and the bar tender asks him,
"Where you from?"
The Oxford man replies, "From a proper place where we do not use
prepositions at the end of our sentences."
The bar tender, with a smug smile on his face, asks again, "Ok,
where are you from, douche bag?"
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While working as a Navy nurse in a military hospital's emergency
room, I was required to introduce myself by my rank and full name.
I usually refer to myself as Ensign Mike Payne, but one busy day
I rushed into a patient's room and blurted out, "Hi, I'm Ensign
Payne."
"Hi," the patient responded. "I'm in some pain too."
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A fellow met his friend, a notorious horseplayer, on the street.
The guy looked like he'd just lost his best friend.
"Why so sad?" I asked.
"I had a hundred dollars stashed away to bet on the ponies today,"
the gambler said. "But my wife found it and blew it all on the
rent and groceries!"
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An elderly lady came to see a young male doctor with her husband.
After the consultation was finished, the elderly man suddenly asked
the doctor for a piece of paper and a pen. Although a strange
request, he complied, and the man quickly wrote something, then
handed the folded piece of paper to the doctor.
The man wrote it. Then.... He told him to read it as soon as they
had left.
The doctor thought that the man perhaps had an embarrassing medical
complaint he didn't want to talk about in front of his wife,
so the doctor didn't hesitate in obeying the request.
Once the couple had left the room, the doctor sat down and read
the piece of paper.
It's contents were thus: "Doctor, your fly is undone!"
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submitted by HOOSIER-HUNK
After 45 years of marriage, a couple was
lying in bed one evening, when
the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn't in quite some
time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began
moving down past the small of her back. He then slid his hand across her
shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down over one breast, then the
other, stopping just over her lower stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the
side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over and then
in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up
her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He
continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped,
rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving
voice, 'That was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
'I found the remote,' he said
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Earth Share supports a nationwide network of America's leading non-profit environmental and conservation organizations,
and works to promote environmental awareness and charitable giving through workplace giving campaigns.
Founded by its member charities in 1988, Earth Share is an opportunity for environmentally-conscious employees and
workplaces to support hundreds of environmental groups through a charitable giving drive.
Earth
Share's Mission:
To engage individuals and organizations in creating a healthy and sustainable
environment.
Click here to learn how we protect our donors' privacy.
submitted by DeVulcano
Beautiful !!
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This morning. the math teacher singled me out to ask me, "If
you have $200, and you give $60 to Mary, $60 to Sally and $60
to Susan, what would you have?"
Turned out that "an orgy" was not the correct answer.
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As he drove along the highway, a guy kept seeing billboards
with beautiful, tanned people and the words: Visit the Garden
of Hedon. His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off
the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the
road. He went inside a building marked "Registration" and saw
an attractive woman sitting at a desk.
"Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.
"It's quite simple," said the receptionist. "This is a nudist
camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."
"Cool," said the guy, "count me in!" So he paid his member-
ship fee, took off his gear and strolled off. As he walked
along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays."
A little further along he saw another sign which read the
same thing: "Beware of Gays."
He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which
had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read
the plaque and it said, "Sorry, you've had two warnings!"
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This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer
load
of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches
the bar, he sees a bigmsign on the door saying
''Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!''
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes
over to him.
''You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for
a living?''
''I drive a truck, and the smell is just from
the computers I'm hauling.''
''Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,'' he says
and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks
in with tape around his glasses, a pocket
protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils,
and a belt at least a foot too long. The
bartender, without saying a word, pulls out
a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck
driver is totally shocked.
''Why did you do that?''
''Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating
Silicon Valley and are in season now. You
don't even need a license.''
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets
back in his truck, and heads back onto the
freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an
accident, and the load shifts. The back door
breaks open and computers spill out all over
the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd
already forming, grabbing up the computers.
They are all engineers, accountants, and
programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he
has ever seen. He can't let them steal his
whole load.
So, remembering what happened in the bar, he
pulls out his gun and starts blasting away,
felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up
and jumps out of the car, screaming, "Stop!"
''What's wrong? I thought nerds were in
season," says the truck driver.
''But you can't fuckin' bait 'em!''
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submitted by
ShaynaButtons
Cats & Dogs - ArcaMax Publishing
Browse below for interesting and helpful pet related articles and tips. Make sure you visit our photo galleries
and upload your own pet photo for a chance to be featured in the free Cats and Dogs newsletter.
Soothing Kennel Cough
That dry, raspy honking is called kennel cough for a reason: Dogs tend to get it when they're kept in close contact.
But your pup can catch the highly contagious virus anywhere, even at the groomer. Most dogs recover in 7–10 days,
but the vet may prescribe medication to prevent complications and ease the inflammation.
Here's what you can do to help Bowser feel better:
- Give him a steam treatment. Let him breathe the moist bathroom air while you take a hot shower.
- Use a body harness instead of a correction collar that presses on his windpipe.
- Ask the vet for a cough suppressant. Your pet -- and you -- will sleep better.
Helping
Your Dog Combat Allergies
Dogs with allergies don't usually sneeze or get runny noses like
people do. Instead, they itch and scratch, chew, lick, and rub
their feet, ears, belly, and any part of their body they can
reach. Left untreated, the irritated skin becomes traumatized and
damaged and subsequently infected. More
The Source of a Dog's Allergies
Controlling
Dust and Dander in Your Home
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Sometimes when I eat fried chicken, I tear into it and pretend
I'm some kind of prehistoric dinosaur making a kill. But then
I realize that it's pretty silly because dinosaurs all died long
before fried chicken ever walked the earth.
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My mother always said that radiation from TV would cause birth
defects, but I've been watching it almost non-stop for thirty
years now, and not only do I not have kids -- I don't even have
a girlfriend. Ha ha, the joke's on you, Mom!
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submitted by
ShaynaButtons
Q: Where
can men over the age of 50 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore ..... under Fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you
are done you will have a place to live.
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt .'
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on
my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term
memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, re trieving it is a problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 50+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when
they enter antique stores?
A: 'Gosh, I remember these!"
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submitted by
GuysBabi
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I don't know why "Survivor" is considered "reality" TV. The
last
time *I* got tree-mail, it didn't say anything about building a
raft to race against my rival tribe. Plus, I never stick out my
tongue after eating bugs.
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They laughed at the Wright Brothers. They laughed at Thomas
Alva Edison. They laughed at Alexander Graham Bell. Then someone
finally realized the valve was still open on the nitrous tank.
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Lowering Your Salt Intake
Salt, which is made up of 40 percent sodium and 60 percent
chloride, is critical to your life. You can't live without it.
Sodium helps to maintain your blood's water content, serves to
balance the acids and bases in your blood, and is necessary for
the movement of electrical charges in the nerves that move our
muscles.
Seasoning When You Want Less Salt
Tackling High Blood Pressure with Reduced Salt
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On the New York Times website, I saw an option that said,
"Personalize your weather." I tried for hail and gale-force winds
in the morning, with 80 degrees and sunny in the afternoon, but
I guess the thing must be broken because it's been raining all day.
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After the initial embarrassment, I tried to laugh it off by
comparing it to that scene from "American Pie." But he pointed
out that he was my boss, not my dad, and that it was his wife,
not an apple pie. I guess he would have laughed if we'd told him
what I was doing when she stumbled in on me ten minutes earlier.
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Canned Air - Can It Burn Up Your PC?
I'm sure you've all heard us talk about canned air before in some of our tips. We use it here quite often and
I'm willing to bet that a lot of you use it too. But, for those who don't know, what is canned air? Well,
it's basically air that is sold in a pressurized can that is used to clean out dust,
dirt and any other grime that may exist in hard to reach places.
It's mostly used on sensitive electronic devices,
including the insides of computers and between keyboard keys.
Canned air comes with a long nozzle that shoots out a blast of air, which blows out all of the debris found in tight areas.
A good rule of thumb is to use canned air whenever you have a spot to clean that a vacuum or a piece of cloth cannot reach.
Now, the air used for canned air is not the same as the air we all breathe. The mixture is often made up of nitrogen and
other harmless gases. It is also known to be ozone safe, which is always good.
Now, even though canned air is safe to use on your computer, etc., you do need to pay attention to the kind you buy.
A wonderful WorldStart reader informed me that there are two types of canned air: flammable and non-flammable.
The can will clearly say whether it's flammable or not, so make sure you read the label closely.
If a certain propellant in the canned air mixes with a high voltage from your computer, it could cause flames.
So, even if you think air is non-flammable, don't be so sure. Read the label and just be as careful as possible
when working with canned air. It's better to be safe than sorry. At least that's what I always say!
~ Erin ~ worldstart.com
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Top 10 reasons why Beer is better than Religion
10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying
to give it away.
5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured
over his brand of Beer.
4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.
1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help
you stop.
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submitted by
GuysBabi
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Software condoms
When the Software industry had badly gone down, three software
giants. Sun, SCO(UNIX), and Microsoft started producing condoms and
named them Java-condom, CondomiX, and MS-Condoms Me respectively.
A customer using Java-condom complained to Sun that the condom
didn't fit correctly.
Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard".
They boasted that it would fit any size irrespective of the
underlying structure. Well, the customer switched to CondomiX and
found that by the time he would finish reading the instructions
given along with it, his wife would fall asleep, and he himself
would forget why he was using CondomiX.
Finally, he switched to MS-Condoms Me. To his surprise it was so
good.....and comfortable! He used it happily.
Six months later, he found that his wife was pregnant. He got
angry and complained to Microsoft. He got the following reply
from Microsoft:
A PATCH IS COMING SOON...!!!
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A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy,
today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a
talk with your teacher about this. By the way, what was it that
you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
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Q: Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
A: It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the
fight begins.
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by deb
One Fifth Avenue
by Candace Bushnell
"Admit it: You love gossip. Nobody on this planet dishes it better than Candace Bushnell, the sassy author
who guided us through Sex and the City, Four Blondes, Trading Up, and Lipstick Jungle. In One Fifth Avenue,
she checks in at a landmark Manhattan address to reveal the upscale lives of its diverse tenants.
Their money is old or new; their careers on the rise or in full retreat; their motives reckless or greedy;
but no apartment building's Art Deco façade can hide their secrets from the deliciously prying eyes
of tattletale Bushnell. High-rise entertainment; scandalous fun"
Only to me, there wasn't much fun in this book -- surprisingly so since I love the
books Bushnell writes. Most of this, not all, was boring! Trust me, if you simply must buy
this book, wait until the paperback comes out. I feel I wasted my money on this!
There are still many avid book lovers. And the Internet makes it easy to find books you want to read.
Take Open Library, for example. Its goal is to create a page for every book ever written.
You will already find pages for more than 13 million titles!
On a book's page, you can find out more about it. You'll see publication information.
There are also categories. This will help you find books in the same genre.
Want to read the actual book? Hundreds of thousands of books can be read directly from the site!
Also, you can link to a book's product page at online stores. Or, track it down at a library near you.
This site is a must for bookworms!
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The Top 8 Signs You Dressed Wrong for the
Holiday Dinner
8> You may have divined the spirit of Easter, but the bloody
palm-prints on the eggs are starting to freak the kiddies out.
7> With everyone else apparently dressed as "guest at a boring
formal function," you figure your "Nazi zombie eating a
baby"
is a lock to win the costume contest.
6> Let's just say a gal could use all the 18-hour-support she can
get during Thanksgiving, else you might end up accidentally
testing the gravy temperature.
5> Nobody else at the Synagogue appreciated your Yom Kippur Bacon
Suit.
4> The button pops off your pants after the appetizer. The
appetizer, man!
3> Well you *are* expected to come naked to a nudist dinner
party, but you're supposed to *accessorize*!
2> First, it's Thanksgiving. Second, Baby New Year's diaper is
typically assumed to be clean.
and the Number 1 Sign
You Dressed
Wrong for the
Holiday Dinner ...
1> That low-cut halter top and miniskirt are entirely
inappropriate for a family gathering, Mister.
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HOMEMADE HOT COCOA
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 quart milk
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup cocoa
One of the following: 1/4 teaspoon vanilla,1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
whipped cream for topping
DIRECTIONS:
In saucepan, combine sugar and cocoa. Add a few tablespoons of
milk and heat over medium high heat, stirring constantly. The
heat will make it easier to dissolve the cocoa. When the sugar,
cocoa and milk have formed a paste, add the remainder of the
milk and heat until steaming. Pour into mugs, top with a bit of
whipped cream and serve immediately.
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submitted by
HOOSIER-HUNK
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Drivers in the town of Carlisle in the
U.K.
were astonished recently to be
overtaken in
rush-hour traffic by a plastic globe
powered
by Treacle the Hamster, who had escaped
from
her home while her cage was being
cleaned.
The Top 7 Hamster Driving Tips
7> Remember: Right foot gas, left foot brake, other left foot clutch.
6> Be one with the ball.
5> Forget speed traps; watch for those mouse traps.
4> As fun as it is to drive a stick, an automatic requires fewer
of your friends to operate.
3> If you're involved in an accident, remember to deploy your
cheeks as airbags.
2> When you're out of gas, no matter how feverishly you lick the
exhaust, no gasoline will result.
and the Number 1 Hamster Driving Tip...
1> If the kids make too much noise in the back seat, eat them
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'57 Chevy With A White License Plate
1 oz white Creme de Cacao
1 oz Vodka
Fill a rocks glass with ice,
add white creme de cacao and vodka, stir
Three Wise Men
1/3 oz Jack Daniels
1/3 oz Johnnie Walker
1/3 oz Jim Beam
Mix all and drink
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submitted by
HOOSIER-HUNK
The madam opened the brothel door to see a
rather
dignified, well-dressed, good looking man in his late
40's or early 50's
'May I help you?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies.
Perhaps you would prefer someone else, said the madam.
'No. I must see Valerie,' was the man's reply.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that
she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man
pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie,
and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next nig ht, th e same man appeared again, demanding to
see Valerie. Valerie explained that no man had ever come
back two nights in a row - too expensive - and there were
no discounts. The price was still $5,000. Again the man
pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went
upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there again. Everyone was
astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night,
but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their
session, Valerie questioned the man. 'No one has ever
been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
The man replied, ' South Dakota .'
'Really!'she said. 'I have family in South Dakota.'
'I know,'the man said. 'Your father died, and
I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you
your $15,000 inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
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Don't upgrade to Windows 7 ... clean install instead!
Adrian Kingsley-Hughes: I'm already certain that those deciding to upgrade to Windows 7 from XP or
Vista are going to be in for a world of hurt unless everything that's installed is bang up
to date come release day - and even then there's room for problems.
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Q. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A. Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
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The man and his wife went to the doctor for their annual
physical exams. Afterwards, the doctor called her into his
office and told her that he had some good news and some bad
news. "The good news," he explained, "is that your husband
has a particular strain of gonorrhea that I have only heard
of once before."
The wife paled. "If that's the good news, then what the hell
is the bad news?"
"Well," the doctor elaborated, "the bad news is that I heard
about it just last week from my sheep's vet."
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submitted by
BADVETTE87
The Best
Engine in the World Is Pussy
It Takes Any Size Piston, Self Lubricating, Starts With 1 Finger,
And Does Its Own Oil Change Every 28 Days!!
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It's easy
to tell if a man is married or not.. Just watch him
drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands
are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
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X X X rated - I have not visited these sites so be
very careful.
Daily Ding Dong
Snatch Of The Day!
Surfer's Corner!
Bushy
Amateur Screw
Two Fingers In
Fill Her Up
Wet & Ready
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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty,
expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services.
Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and
another one already in the making! So
meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind
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©1999 - 2008 - Deborah Austin -
All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
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