Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab

Q U I C K I E

I'm going to put together a few things - will try to get back in the swing

of things soon. I am on an old laptop so I don't want to do a lot of work and

have this computer go south on me.

Hope you're all doing well

Be careful when surfing the Internet.

I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working order as of this posting.

Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me at aol and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride!

"Wishing I could help you in some small way for all you have done for us. I am sorry to hear

about your demise. Dang girl, you have your share of problems I hope you're up and

running soon, I will miss you"

FCUEBALL13

"What a terrible shame. you must be well cheesed off!! Looking on the bright side, (if there is a bright side)

do you get a little time off from deadlines getting R&R out on time etc?

Everyone deserves a break from time to time or perhaps you have to work even harder at times like this?

Whatever the situation, don't let this get you down. I

'll miss you for the next two weeks or so.......... but absence makes the heart grow fonder.

take care. andy"

afk.ark

"Yes, you get sympathy. Lots of it! I feel for you. I will miss you. Hurry Back"

lavonneane

"I feel your pain. That happened to my laptop a few back! No warranty....I ended up

buying a cheap HP from SAMS"

CBoyd53818

"Sorry to hear about your hard drive, I know the feeling, but I for one will be patient.

Good things are worth the wait. I enjoy reading your newsletter, I hope you keep writing

it for a long time to come"

forever_free9

"Hang in there Deb, I had to do that too. You are the best. Your stuff is always

top shelf. Looking forward to future stuff.

Your loyal fan,

Mike"

Wahner1951

"You have my deepest sympathy

Hurry back, will miss you

Don't know what I will do without you"

KP1983

* * Thanks so much to those of who wrote in -- I didn't post all the emails as this would

bore you all -- I do want to clarify that the hard drive disaster is because I lost months

and months of work - *sniff*

deb

v v v v v

The Top 20 Differences in a World Without Men

20> For tax purposes, vibrators are considered dependents.

19> As far as the eye can see: unopened jars.

18> Millennia-old arts of power-burping and fart-lighting are lost forever.

17> "Do Wah Diddy Diddy" is a big hit for Womanfred Womann.

16> ESPN now stands for the Estrogen, Salad and Potpourri Network.

15> 85% reduction in the number of boogers wiped under bus seats.

14> "How's it hangin'?" replaced by "How's it secretin'?"

13> No babies ever again subjected to the clueless shenanigans
of Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg.

12> High heels only worn to reach things on the top shelf.

11> Trailer-hitch testicles on redneck trucks replaced with
grill-mounted Truck Tits (tm).

10> Martha Stewart accepts presidential administration post as
Secretary of Everything.

9> Women all over the world have no need for clothing as they
live life to its sleek, airy, unencumbered, sun-bronzed,
bouncy, pillow-fighting, perspiration-glistening--
uh, 'scuse me a minute...

8> More monkeys as pets, as women occasionally long for the good old days.

7> Oprah seizes global power with a bloody victory over Tyra.

6> No more war, as all the spare metal has been melted down
to make Vagipulse X-6000s.

5> "And for the fifth consecutive year, Danica Patrick is the Kotex Cup champion!"

4> Gitmo filled with supermodels who are being indefinitely
detained but have yet to be charged with an actual crime.

3> Bill of Rights Amendment #1: Toilet seats shall be permanently glued down.

2> Batteries in TV remote controls seem to last an eternity.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Difference in a World Without Men...

1> Mary, Flo and Shirley are forced to take waitressing gigs
after the complete and total failure of their comedy troupe,
The Three Stoogettes.

v v v v v

Rascal Flatts "Still Feels Good Tour" with Taylor Swift

The author's fun times at this concert.

MATCHBOX TWENTY Official Site

World tour news, etc

'80s Music

The greatest singles of any era possess the power to change the world in three minutes,

or failing that, they at least share the ability to leave their stamp on a

musical landscape already filled nearly to capacity.

Kid Rock: Home Page

News, info, tour, community, store

v v v v v

submitted by: BADVETTE87

A cowboy, who moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Michelob.

He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, 'You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it.

It would taste better if you bought one at a time.'

The cowboy replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers.

One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado.

When we all left our home in Texas,

we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.'

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,

'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.'

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

'Oh, no, everybody's just fine, he explains,

'It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.'

'Hasn't affected my brothers though.'

v v v v v

Thorn asks, "I know you're crazy about that little daughter of
yours, Martin. What are you going to do when she starts to date?"

Martin says, "I figure I'll take the first young man aside, put
my arm around his shoulder and pull him close to me so that only
he can hear."

"Then I'll say, 'Do you see that sweet, little young lady? She's
my only daughter and I love her very much. If you were thinking
about touching, kissing or being physically affectionate to her
in any way, just remember, I don't mind going back to prison.' "

v v v v v

Puppy-Proofing Your Home

bhttp://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTip/Puppy-Proofing-Your-Home.id-883.html?cid=articleFeature

The first rule of making a home safe for a puppy; and keeping a home safe from a puppy;

is to start him out with a small, safe area. That means keeping the doors closed to the kids' bedrooms for a while,

lest pieces of a cherished action figure end up in your puppy's stomach, to the horror of your
children. More

Doggie Paddle Do's and Don'ts

Jumping into the water is a great way for your dog to cool off, especially on hot, steamy days.

Swimming can also be a great everyday activity, since it's easy on the joints,

but never force it on your pup if he isn't a fan of the water. If he is, always be cautious of water quality,

and don't let him drink from the pool, lake, stream, or ocean.

Swallowing too much salt water or chlorine can very quickly make your dog sick.

Keep a close eye on him while he's paddling around,

and help him steer clear of deep waters and strong currents.

v v v v v

The Top 9 Signs That Lifeguard Is a Bear

9> He gets up on the high dive, but then needs to be rescued himself.

8> Most lifeguards don't wear fur coats on the job in July.

7> Always eats his first three "rescues" after hibernation.

6> Every meal is exactly the same: porridge.

5> Anyone running poolside is grabbed by the scruff of their neck with her teeth.

4> The slow-motion running down the beach? Beautiful.
The mauling? Not so much.

3> He's dribbling scraps of towel boy.

2> He snags a magazine and heads off to the woods during rest periods.

and the Number 1 Sign That Lifeguard Is a Bear...

1> His Speedo is size 56 Extra Ursine.

v v v v v

submitted by: mmirkwood

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and,

after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar,

walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained,

"I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

v v v v v

Play Escape from Mr K's Room,

Walkthrough, Cheats, Hints, Tips, Help, Guide,

Solution at More Games 24 - Addicting Free Onlin..

Holy hell -- click on start and see if you can figure it out.

I gave up after 10.2 seconds LOL

All Games. Play Pogo Games - AOL Games

Fun fun game site –

if you join club pogo you can play for lots of different badges and

play in rooms just for members -- and games that are just for members. Oh and

you can shop at the mini mall and dress your avatar - your basic avatar is free. I

really like playing here. Oh and you can chat during the games if you want to.

v v v v v

In the beginning God created War, Famine and Pestilence. Then He
created politicians to ensure that we all got our fair share.

v v v v v

What's the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you
don't understand.

v v v v v

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?

Someone who has a loophole named after him.

v v v v v

Men drive too fast, we were told, because the car is an extension
of the penis. But if it were, men would surely not drive too fast;
they would just back in and out of the garage. Or maybe just polish
it all the time.

v v v v v

There was a great eruption of a south sea island volcano, and the
witch doctor appealed to the tribal chief, demanding that a virgin
be sacrificed to appease the volcano.

The chief apologized, "I've used up all the virgins myself, so I
guess we'll just have to get used to the noise."

v v v v v

Little Johnny kept asking his mother about his father. Where
was he? Little Johnny's mother finally told him, "Your father
was hanged 8 years ago for killing some people." The next day at
school the teacher asked what their father was noted for.

The children responded, "He is a doctor, a priest, a teacher, etc."

When it came to little Johnnie, the teacher hesitated but finally
asked him what was his father noted for.

Little Johnny, thought and then finally stood up and said,
"My father was well hung!"

v v v v v

Recently deceased Hawaiian entertainer, Don Ho, had 10 children,
19 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren and two great-great
grandchildren. All those babies in diapers. That's like dozens of
nappy-bottomed Hos.

v v v v v

"Former presidential candidate John Edwards announced this week he
will not accept the nomination for vice president. That's what
he said. He will not accept the vice presidential nomination. To
which the cashier at Wendy's said, 'You want a frosty with this,
mister? People are waiting.'"

Jay Leno

v v v v v

"In England now, you can buy a $100 cup of coffee - or as Starbucks
calls it, half off."

Jimmy Kimmel

v v v v v

"During a speech President Bush urged Chinese leaders to talk to
the Dalai Lama and called him 'a really fine man.' Bush said,
'I used to be reluctant to meet with him - then I found out he's
not a real llama.'"

Conan O'Brien

v v v v v

Q: What was the film called where Luke Skywalker got a
manufacturer's recall notice on his Volkswagen?

A: Return of the Jetta.

v v v v v

Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats

1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word
you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.

2. Cats look silly on a leash.

3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and
lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place.

4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they
die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made
since the day you were born.

5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats
don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is.

6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse
in your slippers.

7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next
to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all.

8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats
will have someone take a message and get back to you.

9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats
will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably
ones that look like they're in pain.

10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will
quietly sneak out the back door.

v v v v v

A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and said to
himself every so often, "Boy, I hope I'm sick!"

After about the fifth or sixth time, the receptionist couldn't
stand it any longer, and asked, "Why in the world would you want
to be sick, Mr. Adams?"

The man replied, "I'd hate to be well and feel this bad."

v v v v v

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your
shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

v v v v v

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?

Are they afraid someone will clean them?

v v v v v

Mr. Gregg had the boys over for poker but, as fate would
have it, his wife had to work late that night, and he
had to keep an eye on their eleven-year- old-son, Bruce.

Bruce was a curious lad, and all night he did nothing but
float around the table, reading each man's hand and
muttering the contents to himself... loud enough for
everyone to hear.

Each time, Mr. Gregg would usher his son to another room,
but despite frequent entreaties and even more frequent
threats Bruce always returned to the den.

Finally, one of the players got so fed up that he took
Bruce by the elbow and led him away. When he returned,
the game resumed; five minutes passed, then ten, then a
half-hour, and not once did young Bruce show his face.

Amazed, Mr. Gregg asked, "Hell, Spike, what did you do,
kill the kid?"

"Naaa," he replied. "I just taught him how to jerk off."

v v v v v

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?

v v v v v

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly
usher greeted her at the door. "Where would you like to sit?" he
asked politely.

"The front row, please," she answered.

"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor
is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No," he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"Good," he answered.

v v v v v

A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle
containing a genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises
to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle East,
that's my wish."

The genie looks concerned, then says, "No,
I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things just can't be
changed. Do you have another wish?"

The guy says, "Well, for my
whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would
be my wish."

bThe genie pauses for another moment and then says,
"How would you define peace?"

v v v v v

submitted by: BADVETTE87

v v v v v

I should be excited because this is a historic night for television.
Earlier tonight, all three -- I don't think this has ever happened
before -- all three presidential candidates appeared on "American
Idol." That's true, yeah. It was interesting. Randy Jackson,
Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell looked at them and said, "Wait,
there's a black guy, a woman and a cranky white guy. You stole
our formula!"

Conan O'Brien

v v v v v

Atlanta, Newark, Philadelphia and New York now offer medical
services at airport clinics, treating passengers with time to kill
during layovers. Convenience plus. You can now score a quickie
colonoscopy while they're searching for your luggage

v v v v v

John McCain said this week he will release his medical records in
May. He says he is only on three medications -- aspirin, Claritin
and another pill they did not identify. Well, let's see, he's got
a a wife that's 20 years younger, he's in his 70s.....

v v v v v

Speaking of disgraced New York governors, Eliot Spitzer and his
wife made their first public appearance yesterday. Oh, man. How
uncomfortable is that? They went into the NYU Medical Center.
Apparently, she's having him castrated.

Jay Leno

v v v v v

Here's your technology at work. The Pentagon now has developed a
handheld lie detector that's gonna be distributed to troops. It's
amazing. They can actually aim it at someone, and when the person
is talking, they can tell if that person is lying. In fact, when
the military showed this to Senator Obama, he said, "Get that
damn thing away from me."

Jay Leno

v v v v v

pavanco1

Free Samples: Veggie Wash - Sample (Call In)

Free sample for veggie wash and so much more!

DeVulcano

http://www.quizyourprofile.com/guessyournumber.swf

Remember this? It's really cool

postica . stick it!

Postica lets you create sticky notes, attach a file,

and share them with your friends.

Chat | MeGlobe™

MeGlobe™ was built to diminish language barriers from online communication.

Our free web client lets you type in your own language, but sends a translated version,

in near real time, specific to the native tongue of whomever you are chatting with.

With MeGlobe™ there is no such thing as 'lost in translation.

' Signing up is quick, easy and FREE. Just click on "Signup,"

give us some basic info and you're ready to start chatting with people all over the world.

No downloads are required, you don't need to install anything and

you can use MeGlobe™ from any computer with a browser and Internet connection.

OBSCURESTORE.COM

Lots of - yes - obscure information

v v v v v

The Top 9 Signs You've Chosen the Wrong Dog Groomer

9> The pink bow on the tail is cute, but it really doesn't match
your German Shepherd's muzzle or his spiked collar.

8> 'Til last week, you'd never seen a toy poodle roped, tied, and
sheared in 30 seconds before.

7> Your Border Collie doesn't get the respect from your sheep
since he started sporting a mullet.

6> "Ummm, I'm pretty sure she had *four* legs when I dropped her off this morning."

5> The groomer says, "Don't worry, those are *circus* fleas."

4> You're pretty sure he's saying, "Mitzi will be so tasty."

3> The sign in the lobby offers Brazilians and underarm waxing.

2> She keeps hair clippings to make wigs for dogs with mange.

and the Number 1 Sign You've Chosen the Wrong Dog Groomer...

1> She appears to have used both mousse *and* squirrel.

v v v v v

That's Fit

There are plenty of wacky 'fad diets' out there. The grapefruit and lemonade diets come to mind.

But while fad diets are often bizarre, they're generally regarded as safe, right? Wrong –

fad diets can be downright dangerous, as this story proves. A British woman, Dawn Page,

was recently awarded £800,000 (about $1,600,000 USD)

after a detox diet left her epileptic and brain damaged.

Posts from the Healthwatch Category at That's Fit

As if being pimply-faced during high school isn't punishment for some guys,

it actually may be an indicator of elevated prostate cancer risk, say researchers from Johns Hopkins.
In an analysis of existing data on the matter, scientists discovered that men with a history

of acne outbreaks are at a greater risk of developing this disease than men with clear complexions.

This comes on the heels of a separate study, wherein it was found that acne-related

bacteria existed in over 30 percent of prostate glands removed from cancer patients.

Posts from the General Health Category at That's Fit

when you're a child you can pinpoint your age to the exact month,

when you're in your 20's your age springs to mind rapidly when asked, but when you hit your 30's

sometimes you think of yourself as a year or two younger than you actually are. Denial? Maybe.

Or maybe it's just the beginning stages of your mental fitness starting to slip.
Exercising your mind is just as important as your physical fitness.

If you want to check your mental prowess,

try out this fun brainteaser quiz on Good Housekeeping.

The test is adapted from a Mensa quiz and it's not easy. But it's a good workout for your mind.

US Hospital Finder

Find the nearest hospitals in your area and what services each provides

v v v v v

submitted by: KP1983

ALL PUNS INTENDED

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve
you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well,
'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I
don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

v v v v v

I am reading a very interesting book about anti-gravity.
I just can't put it down.

v v v v v

A young boy knows about sex and where babies come from
because his mother told him that "the man puts his penis
inside the woman and she get's pregnant."

A few days later, after pondering this for some time,
the boy asks in all the innocence and wonder of a child,
"Does the man ever get his penis back?"

v v v v v

The dyslexic pimp bought a warehouse.

v v v v v

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their
infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out
something like this:

LOU COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM BUD ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store.... can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and
I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO:! No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at
the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and
software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can
use to write proposals, track expenses and run
my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend
anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK,
let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and
I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't
start with some straight answers. What about
financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can
track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer ?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How
much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store.... can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Just click on 'START'...

v v v v v

The Top 9 Nasty Movie Review Quotes

9> "It appears the role was written with Paris Hilton or Tara
Reid in mind, but they had to go with something cheaper."

8> "Concession stands should be required to carry laxatives in

order to purge this colossal pile of cinematic excrement."

7> "About as funny as a Family Circus knock-knock joke."

6> "When all is said and done, the best thing that could be said
about this movie is that the master negative, when properly
'edited,' would supply the world with enough guitar picks for
several years."

5> "Except for the absolutely terrible acting, screenplay,
directing, cinematography, score and sound, this would be a
mediocre film."

4> "Halfway through this abomination, I sadly discovered that the
edge of a Jujube box was not keen enough to slash one's wrists."

3> "What light through yon window breaks? It is the projector,
committing suicide rather than show this movie again."

2> "To say the acting is wooden would be an insult to your
kitchen table."

and the Number 1 Nasty Movie Review Quote...

1> "This screenplay? Three monkeys, twelve minutes."

v v v v v

On Fox News, Jesse Jackson, during an interview, not realizing his
mike was on, said some pretty nasty things about Barack Obama
including that he would like to cut his testicles off. Hillary
Clinton commented on the remark saying, "I don't know what the big
deal is — I say that to Bill at least once a week."

Jay Leno

v v v v v

3 TOMATO COMBO SALAD

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
1/4 cup fruity olive oil
3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
Pinch sugar
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1 pint yellow pear tomatoes, halved
1 pint grape tomatoes, halved
1 pint orange cherry tomatoes
1/3 cup fresh minced basil

DIRECTIONS:
Whisk together the oil, vinegar, sugar, salt and pepper.
Add the tomatoes and toss well to coat with the dressing.
Add the basil and toss gently. Serve at room temperature
and do not refrigerate for best flavor.

Yield: 6 servings

v v v v v

Signs that the Starship Enterprise is Nearing the End of It's Warranty

- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.

- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".

- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.

- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner
of warp coil now held up by phone book.

- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".

- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.

- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image
from flickering.

- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling
through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.

- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.

- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
side become too steep for crew to climb.

- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2
people on board.

- Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome
by ten thousand care bears.

- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft
macaroni and cheese.

v v v v v

submitted by: BADVETTE87

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up,
he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a
nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the
closest shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber.

"Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

v v v v v

I got arrested for drunk driving over the weekend.

But I'm gonna' fight it.

They were stopping every car driving on the sidewalk.

And that's PROFILING...and PROFILING is WRONG!!!

v v v v v

submitted by: BADVETTE87

v v v v v

The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the
condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very
sexy fashion model.

The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from
their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always
took him way too long to return.

One time the wife had enough and actually pounded on
the wall between the two apartments. There being no
response she telephoned, only to get the answering
machine. Finally, she went to the model's door and
just kept ringing the bell.

When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like
to know why it is my husband takes so damn long to get
something over here!"

"Well, sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions

sure ain't helping matters."

v v v v v

The Top 18 Proposed Events for the 2008 Office Olympics

18> 25-Meter Starbucks Dash

17> 4x100 Butt-Xerox Relay

16> Slippery Floor/High Heel Gymnastics

15> Bureaucratic Red Tape Steeplechase

14> Hands-Free Urinal-Cake Carving

13> Gossip Relay

12> Six-Hour PowerPoint Presentation Stay-Awake Marathon

11> Uneven Bars Lunch-Hour Pub Crawl

10> 10,000-Meter Mid-Level Management Hurdles

9> Meeting Doodle Decathlon

8> Windows Vista Installation Disk-Cuss

7> Blame Toss

6> Singles and Pairs Brown-Nosing

5> "Accidental" Breast Stroke

4> Synchronized Ass-Covering

3> Freestyle Accounting

2> Pornsite-to-Spreadsheet Alt-Tab Sprint

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Proposed
Event for the 2008 Office Olympics...

1> Blackberry Synchronized Synching

v v v v v

2010 Chevrolet Camaro - AOL Autos

While the wraps have been off the test mules of the 2010 Camaro for some time,

Chevy has been mum on the final configuration of its reborn pony car until now.

And what it has announced and shown is fairly in line with what we reported in our July issue.

The Camaro will be offered in two trim levels, RS and SS, the former powered by a 3.6-liter

overhead-cam direct-injection V-6 making upward of 300 bhp, which can be equipped with

either an Aisin 6-speed manual or GM's 6L50 6-speed automatic.

The SS will sport two pushrod 6.2-liter V-8s ranging from 395 to 420 bhp.

Hundreds of Gas Pumps Rigged to Cheat Consumers - AOL Autos

Grrrrrrrrrr !!

v v v v v

"According to Glamour magazine, 83 percent of women tell
their friends secrets to their husbands. So women, if you tell
your girlfriend something, 83 percent chance she will tell her
husband. But the good news?

One hundred percent of the men aren't
listening anyway."

Jay Leno

v v v v v

"I have just two superstitions. One, don't call someone a bad name
if they have a loaded pistol. Two, don't call your girl friend
Tina if her name is Vivian."

Basketball player George Underwood

v v v v v

"As if we don't have enough problems. Fifteen different prescription
drugs in our drinking water. Fifteen! Honest to God, you need a
doctor's prescription to turn on the faucet."

David Letterman

v v v v v

A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if
I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several
hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked
the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.

"No," she replied,
"but we have a lobby. You can wait there."

v v v v v

Every once in a while, I buy myself a bottle of Riunite Lambrusco
just to feel like a teenager again. It kind of works, but would
be even better if I had to pretend I was sober while my mother was
in my face, demanding I tell her whether or not I've been drinking.

v v v v v

The advantage of being born a long time ago is that you could say
something simple like, "I think, therefore I am," and become famous.

The disadvantage, I guess, is that now you're dead.

v v v v v

Knights are growing longer

Here!

That half!

Here!

Halftime baby

Here!

wicked wedgies

Here!

Just hanging around

Here!

Boss

Here

A Sign!

Here

Jack & The Beanstalk

Here

Two Ways To Go...

Here

After The Diet

Here

The Patch...

Here

v v v v v

Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty,

expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services.

Results may vary based on operating

systems and other variables beyond our control

v v v v v

Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!

So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'