Editor:
DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: DebsSweet
FINGERS CROSSED
Things seem to be better these days - although
there are so many problems
with Vista and AOL even though my copy of
AOL is "Vista Ready"
ummmmm nope - doesn't work well
I think I am going to buy an XP machine and see
how that works!
*sigh*
See the above? Can't get it to single space
- called AOL - they don't have
a clue. Sometimes it will single space but
not usually. Please bear with me until
I can get everything resolved. I miss the
good old days!
Be careful when surfing the Internet. I
have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there
and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break
my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send
an email
to me at aol and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's
time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be
a wild ride!
Many people are subconsciously compelled to marry their exact
psychological opposites, which is quite a fortunate scientific
phenomenon for us unemployed alcoholics.
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"Ho, Ho, Ho" chuckled Santa as he crept out of the young
Cheerleader's bedroom after leaving her presents. "Not true..." she
protested sleepily, "The football team are all bloody liars."
v v v v v
There is a certain Parisian man-about-town who owns a glorious
full length mink coat which he permits his dates to wear. One
day a friend asked if he allowed the girls to wear it when they
became cold. "Oh, no," the Lothario answered. "When they turn
cold,
I take it back."
v v v v v
Jay-Z - American Gangster Review
http://rap.about.com/od/previews/fr/AmericanGangsta.htm)
Jay-Z has been slinging heroin-laced rhymes since '96, so what makes
American Gangster, the musical companion piece to Ridley Scott's drug
tale of the same name, any different? More importantly, why is this album
such an epochal event to everyone, including the Jiggaman himself?
Britney Spears - Blackout
http://top40.about.com/od/albums/fr/britneyblackout.htm)
Despite all of the odds against it, Blackout amounts to a
logical extension of Britney Spears' musical career last visited on
2003's In the Zone. The new album, just like her last, is fueled by
electronic dance beats and bleeps. She has dropped much of the hip-hop
that didn't fit so well in the first place while upping the adult
sexuality quotient. Far from being an audio train wreck, this is a strong
dance-pop collection with some true pleasures
NPR: Music Home
http://www.npr.org/nprmusic/index.html
_NPR (National Public Radio) is an internationally acclaimed producer and
distributor of noncommercial news, talk, and entertainment programming. A privately
supported, not-for-profit membership organization, NPR serves a growing
audience of 26 million Americans each week in partnership with more than
860 independently operated, noncommercial public radio stations. Each NPR
Member Station serves local listeners with a distinctive combination of
national and local programming. With original online content and audio
streaming, NPR.org offers hourly newscasts, special features and ten
years of archived audio and information.
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These days
there's do-it-yourself products
for everything from buffing out
scratches
on your car to removing
unwanted hair
permanently. What are some at-home
products
we're not so interested
in seeing?
The Top 6 At-Home Products We Don't Want to See
6> Self-administered, eclipse-and-magnifying-glass-powered Lasik procedure
5> You Do Fugu: Japanese blowfish sashimi made easy at home
4> Do-it-yourself vasectomy kit
3> How to manufacture crystal meth in your own home with no money down!
2> Zero To Fluffer In 30 Days Or Less
and the Number 1 At-Home Product We Don't Want to See...
1> "Happy Birthday to Me" surprise party kit for hermits
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*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
My mother and I returned to my parents' house late one evening to find my
father, my college-age brother, Steven, and my ten-year-old sister
fast asleep.
Mom had forgotten her house keys, so we knocked loudly, first at the back
door and then the front and side doors. We yelled my father's name over and
over, with no answer. The car horn aroused the neighbors but no one at our
house. We drove into town and phoned home, finally waking Steven.
When we got back, he let us in. Dad was in bed, snoring, with the
television on. Mom quietly switched it off. Dad woke right up.
"Don't turn that off," he said. "I'm watching
it!"
v v v v v
*submitted by*
v v v v v
Every neighborhood has its own Casanova and Bill
was the one who always
got the most pussy on his block. When he smiled, he had pussy written
all over his face.
Unfortunately, lately his prowess had fallen off a bit.
Bill went to his doctor to complain about what was happening. The
doctor was in awe; he couldn't believe it.
"Bill," he said, "how could this happen?" Everyone in this
area knows
you as the King of Pussy you have an incredible reputation."
Bill continued to complain to the doctor and said, "What good is a
reputation if you can't make it stand up!"
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Why are American masturbators so patriotic?
When they yank their doodle, they feel dandy!
What do you get when you mix prune juice with holy water?
A religious movement!!!
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http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,65201/description.html?tk=nl_wbxdwn
It's a simple, straightforward piece of software that looks at the
security of your PC, reports on what it finds, and makes
recommendations.
Autoruns
To find out what programs are loading on your PC at startup, you can
run the Windows-resident system configuration utility called MSCONFIG.
But there's another free utility called Autoruns that does the job
better. MSCONFIG entries tend to be rather cryptic, for example, but
Autoruns includes a line of description for each entry in plain
English. Autoruns also lets you Hide Signed Microsoft Entries, which
allows you to quickly narrow your focus to third-party programs.
Disabling or deleting entries requires just one click (so you'll need
to be careful!). This function really saved my sanity when my system
was breached by a scrap of regenerative malware.
Leigh Anne Jones
Version: 8.61
Price: Free
Operating Systems: Windows NT, Windows 98, Windows 2000, Windows Me,
Windows XP, Windows Vista
Go to the download page now:
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,64989/description.html?tk=nl_ddxdwn
InfoStore
InfoStore is a data management utility for lists and notes that
combines the functions of a simple word processor with a database
program. It makes use of a tree-type directory structure that stays in
view (unless you tell it to go away), so you can modify it as you
work. This just feels right when you're trying to quickly sort lots of
pieces of information into categories.
Leigh Anne Jones
Version: 1.5.1
Price: Shareware; $19
Operating Systems: Windows 2000, Windows XP
Go to the download page now:
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,60605/description.html?tk=nl_ddxdwn
LogMeIn - Remote Access and Desktop Control Software for your PC_ (https://secure.logmein.com/home.asp?lang=en)
_https://secure.logmein.com/home.asp?lang=en_ (https://secure.logmein.com/home.asp?lang=en)
LogMeIn Free gives you the flexibility to access and control your PCs
from anywhere. It's safe, easy and completely free.
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Two businessmen in NY are sitting down for a break in their soon- to-
be open store...as yet, the store isn't ready...only a few shelves
are set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is
going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we are
selling."
No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
curious feller from Georgia walks to the window, has a peek, and in
a Southern drawl asks, "What're y'all sellin' in there?"
One of the men replies, "Oh! We're selling ass holes."
Without skipping a beat, the rebel says, "Well, I see y'all're
doing really good, you only got two left."
And the Northerners think we are slower in the south
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LOADED ORIENTAL CHICKEN SALAD
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
(Oriental Dressing)
3 tablespoons honey
1 1/2 tablespoons rice winevinegar
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1 teaspoon Grey Poupon Dijon mustard
1/8 teaspoon sesame oil
(Salad)
1 egg
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup corn flake crumbs
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 boneless, skinless chicken breast half
1 cup vegetable oil (for frying)
1/4 cup chopped romaine lettuce
1/4 cup red cabbage
1/4 cup green cabbage
1/2 carrot, julienned or shredded
1 green onion, chopped
1 tablespoon sliced almonds
1/3 cup chow mein noodles
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oil in deep fryer or deep pan over medium heat
<apx 350 degrees>. Blend together all ingredients for
dressing in a small bowl with an electric mixer, then
refrigerate. In a small, shallow bowl beat egg, add milk,
and mix well. In another bowl, combine flour with corn
flake crumbs, salt and pepper. Cut chicken breast into 4
or 5 long strips. Dip each strip of chicken first into
egg mixture then into the flour mixture, coating each
piece completely. Fry each chicken finger for 5 minutes
or until coating has darkened to brown. Prepare salad by
tossing the chopped romaine with the chopped cabbage and
carrots. Sprinkle sliced green onion on top of the lettuce.
Sprinkle almonds over the salad, then the chow mein noodles.
Cut the chicken into small bite-size chunks. Place the
chicken onto the salad forming a pile in the middle.
Serve with salad dressing on the side.
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*submitted by*
A Thanks To My Friends - A free friendship ecard from Dobhran's Greetings!http://www.dobhran.com/greetings/GRfriend41.htm
Make the most of special friendships with our tips for
great get-togethers, strengthening bonds, and showing appreciation for
these precious people in our lives
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Astrological After-sex
Comments
Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
Taurus: "I'm hungry pass the pizza."
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
Sagittarius: "Don't call me I'll call you."
Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"
Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"
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Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices something unusual.
He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"
The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I
tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a
red man came oozing out. He said that he was the Genie and
he can grant me a wish. And I said, "C'mon, no shit."
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Forwarding YouTube Videos
Q: A few readers have complained that they watched a YouTube video in one
of my blogs and wanted to send the YouTube link to a friend--but couldn't
figure out how to do it.
A: Click on the YouTube logo on the lower right corner of any video and
it'll bring you to the site. Then grab the link from your browser's
address field.
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This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this
friend, "You know, Benny's a a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How
so?"
"His hair line is in recession, his stomach is a victim
of inflation, and both of these together are putting him
into a deep depression."
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Then there was the Eskimo girl who spent the night with her
boyfriend and the next morning found she was six months
pregnant.
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Does a replacement battery have to be the same... — Yahoo! Autos_ http://autos.yahoo.com/maintain/repairqa/battery_electrical/ques030_3.html
No. If your old battery has reached the end of the road and needs to be
replaced, or if you think you need a battery with a bigger amp capacity
for easier cold weather starting or to handle added electrical
accessories (such as a killer stereo system, driving lights, etc.), then
there’s no reason why you have to install a battery that’s the same size
as your old one.
The word "size" may be a bit confusing here because what we’re really
talking about is the battery’s amp or power rating, not the physical
dimensions of its case.
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"Are you male or female?"
1. Aside from getting sterilized, your birth control options are:
a. one
b. almost a dozen
2. When parking your car in a public garage you:
a. toss your keys jauntily to the attendant
b. hand your keys over politely
3. You haven't shaved in 4 days. The resulting stubble can be
construed as:
a. sexy
b. gross
4. At the doctor's, a common request would be:
a. "Cough."
b. "Would you like to scoot down just a little more dear?"
5. As a sporty person, you need athletic support with:
a. one cup
b. two cups
6. When you're feeling insecure, what you say to your best
friend is:
a. nothing
b. "Do I look fat?"
7. You've slept with several hundred people, one term used to
describe you would be:
a. sports legend
b. tramp
8. The age it hits home that junk food will devastate your body is:
a. 35
b. 14
9. When you hear the words "hand wash," the first thing that
comes
to your mind is:
a. your car
b. panty hose
10. It`s the seventh game of the playoffs, bottom of the ninth,
score tied. Bases are loaded with 2 outs. The man at bat has a
.311 average against southpaws and the pitcher is a lefty. Your
mate turns to you and says, "Do you want a back rub?" You
are:
a. too busy screaming at the TV to even hear the question
b. daydreaming
11. Your idea of basic pump is:
a. an athletic shoe made by Nike
b. a heeled shoe made by Fayva
12. Multiple Orgasms are something you:
a. give
b. get
SCORING
a = 1 point b = 2 points
0-12 Congratulations, you are a male. This means you have a greater
lean-muscle-to-fat ratio, earn most of the money, and a select few
of your gender can look forward to being president someday.
13-24 Congratulations, you are a female. This means you will live
longer, have your choice of wearing either pants or a skirt in
polite company, and no woman will ever be president.
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
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The Top 9 Signs Your Hotel Is Full of Psychiatrists
9> "Would you like toast or a biscuit with your omelet?"
"What do
you feel like serving me?" x 27 breakfast orders = a waiter
who could really use a couple of Prozac.
8> In the cocktail lounge: 6 guys hitting on women and 40 guys
watching and scribbling notes.
7> For as often as "penis envy" comes up, it's either
psychiatrists or a spammer's convention.
6> Bowls of complimentary mints in the lobby replaced with bowls
of Zoloft and Paxil.
5> Gideon Bibles? Out. Copies of the DSM-IV-TR? In!
4> The hotel lounge is hosting some sort of event called "Shrine
Rap."
3> Hallway fights break out between the "Freuds" and the
"Jungs."
2> Signs on the room door handles read: "Enter if Disturbed."
and the Number 1 Sign Your Hotel Is Full of Psychiatrists...
1> It's a twelve-story building, but the elevators only go to 11.
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Rookie Sailors, Here's the Drill - washingtonpost.com
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/05/AR2007100500906.html?wpisrc=newsletter&wpisrc=newsletter
This year, cruise analysts expect more than 12 million travelers --
10 million from North America alone -- to step up the gangplank and board
a ship. Many are first-time cruisers who have no idea what to expect
other than midnight buffets and sunbathing around the pools.
Before you book your first cruise, educate yourself about the quirks and perks
of cruising.
CONVERTING CURRENCY
http://www.xe.com/
180 currencies from 250 places, updated every minute. The conversion
application is easy to locate (unlike that of close competitor Oanda), and
you can bookmark go-to conversions. Caveat: Animations and flashing ads
create a bit of sensory overload.
FINDING RELIABLE WEATHER FORECASTS
http://www.weather.com/
A notch above AccuWeather and Weather Underground, 11-year-old Weather
does the best job of delivering the essentials clearly. Get current
conditions for 98,000 destinations worldwide, updated every 20 minutes.
v v v v v
After
discussing the "food chain" with my fifth grade class, I
told them their weekend homework was to write a sentence showing
they understood the meaning of the term. On Monday morning, one
student handed this in: "Burger King is my favorite food chain."
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I
noticed a deaf couple in the library talking to each other,
evidently in a heated argument. The wife was getting more
upset, using large signs, her husband could see that she was
upset. Finally, he took both her hands in his, and signed, "Honey,
you don't have to yell, I am not blind!"
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Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml
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My friend on the Florida coast can't figure out how anyone can
live in the Midwest with its heavy storms, huge tornadoes and
amazing floods. I guess he must prefer getting all three at once
and then being able to glorify it with a name.
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"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are
unable to understand the lawnmower, snow blower or vacuum cleaner."
Ben Bergor
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WHILE I WAS a clerk in a store, a regular customer came to my
counter and started writing a check for her purchases. "This is the
last check you'll see of mine with the name Olsen," she announced
happily. "My new checks will have the name Harrington."
"My congratulations to the lucky man!"
I replied. In a less cheerful voice, she said, "Harrington is my
maiden name. I'm getting a divorce."
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*submitted by*
BillieJo50
v v v v v
Laws of Life
Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick
up five items at the store and then you add one more as an
afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are
to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard
will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden
when stale.
The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way
home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go
unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in
the parking lot.
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HONEY MUSTARD CHICKEN PIE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 - 9 inch double crust
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breast
1/4 cup soy sauce
oil for cooking
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
1 clove garlic, minced
1 cup chicken broth
1 cup carrots, cut into matchsticks
4-6 tablespoons honey
1 heaping tablespoon prepared Dijon mustard
parsley
salt
ground black pepper
1 - 2 tablespoons cornstarch
water
DIRECTIONS:
Cut chicken into bite-size chunks, and marinate in soy sauce.
Pour enough oil in saucepan to coat the bottom of the pan.
Saute onion and garlic over medium-high heat until onion in
soft but not brown. Add chicken pieces, and saute until
chicken is cooked through. Stir in chicken broth, carrots,
honey, mustard, parsley, salt and pepper. Mix cornstarch with
a few tablespoons of water to make a paste. Bring chicken
mixture to a boil, and stir in cornstarch mixture. Cook,
stirring constantly, until thick. Mixture should get pretty
thick: add more cornstarch mixture if necessary. Pour chicken
mixture into pie shell. Top with crust, cutting small slits
in top to let steam escape. Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes.
Reduce heat to 350 degrees Bake 30 minutes more, or until crust
is golden brown.
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cell phones for emergencies
Friday Flyer - Canyon Lake,CA,USA
In case of an accident, paramedics often turn to a victim's cellphone for clues
to that person's identity. Canyon Lakers can make their job much easier ...
AT&T Adds Pandora Music
Service To Some Cell
Phones
InformationWeek - Manhasset,NY,USA
The service lets AT&T subscribers find music and create personalized radio
stations on their cell phones. By Elena Malykhina AT&T onThursday announced
that ...
Hughs: Americans have become
inseparable from cell
phones
Knoxville News Sentinel - Knoxville,TN,USA
Anybody knows it's cheaper and more convenient to make long-distance calls on
cell phones, if you stay within your plan, then why have a second phone
bill....
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Mary: I went shopping for bras this weekend. How depressing! I
wanted one with good support.
Jill: Have you tried under wire?
Mary: Yes, Ma'am! Unfortunately, I have graduated to steel girders!
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The Top 16 Songs About Cannibalism
(Part
I)
16> Bootydelicious
15> Fryin' Eyes
14> Bake Up Little Suzy
13> Your Heart Will Go On (My Deep Dish Pizza)
12> Me and Bobby McNugget
11> Peggy Sue Got Curried
10> To Gnaw Her Is to Love Her
9> Sk8er Boiled
8> Cinnabon Girl
7> Footjuice
6> I Will Swallow Him
5> Let's Blend Your Wife Together
4> Mama He's Gravy
3> You Ain't Nothin but a Corndog
2> You're So Veiny
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Song About Cannibalism...
1> Killing Me Softly With His Tongs
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Kewlbox - Extraction Reaction - free online and downloadable games_ http://www.kewlbox.com/games/gameDetail.aspx?gameID=270&utm_campaign=kewlbox_2008-01_newsletter&utm_medium=kewlbox_weekly_newsletter&utm_source=email_newsletter&utm_content=en_
Test your hand-eye coordination in this game of surgical precision.
Maneuver the mystery marble through the body with a pair of forceps, but
watch out for any vital organs or walls! You only get three chances to
extract the marble safely, before it’s game over for you and the
patient.
Play Games Free Online at AOL Games
http://games.aol.com/_ (http://games.aol.com/
A lot of real good games here - free!
MSN Games - Free Online Games
http://zone.msn.com/en/root/default.htm
As with AOL games, fun and free!
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Mary: I knew right away he was a loser.
Jill: How did you know so fast?
Mary: He said he could give me "multiple organisms."
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What do you call a woman who can't stop buying romance novels?
A heroine addict.
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A scientist named Walter invented a shrinking ray. He tried it
on himself, and it worked. Unfortunately he couldn't reverse the
process, and he was stuck being the size of a normal man's thumb.
He had a loyal lab assistant who worked with him, though, so
his diminutive size didn't affect Walter's work too much. Still,
after a while, Walter began to long for female companionship.
His lab assistant thought up a highly unethical plan. He planned to
get a couple of ladies of the night, shrink them down to Walter's
size, and keep them shrunk until they could figure out a way to
reverse the process.
The lab assistant went to Times Square and tried to get the young
ladies, but it was trickier than it seemed. They were reluctant
to travel all the way to the lab, but the lab assistant offered
to double their usual rate, so they finally agreed.
As soon as they stepped into the lab, the assistant turned on the
shrinking ray. There was a flash of light and a puff of smoke,
and when the air had cleared --- the prostitutes were exactly the
same size as they were before.
"What's the big idea? Eek!" One of the prostitutes saw Walter
scurrying across the floor and squashed him flat with her
shoe. Walter was dead, and the experiment was ruined.
This was all because the lab assistant forgot what everyone already
knows: You can lead the whores to Walter, but you can't make
'em shrink.
Stan Kegel
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Figuring Out Windows Files and Folders
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-3448.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
A file is a fundamental chunk of stuff. Like most fundamental
chunks of stuff (say, protons or congressional districts), any
attempt at a definitive definition gets in the way of
understanding the thing itself. Suffice it to say that a Word
document is a file. More
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A helicopter lost power while flying over a remote Scottish island
and was forced to make an emergency landing.
Luckily there was a small cottage nearby.
The pilot walked over to it and knocked on the door.
"Is there a mechanic in the area?" he asked the woman who answered
the door.
She scratched her head and thought for a few seconds.
"No," she finally said, pointing down the road, "but we do have
a McArdle and a McKay."
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The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married
twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a
tear. "Never had an argument in all those years."
"Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?"
"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."
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My divorce settlement became a whole lot scarier
once
I realized that decimal point was just a poppyseed.
(Brad Simanek)
With laser-like
precision, ignoring all distractions,
I applied Occam's Razor to the question facing me,
only to realize sadly at the end that the Martians
had been feeding me inaccurate data all
along.
(Wm. N. Fordes)
Word to the wise:
"Spit-roasting" apparently
has nothing to do with saliva. At
least that
was the consensus among the guests at my barbecue.
(Steve Biddle)
Mars may be closer than
it's ever been, but my
hash pipe is closer still, so the hell with Mars.
(Chris MacEachen)
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Two mothers are having a conversation about their children."How
do you get your Pauly up so early on school mornings?" asks one
of them.
"Oh, that's easy," replies the other. "I just throw the cat on
his bed."
"Why does that wake him up?"
"He sleeps with the dog."
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A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her
first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher,
"Paul has to go to the principal's office."
"I wonder why," the teacher mused.
"Because he's a following person," Alice replied.
"A what?" the teacher asked.
"It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go
to the office.'"
v
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Zipping and Compressing in Windows Vista
[ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-4685.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
]
File compression reduces the size of a file by cleverly taking
out parts of the contents of the file that aren't needed, storing
only the minimum amount of information necessary to reconstitute
the file — extract it — into its full, original form.
Windows Vista supports two very different kinds of file
compression. More
Hide system tray icons
http://windows.about.com/b/2007/11/06/hide-system-tray-icons.htm
The system tray is a small area of the Windows
taskbar that holds the clock and icons of programs. Some of the icons in
the system tray are for really useful applications, like the volume
control, network activity, and battery monitor. However, some of the icons
are less useful, and you can _hide system tray icons you don't need.
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Attorney What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.
v v
v v v
While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand,
which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was
just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on
by and went a couple of miles on down the road.
All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the
fortune teller. As he got closer to the still-laughing fortune
teller, he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman,
jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.
A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man
tothe ground. After cuffing the man, he stood him up and asked him,
"What do you think you're doing?" After a moment's
contemplation,
the man replied, "Well, I've always wanted to strike a happy
medium." -- Stan Kegel
v v v v v
COMPOST - The Helpful Gardener_ (http://www.helpfulgardener.com/tips/03/compost.html)
_http://www.helpfulgardener.com/tips/03/compost.html_
(http://www.helpfulgardener.com/tips/03/compost.html)
The Mother of All Composting Articles!
Compost
Starting your own compost bin will not only provide beneficial results for
your garden, but it is also good for the environment. Composting breaks
down waste materials from your garden and kitchen into a nutrient-rich, dark,
soil-like matter that can be used to amend your soil. Rather than discarding
garden and kitchen refuse in the trash and adding to your local landfill,
composting will provide you with rich “black gold” to use in your garden
and will save you the cost of purchasing materials to amend your soil. Compost
is full of nutrients and therefore makes a great fertilizer for your garden. It
also makes a great mulch.
v v
v v v
A young blonde, having just returned from a great week-long vacation
in South America, walked into the local bank and asked about
exchanging currency. The teller said he would try to help her.
After she plopped a huge wad of bills onto the counter the teller
then counted it, made a phone call, and returned to count out $27.18.
The wide-eyed woman gasped. "You mean to tell me that's all I
get for that mountain of bills?"
"I'm afraid so Miss," replied the teller, "that's the current
rate of
exchange according to our foreign exchange section."
"Good Grief!" she hissed, "and I gave that cheap skunk
breakfast,too!"
v v
v v v
If Stephen King really is such a master of terror, he should
divulge something about Osama bin Laden's whereabouts.
v v
v v v
v v v v v
*submitted by*
WaltWiso
Hillary Clinton called Bill into her office one day and said, 'Bill, I have
a =great idea. I know how we can win back middle America and secure my
presidential victory in 2008'.
'Great, but how do you propose we go about that?', asked Bill.
'Well', Hillary responds, 'We'll go down to a local Wal-Mart, get some
cheezy clothes and shoes like most middle Americans wear, and then we'll
stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador . When we look the part we'll go
to a nice old country bar in middle America , and we'll show them that we
really enjoy the countryside and show admiration
and respect for the hard working people living there.'
A few days later, all decked out and with the requisite Labrador at heel,
they set off from New York in a westerly direction. Eventually they
arrived at just the place they were looking for. With dog in tow they
walk into the bar. They step up to the bar and the bartender takes a step
back and says,
'Aren't you Bill and Hillary Clinton?'
Hillary answers, 'Yes we are, and what a lovely town you have here. We
were just passing through and Bill suggested that we stop and take in
some local color.'
They then order a couple of cocktails from the bartender and proceed to
drink them down, all the while chatting up a storm with anyone who
would listen.
All of a sudden, the bar room door opens and a grizzled old farmer comes
in. He walks up to the Labrador , lifts its tail and looks underneath,
shrugs his shoulders and walks out the door.
A few moments later, in came another old farmer. He walks up to the dog,
lifts its tail, looks underneath, scratches his head, and then leaves
the bar.
Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five farmers came
in, lifted the dog's tail, and went away looking puzzled.
Eventually Hillary and Bill could stand it no longer and called the bartender over
''Tell me', said Hillary, 'Why did all those old farmers come in and
look under the dog's tail like that? Is it some sort of old custom?'
'Good Lord no', said the bartender, 'Its just that someone has told them
that there was a Labrador in here with two assholes!'
v v v v v
LEMON ZUCCHINI-SQUASH SAUTE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 med. zucchini, 1 pound cut lengthwise into quarters,
then into 1 1/2 inch pieces-about 2 cups
2 yellow squash, 1 pound cut diagonally into 1/4 in slices
2 cups 1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
DIRECTIONS:
In large nonstick skillet heat oil over medium-high heat. Add
next 6 ingredients and cook about 6 minutes or until tender,
stirring occasionally. Stir in juice and zest, remove from
heat.
YIELD: 6 servings
v v v v v
Winterizing Your Beagle
Winterizing Your Beagle
[ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-4478.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
]
Keeping your Beagle happy, healthy, and comfortable in all
seasons isn't hard to do. The Snoopy-dog is a hardy soul, and a
few adjustments are all that's needed to keep her in tip-top
condition all year round, especially during the winter. More
[ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-4478.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
]
See more from Pets [ http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/Section/id-100029.html?cid=SeeAll
]
v v
v v v
A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son
was attending. "I'm worried. I don't know who my son can
hang out with. He doesn't have the kind of money all the other
students have."
The dean replied, "He can hang out with the faculty."
v v v v v
One of my friends at work was talking to her five year old grandson,
who lives in AZ.
The grandson was telling his grandmother about his friend who had
a lizard for a pet. He continued on telling her that the lizard was dying.
When she asked how he knew it was dying he told her it was really sick.
She then asked what the lizard was sick with. The little boy
thought a moment and said, "I think it has a reptile dysfunction,
like they talk about on TV!"
v v v v v
*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
Adjusting The Thermostat:
When adjusting the thermostat by hand, remember that the
house will not warm up or cool down any faster if you
crank up the thermostat past the desired temperature.
Besides, it is easy to forget to turn it back down, which
will waste energy dollars.
HINT 1
Using hair spray on the heels and toes of sandal foot
panties will help them last longer.
HINT 2
Keep onions in old clean pantyhose or nylons. This
will keep the onion skins from getting in your
vegetable bins or fridge drawer.
v v
v v v
Top Ten Signs You Have a
Bad Job
10. Some people share an office; you share a chair
9. Each day have to find new way of saying, "29% is a wonderful
approval rating, Mr. President"
8. You're in charge of licking Chinese toys to check for lead paint
7. The name on your uniform is "Devil Rays"
6. At least once a day, you get kicked in the nuts by a goat
5. You get paid in gum
4. You're Michael Vick's dog walker -- man this Michael Vick story
is getting stranger and stranger
3. Question you're most often asked: "You still work here?"
2. Office policy states you must wear a tie...but no pants
1. Your boss insists on keeping his theater unbearably cold
v v
v v v
"It's warm here in New York City. It's so warm out that even Al
Gore said, 'To hell with the glaciers.'"
David Letterman
v v v v v
Secondhand Smoke May Raise Diabetes Precursor Riskhttp://www.lifescript.com/channels/healthy_living/Health_Conditions/secondhand_smoke_may_raise_diabetes_precursor_risk.asp?utm_campaign=2007-11-03&utm_source=living-with-diabetes&utm_medium=email&utm_content=tip-of-day_secondhand-smoke-may-raise-di&VID=3068&FromNL=1
Long term effects of second hand smoke
http://www.lifescript.com/channels/healthy_living/Health_Conditions/secondhand_smoke_may_raise_diabetes_precursor_risk.asp?utm_campaign=2007-11-03&utm_source=living-with-diabetes&utm_medium=email&utm_content=tip-of-day_secondhand-smoke-may-raise#)
may raise a person's risk of developing glucose intolerance http://www.lifescript.com/channels/healthy_living/Health_Conditions/secondhand
smoke_may_raise_diabetes_precursor_risk.asp?utm_campaign=2007-11-03&utm_source=living-with-diabetes&utm_medium=email&utm_content=tip-of-day_secondhand-smoke-may-raise#)
, one surprising study suggested. Conducted by researchers at Birmingham
V.A. Medical Center, the study was published in the British Medical
Journal. According to researchers, people who are exposed to secondhand
smoke on a regular basis experience a 17% higher risk of glucose intolerance
than those who receive little or no secondhand smoke exposure. Meanwhile,
smokers' risk of glucose intolerance is even more elevated at 20%. Glucose
intolerance is a known precursor to the development of type 2 diabetes. Its
symptoms include elevated blood sugar levels, as sufferers produce too
little insulin to stabilize blood sugar effectively.
Drug Dosages Often Incorrect For Obese Patients ~ Tech News http://www.lockergnome.com/news/2007/11/16/drug-dosages-often-incorrect-for-obese-patients/
As if severely overweight people (http://www.lockergnome.com/news/2007/11/16/drug-dosages-often-incorrect-for-obese-patients/#) didn’t
already have enough health concerns, experts are raising another red flag
— the possibility that some of their prescription medications,
especially antibiotics, may not be prescribed at the appropriate dosage
and could be ineffective.
Because most adult antibiotics are produced in a "one size fits all"
dosage and some doctors are not attuned to this issue, the societal trend
towards severe obesity is resulting in more individuals who get
inappropriate drug therapies (http://www.lockergnome.com/news/2007/11/16/drug-dosages-often-incorrect-for-obese-patients/#)
for infectious disease, a new study in the journal Pharmacotherapy(http://www.pharmacotherapy.org/) suggests.
http://www.medtropolis.com/vbody.asp
At The Virtual Body, you, too, can explore the body. The site has four
sections: brain, skeleton, heart and digestive tract.
There are tours, videos and interactive games. For example, you can see what
each area of the brain controls. Or, place organs in their proper place.
This is a great place for children to learn anatomy. Of course, most of us
could also use a refresher! I just wish the illustrations
were larger. Very cool !!
v v v v v
"It's said that World Cup soccer fans in Germany are drink- ing
17 pints of beer per day. Apparently after 17 beers soccer finally
becomes interesting."
Conan O'Brien
v v v v v
Jayson, a young man whose lights were flashing while the train
wasn't coming, decided the young thing he had been dating
the past seven months was the one he wanted to be part of his
life. He approached her one night, and said, "Carol, will ya
marry me?" Carol, who had seen the lovely engagement ring her
sister received, said, "Jayson, it depends. Willya give me
a ring?" Jayson said, "Wha' shore thing." She said,
"OK. In
that case, YES!!" After they sat up until 1:30 AM watching
television, and doing other things , Jayson went home. He got
there at 2:15 AM. Suddenly, the phone started ringing at Carol's
house!!! "Hello?" she answered. It was JAYSON! "Hello,
Carol.
You said you'd marry me if I gave you a ring! Well, here it is!!"
v v v v v
The Top 6 Ways to Make a
Supermodel Cry
6> Tell her that all the rock stars are taken.
5> Tell her that she's doing the JCPenney catalog.
4> Replace her designer bottled water with generic bottled water.
3> Secretly replace her Syrup of Ipecac with Folger's Crystals.
2> Tell her she's aging well.
and the Number 1 Way to Make a Supermodel Cry...
1> "The good news is that Tyra Banks called for you! The bad news
is that she said you're the next contestant on 'America's
Biggest Loser'."
v v v v v
I knew this was going to be a great day when
I farted in bed this morning and my wife
rolled over and pushed the snooze button.
(Scott E. Frank)
If masturbation is the act that's going
to send me to Hell, then it really doesn't
matter how many kittens I drown, now does it?
(Chucky D.)
While the saying "Two heads are better
than one" is true, it is grammatically
incorrect. The correct way would be: "Getting
head twice is better than getting head once"
(John "Schmitty" Schmidt)
My wife promised me a Hummer if I completed
a list of yard chores, then she "rewarded" me
with a blowjob instead. Now how the hell am I
supposed to look cool driving around in *that*?
(Mark D. Sabien)
v v v v v
New Rules To Clean Up
NYC
Fake Rolex salesmen must offer fake warranty information.
New rule for cabbies: driving naps should not exceed 12 minutes.
Only 7 Starbucks per block are allowed.
Get the rats out of subway and putting them back in the restaurants
where they belong.
Change meaning of middle finger gesture to: "lookin' good,
neighbor."
Shine Bat Signal into night sky; when Batman shows up, hand him
a broom and a pooper scooper.
All drive-by gunmen must carpool. (Wait, isn't this one for LA?)
If Yankees win the World Series again, they can clean up the ticker
tape themselves.
Forming task force to get Clinton to move to New Jersey.
Selling sex on street corners after 2 AM is now prohibited.
Women's Rights Groups have won a court action to rename the famous
street "Broadway" to "His and Her Way."
Grant's Tomb only had 22 visitors last year, so the city has
licensed it to a Kosher Sushi Bar franchise.
v v v v v
SHREDDED BEEF SANDWICHES
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 (2 1/2 to 3 1/2 lbs.) lean chuck roast
1 large onion, quartered and thinly sliced
1 envelope onion soup mix
2 or 3 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
1 (10 1/2 oz.) can of tomato soup
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp. lemon juice
1 tbsp. dijon mustard
1/4 teaspoon hot ground pepper mix
1/2 teaspoon celery seed
salt to taste
DIRECTIONS:
Trim fat from beef and cut into 4 or 5 large chunks to fit
in crockpot. Combine remaining ingredients and pour over beef.
Cook in a crock pot for 8 to 10 (4 to 5 on high) hours on low.
Pour juice into a small saucepan and simmer on the stovetop
for 15 to 20 minutes to reduce and thicken. In the meantime
shred beef with 2 forks or potato masher. Return thickened
sauce to the beef in the crockpot. Keep warm and serve with
buns and coleslaw.
Yield: 6-8 Servings
v v v v v
The Book of SPAM® presents Toastvertising_ (http://toastvertising.com/site/home.html)
_http://toastvertising.com/site/home.html_
(http://toastvertising.com/site/home.html)
New Page 0_ (http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011153.htm)
_http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011153.htm_
(http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011153.htm)
This is really clever!
New Page 0_ (http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011154.htm)
_http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011154.htm_
(http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011154.htm)
Oh nooo! LOL
v v v v v
The Top 9 Things You Don't Want to
Hear
While
Shooting a Bedroom Scene
9> "If you do this take right, you just might leapfrog to Thetan
Level 12, Babe."
8> "Pull my finger."
7> "Look, a little foundation and those sores will never show."
6> "Your mother is Goldie Hawn? I shagged her once many many
years ago. How old are you again?"
5> "Hey, your liver spots look just like Orion."
4> "Wow. Your lovemaking technique reminds me of Milton Berle's."
3> "Pockets? But I'm not wearing any pants."
2> "Gee, your landing strip smells terrific!"
and the
Number 1 Thing You
Don't Want to Hear While
Shooting a
Bedroom Scene...
1> "Dr. Phil will be out in a moment -- he's just getting
oiled up."
v v v v v
Womens Sexual Health: Sexuality In Midlife And Beyond - AOL Body_ (http://body.aol.com/learn-about-it/womens-sexual-health/sexuality-in-midlife-and-beyond?cc=70)
_http://body.aol.com/learn-about-it/womens-sexual-health/sexuality-in-midlife-and-beyond?cc=70_
(http://body.aol.com/learn-about-it/womens-sexual-health/sexuality-in-midlife-and-beyond?cc=70)
Sex. The word can evoke a kaleidoscope of emotions. From love,
excitement, and tenderness to longing, anxiety, and disappointment -- the
reactions are as varied as sexual experiences themselves. What's more,
many people will encounter all these emotions and many others in the course of
a sex life spanning several decades.
Womens Sexual Health: Emotional And Social Issues - AOL Body_ (http://body.aol.com/learn-about-it/womens-sexual-health/emotional-and-social-issues?cc=70)
_http://body.aol.com/learn-about-it/womens-sexual-health/emotional-and-social-issues?cc=70_
(http://body.aol.com/learn-about-it/womens-sexual-health/emotional-and-social-issues?cc=70)
The brain is the body's most important sex organ." This oft-repeated
phrase bears more than a little truth. While the initial prerequisites for
sexual activity are physiological -- functional sex organs, adequate
hormone levels, and freedom from health conditions that interfere with the
body's ability to respond to erotic cues -- these elements don't guarantee
sexual satisfaction. A number of other factors, combined with naturally
occurring physical changes, can make you more vulnerable to sexual problems.
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
A woman goes to her doctor for a check-up. Later, when
her husband comes home he finds his wife naked looking
down at a large mirror on the floor between her feet.
He askes her, "Honey, what are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today for a check-up
and he told me I had the hugest vagina he'd ever seen.
The husband then says, "Don't you give it a second
thought sweety. And by the way, be careful you don't
step in that hole."
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
v v v v v
The Top 16 Movies About
Online Dating
16> My Big Fat Geek Dreading
15> Pretending to Be John Malkovich
14> The Wooed, the Mad and the Ugly
13> Get Shorty, Despite His Claims That He's a 6'3" Underwear Model
12> Surfing Miss Susie
11> The Year of Living Disingenuously
10> IM Sam
9> Lars and the Real Easy Girl With Low Self-Esteem
8> When Homely Met Pervy
7> There's Something About Mary274@loverfinder.com
6> Lie Hard
5> Don't Tell Mom My Necrophilia.Com Date Is Dead
4> Dude, Where's My Kidney?
3> Eileen vs. Predator
2> Hannah and Her Blisters
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Movie About Online Dating...
1> You've Got Shemale!
v v v v v
She realized that the ups and downs of the stock market had become
too big a part of their life one night as her husband and her
prepared for bed.
As they slid beneath the covers, she snuggled up to him and told
him she loved him.
Drifting off to sleep, he drowsily whispered back, "Your dividend
growth fund went up three days this week."
v v v v v
A
Goodnight Kiss
Champagne Flute
4 oz Champagne
1 splash Campari® bitters
1 sugar cube
1 drop Angostura® bitters
Place a drop of angostura bitters on a sugar cube and
drop into a champagne flute.
Add champagne and splash of campari.
42
Flying Mules
1 oz 42
Below® vodka
1 oz sake rice wine
1 dash lemon juice
4 oz ginger beer
1/2 lime
1 sliced cayenne pepper
Slice the half lime into 4 seperate wedges. Muddle the
wedges and chili with a dash of lemon
juice, and transfer
to a cocktail shaker half-filled with
ice cubes. Add the vodka
and sake, and shake well. Pour the contents,
including ice,
into a highball glass. Top with ginger beer, to
taste, and serve.
v v v v v
A man goes to the doctor's office one day. The nurse, quite
attractive, says, "The doctor is over at the hospital right now.
He won't be back for about an hour. Could you tell me your
symptoms, please?"
He tells her. She looks at him appraisingly and decides he's
just tense. She offers, "Well, um, for $50, I've got just the
thing for you!" He agrees, and she takes him into an examining
room and screws the daylights out of him.
About a week later, he returns, only to find that the doctor is
there. The doctor listens to the man's symptoms, examines him,
and decides the man is just tense. He writes out a prescription
for a sedative and says, "That'll be $150 for this visit."
The man replies, "If it's all the same to you, doctor, I'd rather
have the $50 cure!" -- Stan Kegel
v v v v v
*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
Africam | Always Live Always Wild
http://www.africam.com/wildlife/index.php
Welcome to our fascinating world of wildlife and places. Please read on
and find out how Africam brings this unique experience to you!
Each of our cams have a unique history and infrastructure to support it. This
requires the commitment of many people and organisations that include the
nature reserves, conservation bodies, game parks and dedicated people
whose passion it is to share their love of wildlife.
Below, you will find specific information about each camera: location and
subject; type of cam, the best time to view, information about the
subject and some special images taken from each cam
Credit Cards and Credit Card Rates in the United States-- Free search for the
best credit card rateshttp://www.bankrate.com/brm/rate/brm_ccsearch_advanced.asp
At Bankrate, you can find cards that offer
frequent flier miles. Or maybe you’re looking for cash back rewards. And,
of course, you want to find a low interest rate.
So head over to Bankrate and begin your search. This could be your first
step to taking control of your financial situation!
http://www.5min.com/
The idea behind 5min is very simple: any solution can be
visually explained in no more than 5 minutes. Our goal is to create the
first communal Life Videopedia allowing users from all over the globe to
contribute their knowledge by sharing visual guides in areas such as
arts, business , fashion, sports, health , tech, food, and much more.
5min's basic philosophy is that everybody is an expert in something and has
something to teach others, so why not share that knowledge for the better
of the whole? That's why we created a place to gather that
collective knowledge onto one platform.
http://www.fimoculous.com/year-review-2007.cfm
The best - and some of the worst - of 2007. Many categories
- and there is also information like this for other years
http://www.radioliberty.com/Symbolsandtheirmeaning.html
Symbols -- some familiar, some not so much!
http://j-walkblog.com/images/famouspeople.
Lots of famous people - how many can you name?
http://enthree.com/files/random/web2logos/
Corporate logos - redesigned -- very cool
http://tailotherat.blogspot.com/2007/12/inside-out-of-this-world.html
Ever wonder what a shape or picture looks like when it's turned
inside out?
By inside out I mean twisting it so the outer edge becomes the inner core,
while the inner core is stretched to become the new edge (like the
example above).
Below is the same treatment to some logos. I'm not endorsing any of 'em.
Just posting the more interesting ones (Intel Inside, General Electric and
Windows Vista were boring.) Funny how some of them reverse into appealing
new logos, while others just look weird
Mouth Eyes Pictures Gallery - Photoshop Mouth Eyes Pics
http://www.freakingnews.com/Mouth-Eyes-Pictures---1741.asp
This is really freaky! Eyes replaced by mouths - yep, check
it out
v v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
SUMMARY
OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER:
I NOW HAVE TO:
1. Scrub the top of every can I open.
2. I no longer have any savings because I gave it
to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in
the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
3. I no longer have any money at all, but that
will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill
Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.
4. I no longer worry about my soul because I
have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.
Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
5. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
6. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day
7. I have learned that my prayers only get
answered if I forward an email to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.
8. I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
9. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking
someone along to watch the car so a serial killer
won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
10. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since
the people who make these products are atheists who
refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans .
11. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because it causes cancer.
12. I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my
face...disfiguring me for life.
13. I no longer check the coin return on pay
phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle.
14. I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
15. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
16. I no longer shop at Target since they are
French and don't support our American troops or the
Salvation Army.
17. I no longer answer the phone because someone
will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a
phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan .
18. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman
Marcus since I now have their recipe.
19. I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big brown African spider is lurking under these at
to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
20. I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by
a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg..
21. I can no longer drive my car because I can't
buy gas from certain gas companies!
** If you don't send this e-mail to at least
144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove
with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will
infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened
to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day!
v v v v v
Upgrade to Windows XP Service Pack 2)
If you are using Windows XP, we highly recommend that you upgrade to
Service Pack 2. Windows XP Service Pack 2 (SP2) contains a collection of
new technologies designed to help keep your PC and your personal
information more secure. These new technologies include the Windows
Security Center, Windows Firewall, Internet Explorer Pop-up Blocker, and
more.
More details on the many features of Windows XP SP2 and how to take
advantage of these can be found here:
http://www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/sp2/howto/default
.mspx
Discover the Ultimate Business PC with Intel®
vPro™ Processor Technology_ (http://www.intel.com/business/vpro/index.htm?iid=ibe_homedesktop%20marquee_learnmore?ppc_cid=EotCanPo2H07us_4
Let hardware-based, proactive security and management capabilities do
some of the legwork for you, improving security and reducing the need
for time-consuming deskside visits. Designed for business users
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After a long career of being blasted
into a net, the human
cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to
retire. "But you can't!" protested the boss. "Where am I going
to
find another man of your caliber?"
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After many years, her original wedding band
had become worn
and thin, so she asked her husband to buy her a new ring as her
anniversary present. But this time she asked him to buy her one
with diamonds.
They went down to the jewelry store to pick one out. As they waited
for the clerk, she said to her husband, "My eyes aren't as good as
they used to be, so I'd really like diamonds I can see."
Having overheard their conversation, a lady standing nearby
remarked, "Sir, it would be cheaper if you bought her glasses."
v v v v v
by deb
Third Degree
Greg Iles
"Iles's new thriller injects both depth and novelty into a genre
convention-the jealous husband who's tipped off to his wife's infidelity.
When Laurel Shields, a 35-year-old mother of two, discovers she's pregnant,
she can't be sure her physician husband, Warren, is the father.
Meanwhile, Warren is in trouble with the IRS. Laurel believes his
obsessive search for a document in their Athens Point, Miss., home is
related to a federal Medicaid fraud investigation focusing on his medical
partner, Kyle Auster. As the Feds prepare to swoop down on Warren and
Kyle's office to collect the evidence of false billings and bribes to
patients without any actual illnesses, Warren takes Laurel and their two
children hostage. Iles squeezes every drop of suspense out of the
prolonged standoff between the doctor and the police"
I give this book 5 out of 5 stars. Loved it. Believable,
super character development - easy to
read -- it was SUPER!! It would make a good movie too!
v v v v v
When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I
look stupid?' don't
answer him.
v v v v v
The big thing today is computer dating.
If you don't know how to run a computer it really dates you.
v v v v v
"This morning, President Bush gave an
optimistic speech about
the economy even though the dollar fell even more, oil hit record
highs, and jobs continued to be lost. So when asked what part of
the economy is working, Bush said, 'Hookers are doing well.'"
Conan O'Brien
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Tips for a New Mac User
http://chris.pirillo.com/2007/12/28/tips-for-a-new-mac-user/
by Chris
Add to iTunes
itms://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=73330048) Add to
Google(http://fusion.google.com/add?feedurl=http://feeds.pirillo.com/ChrisPirillo)
| RSS Feed
http://feeds.pirillo.com/ChrisPirillo
Daniel is the producer of the Apple Universe podcast_
http://appleuniverse.mypodcast.com/.
He made this video for us, with his top five
tips for beginning Mac Users.
* There is no “menu bar” on a Mac, like there is for
Windows. On the left hand side of the Mac screen, you will see the Dock
with your applications on it. At the top of the screen, you’ll see a thin
white bar. This is Mac’s version of the “menu bar”. This includes things
like the clock, view, edit, go, help, and the Apple icon.
* Get to know your applications. Both a Mac and a PC
come with applications native to their Operating System. Many of them do
inherantly the same things, but they work very differently. Take the time
to get to know the programs, and how they run, before deciding which you
like better.
* The User Interface on the Mac is much different
than on a PC. In my opinion, the Mac UI is just sleek and gorgeous. An
example of the differences though, is with the “close”, “maximize”, and
“minimize” buttons in each. In Windows, you have the little cirlce with
the red X at the top right corner to close a program, the square with the
two smaller squares for maximizing, and the square with one line in it to
minimize. In a Mac, “close” is a red light/circle at the top left,
“minimize” is a yellow circle/light, and “maxmize” is a green
circle/light. That’s just one of many small differences that take getting
used to.
* There is a big difference in the way software
updates work on each of the Operating Systems. Make sure you get to
understand how this works on a Mac right away, so you can make sure
everything stays up-to-date.
* A Mac is simply more stable, and virus-free. I
have too many anti-malware programs on my Windows computer, which bogs it
down. With a Mac
v v v v v
As you may have heard the Bush
Administration said each and every
one of us would now get a nice rebate. If we spend that money at
Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China If we spend it on gasoline
it will all go to the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will all
go to India If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will all go
to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatamala. If we purchase a good car
it will all go to Japan If we purchase useless crap it will all
go to Taiwan , and none of it will help the American economy.
We need to keep that money here in America , so the only way
to keep that money here at home is to buy prostitutes and beer,
since those are the only businesses still in the US
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My dad was golfing with a friend and went
to the restroom.
When he came out he sighed audibly and another golfer said to
him, "Feel better?" "Yeah," said dad, "It's the only
place on the
whole course where nobody tells me to improve my stance or change
my grip!"
v v v v v
Creating Edible Food Containers
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-1457.html?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
Using edible containers to serve up food is eye-catching and
impressive. If you're creative with the containers or packaging,
guests are likely to appreciate that as much as the contents
themselves. Broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkins, and gourds make
exceptional containers for dips, soups, and more. More
Pork Chops with Apples And Shallots and more delicious recipes, smart cooking
tips, and video demonstrations http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd1611e3bf410b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=82fd1a55b890f010VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&vgnextfmt=default&xsc=eml_edf_2007_10_16
Chocolate Pudding Cake and more delicious recipes, smart cooking tips, and
video demonstrations on marthastewart.com_ http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd1611e3bf410b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=425ad1a2a1515110VgnVCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&vgnextfmt=default&xsc=eml_edf_2007_10_16
Starring chocolate and made with just six ingredients, this flourless
cake has a pudding-like center. A water bath helps it cook gently and
stay moist. Adding one-third of the egg whites first to the chocolate
mixture helps lighten the batter so the remaining whites don't deflate
when folded in. The results are delicate and delectable.
v v v v v
I think math class should teach us useful skills, like how this
small, round cardboard tube would be half full of toilet paper right
now if I had just coughed up a few cents more for the double roll.
v v v v v
All these advertisements and commercials confuse me. Here I was
thinking the burning sensation when I urinated just meant my
shampoo was working.
v v v v v
v v v v v
Well Bill, how are you getting on with trying to date that new
cocktail waitress?"
"Not so bad. I'm getting some encouragement now."
"Really, is she beginning to smile sweetly at you or something?"
"Not exactly, but last night she said that she's said 'NO' for
the last time."
v v v v v
An old man walks into the University Offices
and says "I'd like
to enroll for a Latin course."
The Dean looks at him and asks rather coyly, "How old are you, sir?"
"Ninety-three," he replies.
"Then why do you want to learn Latin, at your time in life?"
"Well?" the man explains, "I realize I haven't got long for this
world, but if I go to Heaven, I'd like to be able to speak to God
and the Angels in their own language, and I'd feel more comfortable
if I knew Latin."
The Dean thinks, and then he asks, "But, sir, what if you don't
go to Heaven but go to -- you know -- the other place?"
"That's all right, I can already speak French."
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http://www.shinyhaphttp://www.http://www.shinyhttp://ww
http://www.shinyhaphttp://www.http://www.shinyhttp://www
X T R E M E L Y naughty
http://www.shinyhaphttp://www.http://www.shinyhttp://www.htt
http://www.shinyhaphttp://www.http://www.shinyhttp://ww
Cheers
http://www.curlydavid.com/ch08.html
Side Pocket
http://www.curlydavid.com/sipo08.html
Eight Ball
http://www.curlydavid.com/eiba08.html
Honey Pot
http://www.curlydavid.com/hopo08.html
Happy New Year
http://www.curlydavid.com/hny08.html
Lick Me
http://www.curlydavid.com/lime082.html
In Deep
http://www.curlydavid.com/inde08.html
Good View
http://www.curlydavid.com/govi08.html
Boobies
http://www.curlydavid.com/bo08.html
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Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or
implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on
operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the
making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep
on rockin'
it's a state of mind
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©1999 - 2008 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin'
and Rollin'
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