Rockin' and Rollin'

Editor:   DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor:   DebsSweet

UGHHHHHHH

Let's see if I can explain this problem that I am having with hyperlinks. In order
to put together this newsletter, I use AOL 5.0 and 6.0. I love the new 9.0 VR but it won't
let me edit correctly and the hyperlinks in emails won't show up as hyperlinks
when I go to 5.0 to put them in the newsletter. You see, 5.0 is so old that it
doesn't provide for internet capability on new computers. SO I used 6.0 because it
allowed for internet website browsing AND the hyperlinks showed up in 5.0!!

The problem is that 6.0 can't be downloaded anymore. I have tried everything,
even ordering old 6.0 CD's from ebay! I also tried bribing an AOL techie
but he says it's impossible to download it and that I shouldn't even be able to download
5.0! *sigh*   I have tried Microsoft Word and it takes so much longer to
put together and upload graphics that it made me frustrated and I knew I couldn't
put up with that every day! Suffice it to say I have tried so many options, none work so
here I am with no hyperlinks for you. So until something better comes along - this is
it folks. If anyone needs to know how to copy and paste, you go ask me or
google it. It's easy as pie.

(Oh yes, the hyperlinks you see under the NAUGHTY section were obtained
from an email --- and they don't use AOL - oh lord it's so hard to explain)

'nuff said on that

Here's what you came here for:

There are some awfully funny videos about the iPhone
in the SILLIES section - check 'em out!

The Top 16 Signs Your Barber Is Crazy

16> Starts each visit by wrapping your genitals in a hot towel.

15> "It's red! It's white! It's red! It's white! Oh boy, here
   comes red again!"

14> His blow dryer: a can of hair spray and a lit cigar.

13> Explains he's out of shaving cream, then starts licking
   your face.

12> Mounted on a plaque over the door are the ears of his very
   first customer.

11> When you point out that your sideburns are uneven, he
   rectifies it by grafting on some of his pubic hair.

10> The only magazine in the waiting area is "Deranged Tonsorial
   Engineer Monthly."

9> You discover too late that he's never heard the expression
   "I want my ears lowered."

8> "And where would you like your part today, Mr. White?"

7> Tries to convince every teenaged guy to go for the "Farrah
   Fawcett look."

6> While you thought a new Mohawk might make you look "edgy,"
   the Klingon brow ridges he added are closer to "psychotic."

5> He brags about the time he cut Sinatra's hair -- last week.

4> Before he sweeps up, he invites you down on the floor with
   him to make hair angels.

3> Flowbee + nitrous blower + crystal meth = world's fastest
   haircut, baby!

2> Asks you if you'd prefer the Don King or the Bald Britney.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your Barber Is Crazy...

1> There's a Silly Straw sticking out of the disinfectant jar
   and his tongue is blue.

v v v v v

I know that there are people in this world who do not love
their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

Tom Lehrer

v v v v v

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking,"
and then I thought: What good would that do?

Ronnie Shakes

v v v v v

E-mail Hops

Have you ever received an error message in your e-mail program titled "E-mail Hops" or
something similar? It may say something like "too many hops." Well, if you have encountered this
   before, what does it mean exactly? If you don't know already, keep reading for an answer!

Every time you send out an e-mail over a network, it has to pass through several different
computers before it finally lands in your recipient's Inbox. Each computer that it goes
through is called a hop. So, if you get the "too many hops" error message, it basically means there
were too many transfers between your e-mail and the recipient's. Most e-mail programs
have a set limit of hops that an e-mail can do and if yours goes over that amount,
the delivery attempt will automatically be terminated.

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to prevent the e-mail hops error. One of the
best things to do is probably talk to your system administrator (your ISP) about the problem.
If you're having a frequent hop problem with one or two e-mail addresses in your address
book, they may be able to increase the number of hops allowed for those particular addresses.
This probably doesn't come around too often, but if it ever hits you, you'll know how to handle it!

Erin
worldstart.com

v v v v v

An Italian woman who had her breasts enlarged with the biggest
silicone implants available is being hunted by police after she
skipped out on the $9,500 plastic surgery bill.

Police say they have few leads as the woman used a false name but
are relying on a photograph and her unusually large bra size to
find her, a newspaper reported Thursday.

The woman secretly exited from an exclusive private hospital in
Rome a day after the two-hour operation which doubled her bust size,
her plastic surgeon told police.

v v v v v

A Florida man has been besieged with job offers - after he was
sacked for saving a woman from an armed robber.

Juan Canal lost his job as a waiter with a restaurant in Fort
after his boss got sick of the media attention. But he

quickly received new job offers once the twist to the story was
reported in the local press.

Canal was fired after subduing a knife-wielding robber who tried
to steal a Honda car from a woman customer. He

disarmed the man then, with the help of three other men, managed
to hold the robber down until police arrived.

Mr. Canales then spent an hour talking to police and the media. He
returned to work but when the lunch shift ended, his boss fired him.

"The owner got belligerent" about all the attention his scuffle
with the carjacker generated,"said Juan.

v v v v v

v v v v v

There is a tri-state area dog food recall. The tainted dog food
will be rounded up and fed to Michael Vick.

v v v v v

NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:

   The dreary departed Queen of Mean left
her dog, Trouble, $12 million in her
   will. By comparison, the grandchildren
she didn't disinherit outright only get
a measly $5 million apiece. How will
   Trouble spend her fortune?

The Top 8 Things Leona Helmsley's Dog Will Do with $12 Million

8> $2 Million to anyone that gets rid of the old lady smell.

7> Not pay taxes. That’s for chihuahuas.

6> Pay to have every cat in America spayed or neutered.

5> Buy Tinkerbell's freedom from that Paris bitch.

4> "Prima noce" rights with every future male Westminster winner.

3> Hire a decorated detective bloodhound away from Scotland Yard
   to do all her butt-sniffing.

2> Put out a professional hit on the Hollywood exec who
   green-lighted that Underdog movie.

and the Number 1 Thing Leona Helmsley's
Dog Will Do with $12 Million...

1> "Package for you, Mr. Vick."

v v v v v

*submitted by*
Martinavich

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion.
I kept staring at a drunken lady, swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed. "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she began
drinking right after we split up those many years ago. I hear she hasn't
been sober since."

"My God!" said my wife. "Who would think a person could
go on celebrating that long?"

v v v v v

Most Affordable Luxury Cars - Forbes.com
http://www.forbes.com/vehicles/2007/07/05/vehicles-cars-
affordable-forbeslife-cx_jh_0706vehicles.html?partner=aol
Preparing to plunk down $61,715 on a brand-new Lexus LS460? Save your money.
Instead, buy a $30,000 _IS 250_ (http://www.forbes.com/2007/07/05/vehicles-cars-
affordable-forbeslife-cx_jh_0706vehicles_slide_8.html) . Toss in another $5,000 worth
of options, and you get the prestige of the _Lexus_ (http://www.forbesautos.com/showroom/lexus)
plus many of the same bells and whistles, including heated and ventilated front seats, bi-xenon
headlights and an optional sound system that includes DVD-player.

v v v v v

A Taiwanese woman's breast implant was reportedly burst by a
bee sting.

The 31-year-old woman was wearing a low-cut dress while riding
her motorcycle when her right breast was stung by a bee.

"My right breast disappeared in only two days," said the woman,
who received the implant three years ago.

v v v v v

"The man responsible for making popcorn a movie theater snack has
passed away. His family was going to get him a regular casket,
but then decided to get the extra large one was the better deal
because it came with a medium Coke."

David Letterman

v v v v v

   Who knew it took becoming a father
to realize there even was such a
nightmarish term as "shitalanche"?

v v v v v

PC World - PC World Downloads - Sandboxie
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,64708/description.html?tk=nl_hsxdwn
Sandboxie is a free, but complicated tool, that holds downloads and their
installations in a sandbox until you decide they're not harmful.

they.misled.us » Dark Room
http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=siybo6bab.0.58f9w5bab.usova9bab.157&ts=S
0241&p=http%3A%2F%2Fthey.misled.us%2Fdark-room
Dark Room is a full screen, distraction free, writing environment. Unlike standard word
processors that focus on features, Dark Room is just about you and your text.
Basically, Dark Room is a clone of the original WriteRoom that is an OS X (tiger)
exclusive application. It is a child of necessity, as there were no viable alternatives in
Windows to produce the same behavior. Sure, you can kind of emulate the behavior by jumping
through a bunch of hoops in Word/Writer, but it isn’t the same. Also, you can do something similar in
emacs, but who wants to learn a bunch of obscure keyboard shortcuts?
The goal of the project is to capture the essence of WriteRoom, while keeping it simple and just as free.

Keybreeze - Type shortcuts into a command-line,
program launcher toolbar.
http://www.keybreeze.com/
Type keywords to open files, folders, and websites.
Type commands to check the weather, get memory usage, shut down your computer...
Search Google, Dictionary.com, Wikipedia, eBay, and other websites by typing _letter commands
Examples: s:mp3s, d:plaudit, w:omega-3, etc.
Typ functions to change the display settings of a window.
Extremely fast and low in memory usage.

v v v v v

A Russian province is today holding a Conception Day in an effort
to boost flagging birth rates.

September 12 is officially called Family Contact Day in the
Ulyanovsk province.

The day is about "encouraging procreation" and was the brainchild
of the governor.

The event is timed precisely nine months ahead of Russia's next
year's Constitution Day so that mothers "ideally should give birth
on June 12", said a spokeswoman for the administration.

Prizes ranging from a television to a Russian-made all-terrain
vehicle will be given out to people who give birth on June 12.

Local human rights activist Alexandria Bragin complained, "We've
already sunk to the level where the governor is ordering us on
what day to have sex and on what day to give birth."

v v v v v

The Top 14 Signs Someone You Know Has Pirate Fever

14> Despite the fact that it's 103 in the shade, his timbers are
   still shiverin'.

13> Last week had 20/20 vision, but now wears a patch over *both*
   eyes and uses a seeing-eye parrot.

12> He's got this crazy obsession for Peter Pan, and he's not in NAMBLA.

11> While the sea chanteys and hornpipe made for a refreshing
   change of pace, you would have preferred that the cantor
   perform something more traditional at your grandmother's funeral.

10> "Arrggh! What be ye talkin' about, Willis?"

9> Even addresses that dreadful gnome in the tollbooth as "me
   proud beauty."

8> Every day this week she's insisted on eating lunch at Arrrrrrrrrrrby's.

7> He's banned from the strip joint after the dancers complain
   about having their G-strings stuffed with ice-cold doubloons.

6> On his first day of fencing lessons, he decapitates the instructor.

5> Just posed for a "Got Scurvy?" ad.

4> The bandanna, eye shadow and beaded beard are quite a
   change, but then nobody expected Ari Fleischer's final
   press conference to be the same old same old.

3> Hubby's got a wooden leg this morning. Again.

2> Insists that sausage mascot got what she deserved.

   and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign
Someone You Know Has Pirate Fever...

1> He's teaching his Rottweiler to sit -- on his shoulder.

v v v v v

New R&B Albums: 2007
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DMj
March was a hot month for R&B - new releases by major artists like Musiq Soulchild,
Joss Stone and Lloyd burned up the charts. April doesn't look to be as strong of a month,
but the second album by Ne-Yo looks destined to chart high, plus the new albums by
veteran artists Joe and Anthony Hamilton look pretty good. March's most intriguing
release however, just might be the deluxe edition of Beyonce's B'Day. Not only does it include
four new songs on the main disc, there's also a bonus disc of new material as well.

In Appreciation of 2 Pop Legends Back in Stores -
Elton John and Stevie Nicks
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DMg
This week music fans finally have available the first single disc greatest hits
collections spanning the full hit-making careers of 2 true living legends in pop music.
If you are old enough to remember the peaks of their careers, popping either Elton John's
Rocket Man: Number Ones or Stevie Nicks' Crystal Visions into your CD player
will bring plenty of pleasant memories flooding back. In case you've forgotten,
here's more information to remind you.

Top 10 Albums of 1980
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DMh
Here’s a look at 10 of the finest and most influential albums that made their most notable
impact during the calendar year of 1980. At the transitional period between punk and
new wave, the best music tended to feature sweeping arena rock styles or some
   kind of early alternative rock, as the video age had yet to bring forth the new wave explosion
of pop and dance music. Some of these albums have built their reputations slowly over the
years as almost cult favorites, while others drew immediate critical and commercial
acclaim upon release. All were essential records of the time.

v v v v v

There was a major sale at Victoria's Secret and the guy wanted to
get his girl some really sexy lingerie. The store was packed with
women for this big sale and before he knew it, he was pushed and
shoved by frantic women all trying to get at the merchandise. He
remained calm for as long as he could, then bowed his head
and pushed hard and effectively and plowed through the crowd
of women. "Hey you!" an angry female voice yelled out at him,
"Try acting like a gentleman!"

"That's what I have been doing," He retorted, "But since that
isn't working out for me, I'm gonna now act like you ladies!"

v v v v v

"Here's news: A 90-year-old man has become a father. I'm lucky at
my age if I can get the cap off the Viagra"

David Letterman

v v v v v

*submitted by*
DeVulcano
~*~ Good Morning Sweet Friend ~*~
http://www.spiritisup.com/gmsweetfriendcc.html

2. ~*~ Honey Bunch Kisses ~*~
http://www.spiritisup.com/honeybunchkisseshw.html

v v v v v


"Not such a great day for Atlanta. They're considering banning baggy
pants. The pants drag too low and expose too much. Apparently
Atlanta politicians are worried about the crack problem"

Craig Ferguson

v v v v v

"Summer is almost over. I'm going to miss going to the beach,
because if there's one thing girls love, it's a bypass scar"

David Letterman

v v v v v

A cargo van filled with cages carrying more than 700 gerbils,
rats, mice and other rodents overturned Friday, sending the animals
scurrying onto a highway and sparking a bizarre large-scale rescue
of the small animals.

The accident occurred when the van driver fell asleep at the wheel
in Zanesville, Ohio, and ran off the left side of the road, hit
a guardrail, overturned and slid onto the shoulder.

The animals, being transported in plastic cages, made a break
for freedom.

"We caught 23 varmints outside the vehicle. We caught another 25
inside the vehicle," said a police spokesperson.

"We gave up after a while. How were we ever going to catch the
other 650 critters in the dark," he explained.

v v v v v

   Before you harp on the young folk for the way they
spell "boyz" and "kidz," just remember that it's that same
kind of innovation that gave us cheez.

v v v v v

Use True-Color Icons
annoyances.org

Intended For Windows XP Windows 2000
Windows Me Windows 98 Windows 95

Windows supports true-color icons (16-bit/65,000 colors or higher) for
users with displays that can support them. However,
there are two obstacles to using them on your system. First, you need
to turn on Windows' support for true-color icons
(which may not be enabled on your system). Secondly, you need to
be able to create these icons (most icon
editors only support 16-colors). Here's what you need to do:

To enable true-color icons:
First of all, your display color-depth needs to be set to 16-bit or higher. Double-click on the Display icon in Control Panel,
and click on the Settings tab. Adjust the Color Palette to your liking. Note: Your video card or monitor may
not support the higher color depths necessary to use true-color icons.

Next, choose the Effects tab, and make sure the Show Icon Using All Possible Colors option is checked.
Press Ok when you're done.

If your Show Icon Using All Possible Colors option is grayed out, open the Registry Editor
(http://www.annoyances.org/exec/show/registry), navigate to HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Control Panel\Desktop,
and change the UserPreferencesMask value to 9c 00 00 80.

To create true-color icons:
Create a Windows Bitmap (.BMP), 32 pixels by 32 pixels, any color depth,
and save it to a directory on your hard disk.
In the properties window (right-click on the icon) of any shortcut, choose the Program tab,
click Change Icon, and specify your new .BMP file.

v v v v v

The cruel deception of diaper makers is that
names like Pampers, Huggies and Luvs in no
way prepare you for the horror you find inside.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
WaltWiso

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally,
and by hand. This virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreational-Killer
(WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone
else via any means

DO NOT TOUCH IT.

This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should
come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good
friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase the antidote known as
Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or
Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote
repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5
friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

v v v v v

Apple's iPhone vulnerable to hackers: report | Tech News on ZDNet_
http://ct.zdnet.com/clicks?t=39343327-806f0115a755e77dbd661609f3a0db00-bf&s=5&fs=0
Researchers working for Independent Security Evaluators, a company that tests its
clients' computer security by hacking it, said that they could take control of iPhones
through a WiFi connection or by tricking users into going to a Web site that
contains malicious code, the paper said.

v v v v v

The Top 10 Swimming Pool Pickup Lines
(Part I)

10> "I noticed you thrashing around. Would you like to hold onto
   my floaties?"

9> "You do know how to inflate your raft, don't you? Just put
   your lips together and blow."

8> "I'm worried about you getting a sunburn. How about I cover
   you with my body?"

7> "Don't save me! Let me go down three times."

6> "Wanna go back to my place and do something about that shrinkage?"

5> "Come on, I'm a wealthy neglected housewife, you're a pool
   boy. It's practically required by law that you do me."

4> "Sorry, babe, did I make you all wet?"

3> "Now how'd you manage to fit that great big thing into that
   little ol' Speedo?"

2> "Wanna join the 9-foot-deep-end-of-the-pool club?"

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Swimming Pool Pickup Line...

1> "If everybody here accidentally drowned, the first bloated
   corpse I'd pull out would be yours, sweetheart."

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.

Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he
looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that
Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom
and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the
comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started
adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated,
she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door
and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your
Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

v v v v v

Now boarding: Fluffy and Fido - Travel Tips
http://g.msn.com/0NL49287/8648
What you need to know about flying with your pets

Stay-healthy travel abroad tips - Travel Tips
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17297493/
Forget earthquakes, tsunamis and the possibility of an avian flu pandemic. They may
hog all the headlines, but the real health dangers to international travelers
are much more mundane — and often avoidable.
The truth is, even when traveling to the most adventurous destinations, the most
common health hazards are mosquitoes, water and plain old traffic accidents.

12 new things to see this year - US and Canada
http://g.msn.com/0NL49287/8649
Perhaps you've heard about the Grand Canyon Skywalk, a glass observation deck
that will jut out from the edge of the canyon 4,000 feet over the Colorado River. The
Skywalk is scheduled to open to the public some time in March, and promises
to be one of the most interesting new places to visit this year.
But did you also know that an outdoor digital art gallery is coming to Dallas? And
that a complex of nature walks and museums is opening in Las Vegas? Or that a Shakespeare
festival in Washington, D.C., is putting fresh spins on the bard's timeless plays, including a
real Supreme Court justice presiding over a trial of Hamlet?

v v v v v

It's strange how you can never drink the
last swallow of soda in the can, but your toddler can
always spill it on the carpet.

v v v v v

Why did the students flunk the final exam at the Magician's School?

They were all trick questions.

v v v v v

When some guy at the gym tries to make fun of
me by saying my penis is the size of a worm,
I like to respond with, "Oh, yeah, a *tapeworm*,
dude!" 'Cause they can get pretty long,
you know, and it's the size that matters.
(Tidewater Joe)

I was thrilled when I bought a shiny,
expensive new sports car -- until I
considered the message I was sending
to the world about the size of my penis.
(Kimberly Ciesiolka)

Today, I just finished viewing every last
porn picture on the Internet. Thank God
a fresh batch of girls turns 18 tomorrow!
(Fazer)

I thought my Turkish Delight had melted
into a gooey, sticky mess until I looked
at the box more closely and discovered
I'd bought Afternoon Delight instead.
(Kimberly Ciesiolka)

My visits to the brothel haven't been
nearly as enjoyable since the county
passed that no-cocksmoking ordinance.
(Mark D. Sabien)

Boy, "Grey's Anatomy" sure has been a lot
more fun to watch since they introduced that
spontaneously ejaculating "McCreamy" character.
(Brad Simanek)

v v v v v

Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his front
door. "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country club tomorrow
at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife alive again."

But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the
designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind a bush
and demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you so long?"

"Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard.
"I'm a 27 handicap."

v v v v v

Gary was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the
question. "Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.

Rhonda smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."

Gary thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal,
on one condition."

"What is that?" Rhonda asked.

"You'll have to clean the cage," Gary replied.

v v v v v

Flash Maze Game - Test your skills!
http://www.winterrowd.com/maze/

Last Chaos (English) - Free Software Downloads and Software Reviews
http://g.msn.com/0NL33934/2696
Last Chaos is an on-line role playing game where thousands of players can simultaneously
be connected, fight and upgrade their courage and battle skills through adventures, quests
and crafting skills with fellow adventurers. Set in the land of Iris, a place where
anarchy, terror and ambition reign after an epic struggle between the Gods, players
must use their skill and cunning to unite Iris and become its supreme ruler. Players
acquire bravery, intelligence and strength to become the true emperor by
accomplishing missions, learning crafting skills and experiencing adventures in the huge
and unknown world. In Last Chaos, players can go fight individually or team up in groups
to fight monsters, other players, or complete quests. They can also form guilds and battle
against other guilds for bragging right and supremacy over Iris.

PowerChallenge - Free full screen 3D action sports games
http://www.powerchallenge.com/
There are plenty of massively multiplayer games online. But some of them can be terribly violent.
If you’re looking for something more suitable for children, I have just the site.
Power Challenge is a multiplayer soccer game (or football, as it’s known in other parts
of the world). You can sign up to create your own team.
If you prefer to play by yourself, you can. And the graphics are amazing!
Check the system requirements to make sure your computer is up to snuff.
You’ll need Java and Flash. If you don’t have them, you’ll be prompted to install it.
The first time you play, it will take a while to load. So be patient.

v v v v v

My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something
to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she
heard a noise downstairs.

She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the
tuna casserole I made tonight."

"That'll teach them!" I replied.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

Water VS Beer!

WATER

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at
the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria
found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

1 kilo = 2.2465 lbs.

BEER

We do not run that risk when drinking beer (or rum, whiskey, vodka, wine, or other
liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process
of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

WATER = Poop

BEER = HEALTH

FREE YOURSELF OF POOP ... DRINK BEER

It is better to drink beer and talk shit than it is to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I am doing it as a
public service and because I have a kind heart.

v v v v v

v v v v v

Two political candidates were having a hot debate.
Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other,
"What about the powerful interest that controls you?"

And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!"

v v v v v

"There’s a new study out that says there are 237 reasons why people have
sex. Two-hundred-and-thirty-seven reasons!

Reason No. 237: Something to
do while my wife is running for president"

David Letterman

v v v v v

The worst thing about censorship is *******

v v v v v

Whether you're a pessimist or an
optimist, you must admit the diaper
is half full, not half empty.

v v v v v

Top Mistakes by New Cat Owners
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DGv
Adopting your first cat is a huge step, not to be taken lightly. Although cats have a reputation
for taking care of themselves, that fact does not equal "no care is necessary." Before rushing
in to buy that darling kitten in the pet store window, take the time to do your homework,
so you can avoid these common mistakes made by new cat owners. The result will be a
happier and healthier cat and a long-term companionship with another living
being, the like of which you never dreamed.

Grooming Your Pet Ferret - Bathing Ferrets -
How To Give your Ferret a Bath
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DM4
Bathing ferrets is a somewhat controversial topic, especially with regards to how often.
People who are more sensitive to the naturally musky scent of a ferret may be tempted or
advised to bathe their ferret often, but this often backfires. The ferret's scent is
partially due to the natural oils from the ferret's skin, so a bath may temporarily reduce
the musky scent. However, because the bath strips the skin and fur of these oils, the
bath actually stimulates an increase in the production of these skin oils, so the musky scent
may actually become stronger for a couple of days after the bath. Keeping the cage and litter
clean will go farther to keeping your ferret smelling fresh.

Cleaning Kitty Accidents - Getting out the Odor and Stains
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DM5
Sometimes we cat lovers just have to "get down dirty" when the subject of cleaning up
messes arises, and this is the time. I'm not talking about the mess that occurs when your
cat knocks over a vase full of flowers. I'm talking about basic cat messes. You've
got it - the pee, poop, and barf accidents that occasionally plague a house with cats.
We'll address these separately, as they each require a bit different treatment.

v v v v v

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the
wife asks her husband to stop the car.

There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got
out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to
death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in
the morning?"

He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat
him with, died at the scene.

v v v v v

On that fateful day, March 6, 1836, Davy Crockett woke up and walked
from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to the observation post
on the west wall.

William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were there already. The three
gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily towards them.

Davy turned to Bowie with a puzzled look on his face and said. "
Jim, are we landscaping today?"

v v v v v

Home Improvement | Residential Contractors | Home
Contractors at ServiceMagic
http://servicemagic.com
Home improvement is a great financial investment, either in the money you put into it
or the money you hope to get out of it. All 40,000 of our home improvement contractors in
all fifty states and Canada are checked for state licensing and insurance requirements
at the time of their enrollment. To help you with your investment, ServiceMagic has
articles on all home improvement projects, design galleries of completed projects, estimators,
calculators, visualizers, and much more. Whether you are a contractor or homeowner,
ServiceMagic has the answer to all of your home improvement needs and questions.

v v v v v

Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say,
why did the foreman fire you?"

Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always
standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got
jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."

v v v v v

*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home, and walks
her to her front door. As they are about to kiss each
other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little
horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his
hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her
"Darling, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you crazy? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?

Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

Him: "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"

Him: "I love you."

Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Her: "No, no. I just can't"

Him: "I beg you ... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and
the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair
disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says:

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob.
Otherwise I can do it,
Or if need be, mom'll come down and do it.
But for god's sake, tell him to take his hand off the
frigging intercom!"*

v v v v v

Easy Care, Minimal Maintenance Indoor Plants:
Houseplants You Can't Kill
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DDL
The following 6 houseplants pretty much grow themselves. In fact, your biggest
problem my be what to do with all the baby plants they’ll produce. All 6 can be
grown in the indirect light from a window and like the same indoor temperatures
as most people (55 - 75 degrees F.) As with any houseplant, there is always the threat of insect pests (http://gardening.about.com/od/houseplants/qt/HouseplantPests.htm) like aphids, scale,
spider mites and whiteflies. But disease-wise the only things you’re
likely to incur is root rot, from too much watering

(http://gardening.about.com/od/houseplants/qt/HouseplantWater.htm) .

So these 6 indoor plants are perfect for someone who alway forgets to water their plants.

v v v v v

Top Ten Signs That The Guy Mugging You
Has Never Mugged Before

10. After taking money, asks if you want a receipt.
9. In addition to wearing a ski mask, he's got skis and poles.
8. Asks you to hold his gun while he puts on some Chapstick
7. When he's done he says, "That was fun, now you mug me".
6. You're a policeman in full uniform, standing right in front
of the station house, surrounded by fellow officers carrying
assault rifles.

5. When you yell "stop thief". . . he does.
4. During police line-up he waves to you and shouts "remember me".
3. Tells you he wouldn't be doing this if Sienfeld hadn't been cancelled.
2. He keeps saying, "You understand I'm doing this for the baby and Marla".

1. Accepts IOU's...and phone cards.

v v v v v

v v v v v

Guys.... don't drink and drive!! Why??
Here's the best reason ever... There Are NO Chicks In Jail !!

v v v v v

A woman goes into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne.
She takes the first glass and pours the champagne down the back
of her skirt.

The bartender looks amazed as she pours another glass and again
tips it down her skirt back.

Finally, the bartender asks, "Why are you pouring your drinks
down your skirt?"

"Well, " the woman replies, "I've just won the lottery and
this is the only asshole I'm sharing it with."

v v v v v

What is a Server?

Q:
Everyone's always talking about servers. What
is a server and what does it mean to me?

A:
A server is basically a service that allows clients (that is you) to be able to use
programs within your computer. Servers are run through specialized computers, which are,
ironically, also called servers. In other words, a server serves the information
needed to a computer that it is connected with, so you can access your programs, files, etc.

There are different types of servers that you may have running through your system. One
is a print server. This server works with the computer that the printer is connected to, so
when you go to print something, it is all able to work. Another server is a Web server,
which you may have heard more about than others. These are needed so we're able to
visit Web sites each day. When we type in a URL, that Web site has to send a request to the
Web server so we can then view and browse through it. That's also an
example of how fast these things work for us.

Two more main types of servers are a file server and an e-mail server. The file server is
pretty self explanatory, but it works to store the files we save and then deliver them to
us when we need them. The e-mail server is what allows us to send e-mail. It sends
and receives the e-mails that we write and get back every day.

Servers are very dependable and we can count on them to get us what we need while
we're going through our daily computing.

Erin
worldstart.com

v v v v v

10 Signs that You Might be Gay

- You blow every paycheck on gerbils.
- You get offended by the word "Fruit Loops."
- Your fantasies include prison showers and dropped soap.
- Anyone mentions "The Village People" and you think of your neighbors.
- Your nickname is "Homo."
- Your friends want to kill Richard Simmons, you'd rather spank him.
- You know over 10 people named Bruce.
- There's always a "queer" taste in your mouth.
- You wake up each morning and scratch someone else's balls.

v v v v v

Damn Good Definitions

ADULTERY - The wrong people doing the right thing.

ALIMONY - The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

BABY - A hollow tube with a loud voice at one end and a complete
lack of responsibility at the other end.

CANNIBAL - One who is apt to pass his best friend.

CHIVALRY - A mans inclination to defend a woman against every
man but himself.

CONSCIENCE - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.

CONSTIPATION - To have and to hold.

COOKIE - A virgin doughnut.

DANCE - A Naval engagement without the loss of seamen.

DIVORCE - What happens when two people cannot stomach
each other any longer.

DECOY - A flashlight in the pants pocket.

DIARY - Book of revelations.

DOCTOR - A lucky fellow who is privileged to undress women and go
all over them without getting his face slapped.

ENEMA - A goose with a gush.

EXPLORATION - Beating around the bush.

FATHER'S DAY - Nine months before labor day.

GENTLEMAN - One who is always careful to rest at least
half his weight on his elbows.

GIGGALO - The egg that laid the golden Goose.

GLAMOUR GIRL - a much publicized young thing who is full of oomf, and
frequently full of other things; one who doesn't worry about the meat
shortage.

HORSE SHOW - A lot of horses showing their asses to a lot of
horses' asses showing their horses.

HUSBAND - What is left after the nerve has been killed.

KEPT WOMAN - One who wears mink all day and fox all night.

HUNG CHOW - Chinese constipation.

A KISS - Upper persuasion for lower invasion; upstairs shopping
for downstairs merchandise.

MASTURBATION - A solo played on a private organ.

METALLURGIST - A man who can look at a platinum blonde and
tell whether she is virgin metal or a common ore.

MINUTE MAN - One who double parks while he visits a sporting house.

MORNING - The time of day when the rising generation retires, and the
retiring generation arises.

MOTHER'S DAY - Nine months after fathers day.

DONKEY BARBECUE- Where everybody gets a piece of ass.

NUN - A woman who ain't never had none, don't want none, and
ain't going to get none.

v v v v v

v v v v v

more........

NURSE - A pan handler.

NURSERY - A place to park last years fun until it grows up a bit.

PAPOOSE - Consolation prize for taking a chance on an Indian blanket.

PIMP - A crack salesman; a nookie bookie.

PREGNANCY - When a woman is all swelled up from her mate's handiwork.

RHUMBA - An asset to music.

SECRETARY - A stenographer who watches her periods.

SIN - Anything the other fellow enjoys and you don't.

SISSY - A man who gets out of the bath tub to take a leak.

SPRING FEVER - When the iron in your blood turns to lead in your pencil.

STORK - The bird that had none of the fun in bringing the babies.

TAXIDERMIST - A man who mounts animals.

TOMCAT - A ball bearing mouse trap.

TRIPLETS - Having to take seriously what was poked at you in fun.

VISE - Anything you enjoy that is bad for you.

VIRGINITY - A bubble on the stream of life, one prick and it's gone forever.

VIRGIN WOOL - Wool from a sheep that can outrun a sheep herder.

v v v v v

Medifast Tips - A weight loss resource
with a diet guide, diet pill reviews, and articles.

What to Say and Do When Someone Has
Lung Cancer | CarePages
http://www.carepages.com/departments/helpful_tips/what_to_say.jsp?extrefid=tlcem0407
What do you say to someone who’s just been diagnosed with lung cancer?

Breast Cancer Support - Emotional
Resource Center - CarePages.com
http://www.carepages.com/breastcancer/index.jsp?extrefid=tlcem0407
This is a fantastic site

Visit a CarePage: LungCancerSupportTips
http://www.carepages.com/ServeCarePage?cpn=LungCancerSupportTips
CarePages are available to everyone free -- just sign up

Health and Healing
http://www.beliefnet.com/healthandhealing/getcontent.aspx?cid=29169&WT.mc_id=NL44
Richard had been battling digestive problems for most of his life. So when the 78-year-old
developed persistent discomfort in the chest, he assumed it was just another severe case of heartburn (http://www.beliefnet.com/healthandhealing/getcontent.aspx?cid=&9;&9;&9;&9;&9;11812) .
For several weeks, he tried antacids and other treatments, without relief. One day on the
golf course, Richard complained about the discomfort. His golf partner, a retired cardiologist,
urged Richard to seek immediate medical attention. Richard learned that what he thought was heartburn was actually
angina (http://www.beliefnet.com/healthandhealing/getcontent.aspx?cid=&9;&9;&9;&9;&9;12056),
and that despite his low cholesterol level, he had two severely blocked coronary arteries.
It was recommended that he have emergency bypass surgery. Are YOU having any pain?

v v v v v

*submitted by*
BADVETTE87

A little known fact: A 2006 study by Texas A&M University found that the
average American walks about 900 miles per year.

Another study by the American Beer Institute found that Americans drink an
average of 22 gallons of beer a year.

This means, on average, Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
Granny B 132

Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so off they went to the
unemployment office.

Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher; I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor,
she gav him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.

Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.

When Ole found out he was furious. He stormed back into the unemployment office
to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained that panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were
skilled labor.

"What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says,
'Yep, diesel fitter.'"

v v v v v

*submitted by*
oldwild@yahoo.com
CH's iPhone Parody #1 - CollegeHumor video
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1765295
iPhone humor

CH's iPhone Parody Ad #2 - CollegeHumor video
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1765297

Microsoft Surface Parody - CollegeHumor video
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1764368

v v v v v

Men are like.....Floor tiles.

Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net

What has six balls and screws you twice a week?
Lotto.

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley?
The position of the dirtbag.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A Goodyear and a Great Year!

v v v v v

I may not be able to buy happiness,
but I still want the money.

v v v v v

BLT PIZZA APPETIZER

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

INGREDIENTS:
1 Italian bread shell (12 in.)
1/3 cup Mayonnaise
4 plum tomatoes sliced
1/2 cup Shredded Mozzarella Cheese
8 slices Bacon, cut into quarters, cooked
1 cup torn romaine lettuce

DIRECTIONS:
Spread bread shell with mayo; layer with tomatoes, cheese
and bacon. BAKE at 450 degrees for 5 to 7 minutes or until
cheese melts. Top with lettuce and cut into wedges.

v v v v v

Deep Sea 3D - IMAX
http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=8911
Sea life in a whole new way... In this clip take a 3-D
digital exploration of the ocean's depths and its creatures.
Enjoy a clip from the IMAX film Deep Sea 3D.

YouTube - Tryphorgetin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdWqNEboJe4
Now this is funny!!

Online Activity Used in Divorce Court - Switched: Gadgets,
Tech, Digital Stuff for the Rest of Us
http://www.switched.com/2007/09/18/online-activity-used-in-divorce-court/
Yeah - posting a message on a huge billboard should get his attention!

TLC :: Miami Ink :: Quiz
http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/miami-ink/quiz/quiz.html
Here's a neat site if you like tattoos -- there's a quiz you can take, photos, message boards,
tattoo step-by-step, puzzles and more!

Jott.com - Mobile Note Taking and Hands-Free Messaging
http://www.jott.com/
How Sales Professionals Use Jott
How Real Estate Professionals Use Jott
How Bloggers Use Jott
Remind themselves of important things - Delegate tasks to people
Communicate with teams in one step - Record expenses
Record hours billed, and for what

LegalZoom: Online Legal Document Services:
LLC,Divorce,Wills,Incorporation & More
http://www.legalzoom.com/
Save time and money on common legal matters! Created by top attorneys, LegalZoom
helps you create reliable legal documents from your home or office.
Simply answer a few questions online, and your documents will be prepared within
48 hours.* They even review your answers and guarantee your satisfaction.

v v v v v

NOTE FROM CHRIS:

   As you *might* have heard, former football star
   O.J. Simpson is in hot water again, this time in
connection with an alleged armed robbery at a
   hotel room in Las Vegas. Simpson "stole" some of
his own memorabilia from a man who was selling it.

The Top 20 OJ Simpson Defense Rhymes

20> It was only a heist --
nobody got sliced.

19> If they stole my shit,
you must acquit!

18> I never do nothin' but I always get blamed.
My mug shot ain't the only thing that's been framed.

17> Yo, *my* name's on the brass,
So "theft"? Kiss my ass!

16> C'mon, those items all were mine!
Since when did repo become a crime?

15> If the memorabilia belongs to the Juice,
then do the right thing and let me go loose!

14> You can't convict me of a crime
just because you think I'm slime.

13> You acquitted me of homicide,
so I didn't realize laws applied.

12> That set up was cold, man.
I blame old man Goldman!

11> Haters are listing my shit too low,
according to "Killer Souvenir Roadshow!"

10> Don't put me to death --
I was whacked out on meth!

9> If I truly *meant* to be hurtin',
their jugulars would've been spurtin'.

8> I had to get my stuff back, honey.
The Browns and Goldmans got all my money!

7> I would admit it,
"If I Did It."

6> I hope each of you jurists believes
   I was looking for the *real* thieves.

5> You shouldn't have nabbed me --
that makes me get stabby.

4> I was just looking for the key
to my rental car, a Hertz Grand Prix.

3> It was just a dry run
for the new "Naked Gun."

2> I screamed, "It's my memorabilia!
Give it back or I'll kill y-- er... file a complaint
   with the concierge."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 OJ Simpson Defense Rhyme...

1> The charges are quite simply outrageous!
Besides, you know, "What happens in Vegas...

v v v v v

v v v v v

A difficult independent 75-year-old woman liked sitting by the
park feeding the pigeons.

One day she brought with her a whole loaf of fresh bread just to
feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed
each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone
in the rich suburban neighborhood.

Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on her parade by
telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of
pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people
starving in Africa.

She replied in crazed anger and without hesitation, "Well, hell,
I can't throw that far!"

v v v v v

My other car is a broom

v v v v v

After Eighteen
2 oz Coffee Liqueur
2 oz Creme de Menthe
Chocolate Milk
Pour kahlua and white
creme de menthe into an old-fashioned
glass. Fill with chocolate milk, and serve.

Aftershock Surprise
4/5 pint Beer
1 1/2 oz Sambuca
1 1/2 oz Cinnamon Liqueur
Add Aftershock and sambuca to a pint
glass almost filled with Carlsberg, and serve.

v v v v v

People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you,
that makes me sick

v v v v v

Two businessmen in Atlanta are sitting down for a break in their
soon-to-be new store .. as yet, the store isn't ready -- only a
few shelves are set up. One says to the other, "I bet any minute
now some tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window
and ask what we're selling."

No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough,
a curious fellow from Alabama walks to the window, has a peek,
and in a Southern drawl asks, "What're y'all sellin' here?"

One of the men replies, "Oh! We're selling assholes here."

Without skipping a beat, the Bama fellow says, "Well, I see y'all're
doing really good, you only got two left!"

v v v v v

by deb

The Bright Side of Disaster
by Katherine Center

"Jenny Harris always expected that she’d fall in love, get married, and have a
baby–in that order. Now, very pregnant and not quite married, she actually doesn’t
mind that she and her live-in fiancé, Dean, accidentally started their family a little
earlier than planned; she’s happy to have so much to look forward to. But Dean–whom
Jenny loves enough to overlook his bad facial hair, his smoking habit,
and his total commitment to a cheesy cover band–is acting distant, and not in a
pre-wedding-jitters kind of way. The night he runs out for   cigarettes and just doesn’t
come back, he demotes himself from future husband to sperm donor"

I get ideas of good books to read from Time Magazine, People Magazine and the Barnes
and Noble website to name a few. I am not sure how I learned about this book because
it's not what I normally read but it was pretty good! Any book that evokes emotions from
me is pretty good! This is an easy read - and I liked it enough to recommend it.

v v v v v

PC World - Virus Stoppers
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,129883/article.html?tk=nl_spxrvw

Twenty years after the first one appeared, PC viruses are more diabolical than
ever. How do you keep them off your system? Read on for the results
of the rigorous lab tests of the top antivirus programs.

v v v v v

I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle
started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. He
drove the car around the block, listened carefully, then told me
how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair. At
the shop I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are
premature detonations, which may damage the valves."

As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write
on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise."

v v v v v

"It's our president's birthday. He's 61 today. Also, Sylvester
Stallone is 61 today. But Stallone and Bush don't have much in
common. One's a bad actor who mumbles and blows stuff up, and the
other is Sylvester Stallone"

Craig Ferguson

v v v v v

Martha Stewart - Oatmeal-Raisin Cookie Cupcakes
http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd161
1e3bf410b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=1164f9d49f90f010VgnV
CM1000003d370a0aRCRD&rsc=also_try

Martha Stewart - Rich Chocolate Cake with Ganache
Frosting and Truffle-Egg Nest
http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44d
d1611e3bf410b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=661fe788eba71110Vgn
VCM1000003d370a0aRCRD&rsc=also_try
Tucked inside nests of milk-chocolate shavings are truffle eggs tinted robin's egg
blue and dusted with metallic luster. The accompanying marbled eggs are created
by dipping more truffles into melted white chocolate swirled with blue food coloring.

Martha Stewart - Spring Cupcakes with Sugared Flowers
http://www.marthastewart.com/portal/site/mslo/menuitem.fc77a0dbc44dd1611e3b
f410b5900aa0/?vgnextoid=0903e788eba71110VgnVCM
1000003d370a0aRCRD&vgnextfmt=default
These dainty confections, iced with a pale shade of royal purple, are fit for a modern-day
queen and her retinue. Dark, indulgent brownie batter is baked in gilded cupcake
liners. The delicate hue of the smooth topping hints at its soothing floral flavor and
aroma, which are achieved by steeping dried lavender in milk. Sugared pansies
and violas form a glittering crown for the little cakes, which are rich enough
to replace the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net

* Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or redhead?
The blonde - she is eighteen.

* What do oral sex and lobster thermidor have in common?
You can't get either at home.

* What's invisible and smells like worm?
A bird fart.

v v v v v

Using Stickies for Quick Notes
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3Xsf

No need to put Post-It notes all over your monitor - use the OS X Stickies!

If your Stickies are overlapping items you need to see on your screen, you
can click on the Stickies title bar and drag them where you want them.
You can also make your Stickies transparent.

v v v v v

*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes
off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks
by,and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call
for me?"

The man replies "No. What do you mean?"

"You must be new here," she says. "Let me explain. It's a rule here that if
you get an erection it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads
him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls
him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Afterwards, the man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters
the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man
lumbers out of the steam room toward him.

"Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.

No. What do you mean?" says the newcomer.

"You must be new," says the hairy man. "It's a rule that if you fart, it
implies that you called for me."
The huge man easily spins the newcomer around, bends him over a bench and
has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the nudist colony office, where he is greeted
by the smiling, naked receptionist.

"May I help you?" She says.

"Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the
$500 membership fee."

"But sir," she replies,"you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't
had the chance to see all our facilities."

"Listen lady," the man replies, "I'm 74 years old. I get an erection maybe
once a month, but I fart 15-20 times a day! I'm outta here !!!

v v v v v

Just once I'd like to...
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1461.html
Here!

Strange ideas
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1463.html
Here!

Waddya mean??
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1464.html
Here!

This sucks!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1465.html
Here!

Double Dates
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/896.html
Here

Strange Cavern
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/897.html
Here

Grumpy?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/898.html
Here

Good Excuse
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/899.html
Here

Reflex - Normal
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/900.html
Here

Dog Years...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200404/004.htm
AOL here

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EVER
forget to

keep on rockin'
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