Rockin' and Rollin'

   Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
   CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: DebsSweet



HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Yeah - I know my Header isn't very Thanksgivingish but I figured a lot of you
had rather see a half-naked girl instead of a bunch of pilgrims *smirk*

Hope you don't mind but I have received some pretty funny halloween toons - I
decided to run a few - enjoy!

Be careful when surfing the Internet. I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you caus it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause darlin, it's going to be a wild ride!

* Thanks so much to those of you who returned
the survey! Some of the comments will be posted over the
next several weeks.

"I really do enjoy it, you put so much into those newsletters and
I've never been disappointed in any of them !!!
It's always a good way to start a Monday.....
*hugs*   Deb"
falasign@yahoo.com

*My favorite thing about debsnewsletter.com is:
All the information. It's not just jokes, or technical
info - it's a lovely marriage of many things, presented
in a bright and witty way. You do a beautiful job with Rockin' and
Rollin' - please keep it up!
mlbechyne@verizon.net

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

Teacher: "What is actually used as a conductor of electricity?

Johnny: "Why...er?"

Teacher: "Wire is right. Very good. Now tell me, what is the
unit of electrical power?"

Johnny: "The what?"

Teacher: "That's absolutely correct, the watt. Now class, you
should all study diligently, like Johnny here."

v v v v v

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into
old slacks a nd a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she
heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience
grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed
into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she
left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling
voice, "Who was THAT?"

v v v v v

Yahoo!
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/ver/223/popup/index.php?cl=4274384
I bet you parents will like this one!   Cute!

*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net
http://zipskinny.com/
ZIPskinny - Get the Skinny on that ZIP
Enter your zip code and see the US Census data AND comparisons
with neighboring zips

Sports Photos - AOL Sports
http://sports.aol.com/top-sports-photos/
Lots of pics of pretty cheerleaders!

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
Cannes Lions 2005
http://www.loveyourmouse.com/awards/cannes/justintime.html
Another unusual clock -- this one from FedEx

Handicapped Parking Fraud - Handicapped Parking Violators - Help Make a Difference
http://www.handicappedfraud.org/)
Handicappedfraud.org was launched as a community service effort to end the
misuse of handicapped parking spaces and placards. The disabled have run
out of places to park, as their designated handicapped parking spaces are
being taken by fraudulent individuals. Our cities are being robbed of serious
metered parking revenue to to this abuse as well. The police are far too
valuable and busy to stake out parking lots to ticket handicapped parking
violators. The abusers therefore go largely unpunished. It is time for our
community to become the ambassadors for our cities, and report handicapped
parking violators when they see it.

WhatTheFont : MyFonts
http://www.myfonts.com/WhatTheFont/
Ever wanted to find a font just like the one used by certain publications,
corporations, or ad campaigns? Well now you can, using our WhatTheFont font
recognition system. Upload a scanned image of the font and instantly find the
closest matches in our database. If WhatTheFont can’t figure it out, you can
submit your image - this is where cloak-draped font enthusiasts around the world will help you out!

oh, don't forget...
http://www.ohdontforget.com/
This site supports 'ported' and non-US numbers you can now add support for numbers that switched
cell providers and choose from various global providers schedule text messages
text messages queued up with ohdontforget.com will be delivered at the date and time specified,
unless you specify "now", which will send the message instantly creative uses
remind anyone about an event at a specific day and time queue up birthday reminders for
the next several months have your to-do items sent to you throughout the day

Who Are Voters Ruling Out Most? - AOL News
http://news.aol.com/elections/story/_a/who-are-voters-ruling-out-most/20071108091809990001
More than eight in 10 Republicans and more than half the married men in a
new USA TODAY/Gallup Poll say they definitely wouldn't vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton for president.
The poll provides an early snapshot of who's ruling out Clinton, John Edwards
and Barack Obama, the three leading candidates for the Democratic nomination.

v v v v v

Politicos, sports figures, entertainers, they all come here and they all get the red
   carpet treatment. There are upsides (the floors get freshly buffed), downsides (men
in dark sunglasses start rummaging through every fruit basket delivered), and then
   there are just plain ugly consequences (you accidentally wore the team colors, so now
   you have to wipe the coach’s butt all day).

   The Top 8 Good, Bad and Ugly Things About Celebrity Patients

8> Bad: Paparazzi always capturing the "rubber glove/bend over"
portion of the exam.
Good: Most are lining up to assist.

7> Good: Plenty of media archive photos of piercings and tattoos
to assist in identifying the body.

6> Bad: Out of habit, his teammates keep trying to spike the
colostomy bag.

5> Good: Most of them can't spell "HMO."

4> Bad: You can't tell when it hurts where you press because
she's had so many Botox injections.
Good: She can't either.

3> Good: All the publicity lets you negotiate a deal for a daily
medical advice TV show.
Bad: You're contractually obligated to be billed as "Dr. Polyp."

2> Bad: Years of Jim Beam and green M&M's make for some pretty
foul bedpan contents.
Good: The bedpan contents sell on eBay for $1500.
Ugly: The Post Office's ban on shipping toxic waste means you
have to deliver the load to the winner yourself.

   and the Number 1 Good, Bad and Ugly
Thing About Celebrity Patients...

1> Good: You got Andy Dick's autograph. Bad: He was so wacked out
he signed it, "Mother Shabooboo."

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

v v v v v

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in
sitting in my back yard and having a vodka and cranberry along
with a quiet conversation with Jesus. This happened to me again
after a particularly difficult day.

I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the
love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful,
beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil." And the
reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money
is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".

I was starting to feel better, but I still had a few burning
questions, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, " What is the meaning
of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in
your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with
you some more, Senor , but for now, I have to finish your lawn."

v v v v v

How to Sniff a Glass of Wine

How to Sniff a Glass of Wine
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-4274.html
?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature

The process of tasting a wine; of systematically
experiencing all the wine's attributes; involves three steps:

Looking at it, smelling it, and, finally, tasting it.
Before you explore the smelling ritual, know that you don't have
to apply this procedure to every single wine you drink, and you
won't look foolish doing it.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com

My friend, an ex-Marine aviator, wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane.
I was riding along as he put it through its paces. Suddenly, we were caught in a violent
thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around us.

Next, we lost the radio and most of the instruments.

As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, "Uh-oh!"

Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?"

George replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me."

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

A Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Texas engineer are all working
together one day and they come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of
it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total" says
the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want
the land to be forever fertile in Canada." POOOOFF! With the blink of
the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans
or Australians can come into our precious state." POOOFF! Again,
with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge
wall around thosecountries.

The Texan says, "I am very curios. Please tell me more about this
wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick
and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's
virtually impenetrable."

The Texan sits down, cracks a beer, smiles and says, "Fill it withwater."

v v v v v

The Last Summer (of you and me)
by Ann Brashares

"In her first adult novel, the author of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants makes
a journey to Fire Island, where 21-year-old Alice and her slightly older sister, Riley, are
sharing a home and an infatuation. Boyish lifeguard Riley values her closeness with
longtime neighbor Paul, but their "best friend" relationship has less pull than the
attraction he shares with Alice. To protect Riley's feelings, the pair try to keep their
blossoming romance secret. In the land of fiction, as in the real world, such furtiveness
can't be sustained indefinitely, but in The Last Summer (of You and Me),
complications and surprises confront us around every turn"

Good book - good writer! It's been a long time since I have read books I really liked
until the last several - this is really nice! I like having positive things to say
about books! This one was funny, realistic and it just might be difficult
for you to put down!

v v v v v

The Top 9 Signs Your Pediatrician Is Running for President

9> Your son's five-minute wellness exam is followed by a
15-minute lecture on global warming.

8> In order to get their lollipops, your kids have to register as
paid lobbyists.

7> "60 Minutes" is running an exposé on whether Hillary and
Giuliani have had their rubella boosters.

6> You ask for a second opinion? Straight to Guantanamo Bay!

5> Instead of a "Smile, I got a shot today!" sticker, your kid
leaves the office with a campaign button and an absentee voter form.

4> She's starting to refer to well-baby checkups as "sound bites."

3> Instead of telling you what's wrong with your child, you're
given a survey asking you to list the three diseases that are
most important to you.

2> He keeps referring to his aural thermometer as "Ear Force One."

and the Number 1 Sign Your Pediatrician
   Is Running for President...

1> Friendly Nurse Yvonne? Out. Glowering Secret Service agent
"Vince" wearing pink ducky scrubs? In!

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

v v v v v

Girls You Might See in the Restroom

SELFISH GIRL: Enters alone and locks the door, saying to the girls
following that she will be out in a minute. Leisurely pees. Remarks,
adjusts clothes and poses before mirror keeping others squirming
outside for an hour.

TIMID GIRL: Turns on faucet full force. Backs up to toilet, raises
dress and squats quickly. Listens intently to learn if sound other
than faucet can be heard.

CONCEITED GIRL: Approaches toilet with undulating movements. Raises
dress by finger tips. Expression while peeing indicates such a
lovely creature should not be compelled to attend to such lowly
duties. Farts silently and disdainfully.

HARDY GIRL: Raises dress with a whoop. Scuttles across the floor
beating other occupant to toilet. Squats with great force, rattling
windows and causing breasts to bob up and down, hums lively tune,
peeing in squirts to keep time, farts loudly and with great glee.

DRUNKEN GIRL: Wobbles to toilet. After several attempts manages to
raise dress. Squats on toilet with shrieks of laughter. Pees for a
while, singing happy songs, suddenly starts to sob broken heartedly
as she realizes that she forgot to pull down her panties. Continues
peeing and sobbing.

SLOPPY GIRL: Slip drops into toilet while squatting, never uses
toilet paper. Drags her business across the seat, getting seat
wet. Never flushes toilet. Emerges with back of skirt caught in
her panties.

WORRIED GIRL: Squats thoughtfully, counting days overdue
on fingers. Uses toilet paper and examines it carefully and
hopefully. Peers into toilet before flushing, resolving never to
go to bed drunk again.

THE I DON'T CARE GIRL: Just squats and fires away.

STUBBORN GIRL: Believes all public places are contaminated. Stands
three feet in front of toilet, backs up, takes careful aim and
fires away, always misses, but will try again.

v v v v v

In our discussion of the inevitability of time, I brought
up the fact that the students' parents
would all eventually die. However, I certainly
didn't expect them to whine and cry and act like babies.

Friggin' kindergarteners -- grow up!

v v v v v

   Click here: Best Firewall for Internet Security ~ Chris Pirillo
http://chris.pirillo.com/2007/06/10/best-firewall-for-internet-security/
Best Firewall --- and it's FREE -- not available for Vista yet : (

   Click here: Protect Yourself From Spyware In 5 Easy Steps
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15o&sdn=windows&cdn=compute&tm=46&gps=3
6_90_1193_850&f=00&su=p284.8.150.ip_&tt=3&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%
3A//netsecurity.about.com/cs/generalsecurity/a/aa050204.htm
   If its not one thing, its another. That is one of those ridiculous phrases that pretty
much goes without saying. Like "wherever you go, there you are." But, in this case
it seems appropriate. Allow me to elaborate. Computers on the Internet are almost
constantly bombarded with viruses and other malware- so users employ antivirus
software to protect themselves. Email inboxes are constantly flooded with pathetically
useless spam- so users employ anti-spam programs and techniques to
protect themselves. As soon as you think you have things under control you
find out your system has a myriad of spyware and adware programs silently
running in the background monitoring and reporting on your computer
activity. Hence, "if its not one thing, its another."

v v v v v

Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends'
and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile
a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen
when the machine was turned on.

I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program
that would do the job but had no luck at the first few.

I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced.

"Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and
anniversaries?" I asked.

"Have you tried a wife?" he replied.

v v v v v

A guy went into the adult section of a department store to buy
condoms. The female clerk told him, "We have the rainbow assortment
on sale today, would you like those?"

The guy said, "Sure, I'll take a box."

A few months later, he went into the women's clothing section
and saw that this same female clerk had transferred into the
maternity section.

The guy said, "I'd like to buy a maternity blouse."

The clerk asked, "What bust?"

To which he replied, "One of the damn blue ones!!"

v v v v v

Dummies::Sushi For Dummies:Book Information
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/productCd-0764544659.html
Demystify the sushi bar experience
Stuffed with tips and tricks – you’ll roll, press, and mold sushi like a pro!
From rolling sushi properly to presenting it with pizzazz, this book has
everything you need to know to impress your friends with homemade maki-sushi
(rolls) and nigiri-sushi (individual pieces). You’ll find over 55 recipes from
Tuna Sushi Rice Balls to Rainbow Rolls, plus handy techniques to demystify the
art of sushi making – and make it fun!

Dummies::Ten Great Pasta Sauces in Ten Minutes
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-2332.html
Some pasta sauces are so easy that you don't need a recipe. The following ideas
for sauces are deliberately vague about quantities. These sauces are so simple
that you can't really make them wrong — so get creative and do your own thing.
All these sauces can be prepared in the time it takes to cook the
pasta. All will sauce half a pound of pasta.

v v v v v

Oh to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he
was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.

v v v v v

Last Sunday, the Gospel was the one about the ten bridesmaids. The
five good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their
lamps; five bad bridesmaids did not.

The priest at our church is always very fiery and his sermons
always end on a high note.

Last Sunday the priest ended with...

"Where would you rather be? In the light with the five good
bridesmaids or in the dark with the five bad bridesmaids?"

I wasn't the only one who got it wrong!

v v v v v

   Click here: Apple Macintosh iPod - iPod Sleep Modes
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3mY1
To conserve battery use, your iPod may go into a power-saving mode after a
period of inactivity. Depending on your iPod model and the duration of inactivity,
your iPod will go into sleep, deep sleep, or hibernation mode.

   Click here: How to Turn Off a Video iPod - Turning Off a
Video iPod - Locating a Video iPod's Off Button
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1AR&sdn=macs&cdn=compute&tm=83&gps=288_3
8_1193_850&f=00&su=p284.8.150.ip_&tt=13&bt=1&bts=1&zu=
http%3A//ipod.about.com/od/tes1/a/video_turn_off.htm
If you just got a Video iPod and haven’t had an iPod before, you may be looking
for a very common button found on most consumer electronics: the on/off switch.
Well, stop your search because the Video iPod doesn’t exactly have an on/off button.

   Click here: Apple Macintosh iPod Freeware - Freeware iPod Utilities
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3mYG
   Looking for some freeware utilities for your iPod? Check out these
free applications to get the most from your iPod!

v v v v v

If I were a pirate and lost my hand, instead of
a hook, I would get a big spoon. Sure, it may look
funny, and the other pirates might tease me, but there's
always a chance we could plunder a ship
full of pudding, and who'd be laughing then?

v v v v v

Right outside her front door, my mother-in-law had a thermometer
that never seemed to tell the correct temperature. One chilly day,
we all noticed that the thermometer, which was in direct sunlight,
read a balmy 72 degrees.

"Mom," my wife suggested without thinking, "you should stick that
thing where the sun doesn't shine."


v v v v v

   v v v v v

The Top 8 Backhanded Sex Compliments
   (Part II)

8> "Wow, you're really good at that. It's as if you've been doing
   it professionally since you were a young child."

7> "Cool, I can hear an echo! [echo! ... echo! ... echo! ...]"

6> "I never worry about pushing you off the edge of the bed.
   Plus, now I know I could bench-press twice my weight!"

5> "No, honey, I didn't this time, either. But it's great that
   *you* can so easily. [*sigh*]"

4> "This is great! Usually I need lots of lube to do it that way,
   and it still hurts -- but not with you!"

3> "I appreciate knowing you're comfortable enough in my presence
   to accidentally call out your mother's name."

2> "It must be nice to be able to sunbathe nude in public and not
   get stared at."

   and Topfive.com's Number 1 Backhanded Sex Compliment...

1> "I feel so honored that I'm the one who's teaching you how
   to find the clitoris."

v v v v v

I don't mind coming to work,
But that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch.

   v v v v v

"My Halloween was marred. Horrible incident. A kid dressed as
O.J. Simpson broke into my house and stole all my candy."

Jay Leno

   v v v v v

"What more motivation do you need?

   v v v v v

BEGINNER'S CRANBERRY SAUCE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
24 ounces fresh or frozen whole cranberries (washed and picked over)
2 cups Sugar
2 cup Water
2 whole cinnamon sticks

DIRECTIONS:
Mix sugar and water in a sauce pan. Stir to dissolve sugar and
add cinnamon sticks. Bring to boil, add cranberries, return to
boil, reduce heat. Boil Gently stirring occasionally, for 10
minutes or until the berries begin to pop. Remove from heat. Cool
completely at room temperature and refrigerate.

YIELD: about 4 1/2 cups

v v v v v

*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
LinksForLovers
http://members.vpchat.com/summer/LinksForLovers.html

2. ~~When Love Comes Around~~
http://www.angelfire.com/tn3/deb38337/WhenLoveComesAround.html

v v v v v

APPLE BAKED PORK CHOPS WITH SHERRY

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
6 boneless pork chops
3 large apples - peeled, cored and sliced
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 tablespoons butter
1 pinch each of salt and pepper
1/2 cup dry sherry

DIRECTIONS:
In a large skillet, brown chops, about 2 minutes each side;
reserve. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Arrange apple slices
in the bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish. Sprinkle with brown
sugar and cinnamon. Dot with butter or margarine. Top with
browned pork chops and season with salt and pepper to taste.
Pour sherry over all, cover and bake in the preheated oven
for 1 hour or until tender and internal temperature of pork
has reached 160 degrees.

Yield: 6 Servings

v v v v v

The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant
atmosphere and to let the air out of the tires.

v v v v v

   Click here: Ashampoo Uninstaller Suite
http://go.infopackets.com/e20070727-11
   Have you ever had a program that just won't uninstall? Nowadays almost all programs
provide a facility for uninstalling themselves -- usually through the Add / Remove Programs
section in the Windows Control Panel or by using an uninstaller that came with the program.

The trouble is, most uninstalls do the absolute minimum required to remove an application
completely from your system. Subsequently, files which should have been removed end
up scattered throughout the system, along with hundreds of inactive
entries in the System Registry.

v v v v v

As a Public Service to our Club members, Consumer Reports recently
released Warnings for the following Christmas Toys:

Top Ten Most Dangerous Children's Toys

10. Fisher Price Bathtub Toaster

9. Heat-packin' Barbie

8. "Ouch!" -- The Step-On-A-Rake Game

7. Junior Electrician Outlet Patrol

6. Hasbro's Slippery Steps

5. Dow Chemical's 55 Gallon Drum O' Mystery

4. Remco's Pocket Hive

3. The "Steal Dad's Money And Send It To Parker Brothers" Game

2. Rock 'Em Sock ' Em Omar Bin Laden

1. Pin The Tail On Grampa

v v v v v

While a woman was visiting her sister one evening, the sister took
out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person.

"How does that thing work?" the woman asked.

As the woman turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, her sister
laughed "I see..it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have
to twist his arm too, in order to get anything out of him."

v v v v v

*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Share A Smile
http://www.mamarocks.com/share_a_smile.htm

Road Of Friendship Ecards RiverSongs Friendship Greetings
http://www.riversongs.com/ecards/friendshiproad.html

*submitted by*
sammy562@msn.com
A Special Friend Like You
http://www.marycy.org/giftoflove.html

v v v v v

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a
swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We
rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure
wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

v v v v v

An English teacher often wrote little notes on student
essays. Often she worked late, and as the hours passed, her
handwriting deteriorated.

One day a student came to her after class with an essay that
had been returned. "I can't make out this comment you wrote on
my paper."

The teacher took the paper and, after studying it, sheepishly
replied, "It says that you should write more legibly!"

v v v v v

v v v v v

A man and a woman are at a bar downing a few beers. They strike up a
conversation and quickly discover that they're both doctors.

After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey, how about we sleep
together tonight? No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun."

The woman agrees. So they go back to her place. She goes into the bathroom
and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room.

She scrubs for a good 10-20 minutes. Finally, she goes into the bedroom
and they have sex for an hour or so. Afterwards, the man says to the
woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started."

"Oh, that makes sense," says the woman.
"You're an anesthesiologist, aren't you?"

"Yeah," says the man, a bit taken aback.
"How did you know?"

The woman answers, "I didn't feel a thing."

v v v v v

First Drive: 2008 Chevy Corvette - AOL Autos
http://autos.aol.com/article/power/v2/_a/2008-chevrolet-corvette/2007
1015151909990001?ncid=AOLCOMMautoDYNLsec0001

Torque is good! More torque is better. For anyone who likes to drive, an
engine with a stratospheric red-line is fun for a while, but a fat
torque curve means acceleration is just a squeeze of the right pedal away.
Compared to a Ferrari engine, GM's classic small block V-8 may seem crude and
unsophisticated, but the latest variation is anything but. The basic architecture of the
2008 Corvette power-plant dates back to 1955, but aside from some
of the basic dimensions, this is a whole new beast.

v v v v v

The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady
about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap.

Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very
nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?"

"Something for my mother, please." said the young lady.

"Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of
you,''smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her? "

Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"

v v v v v

Nurse: "How old are you, Mrs. Simmons?"

Patient: "None of your business."

Nurse: "But the doctor must know your age for his records."

Patient: "Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?"

Nurse: "Yes. Fifty."

Patient: "All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?"

Nurse: "Zero."

Patient: "Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age."

v v v v v

v v v v v

"A new study found that screeners at L.A. International Airport
missed 75 percent of the big bombs that were sent through the line
as tests. However, they did confiscate 100 percent of people's
water bottles which forced them to buy new ones at the airport
gift shop."

Jay Leno

v v v v v

My husband works in a former supermarket that was remodeled
to accommodate professional offices. One day he overheard his
receptionist giving directions over the phone. "Remember the old
grocery store?" she asked the caller. "Well, you'll find us in
the meat department."

v v v v v

   Click here: Nature's Creations #300 Screensaver - Free Software
Downloads and Software Reviews - Download.com
http://msn-cnet.com.com/Nature-s-Creations-300-Screensaver/3000-238
5_4-10251480.html?part=msn-cnet&subj=dl&tag=green
   This screensaver contains 150 awesome high-resolution photos of various
nature scenes, and it has absolutely no spyware. All photos display full-screen
up to 1280-by-960 resolution with random transition effects between each
one. Note: This is a very large (25.6MB) file and may take several
hours to download via dial-up modem.

   Click here: Beat back that Trojan horse - Page1 - MSN Tech & Gadgets - Downloads
http://g.msn.com/0NL33934/2726
Like its mythical namesake (dramatized in Lego), whatever crawls out
of a digital Trojan horse will be a nasty surprise. A Trojan horse usually
takes the form of an innocuous software program that unleashes a flood of malware or
viruses after it's installed and run. Since attacks and ease of removal vary--an ad
generator is easier to remove than a stealth rootkit--there's no one-size-fits-all
solution. However, there are some common techniques for
picking your way through the wreckage

   Click here: PC World - Got a Minute? Then We've Got 15 Free Games for You!
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,131325/article.html?tk=nl_wbxnws
Some games, such as massive multiplayer role-playing games, become such
an all-consuming passion that they can easily supplant daily life with a rich,
detailed fantasy world. Others, like the classic Flight Simulator, require you to train
for hours and, in fighter mode, to sacrifice your virtual life again and again
until you're good enough to make it all the way through a mission. For the
poor souls who lack a real life, these kinds of games are the next best thing.
But the rest of us, saddled with jobs, spouses, kids, and bills to pay, don't have time
to play games that involve rebuilding Western civilization, managing a
sim city, or becoming a railroad tycoon.

*submitted by*
pavanco1@embarqmail.com
   Click here: WorldStart Wallpaper
http://www.worldstart.com/wallpaper/index.php
Beautiful wallpapers

v v v v v

A young biker was called into court for destroying a tavern in
a brawl. He appeared before the judge and said, "your Honer,
I`m not guilty-my reputation is spotless"

Unimpressed, the judge said,"do you have any witnesses who can
vouch for your character?"

The young man pointed to a man in the corner. "Sure, the sheriff
over there."

Taken by surprise, the sheriff stood up and declared, "Your Honor,
this man is a liar. I've never seen him before in my life!"

The young man turned to the judge and said, "See? I've lived here
for 15 years and the sheriff doesn't know me, ain't that character
enough, Your Honor?"

v v v v v

A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost
a parrot.He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to
know how the caller located him.

The caller said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating,
"Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone
right now, please leave a message at the tone."

v v v v v

*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
   Click here: Lightwork Dreams
http://lightworkdreams.com/MoreMusic.html

   Click here: Patriotic Melodies (The Library of Congress
Presents: Music, Theater and Dance)
http://lcweb2.loc.gov/diglib/ihas/html/patriotic/patriotic-home.html
Patriotic Melodies tells the stories behind many of the songs that have
now become part of the American national heritage. Here you can listen to Kate
Smith sing "God Bless America," page through a manuscript of Copland's
"Fanfare for the Common Man" or learn about the origins of our national
anthem -- "The Star Spangled Banner." A combination of hymns, national songs,
music of the theater, radio and television, military themes, and poetry, all of this
music demonstrates that while over history many things have changed, this
expression of pride and hope remain a constant part of the American experience

   Click here: Top 10 Pop Albums of 2007 - The First Half
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/ae%5D

v v v v v

"It turns out that Barack Obama and Vice President Dick Cheney are
cousins. Honest to God, imagine how terrible it would be to find
out that you're related to a cranky old guy. I mean, just ask my son."

David Letterman

v v v v v

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know
the answer."

v v v v v

*Hurry up - the new issue of Rockin' and Rollin' is online!"

v v v v v


"I was in a customer's home one afternoon and while I was talking to the customer,
their 4 year old little girl whose name was Michelle, tugged on my pants leg and
excitedly exclaimed, "I got a new bicycle, do you want to see it?"

I said, "Sure Michelle." So off to the backyard we went. Upon getting into the backyard,
I saw a brand new girl's bicycle. "Boy, Michelle!! That's a beautiful bicycle."
I complimented. "Can you ride it?"

"Yeah, I can ride it," she said, then with a sad face she pouted, "but it's broke."

I looked at the new bicycle and couldn't see anything wrong with it, so
I asked her, "What's wrong with it?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, "but every time I ride it, it falls down!

v v v v v

BALSAMIC CHICKEN

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
4 broiler-fryer chicken breast halves, skinned and boned
2 teaspoons lemon-pepper seasoning
1-1/2 teaspoons extra virgin olive oil
1/3 cup balsamic vinegar
1/4 cup chicken broth
2 garlic cloves, minced
4 teaspoons butter
parsley sprigs
cherry tomatoes

DIRECTIONS:
On hard surface with meat mallet or similar flattening utensil,
lightly pound chicken to 1/4-inch thickness. Press lemon-pepper
seasoning evenly on both sides of chicken. In large frypan,
place oil and heat to medium temperature. Add chicken and cook,
turning once, about 7 minutes or until fork can be inserted in
chicken with ease. Remove chicken to warm serving platter; keep
warm. In medium bowl, mix together vinegar, broth and garlic;
add to frypan. Cook over medium-high heat, scraping up brown
meat bits, about 2 minutes or until mixture is reduced and
syrupy. Add butter; stir to melt. Place chicken on serving
dish and spoon sauce over chicken. Garnish with parsley sprigs
and cherry tomatoes.

Yield: 4 Servings

v v v v v

Debsnewsletter - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml

v v v v v

A rather fat woman with a sagging figure was vacationing in
Florida. She goes into a shop and buys a bikini.

The next day she comes back and wants to return the bikini top
and get half her money back.

The clerk says, "But you need the top too."

The woman replies, "No, I don't. I can get everything into the bottom."

v v v v v

The new bride had spent two hours preparing her first break-
fast. She sat down at the table, eagerly watching as her husband
slowly savored each forkful.

"How was it, Honey?" she asked when he'd finished.

"Well," he began thoughtfully, wiping his lips, "you probably
could have cooked the eggshells a little longer. But on the whole,
it was a good start."

v v v v v

"I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they
don't require so much cooking."

Carrie Snow

v v v v v

   Click here: Windows Mail Tips, Tricks and Secrets - About Email
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1R4/Wa&sdn=windows&cdn=compute&tm=14&g
ps=60_211_1193_850&f=00&su=p284.8.150.ip_&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3
A//email.about.com/od/windowsmailtips/Windows_Mail_Tips_Tricks_and_Secrets.htm
   Windows Mail comes with Windows at no additional charge. That does not mean
it is worthless, of course. Windows Mail can do a lot! Find out how to make it do what
you want with these tips. Windows Mail is not priceless either. If you run into
a problem, here are troubleshooting strategies, too.

v v v v v

Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciat
e movers who take the time to label carefully boxes they pack for us. The
accuracy of labels can make a huge difference when we try to find something right away.

My favorite was done by one guy who attached this sticker to a box...obviously
not knowing how to spell the best one word description:
"Animals you hit with a stick at a Mexican party."

v v v v v

The Top 17 Pickup Lines Used on a City Bus

17> "Baby, you put the 'ass' in 'mass transit.'"

16> "Look, it's either me or the guy peeing on himself. Your choice."

15> "You'd better pull that cord now, baby, 'cause once we get
   started you'll never want to stop."

14> "How would you like a free ride on #69?"

13> "If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you...
   oh, you already are."

12> "Care to transfer to my lap?"

11> "I'm stuck on you like my shoe to this floor."

10> "Next stop: Looooooooooove."

9> "Hmmmm... it appears that all the seats are taken -- except
   for my face, that is."

8> "So what's a pretty girl like you doing riding a '62 General
   Motors class DD, model SDM-4501, split-differential Suburban
   bus with Hydromatic transmission?"

7> "I like you so much, here's your wallet back."

6> "Somehow, you just seem different than the other downtrodden
   losers who can't afford a car."

5> "Nice seat. Is it taken?"

4> "My stop's a mile away, but I'm getting off right now."

3> "Unless you and I are going at it at 50 mph, this bus is
   gonna explode!"

2> "Is it true the ride is bumpiest in the rear?"

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Pickup Line Used on a City Bus...

1> "Your breasts on the bus go up and down, up and down,
   up and down..."

v v v v v

Q: What does WIFE stand for?
A: Washing, Ironing, Fucking, Etcetera.

v v v v v

v v v v v

   There's been an awful lot of news recently about
toys from overseas being recalled for lead paint.
If only the maker of our kids could realize an
   Oops now and then and fix the damned things.

The Top 9 Manufacturer Defects That Would
   Cause a Recall of Your Kids

9> Unit experiences very unsafe wobbling when placed in upright position.

8> Regardless of the time set, the baby keeps going off at two
o'clock in the morning!

7> The engine tends to overheat around bedtime.

6> Mute button is either missing or broken.

5> Audio tantrum command controller fails to stop outbursts immediately.

4> Leaky O-ring in the rear exhaust port.

3> Chores execution system is constantly being over-ridden by
Game-Boy play controller.

2> Aural input to verbal output interface seems disturbingly
attuned to four-letter words.

and the Number 1 Manufacturer Defect
That Would Cause a Recall of Your Kids...

1> Teen-Female has somehow experienced the disappearance of her
hymen, which was clearly on the parts list upon delivery!

v v v v v

WANTED

A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.

v v v v v

You Can Hear Google Now - washingtonpost.com
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/31/
AR2007103102907.html?wpisrc=newsletter&wpisrc=newsletter
Google is in late stages of talks with various wireless carriers, including Sprint
Nextel and T-Mobile, about equipping cellphones with new software designed by the
Internet giant, according to three people familiar with the discussions.
It is one of several ventures Google is making into the wireless market as it
tries to expand its Internet advertising empire to cellphones. In addition to
forging partnerships with wireless carriers, Google is also talking to software
developers and handset makers, these people said. Official agreements could be
reached during the next two weeks.

OK… So I LIKE My iPhone ~ The Chris Pirillo Show
http://chris.pirillo.com/media/2007/08/06/okso-i-like-my-iphone/
He loves his too!!

Ring Tones and Ringbacks: Custom Cell Phones 101 : CNET Online Courses
- Tips, Tricks, and How-tos at CNET.
http://custom-cell-phone.classes.cnet.com/
Learn how to mod your mobile with custom cell phone touches such
as ring tones, ringbacks, wall paper, skins, and more. Have some style when you dial!
In this course you will learn:
* What can be added to your cell phone.
* How to use ring tones and ringbacks
* How to add wallpapers, custom screen savers and logos to your phone
* How to decorate your phone with faceplates, charms, skins, and more.

v v v v v

These three men went into business together and the first
one said:

"I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the
president and chairman of the board."

"I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second,
"so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

"Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner.
"What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music."

"That sounds mighty fine," said the third man, "but what does it mean?"

"It means what when I want your fucking advice, I'll whistle."

v v v v v

The Queen of England was touring through the new wing of a
hospital that opened in London. While on tour, she looked
into one of the rooms and saw a nurse giving a male patient
a hand job. "What is the meaning of this?" she asks the
doctor who is giving her the tour. "Your Highness, that
gentleman has a very rare disorder where his testicles fill
up with semen and he has to have an orgasm or else they will
burst." "How very terrible," the Queen replies.

The tour continues onto another floor. The Queen once again
looks into one of the rooms and sees a nurse giving a male
patient a blow job. "How do you explain this, doctor?" the
Queen asks. "Oh," he says, "he has the same condition as the
other gentleman. He just has a better health plan."

v v v v v

   Click here: Romantic Vacation Ideas - Have a More
Romantic Vacation - 50 Romantic Vacation Ideas
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/apd
Want to make your love life more romantic? Even the most ardent lover can
use romantic inspiration. Whether you're about to go on your honeymoon,
a romantic getaway, or spending time alone together at home, adding a romantic
touch will help to put both of you in a vacation mood. Try some of these
50 romantic ideas and ignite your next vacation:

   Click here: California Vacation - Guide to the Best California Vacation for Your Interests
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/apb
The best California vacation depends on you and your personal interests,
and those of your traveling companions. To help you plan a California vacation
that will be perfect for you, we've compiled some information about our most
interesting sights, attractions, places and things to do by interest. Use this guide
to help you decide where to spend the most time, or to find places off the beaten
path that may appeal to your special hobbies and passions.

v v v v v

At the end of our first date the girl told me I was crazy in the
head and I should be committed to a mental institution. Why do
women always want us to make a commitment?

v v v v v

CHICKEN CHEESE BALL

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
1 (5 oz) can chunk chicken, drained
1 (0.4 oz) Ranch-Style salad dressing mix
2 (8 oz) pkgs. cream cheese, softened
1 c. pecans, chopped

DIRECTIONS:
Combine chicken, salad dressing mix & cream cheese in a
mixing bowl, beat at medium speed with an electric mixer
until blended. Shape into a bowl & roll in pecans. Cover
and chill.

Yield: 1 cheeseball

v v v v v

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

Q) How do you make a bull sweat?
A) Give him a tight Jersey.

Q) Have you heard of the new oriental cookbook?
A) Its called 101 ways to wok your dog.

Q) If an elephants front legs were doing 60 miles per hour...what
would the back legs be doing?
A) Hauling ass !!!!!

Q) You know what elephants use as tampons....right?? Sheep. But do you
know why elephants have trunks?
A) Because sheep don't have strings.

Q) Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A) Because their peckers are on their faces.

Q) Why did the Detroit Lions hire two nuns and a prostitute for the
new season?
A) They needed two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q) Why are clams like women?
A) Because when the red tide comes you don't eat them.

Q) What do you do when your Kotex catches on fire?
A) Throw it on the floor and tampon it

Q) What do you give an 90 year old woman for her birthday"
A) Mikey....He'll eat anything!

Q) How do you make a hormone?
A) Put sand in the vasoline.

Q) What kind of pussy answers your phone?
A) An answering cervix.

v v v v v

copyright chris white
topfive.com

Today at work, I experienced the sensation of
insane goose-bump thrills one only gets from
perfectly printing a sheet of business cards on
the very first attempt. Yes, I had an Averygasm.
(Jan Lewis)


I've heard that we can learn a lot about happiness
from dogs. All I know is I just spent all afternoon
running around on all fours with a dead squirrel
in my mouth and it didn't do a thing for me.
(Stephanie Thompson)


As long as you're slower than
they are, bears probably don't care
all that much what you taste like.
(Tidewater Joe)

Humans are an odd bunch. We despise today,
even though we yearned for it yesterday
and will look upon it favorably tomorrow.
Unless we're talking about a Monday, in
which case you should forget all that.
(Jarrod Starr)

v v v v v

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying mydaughter''s room and I
found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. Ididn't even know that she smoked!"

"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidyingmy daughter''s
room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under herbed. I
didn't even know that she drank!"

"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s
room last week and you''ll never guess what Ifound in her bedside cabinet: a
packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a penis!"

v v v v v

*submitted by*
jacksinfl@yahoo.com

I was up at the clubhouse this weekend, and had taken my drink out to the
porch to watch the golfer play through. Out there were two ladies
just passing the time of day. As I approached I could over hear them as I
sat down. Seems one was doing all the bragging and all the other one ever
said was "that's nice". The one lady who was dressed to the 9's was telling
her that her husband just gave her a brand new Jaguar, which the other lady
said,"that's nice.' from jewelery to fancy homes, to domestic help, the rich
lady was pouring it on. That's nice,, was still the only comment from the other.

The rich lady then told her she had attended the best colleges and schools
where she received all the best training in being a perfect lady, she then
asked other lady where she went to school. "Oh, I went to an all girls
school in Rochester, NY."

What did you learn at THAT school, the rich one said.

We learned to say "that's nice, instead of 'Fuck you.'"

v v v v v

   Click here: Best Games for Family Gatherings - Board Games and Card Games
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/apY
When you get the whole family together, sometimes it can be difficult to choose
a game to play. Sometimes it seems like you have too many people for a game,
and sometimes everyone wants to play something different. Fret no more.
Here are some picks for the best games to play at family gatherings.

   Click here: PC World - In Pictures: 15 Hot Games You'll Be Playing During the Holidays
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,134551/article.html?tk=nl_wbxsld
As E3 2007 powers down, we've been able to see some of the top
games that will be available by the end of the year.

   Click here: Monopoly
http://www.gamehouse.com/gamedetails/?game=monoployc&
navpage=downloadgames&utm_source=gamehouse-house&utm_medium=email&
utm_content=2007-07-26_link3&utm_campaign=newsletter_2007-07-26
   Own it all with this amazing version of the best-known and loved Monopoly game
that brings this timeless family treat to vivid life like never before. Roll the dice and
watch the cleverly animated tokens bounce around the board. Challenge your friends and
family to exciting Monopoly fun, or play against an advanced AI with multiple
difficulty settings. Even change the rules to suit your own tastes and styles! A
stirring update to a game that's been a family favorite for more than 70 years, Monopoly
is a must-have for any game library. Whether you're creating new cherished memories,
or rekindling your youth, Monopoly is always the favorite choice!

v v v v v

A Russian woman recently gave birth to a 17-pound
baby -- and TopFive's microphones were there!

The Top 15 Things Heard at the Delivery of the 17-Pound Baby
(Part I)

15> "Call the fire department -- I think we might need the
   jaws of life."

14> "You two hold it up so I can spank it!"

13> "Quick, pick up the baby! The doctor can't breathe."

12> "The name? We were going with Nikolai, but now we're thinking
   Hagrid."

11> "The ultrasound clearly showed twins. I'll bet this one *ate*
   the other one."

10> "Nurse, call the anesthesiologist and tell him to prepare
   the Robert Downey, Jr. Special painkiller."

9> "Congratulations, it's a girl. And you really don't want
   to know where that echo is coming from."

8> "That settles it; no more weekends in Chernobyl!"

7> "Funny, that hole in the birthing room wall is shaped just
   like the wet nurse."

6> "You might want to skip the nipple and go directly to feeding
   this one borscht."

5> "You're dilated 16 inches! Almost there!"

4> "We'll wait until he gets a bit older to surgically remove
   the trunk and tail."

3> "Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Shamu -- it's a boy."

2> "Hi, I'm Yashima Tanaka, Japan's greatest -- and fastest,
   I might add -- sumo agent."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Heard
at the Delivery of the 17-Pound Baby...

1> "Nadya, how could you?!? Vhy you have American baby?!?"

v v v v v

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber
with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.

He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!"

The frightened bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!"

The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"

The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and
kids! I'll do whatever you say!"

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head
and says, "Alright, now give me a blowjob!"

"Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!"

The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited,
he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it
up, hands it back to the crook and yells,

"Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in!"

v v v v v

Faces of the Fallen: Iraq and Afghanistan Casualties | washingtonpost.com
http://projects.washingtonpost.com/fallen/)
US service members who died in Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom
View service members by age, year of death, home state, etc. Pictures are posted as well

Companion Web site for the PBS Series: The War, A Film by Ken Burns
(Experiencing War: Stories from the Veterans H
http://www.loc.gov/vets/stories/thewar/
As a partner with filmmaker Ken Burns and PBS on The War, the Veterans History
Project (VHP) offers this special Web site to enhance the viewing experience of
this epic yet intimate look at those who sacrificed so much to serve their country
during World War II. Select an episode link on the left to view stories from veterans
whose collections are now part of the Library of Congress.

v v v v v


The Top 16 Scariest New Halloween Costumes

16> Phil Spector's hair

15> Subpoena-wielding RIAA lawyer

14> Lexus transmission repair bill

13> Big wad of trans-fat

12> Girls-Gone-Wild reject

11> 30-year-old child moving back home

10> Michael Jackson, Pediatrician

9> The Larry Craig Tapping Toe

8> Britney the daycare worker

7> Drunk Blackwater soldier-for-hire

6> That guy at the office who keeps asking if you saw "Heroes"
last night

5> Giant IPhone bill

4> Out-on-bail O.J. Simpson

3> Wide-Stance Man

2> Toddler chewing on a Chinese toy

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Scariest New Halloween Costume...

1> Lindsey Lohan's car key


v v v v v

Paws to Give Thanks 2007
https://secure.ga4.org/01/paws07
Paws to give thanks to the amazing people at North Shore Animal League

Virginia Puppy Mill
http://www.nsalamerica.org/rescues/virginia/
On November 8, 2007, North Shore Animal League America embarked on a rescue
mission to save 132 endangered dogs from a puppy mill in Hillsville, Virginia.
Preparing for a round trip journey of more than 1,100 miles, the League’s mobile
units were packed up with the necessary provisions and ready to assess whatever
conditions they were to encounter. When the League’s team of dedicated
professionals arrived at the dismal destination, they worked diligently
assisting with examinations, vaccinations, taking the dogs for walks, keeping
them exercised, distributing feedings and keeping the chaos of hundreds of
stressed dogs down to a minimum.
Now safe in the League’s care, these dogs, who are six months old
and up, are getting ready to be placed for adoption.

   Click here: ASPCA: Free Animal Poison Control Center Magnet
http://www.aspca.org/site/PageServer?pagename=pro_apcc_ma
gnet_dogfancy&JServSessionIdr007=v19u1kuq01.app20b
   In the event of an emergency, our pet rescue window decal alerts rescue personnel
that pets are inside your home. The safety pack also includes an ASPCA Animal
Poison Control Center magnet—a great way to keep the APCC's toll-free emergency
number and website address handy in case your pets get
into something they shouldn’t!

   Click here: Video: Dancer, the 4-inch, 18-ounce Chihuahua - Orlando Sentinel : News
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/orl-html-dogvideo042707,0,368946.htmlstory
The smallest dog in the world - precious!

   Click here: Abbott & Costello Show - Free Shows - Listen Now!
http://www.freeotrshows.com/otr/a/Abbott_and_costellow_Show.html
If you are a fan of these guys, you'll love this

   Click here: YouTube - Massage Therapy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9j0rvGwds9U&mode=related&search=
ROFLMAO

Poop on Vick Dog T-Shirt : funny dog : CafePress.com
http://www.cafepress.com/buy/funny+dog/-/pv_design_prod/p_2580406.1
59183839/pNo_159183839/id_21224998/fpt_/opt_/c_666/pg_1
Oh do I ever LOVE this

v v v v v

*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know
how you and God are alike?"

I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, "Son, when
you grow up, you can marry any girl you please."

When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I
could not please any of them.

v v v v v

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint"

Mark Twain

v v v v v

A carpenter was very depressed. One day, in his workshop, he took
his own life by swallowing an entire can of shellac. It was a
horrible end but a beautiful finish.

v v v v v

   Click here: Clean Leather - How to Remove Stains From Leather Video - About.com
http://video.about.com/housekeeping/How-to-Clean-Leather.htm
   Thought it was impossible to remove stains from leather? Watch how to clean
your favorite piece of leather so it looks brand new.

   Clean Silver - How to Clean Silver - Polish Silver Video - About.com
http://video.about.com/housekeeping/How-to-Clean-Silver.htm
You can keep your sterling silver pieces shining with these polishing tips. Learn how
to clean silver with both polishing paste and liquid cleaner

v v v v v

*submitted by*
jacksinfl@yahoo.com

One afternoon while watching a football game on TV, my 4 year old son called
me over to the living room window. He pointed out two dogs out in the yard,
making woopee. He wanted to know what they were doing. I was in no mood to
start a whole lesson on sexuality at his very early age. I thought awhile
and told him, "see the dog in the back, he broke his leg and the one in
front is taking him back home."

My son looked for a few seconds, turned and looked at me, and said,

"Gee Dad, they are just like people."

   I said, "What do you mean" and he said,
"Try to help someone and they screw you."

v v v v v

A researcher at SUNY-Stony Brook found that when mice stand on a vibrating
platform for 15 minutes a day, they lose fat and gain bone density. They also
can't stop smiling.

v v v v v

   Click here: Rose Photo Gallery
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DpQ
Pretty pics of roses from the gardens of readers of about.com

   Click here: Video - How to Stake a Tree - Stake a Tree
http://video.about.com/landscaping/staking-trees.--8h.htm
Protecting a new or young tree by staking it enables it to grow the strong root
system it needs to secure itself in the ground. Learn how to stake a tree.

Tip of the Week
Instead of bagging leaves this fall, gather them, shred them with a lawn mower
and either stockpile them or use them as a leaf mulch on garden beds. The layer
should be no more than two inches thick. The leaves will break down over
the winter to build the soil and keep winter weeds at bay.

v v v v v

THANKSGIVING
by Jack Prelutsky

The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air
it knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair

It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom
then splattered all over the kitchen
completely obscuring the room

It stuck to the walls and the windows
it totally coated the floor
there was turkey attached to the ceiling
where there'd never been turkey before

It blanketed every appliance
it smeared every saucer and bowl
there wasn't a way I could stop it
that turkey was out of control

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure
and thought with chagrin as I mopped
that I'd never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.

v v v v v

I remember the time Mrs Jim Jr tried a new method of roasting our
Thanksgiving turkey. The instructions said to wrap it in aluminum
foil and cook until brown.

At 5:00 I asked how dinner was coming and she said, "It'll still
be a while yet, this foil still isn't turning brown."

v v v v v

   Click here: What is Tagging? ~ The Chris Pirillo Show
http://chris.pirillo.com/media/2007/06/11/what-is-tagging/
What is tagging, and how do I tag my photos? Tagging refers to using keywords
to describe something, like your photos or videos. So, if you were looking for videos
for the PSP, you would search for videos tagged with "PSP" or "portable video."

Cleaning Windows XP with the Disk Cleanup Tool
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesArticle/id-2633.h
tml?cid=etipArticleLink?cid=articleFeature
Windows XP includes a tool that has the express task of helping
you clean your hard drive. Bearing the moniker Disk Cleanup tool,
you might think that it can be helpful in taming your data. In
reality, the Disk Cleanup tool just barely scratches the surface
in helping clean up your data. More at the site!


v v v v v

A Department of Agriculture report said there may not be enough
turkeys to go around this year. How can that be, with Thanksgiving
and election debates in the same month?

v v v v v

Long, long ago an old Indian chief was about to die, so he
called for Geronimo and Falling Rocks, the two bravest
warriors in his tribe.

The chief instructed each to go out and seek buffalo skins.
Whoever returned with the most skins would be chief.

About a month later Geronimo came back with one hundred
pelts, but, sadly, Falling Rocks never returned.

Today as you drive through the West you can see the evidence
of love and devotion the tribe had for this brave. At nearly
every mile marker there are signs saying:

KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR FALLING ROCKS.

v v v v v

   Click here: 2007 Arthritis Today Drug Guide
http://www.arthritis.org/AFStore/singleproduct.asp?idproduct=3819
The 2007 Arthritis Today Drug Guide is like having your own on-call doctor. Use
it as a reference to learn about the medications you are currently taking, newly approved
drugs or drugs you would simply like to know more about. Includes infomation on
the newest approved biologics and updates on the FDA's recently
added NSAID warnings. Good lord it's free!

   Click here: American Dietetic Association
http://www.eatright.org/cps/rde/xchg/ada/hs.xsl/index.html
Tip of the day, monthly features, and more

   Click here: Emergency Kits Making an Emergency Household Kit
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/aDX
Experts advise storage of one gallon of water per person per day. At least
3 days of water for each family member and pet should be stored for emergencies.

   Click here: Ways to Protect Your Family From Carbon Monoxide Poisoning
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/aDY
According to the Home Safety Council, even though nearly 70 percent of people
burn fuel to heat their homes, more than two-thirds don't have carbon monoxide
detectors. Are you in this number? If so, keep reading to find
out how to protect your family.

Click here: Plantar Fasciitis
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5Dsf
Plantar fasciitis is a common, painful foot condition. Patients, and sometimes
doctors often confuse the terms plantar fasciitis and heel spurs. Plantar fasciitis
refers to the syndrome of inflammation of the band of tissue that runs from
the heel along the arch of the foot; a heel spur is a hook of bone that can form on
the heel bone (calcaneus). About 70% of patients with plantar fasciitis have been
noted to have a heel spur that can be seen on X-Ray.

3 tips to make plan D planning pay off :: CHICAGO SUN-TIMES :: Terry Savage
http://www.suntimes.com/business/savage/635526,CST-FIN-Terry05a.article)
DON'T WAIT until the last minute to compare Part D plans. If you don't
have computer access or skills, call 800-MEDICARE now, before the phone lines
get crowded. If the least-expensive plan is too expensive for you, contact the
nearest Social Security office about the federal "Extra Help" program.

v v v v v

A young woman in New York was so depressed that
she decided to end her life by throwing herself into
the East River. She went down to the docks and was
about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome
young sailor saw her on the edge of the pier, crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so
much to live for. I'm Off to Hawaii in the morning,
and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.
I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."

Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder
and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me
happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she
have to lose? Perhaps a Fresh start in Hawaii would give
her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her
in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought
her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they
made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she
was discovered by the Captain. "What are you doing
here?" the Captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,"
she explained. "I get food and a trip to Hawaii ,
and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the Captain said. "This is the
Staten Island Ferry".

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

Two friends had agreed to meet at a resort for a weekend of
fishing. The first arrived on Friday evening, as scheduled,
but his fishing buddy never showed up.
Finally about lunch-time the next day, the tardy fisherman
arrived beaten and bandaged.

When asked what the hell had happened, the wounded man
replied, "The last thing I remember is stopping at the
highway rest stop and spotting a parked car with what
appeared to be people in the back seat, so I stuck my head
through the window and asked, 'Hey, just how far is The
Olde Log Inn?'"

v v v v v

*submitted by*
sammy562@yahoo.com
Biertijd.com // Media » Damon Scott & Bubbles
http://www.biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=3076

2. Jeff Dunham in New York
(http://www.funny-city.com/1752/wmv/

3. YouTube - America's Got Talent: Terry Fator - That's Amore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuoR6OM6KxA&NR=1

v v v v v

After the birth of her new baby, my cousin brought him to my place
for a visit.

While there, she decided to prepare dinner one night and the three
of us went to the grocery store to get the things she needed.

While she was shopping, her cousin was holding the baby and slowly
meandering through the place.

A woman walked past her, knocked her purse from her shoulder, put
her hand on her arm, looked at her in the eye and said, "I'm sorry."

She said it wasn't a problem and we each went on our way.

When she told her cousin about it she insisted that she had just
been hit by a pickpocket.

She checked and found her wallet and keys were still in her purse.

It wasn't until at work the next day that she discovered the
missing item...a sanitary napkin.

v v v v v

Working Women and Issues in the Workplace
http://womensissues.about.com/od/intheworkplace/Issues_in_the_Workplace.htm)
Many of the biggest workplace challenges facing women revolve around gender.
Why do females still earn less than males holding the same job? Will the
glass ceiling ever be shattered? Is a balance between family and career
attainable? What will it take to establish a work environment
where gender is a non-issue?

Girls, Teens and Young Women
http://womensissues.about.com/od/girlsteensyoung
women/Girls_Teens_and_Yound_Women.htm
Growing up female in America is harder than ever. Most mothers acknowledge
they didn't have to face half the issues that confront their daughters today.
Media and peer pressure, teenage sex and abstinence, friendships and
relationships - all complicate the life of a young woman who's just trying to
make it to adulthood

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

A girl (blonde) had devised a device to cause any car that passed in
front of her house to suddenly break down but couldn't find any
practical way to profit from it. So, thinking clearly, she set up the
device, and as the cars passed the house and broke down, she'd offer
the man in the car a place to stay for the night. Then as soon as the man
was asleep, he'd be jarred awake by her with his penis in her mouth,
and she'd hold a sign up saying "$50 or I'll bite hard!".

Of course usually the guy would pay and she'd let him go. Well one day
a guy broke down, and had to stay the night. Sure enough, he felt
something between his legs at night, and there she is with him in her
mouth and holding the sign "$50 or I'll bite."

The guy just smiled and said "$100 or I'll piss!"

v v v v v

HOLIDAY SPINACH CASSEROLE

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
4 packages frozen spinach, (10 oz each)
12 ounces cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup butter, melted, divided
2 cups seasoned bread crumbs
1 cup shredded parmesan cheese
paprika

DIRECTIONS:
Thaw spinach and press or squeeze to remove excess water.
Grease a casserole dish and set aside. In a large mixing bowl,
combine the spinach, cream cheese, parmesan and 1/4 cup of
melted butter. Spoon into casserole dish. Sprinkle with the
breadcrumbs and paprika, and drizzle with remaining 1/4 cup
of butter. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.

YIELD: 8 Servings

v v v v v

Mens Grooming - Body
http://mensfashion.about.com/od/groomingface/Grooming_Body.htm
We all know that physical appearance plays an enormous role in
determining how others perceive us. With these impressions being somewhat
skin-deep, it pays to look younger, or at least well kept, whether in the
workplace or in the dating arena. I will provide you with top secrets and
resources so you can maintain a healthy or youthful appearance
and a winning edge.

v v v v v

We took the family to one of those restaurants where the walls
are plastered with movie memorabilia. I went to see the hostess
about reserving a table.

When I returned, I found my 11-year-old daughter staring at a
poster of Superman standing in a phone booth. She looked puzzled.

"Doesn't she know who Superman is?" I whispered to my husband.

"Worse," he replied, "she doesn't know what a phone both is."

v v v v v

OLD but still so funny
( I got this from a lot of you!! )

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

* If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

* If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

* If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay
on the line so we can trace your call.

* If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to
the Mother Ship.

* If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.

* If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

* If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

* If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before
the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

* If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

* If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too
busy to talk with you.

* If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan,
lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

* If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.



   v v v v v

** I KNOW --- I don't like these links either -- but I am having a hard time
finding things that are naughty and not porn


Retirement
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1711.html
Here!

This is WHY you don't cheat ...
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1712.html
Here!

...use it on the leaves!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1713.html
Here!

Booby trapped
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1714.html
Here!

He'll never hear the end of it from the rest of the herd!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1715.html
Here!

How To Get What You Want...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200406/048.htm
Here

I see your problem....
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1710.html
Here!

Wanna ride?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1716.html
Here!

You & King Kong?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1717.html
Here!



v v v v v



Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control

v v v v v

Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making! So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place

but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind

v v v v v

©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'

v v v v v

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