Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab
S U M M E R
I hope you're enjoying yours - time to burn your skin to a crisp! Ahh the smell
of burned flesh *gag*
Seriously, be careful out there!
Be aware when surfing the Internet.
I have checked EACH link (except the NAUGHTY)
submitted to you and they are in working order as of this posting.
Always be aware of the risks
out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break
my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send
an email
to me at aol and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's
time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild
ride!
"My blood is boiling, it is so simple to criticize, hope all who love you and your ezine give
"that one" a piece of their minds, apparently they have none of their own.......keep up the good work!!!
Perhaps we should teach whoever where the DELETE KEY is
Lois ;o)"
lg1
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The Top 9
Signs Your Pet Has Fallen Under a Wicked Spell
9> The cat is yakking up projectile hairballs.
8> "Honey, when did the parakeet learn how to sing 'Helter
Skelter'?"
7> All that your parrot can squawk is: "Must have brains!"
6> You tossed him a small branch to fetch, but Rex returned with
a limb in his mouth. A bloody, severed limb.
5> Dog no longer licks himself, on account of his new opposable thumbs.
4> Your cat keeps pooping the shape of a swastika in his litter box.
3> The hamster starts licking his chops and making
knife-sharpening movements every time the cat walks by.
2> Chameleon keeps changing color to actually stand out from its background.
and the Number 1 Sign
Your Pet Has
Fallen Under a
Wicked Spell...
1> Rock Lobster now more into Easy Listening.
v v v v v
My husband's mother tongue is Spanish, and he sometimes forgets certain words in English.
When we were on vacation and were driving by fields and fields of cabbages,
he exclaimed: "Wow! Look at all that...that...coleslaw!"
v v v v v
Click here: PC World - Six Steps to a Faster Broadband Connection
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,143379/article.html?tk=nl_wbxhow
Six Steps to a Faster Broadband Connection
Even if you're paying top dollar for high-speed Internet service, you may not be getting
the performance you expect. Follow our guide to boost your broadband speed.
v v v v v
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not
the toy.
v v v v v
I went home, to my parent's house, to pick up a few things when I
noticed that my key didn't work in the door, but luckily the door
was unlocked. As I entered I noticed that they had redecorated
quite extensively. I wish they had mentioned it to me earlier... or at all.
I searched high and low for those few things I was determined to
bring back to my place, but I was unsuccess- ful. Soon the police
showed up and I asked them to assist me. They responded to my
request by coating my face with pepper-spray.
Those damn town houses all look exactly the same.
Do you know the old saying, "You Can't Go Home Again"? It's been
said... and heard for years and years. It's true in my case. Only
if you change the saying to, "You Can't Find Home Again".
v v v v v
v v v v v
My mother-in-law passed out cold after blowing out all
68
candles on her birthday cake . . .
For a second there I thought my wishes had come true.
v v v v v
After having failed
his exam in 'Logistics and Organization', a student goes and
confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: 'Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?'
Professor: 'Surely I
must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!'
Student: 'Great,
well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give
me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If
you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an
'A' for the exam. '
Professor: 'Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?'
Student: 'What is legal, but not logical, logical,
but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?'
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the
student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into
an 'A', as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best
student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: 'Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a
35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a
25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that
you have given your wife's lover an 'A', although he really
should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.'
v v v v v
Separation anxiety is a behavior
problem that can occur in dogs from various breeds and
backgrounds, but is more common dogs that have been recently adopted from shelters or rescue groups.
Dogs with separation anxiety are extremely stressed when their owner leaves them and often exhibit
behaviors like constant barking, destructive behavior and house soiling when they are left alone.
To their owner’s great concern, many dogs with separation anxiety are even more stressed
when they are confined in a crate or other small space. Some owners resort to tools like no-bark
electronic collars that deliver a shock when the dog barks. Unfortunately, this tool can greatly exacerbate
the problem since the dog is
barking because he is stressed.
If you believe your dog may have separation anxiety, you’ll need professional
help.
Talk with your veterinarian to rule out medical causes for your dog’s behavior problem and if no medical
problem can be found, find a qualified animal behavior professional to help. Also, some good books on this
challenging behavior problem include “The Dog Who Loved Too Much,”
By Dr. Nicolas Dodman and
“I’ll be Home Soon,” By Dr. Patricia McConnell.
Computer program classifies dog barks
Hungarian scientists have developed software that can classify
dog barks according to various situations,
even identifying barks
from individual dogs. Csaba Molnar and colleagues at
Eotvos Lorand University, reporting in the journal Animal Cognition,
tested a computer
algorithm's ability to
identify and differentiate acoustical features of dog barks. The
software
analyzed more than 6,000 barks from 14 Hungarian sheepdogs in various
situations.
The barks were recorded, digitized and transferred to the computer,
where they were coded
and
classified. When classifying barks by situation, the software
correctly
identified barks in 43 percent of cases.
The best
recognition rates were achieved for "fight" and
"stranger"
contexts, and the poorest in categorizing "play" barks.
The scientists said the findings suggest different motivational states of dogs in aggressive,
friendly or submissive
contexts might result in acoustically different barks.
In another experiment, the algorithm correctly classified
individual barks in 52
percent of cases, reliably discriminating
among individual dogs, suggesting there are differences in barks of
dogs
even humans aren't able to recognize.
"The use of advanced
machine learning algorithms to classify and analyze
animal sounds opens new perspectives for the understanding of
animal communication,
" the scientists said.
v v v v v
Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Mc Cain were flying to a debate.
Barack looked at Hillary, Chuckled and said,
'You know I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.'
Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied,
'I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.'
John added,
'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and
make a hundred people very happy.'
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his copilot,
'Such big-shots back there.
I could throw all three of them out of the plane and make millions of peple very happy.'
I'm voting for the Pilot
v v v v v
submitted by: BillieJo50
v v v v v
Two men were grumbling over their problems. The first
man said, "My wife left me for a man who drives an ice cream truck."
His friend began to ask, "You mean..."
"Yeah," the first guy replied. "She left me for Mr. Softy."
v v v v v
A young man was applying for
a
job with a big company.
"I'm sorry," said the personnel manager,
"but the firm is overstaffed. We
have more employees now than
we really need."
"That's all right," replied the young man,
undiscouraged. "The little bit of
work I do won't be noticed
anyway."
v v v v v
savvygardener.com
Zoysia lawns are finally looking good all around the metro.
Now that they are greening up and growing you will want to make sure you do the following:
- Reduce thatch layers from zoysia by verticutting or core aerating.
- Sod or sprig zoysia lawns to fill in bare areas.
- Fertilize zoysia lawns with high nitrogen to promote green up and summer growth.
- Mow zoysia to 2 to 2.5 inches tall.
v v v v v
I don't know whether Elizabeth Montgomery was
a real witch or not, but she had both Dick York
and Dick Sargent play her husband on Bewitched.
How many mortal women do YOU know with two dicks?
Tim H. Richweis
v v v v v
An Octogenarian, who was an
avid golfer,
moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club.
He went to the Club for the first time to play, but he was told
there wasn't anyone with whom he could play because they were
already out on the course. He repeated several times that he
really wanted to play.
Finally, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked
how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said, "I
really don't need any strokes, because I have been playing quite
well. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."
And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th they were all
even. The pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green
and 2-putt for a par. The old man had a nice drive, but his
approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green.
Playing from the bunker, he hit a high ball which landed on the
green and rolled into the hole! Birdie, match and all the money!
The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still
standing in the trap.
He said, "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem
getting out of sand traps?"
Replied the Octogenarian,
"I do. Please give me a hand."
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v v v v v
"In Chicago, a couple
who are Cubs fans have named their baby Wrigley Field.
Apparently the couple expects their baby to be a lot of fun,
but ultimately disappointing."
Conan O'Brien
v v v v v
The Top 13 Jewish Country & Western Songs
13> Achy Breaky Hip
12> I Got the Guilt, You Got the Gelt (I Went and Cut Another
Notch in My Belt)
11> Take This, "Job," and Shove It
10> I'm Cryin' in My Manischewitz ('Cause I Lost Rebecca Levitz)
9> Ever Since My Circumcision, My Baby's Been Short With Me
8> All My Exes Made an Exodus
7> The Shiksa's Gonna Hit the Fan
6> This Bris! This Bris!! Unchoppable!!!
5> Four Thousand Years of Sufferin', and I Had to Marry You
4> My Woman Gave Me Crabs, and That Ain't Kosher
3> I've Starved and I've Suffered and I've Parted the Sea Just
to Find That Your Bush Wasn't Burnin' For Me
2> Homeland on the Range
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Jewish Country & Western Song...
1> Alright, Already, Enough With The Infidelity!
v v v v v
Click to Give @ The Breast Cancer Site
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=2
Click daily! There are three ways to help!
A High-Calorie Snack That’s OK for Your Waist - RealAge Tip of the Day
http://www.realage.com/ct/eat-smart/food-and-nutrition/tip/5227
If you love nuts as much as a backyard squirrel does, but you're caught up
by your calorie-counting
conscience, relax. And read on . . .
Peanuts may be one high-calorie treat that doesn’t do serious damage to your
weight or your waistline
Fear of Forgetting --
ThirdAge
When David Bunnell, a magazine publisher who lives in Berkeley, California,
went to a FedEx store to send a package a few years ago,
he suddenly drew a blank as he was filling out the forms.
"I couldn't remember my address," said Bunnell, 60, with a measure of horror in his voice.
"I knew where I lived, and I knew how to get there, but I didn't know what the address was."
Bunnell is among tens of millions of baby boomers who are encountering the signs, by turns amusing and
disconcerting, that accompany the decline of the brain's acuity: a good friend's name suddenly vanishing from memory;
a frantic search for eyeglasses only to find them atop the head;
milk taken from the refrigerator then put away in a cupboard.
Benefits of Brain Exercises
Brain games to improve memory and attention
Did you know that the human brain starts slowing down as early as age 30? The good news is that you can speed it up,
and improve even your most basic cognitive abilities at any age. Keep your brain performing at its best with Lumosity,
a brain training program consisting of engaging brain games and
exercises developed by some of the leading neuroscientists in the country.
Happy Neuron brings you brain fitness through entertaining games that are fun and scientifically
developed to challenge your brain and keep it in top gear at all times. The comprehensive program
stimulates your attention, language, memory, visual-spatial and executive function skills.
v v v v v
"Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton had what they called a
secret meeting. One of the topics rumored to be discussed
is Hillary's $20 million campaign debt. Obama may help her
cover some of that. Today she outlined a plan for recouping
that money: She plans on marrying, then divorcing, Paul
McCartney."
Jimmy Kimmel
v v v v v
My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept
refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what,"
he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name
the boat?"
Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went
to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw
painted on the side: "For Sale."
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submitted by: ron_stott@yahoo.com
Vinegar Uses:
Fabric softener and static cling reducer - use as you
would liquid fabric softener.
Window cleaner - mix 1/4 cup of white vinegar in with 2
cups of water. Soak a small sponge or cloth in this,
then wring it out, and store in an airtight container.
Simply wipe off spots or smears with this.
Air freshener, used with baking soda - use 1 teaspoon
baking soda, 1 tablespoon vinegar and 2 cups of water.
After it stops foaming, mix well, and use in a
(recycled) spray bottle into the air.
Chewing gum dissolver - saturate the area with vinegar.
If the vinegar is heated, it will work faster.
Stain remover - for stains caused by grass, coffee, tea,
fruits and berries. Soak clothing in full strength vinegar.
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MARINATED GREEN BEANS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 package green beans, drained
2 small onions, sliced and separated into rings
2 minced garlic cloves
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
2 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons oregano
2 teaspoons prepared mustard
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/5 cup Coca-Cola
1/4 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons vinegar
DIRECTIONS:
In a large bowl, combine the garlic, parsley, sugar,
oregano, mustard, salt, Coca-Cola, olive oil and vinegar,
stirring until the sugar is dissolved. Add the beans and
onions; toss lightly with a fork. Pack into a 1 quart
jar. Cover and refrigerate several hours or overnight
so the flavors can blend.
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submitted by: harlmilligan
The Big Gay Sketch Show: Season Two, Episode 5 - Paula Deen :: Media Player | Logo Online
The new Paula Deen diet !
How To Build A Mentos And Diet Coke Booby Trap (Leisure & Hobbies: Pranks)
Ohhhh you pranksters out there will love this!
v v v v v
"I went to the doctor and all he did was suck blood from my neck.
Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!"
v v v v v
My elderly aunt plays bridge regularly with seven other
women,
most of whom are 70 or older. Recently she told me that they
all celebrated the birthday of their oldest member by taking her out to lunch.
When the waitress came to take their order, one of the women
said to her, "This is a very special occasion. It's Rosie's ninety
second birthday."
My aunt said, "That waitress made seven instant enemies and one
fast friend by asking the question,
"Which one is Rosie?"
v v v v v
MORE Magazine -
Style, Health, and Sex & Dating Advice For Women Over 40 - Official Site -
MORE Magazine
Style, health, work and money, sex and dating, better tv
BoomerGirl.com is the place on the Web for women born in the Baby Boom to find news,
information, fun and community ... and it's all about us!
Here you'll find everything from magazine-style profiles of accomplished women and
health news to time-saving tips and daily Spanish lessons.
Launched on Jan. 1, 2007, BoomerGirl's goal is to give women in midlife a voice.
We encourage all of our readers to share your comments, create a blog, form a club,
submit an article, tell us your story. Our "Contact us" page will show you how. It's safe, secure and simple.
BoomerGirl is a division of The World Company, headquartered in Lawrence, Kansas, USA.
v v v v v
My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to
relieve her irritation. When she returned home she informed
him that she had purchased ten new dresses.
"Ten!" he hollered, "What could any woman want with ten new
dresses??"
My mom calmly replied, "Ten new pairs of shoes."
v v v v v
A sad Basset Hound was relating his troubles to his friend.
"I'm
really depressed all the time and I think negative thoughts. I'm
always bored, I feel listless and I am always tired."
"Why not go see
a psychiatrist?" suggested the friend.
"Well, I would," said the
Basset Hound, "except that I'm not allowed on the couch.
v v v v v
10
male traits we could all use in daily life
Men may not always show their emotions, but they
do teach us valuable behaviors
for coping with life lessons. Here are 10 traits we found to
be especially useful.
Read
tips
How men
rise to the occasion during a
health challenge
Men play just as important a role as women in providing support when someone
gets sick.
They might take a different approach, that's all. Learn more from our
experts about how men positively deal with adversity.
Read more
Five ways
to be a better dad
We asked our CarePages staffers and reviewed
reader feedback about what it takes to be a great dad.
Here's a summary of some great tips we learned about special
dads who make the grade.
Read
tip
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"I like fruit baskets because a fruit basket enables you
to
mail somebody fruit without appearing insane. If you just
mailed somebody some apples they'd be like, 'What the hell is
this?' But if you put those apples in a basket they're like,
'Hey, this is nice!'"
v v v v v
I was just hired at the CDC as their new
STD Name Consultant, which means whenever a new
STD is discovered, I get to name it. And now it's payback time
to all of you girls who wouldn't date me in high school.
v v v v v
Bonnaroo Adds New Orleans Flavor to This Year's Line-Up
The Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival, taking place in Manchester, Tennessee on June 12th - 15th,
will be adding some New Orleans flavor to the line-up this year.
The annual event is creating a special venue dedicated to celebrating the culture of New Orleans and Louisiana.
Called "Somethin' Else – New Orleans," it will be modeled on some of the city's most famous clubs such as
Tipitina's and Preservation Hall. Aside from featuring regional cuisine, the venue will also present live
music throughout the weekend from a number of New Orleans' favorite blues, jazz, and R&B artists.
Latin Music Concerts for June 2008
Now that I live in the Northwest—where the sun only shows itself from July to September—
I relish outdoor summer concerts. Not sure where to head this summer, or who's worth catching live?
Tijana's got a great list of Latin music concerts you can run to when the weather calls for heading outdoors.
v v v v v
When teacher asked in what part of the world the most ignorant people were to
be found,
a small boy volunteered quickly, "In New York."
The teacher was amazed, and questioned the lad as to where he had obtained such
information.
"Well," he replied, "the geography says that's where the
population is most dense."
v v v v v
' The Top 12 Signs It's Almost
Summer
12> Linda in Accounting finally stops wearing wool socks with her
Birkenstocks.
11> You can cool the doghouse with the breeze from your spinning
electricity meter.
10> Bill Nye the Science Guy demonstrates how it is now possible
to fry an egg on Howie Mandel's head.
9> Excitement building over the pre-pre-pre-Christmas sale at the mall.
8> Goth chicks actually have to start applying white make-up.
7> Amy Winehouse has uncovered her in-ground pool and filled it with
vermouth.
6> Would-be candidates already gearing up for the 2012 U.S.
presidential primary season.
5> Oil company CEOs now lighting their cigars with $100 bills
instead of the usual fifties.
4> Annoying parking ramp attendant switches from asking "Cold
enough for ya?" to asking "Hot enough for ya?"
3> Parenting blogs display ticker counting the days until school starts up
again.
2> Barack Obama starting to develop a bit of a tan line.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign It's Almost Summer...
1> Father O'Leary needs to fan himself more often than usual
during the middle-school boys' choir practices.
v v v v v
PC World - PC World Downloads - Real Desktop Lite
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,69425-order,1-page,1/description.html
Turn your desktop into a 3D, interactive space.
Want your desktop to look different than it currently does --- completely
different? Then give this program a try.
It turns your desktop into a three-dimensional space, and turns your icons into virtual,
physical objects that you move around, and even throw. You can rotate them any way you want,
and when you throw them against one another, they clink as they crash and move.
You can even lift up your icons and twirl them around.
The Recycle Bin even becomes a three-dimensional trash
can.
Will this change the way you compute? No, it certainly won't.
But it's plenty of fun, and it's worth it just for that.
Note that when you use the program, you won't be able to use
wallpaper in concert with it.
PC World - PC World Downloads - Desktop Sidebar
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,64384-order,1-page,1/description.html
Enhance XP with a Vista-like sidebar that includes: calendars,
calculators, and more.
Here's something else that Windows XP users may be jealous about when it
comes to Vista:
the nifty sidebar that displays a variety of applets that can grab information from the Internet,
or show other information, such as a clock, or pictures from your PC.
Well, XP users need not suffer sidebar envy any longer -- they have this program.
It looks and works much like Windows Vista's sidebar, and comes with many pre-installed applets,
including a weather watcher, clock, performance monitor, news grabber,
media player, quick launch pad, and plenty more.
In addition to the applets that come with the program, there are many more you
can download from the developer's site.
In addition, you can download different skins to change the way it look. Desktop Sidebar works with Windows Vista,
as well as with XP, although there's no real reason to use it instead of Vista's built-in sidebar.
Still, it's nice to have the option if you want it. After all, the program is free,
so it may even be worth a try for Vista users.
PC World - Pugnax
Internet Tools Download
Pugnax
Version: 2.4
License Type: Free
Operating Systems: Windows Vista, Windows XP, Windows 2000
Pugnax scans a list of Web sites of your choosing and lets you know when those sites have changed.
It's not meant to act like an RSS reader, which pulls in new posts from a site's feed, but instead tracks more technical changes.
It's probably most useful for site designers or IT staff.
BookmarkSync v2.3.2 [3.9M] [Win95/98/ME/2k/XP/Vista]
[FREE]
Unlike other Web-based bookmark utilities. It is a unique system that enables real-time
automatic bookmark
synchronization between all your different browsers, computers, and operating systems.
Add a bookmark to Internet Explorer at work, and it will automatically update your
Firefox browser at home and your Safari browser on your Mac.
It supports Unicode, so it works for bookmarks in all
languages.
http://www.sync2it.com/?ref=cn
v v v v v
The Top 14 Bizarre Moments in the "Sex and the
City" Movie
14> Samantha waits until *after* the opening credits to bang her first dude.
13> Carrie is briefly shown to be wearing white pumps from the
Martha Stewart Collection at K-Mart... after Labor Day, no less.
12> The girls all join up to go fight in Iraq; Carrie changes
the name of her column to Sects in Sadr City.
11> The awkward moment where the rest of the girls walk in on
Charlotte's private moment of wearing a T-shirt and dirty
sweats, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and eating cold pizza on
the couch while watching Arena Football and scratching herself.
10> After the girls find the toilet seat up again, Charlotte
announces she wants to be called Charles from now on.
9> Chris Noth, apparently confusing his movie and TV roles,
spends the whole movie investigating who stole Carrie's
new shoes.
8> Kim Cattrall's reenactment of the Lassie scene from "Porky's"
lands her a new nickname: Old Yeller.
7> Carrie's steel-cage shoe battle with Imelda Marcos.
6> For a moment, the movie sustained incredible tension when
Miranda seemed like she was about to sneeze, but then the
feeling passed.
5> A jarringly loud alarm clock goes off every 20 minutes to
wake up all the straight men in the audience.
4> Hilarious scene where Matthew Broderick shows up and gets
Carrie to skip school.
3> Animators at Disney/Pixar succeed in making Kim Cattrall's
vagina look almost hospitable.
2> Calls from interested guys are replaced by telemarketing
offers from AARP.
and Topfive.com's
Number 1 Bizarre
Moment in the "Sex and the
City" Movie...
1> Yves Saint Laurent tells the girls he'll just die if they
wear his clothes.
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v v v v v
SANDWICH SPRIALS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 Bag flour tortillas or sandwich wraps (plain or flavored)
1 lg Bar of softened cream cheese
Roast beef sliced thin
Ham sliced thin
Turkey sliced thin
Colby Jack cheese, sliced thin
Lettuce shredded thin strips
Garlic powder
Sliced tomatoes very thin
DIRECTIONS:
Use the back of a spatula and cover each tortilla with a thin
layer of cream cheese. Sprinkle lightly with garlic powder.
Use half of the tortilla: to layer meats, cheese, lettuce,
and tomatoes. Then roll up tortilla with cream cheese side
rolled up last so it will seal as if using glue. Cut in 1
inch pieces and serve.
Yield: 8-10 Servings
v v v v v
A teacher was asked to fill out a special questionnaire for the state. One question said,
"Give two reasons for entering the teaching profession."
The teacher wrote, "July and August."
v v v v v
A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the
bathroom,
so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no
toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class
his teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?"
The boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he´ll
get scared away."
He was then sent to the principal´s office and the principal
asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"
So the little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my
hands he´ll get scared away."
He was sent home and his Mom asked him "What do you have in
your hand?"
So the little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my
hands he´ll get scared away."
He was sent to his room and his dad came in and said, "What
do you have in your hand."
So again the little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I
open my hands he will get scared away."
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hands."
The little boy opened his hand and said, "Look Dad, you scared
the shit out of him!"
v v v v v
submitted by: sammy562
Absolutely gorgeous site!
Signs That Your Friendship is Not a A Long Lasting One
True friends or best friends can never part ways, yes very correct,
so you think but in reality a true friend is hard to come by.
It is always better to do a little inspection or introspection of the friendship which will be helpful for the health of the friendship.
Think about the fact that whether you and your friend are alike or very different.
Does it seem like coming from two different worlds? Then next ask yourself about how long you have been friends.
This then leads to next question about how much do you share your thoughts and
how much do you communicate with each other?
v v v v v
A car salesman was trying to sell this great car to a client.
"Look,
this car never fails. See all these buttons on the dashboard ? They keep
your car going."
"What's the red button for ?" "Well.. eh..
look, the
car really never fails. With this silver button you can calibrate your
steering."
"Ok, but the red button?"
"Well, it's eh.. You know, never
for a second will this car let you down. It'll do its job day and night,
in hot and cold weather, always."
"YES, I KNOW, BUT THE RED BUTTON?"
"Well, you know, imagine that in the unbelievable and impossible case
your car might seem to fail, you push this red button and off you go
again."
"So this car ...." "No", said
the salesman, "Look, a man can't
get pregnant, but in the unbelievable and impossible case that he MIGHT
get pregnant ... he already has nipples."
v v v v v
Fix dead pixel - Killdeadpixel.com
Do you have an LCD monitor that has a dead pixel somewhere on the screen?
Those drive me crazy! But that won't be happening anymore, because now,
there's something you can do to fix it! It isn’t a guaranteed fix, but it's definitely worth a shot, right?
Just drag the image over to the dead pixel and leave it there for an hour.
The image will massage the dead pixel and try to stimulate it back to life.
So, how does the massage work, you ask? Well,
the image is rapidly changing the dead pixel and the pixels around it.
If after an hour, it's still dead, you can try another option.
You can try the full screen version, but the downside is you have to leave it to do its work for 12 hours.
Make sure you follow the directions carefully before you start the 12 hour massage.
You don’t want to leave any status bar visible during the process, because it
may harm your LCD.
Therefore, you need to put your Internet
browser on full screen mode and hide all the bars.
This is fairly easy to use and it gives you a good shot at reviving those
annoying dead pixels.
If you ask me, it's definitely worth a try!
v v v v v
A boy was playing with his
little brother and asked him whether he could fly like Superman.
"Sure you can," encouraged the older brother,
"Just flap your arms really really hard."
So the little brother climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad,
jumped,
then smashed into the ground just a few inches below.
Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said,
"What is going on here?!?"
The older brother looked at his mother innocently and said,
"I was just teaching him not to believe everything someone tells him."
v v v v v
We had built our dream house several years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them.
Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.
"Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver
walked up to the house.
"I've been waiting twelve years for this!"
"Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this
morning."
v v v v v
KickingTires: Getting Smart: The Smallest Car in Detroit
The Smart ForTwo is just 106 inches long, more than 3 feet shorter than a Mini Cooper.
Park it perpendicular to a Ford Expedition,
and its rear end extends just 14.3 inches beyond the Expedition’s side mirrors.
In a world of supersized value meals, this one’s a small fry.
Buying Guide / Car and Driver - Car And Driver
Car and Driver is the worldwide leader in providing objective test results and expert vehicle reviews,
and it's here that you can get the inside scoop on every vehicle for sale in the U.S.
Each vehicle entry features a capsule review, full specifications and pricing, links to full-length reviews,
and more, all geared toward helping you find the transportation of your dreams. Start browsing at the site
Warranties, Repair and Service
Are you covered by your manufacturer warranty? Should you get an extended warranty?
Like to work on it yourself or save money by having repairs or service performed by independent service technicians?
Are your "Air Bags....a lot of hot air?" Did you know it can cost you up to $4,000.00 just to repair your air bags?
And what about your bumpers? Are your bumpers giving you the protection you thought they were –
"You call that a bumper?". Heard about the proposed 20% insurance rate hike for sport utility vehicles.
Warranty
Warranty Direct- Free Quotes - Extended Warranty for a new or used car or for your boat or jet ski.
Warranty Direct Insurance Services- ONLY FOR CALIFORNIA RESIDENTS –
You now have an alternative to the high price of dealer sold extended warranties.
Business Alliance Insurance Company and its licensed agent,
Warranty Direct Insurance Services now offer a top of the line,
exclusionary mechanical breakdown insurance (MBI) policy.
Warranty Direct has provided similar coverage’s nationwide for over 23 years and
has been selected a Forbes Magazine Top 200 Company three times.
v v v v v
The Top 9 Signs Your
Medical Journal Uses Ghostwriters
9> "It was a dark and stormy night in the lab..."
8> The lead author listed by the New England Journal of Medicine
for the study? Stephen King.
7> As far as you can remember, Madame Curie stopped publishing
articles a few years ago.
6> Each exhibit and accompanying chart are sprinkled with emoticons.
5> A paper describing a newly discovered disorder, treatable by a
newly introduced patented drug, has the little "tm"
right
after the disorder's name.
4> The Travel Channel's new feature: "America's Most Haunted Research
Labs."
3> "The inhalation of the aerosolized emissions of a really fat
dooby..."
2> Your colleagues are no longer calling it the "common cold."
It's now "Pfizeritis."
and the Number 1 Sign
Your Medical
Journal
Uses Ghostwriters...
1> "My chest heaved with passion as he tore the bodice of my
hospital gown and pressed me against his huge, gleaming
mammogram machine."
v v v v v
submitted by: BillieJo50
v v v v v
I tried reading a book about 'natural fertilizers
for your garden' but it was full of crap.
v v v v v
BURGUNDY FILET
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 quart Burgundy wine
1 1/2 cups canola oil
1 1/2 cups soy sauce
2 cups oyster sauce
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano
6 large cuts filet mignon
1 stick butter, softened
1 teaspoon Burgundy wine
1 tablespoon minced shallots
1 tablespoon minced green onions
1 teaspoon ground white pepper
DIRECTIONS:
In a medium saucepan, combine 1 quart burgundy wine, oil, soy sauce, oyster
sauce,
minced garlic, and oregano. Bring to a boil,
and then remove from heat. Refrigerate
until cool. Place filets in a 9x13 inch baking dish, and pour the cooled marinade
over them.
Cover tightly, and refrigerate for a minimum of 5 hours. In a medium bowl, cream butter and
1 teaspoon of Burgundy wine for taste and
color with a hand mixer. Mix in shallots,
green onions and white pepper by hand; cover tightly, and refrigerate.
Preheat grill for high heat,
or preheat the oven to broil. Barbecue or broil marinated filets to taste, turning once.
Set aside. Set oven to 200 degrees degrees. Place filets in a clean 9x13 inch baking dish;
add a dollup of Burgundy butter to the
top of each filet, and place in 200 degree oven for a minute
or until butter is melted. Serve.
v v v v v
"I see you went crazy at the big summer clearance sale," Wanda
comments,
as she looks at all the bags of merchandise her friend, Linda just brought home from the store.
"You got that right ... I almost bought their elevator 'cause it was
marked down."
v v v v v
Apple Sherbet
2 oz Apple Schnapps
Fill with OJ
1 oz cream
ice
Rocks - Add w oz flavor mix or Schnapps
for a cherry, peach, blackberry, raspberry,
strawberry or wildberry apple sherbet
Sex With An Alligator
1/2 oz Vodka
1 oz Melon liqueur
1 oz Strawberry Schnapps
2/3 oz pineapple juice
1/3 cranberry juice
ice
rocks or shot
v v v v v
Recently a friend and I went out to eat late one Sunday morning. I
was torn between ordering from the restaurant's breakfast and
lunch menus, and finally asked the server to bring me both a
chicken sandwich and an order of scrambled eggs. When she left,
I wondered aloud about whether I'd just committed a faux pas.
"I don't think so," said my friend. "But I AM wondering which
one
will come first."
v v v v v
submitted by: BillieJo50
An attractive young woman was in the doctor's office.
The doctor said, "I'll be doing a vaginal examination now."
She said, "Oh, doctor, is that really necessary?"
Boy, howdy, did he get mad!
"Listen!" he said, "who is the chiropractor here -- you or
me?"
v v v v v
Summer Poems – A collection of classic & new poems for summer
A collection of classic and new poems for the season
Our anthology of poems for the summer season begins with a selection of classics:
Welcome to Mint, a Web site devoted to offering you the best financial tools for free!
When I first discovered this site, I was worried about security.
With all the identity theft going on out there and this site wanting to put all your financial information in one place,
I knew it had to be secure. Well, they feature bank level security and it doesn't get any safer than that!
Now, before I delve deeper into Mint’s financial features, I want to point out the Mint.edu tab.
That will take you to the site’s blog, where you will learn all about being smart with your finances.
Whether you're starting to manage debt or you're looking to learn more about budgeting or saving,
you’ll find valuable information here.
So, how does Mint work? Well, you register, sign in and then provide the log in information for any banks,
credit cards or investment accounts you want to manage through Mint.
That puts your information all in one place for easy access so that you can track your spending,
budgets and more!
Another feature I really like is Mint tries to find you savings. I also love how they keep you up to date with your accounts.
For example, if something fishy happens, they e-mail you or text you by phone. They even keep track of low balances.
Signing up is easy! Just click on the Register button and fill out the form. You need a valid e-mail address,
a password and a zip code. Once you do that, you can dive right in! Next, you go through the one time account setup.
It's the only time you’ll be entering your personal information for your bank, credit cards, etc.
Mint's security has been verified by TRUSTe and VeriSign and it takes you through the process step by step.
Picture essays > Stuff that people write on money (sorabji.com)
Amazing - I don't write on money. Do you?
Fontifier - Your own handwriting on your computer!
Fontifier lets you use your own handwriting for the text you
write on your computer.
It turns a scanned sample of your handwriting into a handwriting font that you
can use
in your word processor or graphics program, just like regular fonts such as
Helvetica.
I'll bet you like shopping online. It is so much faster than wandering from store to store.
And, online shopping can be much more economical.
You won't burn gas driving to the mall. Plus, you can often find deals online.
There is a big drawback to online shopping, though. At most sites, you'll need to pay for shipping.
That can quickly eat into your Internet savings.
So, before you click Purchase, visit today's Cool Site. Free Shipping will help you find, well, free shipping.
You'll find free shipping codes for more than 700 popular online stores.
This is one site that you'll definitely want to bookmark!
Does Sweeping the Floor Make You Smile? - RealAge Tip of the Day
um NO it doesn't LOL
submitted by: BillieJo50
http://uploads.ungrounded.net/221000/221483_Play.swf
Love this!
v v v v v
SIMPLE BEER BREAD
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
3 cups self-rising flour
3 tablespoons sugar
1 12-ounce can of beer (or soda)
1 TB melted butter
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Lightly grease a 9x5x3-inch
loaf pan with butter. Combine 1st 3 ingredients, mixing
well. Pour into prepared loaf pan and drizzle the melted
butter. bake for 1 hour.
Yield: 1 loaf
v v v v v
The whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I
wanted a long, boring story with no point to it, I've got my life.
v v v v v
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It
said, "Parking Fine."' So that was nice.
v v v v v
PC World - Internet
Tips: Protect Your PC and Data With the Security Checklist
This column often devotes a good bit of space to computer security and online privacy.
But the tips have always appeared piecemeal, so it's difficult to remember (even for me) everything you
should be doing to protect your PC and its data. This month I've assembled a safety checklist that gives you the big picture.
Though it's not the final word on each of the topics presented, it will provide you with an overview
of what you need to know and the steps you must take to avoid e-mail viruses, deter snoops,
and halt attempts to hack into your PC or network.
(For even more information on this broad subject, read the article " Internet Fixes.")
v v v v v
Two women archeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient
Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.
Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed.
Says one: "We don't seem to be having much luck."
The other replies: "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to
find!"
v v v v v
"Congratulations! You have a girl. Unless I cut the wrong
cord." --Robin Williams as Dr. Kosevich in "Nine Months".
v v v v v
"My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as the
family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a
schmuck?'"
Adam Sandler
v v v v v
v v v v v
Woman: He's very successful. I'm sure he's a millionaire by now,
and he's only 26. He never even graduated from college.
Girl: I'm soooooo jealous. I wish I didn't have an education.
v v v v v
Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened
to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague. We then tried
to share some helpful hints and recipes.
One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet
potatoes, one of her husband's favorites. "I've finally been able
to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them
orange?"
v v v v v
Lamb
by Christopher Moore
"The birth of Jesus has been well chronicled, as have his glorious teachings, acts,
and divine sacrifice after his thirtieth birthday.
But no one knows about the early life of the Son of God, the missing years -- except Biff, the Messiah's best bud,
who has been resurrected to tell the story in the divinely hilarious yet heartfelt work
"reminiscent of Vonnegut and Douglas Adams" (Philadelphia Inquirer).
Verily, the story Biff has to tell is a miraculous one, filled with remarkable journeys, magic, healings,
kung fu, corpse reanimations, demons, and hot babes. Even the considerable wiles and
devotion of the Savior's pal may not be enough to divert Joshua from his tragic destiny.
But there's no one who loves Josh more -- except maybe "Maggie," Mary of Magdala –
and Biff isn't about to let his extraordinary pal suffer and ascend without a fight"
If you want a good laugh this is the book for you! Not as blasphemous as it looks,
if you go in with an open mind (remembering that this is a work of fiction made to be funny)
you will have a wonderful time reading it. I highly recommend it!
A reading spot is a place where you can be comfortable and read, but how do you find it?
Every reader has different conditions under which he/she is able to read most effectively?
What are your ideal conditions, and where will you find your "reading spot"?
Keep your child reading all summer with this selection of reading lists for summer 2008.
These reading lists of recommended children's books and young adult books are
generally organized by grade level. Many of the elementary children's booklists include children's picture books,
fiction and nonfiction. Many of the recommended reading lists for middle schoolers include a mix of
children's books and young adult books. You'll find classics and recently published children's books and
young adult books on these 2008 summer reading lists for babies to grade 12.
v v v v v
"Starbucks announced they are going to do away with their topless
mermaid logo. For what they charge for a cup of coffee it should
be served by a topless mermaid."
Jay Leno
v v v v v
Walter arrived at his office late one morning and was greeted with
giggles from the pretty young receptionist.
"What are you laughing at?" asked Walter.
"There's a big black smudge on your face," said the girl.
"Oh, that!" said Walter. "That's easy to explain. I saw my wife
off on a month's vacation this morning; I took her to the station
and kissed her good-bye."
"But what about the smudge?"
"As soon as she got on board, I ran up and kissed the engine."
v v v v v
Review: LaCie d2 Quadra Hard Disk
Macworld | From the Lab | Review: LaCie d2 Quadra Hard Disk
As an external hard drive, LaCie's d2 Quadra Hard Disk is versatile in terms of connection support,
generous in terms of software bundles, and solid in terms of performance.
If you're in the market for an external hard drive,
the d2 Quadra Hard Disk definitely deserves your consideration.
v v v v v
During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke
up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called
room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at
the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged,
"Hey, I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers
borders on the ridiculous!"
"The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end
coolly explained. "I believe, sir, you are complaining about your
room number."
v v v v v
My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would
be a snap if only she would organize her time better.
Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while
his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was
managing, and he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the
kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen
floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than
his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate
frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters
out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."
v v v v v
v v v v v
"Historic day at the White House. President Bush met the Dalai
Lama. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, 'Who's the bald
chick in the dress?'"
Conan O'Brien
v v v v v
"If California can't solve the energy crisis, it will spread to
the rest of the nation, and the economy will collapse, and we
will become a primitive society where we all run around naked
with spears and refuse to attend meetings. Wouldn't that be
GREAT?"
Dave Barry
v v v v v
submitted by: BODRUMS57
Great Grandmothers Sugar Cookies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0271.html
Gum Drop Cookies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0723.html
Gumdrop Gems
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0166.html
Haystack Cookies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0794.html
Ho-Ho Bars
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0748.html
Holiday Cereal Snaps
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0358.html
Holiday Chocolate Butter Cookies
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0433.html
Holiday Raisin Walnut Bars
http://www.northpole.com/Kitchen/Cookbook/rec0074.html
v v v v v
The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling
out an employee form when I came to the section that asked:
Single____, Married____, Divorced____.
I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also
filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the
blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.'
v v v v v
A lot of people wonder how you know if you're really in love.
Just ask yourself this one question: "Would I mind being destroyed
financially by this person?"
v v v v v
The fragrance department of a major New York City store where I
shop is always pushing the latest scents. Attractive models move
about the floor offering to spray customers with the newest bouquet.
One day, outside the store's restaurant, a model sprayed two women
who had just finished their lunch. When one woman com- mented that
the perfume was too strong, the model replied, "The fragrance will
be softer once it dries and the alcohol wears off."
"See!" her friend chided. "I told you not to have that second
drink."
v v v v v
v v v v v
While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat
on my face. As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and
called out, "Are you hurt?"
"No, I'm fine," I said, touched by her concern.
"Oh, good," she continued. "So
will you be vacating your
parking space now?"
v v v v v
When my son was in high school he worked at a preschool. When he
was home on break, he went to visit his former students. One
boy went home and said, "Guess what, Mom! Drew's home from college!"
"That's nice, honey," his mom said.
He replied, "When I get big I'm going to go to college too!"
"Good for you," his mom said.
He answered, "Yeah, because when you go
to college they give
you a beard!"
v v v v v
Submitted by: BillieJo50
v v v v v
Submitted by: BillieJo50
Charlie phoned Shirley to invite her out for
a lamb dinner. "What do
you mean, a lamb dinner?" asked Shin somewhat puzzled. "Three
cocktails and a piece of ewe," He replied
Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a
storm. One drunk says to the
other drunk, “Did you sleep with my wife last night?” To which the
other drunk replies, “Not a wink.”
Two dyslexic bank robbers walk into a bank shouting: "Air in the hands
motherstickers, this is a fuckup!"
v v v v v
A professor was taking in the scene at a
popular L. A. nightspot when
a mini-skirted Valley Girl sashayed over to him and said, "Like, I
want you to totally screw my brains out."
"Sorry," he replied, "I'm not into quickies"
v v v v v
What do you call a condom in a nursing home?
Software.
v v v v v
Don't hate me because I'm agoraphobic.
Hate me because I haven't filled
my gas tank since February.
Jenn McNanna
v v v v v
For Many a Follower, Sacred Ground in Colorado - New York Times
http://travel.nytimes.com/2008/01/11/travel/escapes/11crestone.html?8td&emc=td
TRUST an unknown future with a known God,” urges the sign in front of the
Sangre de Cristo Christian Church on the outskirts of Crestone, Colo., which is close to a
four-hour drive south of Denver
off Highway 17. The town might seem to be in the middle of nowhere, but if
you’re seeking a taste of the divine, you’ve probably come to
the right place.
Skip to next paragraph
http://travel.nytimes.com/2008/01/11/travel/escapes/11crestone.html?8td&emc=td#secondParagraph
Colorado Travel Guide
http://travel.nytimes.com/travel/guides/north-america/united-states/colorado/overview.html
Go to the Colorado Travel Guide »
http://travel.nytimes.com/travel/guides/north-america/united-states/colorado/overview.html
Multimedia Slide Show
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/01/11/travel/escapes/20080111_CRESTONE_SLIDESHOW_index.html
An Ecumenical Getaway
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/01/11/travel/escapes/20080111_CRESTONE_SLIDESHOW_index.html
Map
http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2008/01/10/travel/escapes/11crestone.html'
Crestone, Colo
At 8,000 feet on the edge of the desert plains of the San Luis Valley
beneath
the Sangre de Cristo Range, this town and its environs have about 1,500 residents and
two dozen different religious centers, including a cluster of Buddhist monasteries,
a Catholic monastery, a Taoist retreat, a Hindu ashram, a Shumei center and several American Indian sanctuaries.
This forested hillside haven, nestled on an enormous aquifer below the 14,000-foot Crestone Peaks,
has long been considered sacred.
v v v v v
My doctor says that I'm not breathing right.
This, after nearly 540,000 hours of practice.
v v v v v
There I was, naked, trembling with anticipation,
hoping she would finally say the words I've
waited a lifetime to hear. Unfortunately,
"Step away from the vehicle with your hands
up!" wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
v v v v v
v v v v v
submitted by: BADVETTE87
A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled.
The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot.
"No way!! No needles!! I hate needles," the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up a laughing gas and the man
objects.
"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is
suffocating me!!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection', says the patient, 'I'm fine with pills".
The dentist then returns and says, "here's a Viagra tablet".
The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain
killer!"
"It doesn't," said the Dentist, "but it will give you something
to hold on to when I pull your tooth!!"
v v v v v
Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at
least one of them would have seen it.
v v v v v
SUPER ROAST BEEF SUBS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 (1-ounce) envelope onion soup mix
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1 cup water
1 cup chunky salsa
2 (16-ounce) Italian bread loaves
4 cups shredded lettuce
1 pound deli roast beef slices
2 tomatoes, seeded and diced
2 cups (8 ounces) shredded Colby-Monterey Jack cheese blend
DIRECTIONS:
Combine first 4 ingredients in a microwave-safe bowl.
Stir in 1 cup water; cover with plastic wrap, folding
back a corner to allow steam to escape. Microwave at
HIGH 4 to 5 minutes or until thickened, stirring once.
Stir in salsa. SLICE off top one-third of each bread loaf
lengthwise; hollow out bottoms of loaves, leaving 1-inch-
thick shells. Place 1 cup lettuce in bottom of each shell.
Layer each with half of roast beef, half of salsa mixture,
and remaining roast beef. Sprinkle with tomato and cheese;
spread with remaining salsa mixture, and sprinkle with
remaining lettuce. COVER with bread tops, and press down
lightly. If desired, wrap in plastic wrap and chill.
YIELD: 8-10 Servings
It’s that time of year again —- the
Fifth
Year medical residents are graduating,
going
out into the world, and getting real
jobs.
v v v v v
The Top 9 "Most Likely To" Entries in the
Residents' Year Book
9> ... be the defendant in a case of criminally negligent
sphygnomanometer use
8> ... absolutely insist on being addressed as "Doctor," even in
bed
7> ... wear booties all day, even on days there are no surgeries
6> ... forget to put pants back on after an encounter in the on-call room
5> ... use the "oral test" to determine thermometer type
4> ... be mistaken for Dr. McDreamy and bitchslapped
3> ... be first to turn Republican
2> ... appear on a ValuePak coupon shilling weight loss pills
and the Number 1
"Most Likely To"
Entry in the Residents' Year
Book...
1> ... be found in the morgue on her days off, "just looking
around"
v v v v v
Sugar Land man found
in contempt for altering prepaid devices ...
Houston Chronicle - United States
Muhammad "Mubi" Mubashir pleaded guilty to criminal contempt for his
continued participation in a scheme to alter cell phones
dedicated to a certain ...
Ecrio's Revolutionary
Cell Phone Applications Could Change How ...
Fast Company - USA
More than 30 million Japanese cell phones already include applications
he has designed –
applications, for instance, that let consumers swap cell-phone ...
Brooklyn Residents
Reminded to Recycle Old Cell Phones at Spring ...
Earthtimes (press release) - London,UK
To date, more than 11000 people have responded and recycled over 1100 pounds of
cell phones. –
Kept more than 200 tons of electronics waste and batteries ...
Elementary students to get cell phones
Wisconsin Dells Events - Wisconsin Dells,WI,USA
The committee discussed whether to prohibit students from bringing
cell phones to school after Spring Hill Elementary School Principal Carol Coughlin ...
Verve Develops a
Talent for Putting The News on Cell Phones
San Diego Business Journal - CA,USA
Verve makes software and services for putting news — not to mention advertising
—
on wireless phones. Roughly speaking, the company is a go-between. ...
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Little Sue came running in from school.
Mommy! Mommy! At show and tell, Bobby showed us something that is six inches long,
has two nuts, and can make me very fat!
Gasping, the Mom said,Sue! What on earth did he show you?
The girl replied,An Almond Joy!
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A scandal "news" website claims that
several homeowners are trying
to force
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
out of the
neighborhood. Pitt insists he
gets along
just fine with his neighbors;
it's the
paparazzi that
are the problem.
The Top 9 Hassles of Living Next Door to a
Famous Actor
9> Always dropping over to borrow a cup of heroin.
8> Bad scripts always wind up on my side of the fence.
7> Smelly fumes from the burning $20's in their fireplace.
6> Whenever their latest movie flops, housing prices go down.
5> Won't mow his lawn until he finds his motivation.
4> Annoying door-to-door plastic surgeons always knock at dinner time.
3> Not only won't apologize for boinking your wife, but asks for
another go since "I think I can do it better this
time."
2> Toddlers wandering into your back yard to forage for food
while mommy is out clubbing.
and the Number 1 Hassle
of Living
Next Door to a
Famous Actor...
1> Your 12-year-old daughter makes more at her babysitter job
than you do as a Department Manager.
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Those ads are just plain incorrect. Waking up and realizing
the
hooker forgot to take the $200 from the night stand when she left
is WAY better than Folgers in your cup.
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Venture Artic
(http://arcade.reflexive.com/downloadgame.aspx?AID=1012&CID=20542)
is an interactive ecosystem that you can control as you please.
Unlike other Tycoon Games, there are no people in Venture Arctic.
You won’t have to build hot dog stands, hire janitors, or balance your checkbook.
Build your ecosystem however you want to! There are 22 completely unique animals,
all with realistic behaviors. Harness the forces of sun, snow,
and wind to create balance in these fragile ecosystems of wolves, whales, and more!
Download free trial
Ad Blockers That Really Work
http://www.lockergnome.com/windows/2007/11/19/ad-blockers-that-really-work/)
If you’re tired of annoying popups, flash ads, and the rest, you’ll find these downloads
(as selected by our friends at PC World) useful. Check the reviews thoroughly,
however, as some are more effective at different tasks.
Adblock Plus
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,64454/description.html?tk=nl_lg
This is one of the most popular Firefox add-ons, and for good reason
Not happy with your ad-blocker? Try this one, a favorite of columnist Steve Bass.
Quero Toolbar
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,64453/description.html?tk=nl_lg
This navigation bar replacement blocks some advertisements and
gives you plenty of other useful options. _
Super Ad Blocker
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,46755/description.html?tk=nl_lg'
Tackles even the most annoying ads, including pop-ups, banners,
and the distracting fly-in and slide-in types.
Ad Annihilator
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,47184/description.html?tk=nl_lg
Blocks many pop-up ads, cookies, and other distractions, but it’s a geeky tool and
you’ll need spare time to configure it perfectly.
Sandy(http://www.lockergnome.com/windows/2007/11/19/sandy/)
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Politico.com reports that a number
of
members of Congress are
BlackBerry
addicts. “Sharing
a hallway with
(intense Curve user Sen. Ted)
Stevens
can be a hazardous
endeavor,” they
report, also calling Sen. Sam
Brownback
“a BlackBerry hound.” Here's
how to tell
if *your* solon has the
RIM jones!
The Top 8 Ways You Know Your Congressperson Is a BlackBerry Addict
8> When "intern" and "hot spot" are used in a sentence,
it could
actually be innocent.
7> Added thumb insurance to latest Congressional health-care package.
6> Still cannot see the "big picture", or anything larger than 2
inches by 2 inches square.
5> His office is filled with an extensive collection of jams and preserves.
4> When his battery dies mid-speech, so does the speech.
3> His signature line: "Sent during the State of the Union
address."
2> Her latest re-election flyer declares, "OMG, teh campaign
rhetoric of my opponentz is enuf to make you LOL! ;-)"
and the Number 1 Way
You Know Your
Congressperson Is a BlackBerry
Addict...
1> Now when his pants are vibrating, it could be one of *two* reasons.
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The Top 10 Worst Ways to Begin a "The Birds and the Bees" Talk
10> "It all starts when a guy feels the need to bust his nut..."
9> "Kids, I know you're somewhat confused about me sharing a bed with
'Uncle' Mike..."
8> "Sometimes guys have unquenchable urges, and that's what this Flesh
light's for."
7> "You're old enough now, son, to know all about where you came
from. Well, it was like this: First I came, then your
mother
came, then you came."
6> "Say, are you knocked up?"
5> "Remember that donkey show we saw in Mexico a few years back?
No? Then how about that miscarriage you had last
year?"
4> "First things first: Coed Beer Pong is a frat boy's best
friend."
3> "Son, we can delay this little talk for as long as you remain
president of the Chess Club."
2> "Remember, sweetie: No girl ever got pregnant through her
rectum."
and Topfive.com's Number
1 Worst Way
to Begin a "The Birds and the
Bees" Talk...
1> "When a man and a woman truly love each other, and her
parents are late picking her up from the 8th-grade
graduation dance..."
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Learn how to use a Windows Vista computer
http://windows.about.com/od/windowsforbeginners/ss/vista_interface.htm?nl=1
In order to get started using Windows Vista you need to learn how to
navigate your way around
you computer so you can find and open files and programs. This guide will get you started by
introducing you to key elements of the Windows Vista interface –
the desktop, Start menu, taskbar, and Sidebar.
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I'm certain not all of you have had to deal
with humiliation of being stranded on
date
night. So you might not be able to
relate.
But trust me, our contribs are experts at
it.
The Top 9 Worst Excuses for Standing
Up Your Date
9> "Indeed, my profile said I'd sleep with anything that moves,
and I bumped into a snail on the way to the restaurant."
8> "My husband came back a day early."
7> "It's so hard to make plans and stick to them because you
never know when the jury will come back with a verdict."
6> "I was having myself artificially inseminated "
5> "My dominatrix decreed that I'd had enough torture for one
day."
4> "I realized I could save money *and* be guaranteed sex by just
grabbing a chalupa and heading home with your picture taped to my
fist."
3> "I was evicted from my apartment! But I'm available this
Friday, if you're interested in doing it in my car."
2> "It took me ages to get your sister to stop seducing me. Of
course she won. How about tomorrow night?"
and the Number 1 Worst Excuses for Standing Up Your Date...
1> "I'm sorry I missed you, but my duties as a crime-fighting
super-hero mean that I can be called away at a moment's notice
at some of the most inconvenient times."
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Hooters Calender
Here!
Not Bothered
Here!
Wrong language
Here!
P M S Special
Here!
Gone but not forgotten
Here!
Leaving In A Hurry
Here
Plenty of room...
Here!
I've been GOOD!
Here!
Borrow a cup?
Here!
Asskissing 102?
Here!
A nice Ass...
Here!
Women Who Love Porn: An Asylum Investigation - Asylum | For All Mankind
In an effort to continue the work of Alfred Kinsey,
Asylum traveled to the Adult Entertainment
Expo to track down this rare breed and ask the tough,
important questions all men want the answers to:
What got you interested in porn? What kind of porn do you watch?
Do you have any suggestions on how a guy could get
his girlfriend into watching porn?
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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty,
expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services.
Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
v v v v v
Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the
making!
So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on rockin'
it's a state of
mind
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©1999 - 2008 - Deborah Austin - All
rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
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