Editor:  DebsSweet
Graphic Editors:  Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
  CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor:  Amanda260
Internet Security Editor:  DebsSweet

 
 
 
 
 *SIGH*
 
 
I can't begin to tell you the problems I am having -- hyperlinks, editing - no much of anything
is going right for the moment.
 
Rather than all this whining, I'll let you get to the links and fun I have this week!
 
Be careful when surfing the Internet.  I have checked EACH link submitted to you and they are in working
order as of this posting.  Always be aware of the risks out there and keep current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!

If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.

Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!

and don't  forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride! 

 
 
  

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.  
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.  
It's perfect."  

"Really," answered the neighbor, "what kind is it?"  

"Twelve thirty."  

 
 
v v v v v
 
 
 
 Chipo was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts, she never
had a boyfriend. So she went to a psychic for help.

"Honey! ", said the psychic. "You will not have luck in love in
this life. But in the reincarnation, you will be a much desired
woman and all men will fall at your feet".

Chipo left very happy and excited, and as she went over a bridge
she thought: "the sooner I die, the sooner my next life begins". She
decided to jump off the bridge right away.

But, incredibly Chipo didn't die!

She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas; she lost her
senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and
not being able to see very well, and not knowing where she was,
she started touching her surroundings, feeling all the bananas.

She mumbled with a huge smile on her face: "GENTLEMEN, PLEASE! ONE
AT A TIME!"

 
v v v v v
 


  Click here: About Dogs - Help Prevent Your Dog From Staying Lost!
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5D5z
  Once you become a pet owner, one of the farthest things from your mind is your
 dog running away, or becoming lost. I'd like to bring it to your
attention please, for a moment or two.

Accidents happen, and in a busy household, can happen frequently. While the first
 time may end quickly and painlessly, a child, or unwary visitors open the door and
Barko runs free, only to be found at the next door neighbour's front yard, what about the
second time? Or the third? What if you weren't home when Barko made his bid for freedom?
What if he had already been gone for hours by the time you realized it?


Do Dogs Have Three Eyelids?

All dogs have a bottom lid, a top lid and (yes) a third one, referred to in vet circles
 as a “nictitating membrane”. It’s a good thing, too. This third “eyelid” helps to protect your dog’s
cornea. It acts as a windshield wiper, removing dirt, dust and anything
else that might end up in his eye.

As well as acting as an invisible shield or a wipe, the third eyelid keeps your dog’s
eyes moist by helping to produce tears. If you look into a dog’s eye, you might not
 even see this third eyelid. But look closer, it’s there in the inner corner of each eye.

However, when this third eyelid is too visible or sticking out, it could actually mean
 your dog has an eye problem, or is sick or dehydrated. If the eyelid is protruding be
 sure to take him to the veterinarian for a check-up.

As beneficial as a third eyelid is, it can also cause problems. The eyelid sometimes
folds over itself, appearing as a red “mass”. This can happen with any breed, but is most
often seen in Saint Bernards, Great Danes and Golden Retrievers.

Sometimes the tear gland of the third eyelid swells up. This is called Cherry Eye.
This is most common in Cocker Spaniels, Bulldogs, Beagles, Lhasa Apsos, Shih Tzus,
and Bloodhounds. Best advice is to keep a close eye
 on your dog’s “special eyelid”.     
    

   
v v v v v


PINEAPPLE CRISP

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
Fruit -  
3 medium Granny Smith apples, peeled and cored  
3/4 cup pineapple preserves  
2tablespoons all-purpose flour  

Crumb Topping-  
2/3 cp flake coconut  
1/2 cup quick or old fashioned oats  
1/2 cup packed brown sugar  
1/4 cup all-purpose flour  
1/3 cup butter or margarine, melted  
1/4 cup whole almonds, chopped  
vanilla ice cream (optional)  

DIRECTIONS:  
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. For fruit, slice apples into  
thin rings, then cut rings into quarters. Combine pineapple  
preserves and flour in mixing bowl. Add apples, tossing to  
coat evenly. Pour into bottom of a 9-inch pie plate or similar  
shallow baking dish. For crumb topping, combine coconut, oats,  
brown sugar and flour in a mixing bowl. Microwave butter on  
high for 1 minute and add to chopped almonds. Add butter and  
almonds to topping ingredients; mix well. Sprinkle topping  
evenly over apple mixture. Bake 30-35 minutes or until apples  
are tender and topping is golden brown. Cool slightly. Serve  
warm with ice cream, if desired.  

Yield: 12 Servings    

 

 v v v v v
 
 
*submitted by*
mlbechyne@verizon.net
 
 

How Do YOU Eat An Oreo Cookie?

 

 

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo

Cookies provides great insight into their personalities.

 

Choose which Method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:

 

 

1. The whole thing all at once.

 

2. One bite at a time.

 

3. Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards.

 

4. In little, feverous nibbles.

 

5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).

 

6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.

 

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.

 

8. Just the cookie, not the inside.

 

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.

 

10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.

 

 

Your Personality:

 

1. The whole thing:

This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree

 with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one

should trust you with his or her children.

 

2. One bite at a time:

You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this

 very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay,

not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and Methodical:

You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail

with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out

of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.

4. Feverous Nibbles:

Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million

 things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental Breakdowns and suicides run in

your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

5. Dunked:

Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant

experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about

the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie:

You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out

 how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the

evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a

compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie:

You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw

the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be

ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.

 

8. Just the cookie, not the inside:

You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them:

Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help

- immediately.

 

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreos:

You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to upscale

restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear.

Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prissy.

 

  
 
v v v v v
 
 
 
 
 

v v v v v
 
 

A girl says to an Indian salesman, "I'm not sure if I  
should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker."  

He says, "Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are  
you gonna break wind?"  


v v v v v


The young mother skeptically examined a new educational toy.  

"Isn't it rather complicated for a small boy?" she asked the salesclerk.  

"It's designed to adjust the tot to live in today's world,  
madam," the shop assistant replied. "Any way he tries to put  
it together is wrong."  

 
 
v v v v v
123_79_1178_833&f=00&su=p284.7.420.ip_p284.5.420.ip_&tt=3&bt=0&bts=
0&zu=http%3A//video.about.com/homerepair/Fixing-A-Squeaky-Door.--8j.htm
Learn how to fix any type of door hinge and quiet your home's squeaky doors. 
   

v v v v v

 

                  The Top 6 Haikus About Camping                


6> Hubby is amazed
    That after going swimming
    There is much shrinkage

5> Yippee! Joy! Camping!
    With bugs, rain, mud, snakes, vermin
    Fun, like chewing glass

4> Every husband asks
    Does my wife crap in the woods?
    Camp to seek answer

3> Nature's cruelty:
    Rise to frosty dawn, and find
    Bears ate my Twinkies

2> Boots, water, map, snacks
    Hiking to the mountain top
    Oh crap, no t.p.


    and the Number 1 Haiku About Camping...


1> Couple in the wild
    After much in-tents humping
    He offers her s'mores.



v v v v v
 
 
 
*submitted by*
STLLRNING

Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get
 acquainted tour of the White House.
 
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Bill Clinton if he could use
 his personal bathroom. When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see
that President Clinton had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, George told
 his wife, Laura, about the urinal.
 
'Just think,' he said, 'when I am President, I could have a gold urinal, too.
But I wouldn't do something so self-indulgent!'
 
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary
how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private
 bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
 
That evening,  when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill:
 'I found out who peed in your saxophone.'
 
 
 
v v v v v
 
 
 
 
 
v v v v v
 
 

*submitted by*
oldwild@juno.com
 
 

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided
 to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said,
"You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you
 $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" 
 
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings." 
 
 
 
v v v v v
 

 
 I got married," said the first tavern regular, "so that I could get
laid 3 or 4 times a week." 

The other regular replied, "that's strange; cuz that's the reason
why I got divorced!"
 
 
v v v v v
 
 
 
 My husband and I work different shifts and try to schedule
appointments so that one of us will be home to care for the children.

Recently I left him this note: "I have a doctor's appointment
Thursday at 11. The kids are yours."

The next morning I found this reply from my brown-eyed spouse:
"I'm so relieved. Their blue eyes had me wondering all these years!"

 
 
v v v v v


 
 
DRYING HYDRANGEAS NATURALLY  

Leave blooms on the shrub until late summer. Toward the  
end of the summer the petals will begin to age and take  
on a vintage look. If left on the shrub a while longer,  
many blooms will pick up interesting shades of burgundy  
and pink. The timing for cooler areas may be much diffe-  
rent from this. I'd like to hear feedback from those  
whose drying experience is different.  

One can cut the blooms, strip off the leaves, arrange  
them in a vase, with or without water, and leave them  
to dry. It is not necessary to hang hydrangeas up side  
down to dry unless the stems are very thin and weak.  

To retain extremely natural hydrangea color, use Silica  
Gel to dry fresh blooms.      


 
v v v v v
 
 
*submitted by*
 BADVETTE87
 
 
A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day
and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for
her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk,
"exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?"

The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil."
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the
wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for
brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit
more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue
would be nice?"

"Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's
directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite
appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as
innocent as a first-tim e bride. You see, my first husband was so excited
about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel. My
second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our
way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never
spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.

"That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for
four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it
was going to be, but nothing ever happened."
 
 
 
v v v v v
 


 NOTE FROM CHRIS:
copyright chris white topfive.com

 A Florida nudist colony recently held the
first-ever webcast of a nude tennis tournament.
For a fee of $10-$13, Internet surfers
watched a replay of the two-hour tournament.

          Didn't think we'd pass *this* one up, did you?


The Top 16 Differences in Naked Sports


16> Just like that, WNBA teams finally begin to make a profit.

15> Pairs figure skating judges award an extra two-tenths of a
    point for no-hands lifts.

14> Week after week, women's curling dominates Monday night TV ratings.

13> Entire hockey teams placed in penalty box during a Hooters
    halftime show for high sticking.

12> Don Zimmer joins Pete Rose on baseball's banned-for-life list.

11> During the Women's World Cup, American men are driven insane
    by the unresolvable dilemma: seeing nude women vs. having
    to watch soccer.

10> A lot more care has to be taken during relay-race handoffs.

9> The Baseball Hall of Fame has an admission charge; The Naked
    Baseball Hall of Fame has a cover and two-drink minimum.

8> Good dribbling skills no longer so highly valued.

7> Dramatic increase in baseball players nicknamed "A-Rod" and
    ice hockey players nicknamed "Pee Wee."

6> Women's gymnastics pommel horse event suddenly popular with
    the NASCAR crowd.

5> Some 90 percent of quarterbacks insist that all plays from
    scrimmage utilize the shotgun formation.

4> Fencing no longer requires actual swords, just a couple of
    Viagra pills.

3> After the naked Holyfield fight, other boxers steer clear
    of a bout with Mike Tyson.

2> Sen. Rick Santorum proposes legislation that would outlaw
    the two-man luge.


    and Topfive.com's Number 1 Difference in Naked Sports...


1> Trust me, you don't want to know where the naked tennis
    players keep that extra ball when they serve.
 
 
v v v v v
 

 
More on BIOS 
 
We have explained BIOS to you in the past, but I've gotten some e-mails from
 people wondering more about BIOS, so here you go!

  As stated in our other tip, BIOS stands for Basic Input/Output System. It is a program
 that comes preinstalled on computers that are Windows compatible. It does not come with
 Macs. BIOS is basically the program that your computer uses to start each time you boot up.

  Your CPU (central processing unit) connects with the BIOS even before the operating system
 is completely loaded. It then proceeds to check your hardware connections and checks
to make sure all of your devices, etc. are working correctly. If everything is in ship shape
condition, the BIOS finishes loading your operating system and your computer
is able to finish the start up process.

  The BIOS are located in an erasable programmable read only memory chip (EPROM), which
coincides with the ROM (read only memory) area of your computer. This chip works with
your CPU and gives control to the BIOS to make your computer function.

  Along with helping your computer to start, the BIOS are still used even after all of the
booting up is done. It serves as a medium between your CPU and the input/output devices
within your system. The BIOS keeps your operating system from having to know
 even more information, such as hardware addresses about the other devices.
The BIOS takes care of all of that.

  Most people do not need to worry about their BIOS, but if changes ever need to be made,
you can access the BIOS while your system is starting up by holding down any key (usually
the Delete key) as soon as your computer starts to boot up. 
  
Erin
worldstart.com
 
 
 
v v v v v
 
 

Mary Sue, a country blonde, was visiting the big city for the first
time. She checks into her hotel and the bell boy takes her bags. She
follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes
her fist at him.

"Young man -- I may be old and straight from the hills, but that don't
mean I'm stupid! I paid 'good' money and this room won't do at ALL!
It's too small, there's no ventilation, no TV -- why, there's not even a BED!"

"Ma'am.....don't get all worked up!  This is just the elevator!"
 

   v v v v v


  Click here: Testosterone Patch Helps for Alzheimer's
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/5103.asp?BID=37948&SID=162964
12&EID=5C9A4C81-9E5E-4EB9-BC6E-53D879F1A884
A new study reveals help for men suffering from Alzheimers

  Click here: Alzheimer's May Be Detectable Even Before Symptoms Arise -- ThirdAge
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT02/07/03/16/ALT02070316-02.html
  New research has shown that the onset of Alzheimer's can be detected several
 years before the symptoms manifest themselves, according to the
 science news website AlphaGalileo

  Click here: 10 Things That Can Age You Faster -- ThirdAge
http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT10/06/11/30/ALT10061130-01.html
Interesting!

  Click here: ThirdAge: Cataract
http://www.thirdage.com/healthgate/files/11977.html
A cataract is a clouding of the eye's lens that leads to decreased vision. The lens
 of the eye focuses an image onto the retina at the back of the eye, where
an image is recorded and then sent to the brain.
As the cataract matures, it often causes glare, as well as decreased vision, contrast,
 and color sensitivity.  Lots more info at the site
   


v v v v v
 
 
 
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her
father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger
and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me
show you what I mean."

With that the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at
random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is
Melvin there?"

The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why
don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"

"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit
happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something
and we annoyed him. Now watch...."

The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?"
asked the father.

"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this
number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got a
lot of nerve calling again!" The receiver slammed down hard.

The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was
anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means."

He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!"

The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been
any calls for me?"
 
 
 
v v v v v

 
 

*submitted by*
Granny B 132
  Click here: The Original Big Shit List!
http://www.the-big-shit-list.com/
 
2. Click here: Public Restroom Fun
 http://www.poofcat.com/humor19.html
 
*submitted by*
STLLRNING7 
YouTube - "If My Nose Was Running Money" By Aaron Wilburn  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egCeIwjIuZM
 
 
 
v v v v v

 
 
   NOTE FROM CHRIS:

      The second largest city in America remains without an
     NFL franchise for its 13th straight year since the Rams
     moved to St. Louis and the Raiders moved to San Quentin.


The Top 15 Reasons Los Angeles Still
Has No Professional Football Team


15> Their people *still* haven't called the NFL's people.

14> Although it remains vacant, Tampax Field is ready for
    immediate occupancy.

13> Can't find an NFL player who is married to a Spice Girl.

12> O.J. Simpson's ownership bid is still pending.

11> The Rams didn't actually move; the combination of smog
    and heat melted the team.

10> Crips v. Bloods is much more interesting.

9> Lindsay Lohan drove off with the team.

8> Concession stand trainees still can't get the maple lattes
    to foam properly.

7> Church of Scientology has exclusive rights to development
    of rabid, incoherent fan bases in greater Los Angeles area
    until 2015.

6> Traffic jams just now easing from last NFL game there.

5> Impossible to fatten up offensive linemen on temaki sushi
    and wheatgrass juice.

4> "Your Los Angeles Frappuccinos!" just doesn't have the right
    feel to it.

3> Hard to compete when USC doesn't have a salary cap.

2> Paris Hilton can't make room on her schedule to entertain
    another professional sports team.


              and Topfive.com's Number 1 Reason Los
        Angeles Still Has No Professional Football Team...


1> Because Mr. Spielberg doesn't care for it.

  

v v v v v


*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net
World Clock(http://www.peterrussell.dreamhosters.com/Odds/WorldClock.php) 
http://www.peterrussell.dreamhosters.com/Odds/WorldClock.php
Super cool

If you read the news, you know about the search for Steve Fossett. The adventurer
and his aircraft disappeared about two weeks ago.Fossett did not file a flight plan.
So rescuers are unsure where to look for him. But he is believed to be in southwestern
Nevada. Fossett’s friends and family are asking for your help. No, they don’t need
 you to fly to Nevada for a ground search.Rather, they’re asking that you help review satellite
 images. Google has gathered recent images. Hopefully, Fossett’s plane will appear in one.
To get involved, visit Amazon’s Mechanical Turk site. It will present you with images to
review. If you see something, simply flag the image and leave a comment.
You’ll need to register in order to help out.
 
*submitted by*
Granny B 132
The telephone that displays written, word-for-word captions of everything the caller
saysIdeal for people with some degree of hearing loss, the Captioned Telephone (CapTel™)
works like any other telephone with one important addition: It displays every word the caller
says throughout the conversation. CapTel users can listen to the caller, and can also read
the written captions in the CapTel's bright display window.
 
http://www.reviewbasics.com/
ReviewBasics is a powerful feedback gathering platform which allows professionals
 across many industries to exchange ideas, gather thoughts, and review various types
of creative, interactive, motion, and written content
 
*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
http://www.ohiobarns.com/othersites/treecarvings/ttc.html
Trees which have been sculptured and are anchored to the ground with the tree roots
http://www.spiritisup.com/kindnessgmb.html
A site that reminds us the importance of kindness


v v v v v


"Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff said he had a gut feeling
there could be a new terror attack. Coincidentally, Al Gore said
he had a gut feeling that he needed more pie."


Dave Letterman

 

v v v v v

 


Woman: He's very successful. I'm sure he's a millionaire by now,
and he's only 26. He never even graduated from college.

Girl: I'm soooooo jealous. I wish I didn't have an education.

 

v v v v v



"In Spain a few weeks back, the annual Running of the Bulls was held. This
year, seven runners were gored by bulls. The runners are doing fine,
but the bulls can't stop laughing."


Conan O'Brien

v v v v v


  
       
Mountaineer On Acid 
  1 oz Coconut Rum
1 oz Jagermeister    
1 oz Pineapple Juice    
Mix in shaker, and serve chilled    
  
 
v v v v v
 
 

"David and Victoria Beckham arrived in L.A. from England last
week. She's the former Spice Girl, he's the famous soccer player. I
guess we're supposed to be excited about this, even though we
don't care about soccer or the Spice Girls."

 

Jimmy Kimmel

 

v v v v v
 


As team leader of the Police Tactics and Rescue Unit, I directed
officers late one night to strategic positions around a building
where a dangerous suspect was hiding.

Believing the culprit to be on the roof, I decided to have an
officer shine his flash-light in that direction on my command.

At just the right moment, I whispered to him, "Okay, throw a light
on the roof."

The officer hurled his flashlight to the top of the building.

  

v v v v v
 


"The National Hockey League announced it's going to kick off next
season with a game in London. It'll be the first time in League
history that the people in the stands will have worse teeth than
the guys on the ice."

 

Conan O'Brien

 

v v v v v





by deb



Water's Lovely
by Ruth Rendell


Ismay and Heather live with and care for their mother, who has been mentally unbalanced
since finding her children's stepfather drowned in the bathtub. Ismay has always believed
 that her sister killed him, thinking that Heather was protecting her from his unwanted
attentions. Keeping the dark secret seems to have tainted every area of their lives, as Ismay
is emotionally unable to confront Heather and find out the truth about their
stepfather's death. Indeed, the incident has lent its dark influence to every one of the
main characters' relationships and life decisions.

Another book I thoroughly enjoyed!  There is suspense, psychological intrigue, and this book
had the ability to keep me guessing.  I guess wrong, by the way  LOL  It's a wonderful
read and I recommend it!



v v v v v

 
 
 
"At a recent speech to hundreds of university professors, Bill Gates
said it's puzzling why more kids don't want to become computer
programmers. Gee, I don't know, you think maybe it's because at
some point they'd actually like to have a girlfriend."
 
 
Jay Leno
 
 
 v v v v v
 

While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing students
from Southern California. After chatting them up awhile, the
conversation turned to what we did in the service. When we told
them we were in the infantry, the girls seemed very impressed,
giving us big smiles as they told us how sweet that was.

Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sentence,
I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the girls said,
"We admire any man who works with infants."

 
 
v v v v v


  Click here: PC World - How to Remove Spyware From Your PC
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,129094/article.html?tk=nl_spxhow
These days it may seem as though the short list of unavoidable perils ought to be
 expanded to include death, taxes, and spyware. But if you ever do get infected
with some nasty piece of malware, all you need to get rid of it are the right
free tools, some time, and a little know-how.

  Click here: Tool turns unsuspecting surfers into hacking help | Tech News on ZDNet
http://ct.zdnet.com/clicks?t=34710647-806f0115a755e77dbd661609f3a0db00-bf&s=5&fs=0
  A security researcher has found a way hackers can make PCs of unsuspecting
Web surfers do their dirty work, without having to actually commandeer the
systems. That's possible with a new security tool called Jikto. The tool is written
in JavaScript and can make PCs of unknowing Web surfers hunt for flaws in Web sites,
said Jikto creator Billy Hoffman, a researcher at Web security firm SPI Dynamics.
Hoffman, who developed the tool as a way to advance Web security, plans to release Jikto
publicly later this week at the ShmooCon hacker event in Washington, D.C. 

 
 
v v v v v
 
 

"Al Gore's daughter got married last weekend. Al Gore's no fun
at wedding receptions. He keeps pointing out how fast the ice
sculpture is melting."
 
 
 
Dave Letterman



v v v v v
 
 

The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late
for supper and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator.

 

 
v v v v v
 
 

"Frankly, I don't believe people think of their office as a
work place anymore. They think of it as a stationery store
with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your
supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee--and then you go home."
 
 

v v v v v





  Click here: 101 Cookbooks
http://www.101cookbooks.com/about/
The premise this site was built on is best summed up in two sentences:

When you own over 100 cookbooks, it is time to stop buying, and start cooking. 

This site chronicles a cookbook collection, one recipe at a time.

  Click here: Group Recipes - Food Social Network
http://www.grouprecipes.com/
Love food?  Join the revolution!

  Click here: All recipes – complete resource for recipes and cooking tips
http://allrecipes.com/
Looking for recipes? You’ve come to the right place. Allrecipes has more than 40,000
 free recipes—all created, tested, reviewed and approved by home cooks worldwide. 

 
v v v v v



My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations
that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law,
well, that's a different story.

We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting
a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these
allegations?"

My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your honor."



=00&su=p284.7.420.ip_p284.5.420.ip_&tt=13&bt=0&bts=0&z
u=http%3A//macs.about.com/od/osx/a/osx_autologin.htm
Automatic login allows your Mac to bypass entering a login name and password,
taking you straight to the desktop when it starts up.
Automatic login is convenient when you are the only user of your Mac.
 However, automatic login allows anyone to power on your Mac and access your files.

For greater security, you should switch off automatic login. Each user should log
 in with his or her own name and password and log out at the end of the session.
This also allows OS X to properly separate items such as user documents, application
 preferences, and email. Follow these steps to switch off the automatic login features. 


  
v v v v v
  
  
  Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

A: An offer you can't understand.

    
 
 v v v v v
 
 
 SPICY CORN BAKE  

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

INGREDIENTS:  
1/4 lb. Bacon, chopped into 1/2-inch pieces  
1/3 C. Onion, diced  
1/3 C. Celery, diced  
1/3 C. Green Bell Pepper, diced  
1 stick, Butter (1/4 lb.), plus 2 Tbsp. melted,  
1/4 C. Milk  
1 can (13.5 oz. ) Cream Style Corn  
1 can (13.5 oz. ) Whole Kernel Corn  
2 Tbsp. Jalapenos, chopped fine  
2 Tbsp. Pimentos, chopped fine  
1 tsp. Salt  
1 Tbsp. Sugar  
2 C. Corn Bread Muffins, Crumbled  

DIRECTIONS:  
In a large skillet over medium heat, cook bacon until crisp.  
Add onion, celery and bell pepper and saute 2 minutes over  
low heat; set aside. In medium-size pan, melt 1/4 pound  
butter; add milk, corn, jalapenos, pimentos, salt and sugar;  
heat over low heat. Add bacon-vegetable mixture and 1 C. corn  
bread crumbs to corn mixture. Heat well, stirring frequently.  
Transfer to an 8-inch-square-by-11/2-inch pan. Moisten  
remaining corn bread crumbs with remaining margarine and  
sprinkle on top of corn mixture. Bake at 350 degrees until  
crumbs are light brown  

Yield: 8 Servings  
 
 
 
v v v v v






v v v v v



*submitted by*
LURALLEN


Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was
to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic
enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but  
at the time they didn't take women.  She said she
wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her
woozy. 

Should she be telling people this story? I
mean she's basically saying she wants to be  
president because she can't do anything else."



v v v v v



In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,'
Hillary details  what it was like meeting Bill
Clinton, falling in love with him, getting  married,
and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband
and wife.  Then on page two, the trouble starts."



v v v v v


*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net 


There are 3 flies in a jar 2 females and 1 male, the first female goes
to the male fly  and says "How do I get out of this  jar?"

The male fly says, "Give me a piece  of ass and I will tell you." so she
does and he says, "Go to  the bottom of the jar and fly to the top  as
hard as you can and the lid will pop off!"  She did and splat she died
The other fly not  seeing what happened says, "How do I get out of this
jar?" The male fly says, "Give me a  piece of ass and I will tell you."
so she does and he says,  "Go to the bottom of the jar and fly to the top
as hard as you can and the lid will pop  off!" She did and splat, she dies.

Then  the male fly flies out of the jar. How did he get  out??

If you haven't guessed by now,  check the answer below. 

V

V

V

Give  me a piece of ass and I'll tell you



v v v v v






Zipping and Unzipping 
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/2j%5BK

Have you ever downloaded a  .zip file only to be confused how to open it? Or have you
ever needed to email  someone a large file (or group of files)
and they told you to zip  it?
If you don't know what zip files are or how to use them, now's a  great time to learn.
About's guide to the Internet for Beginners provides this  _introduction  to zip files_
(http://netforbeginners.about.com/od/downloadingfiles/f/faq_zip1.htm) .

PC World - Block Spying Cookies, but Keep the Helpful Ones
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,130798/article.html?tk=nl_wbxcol
Is  there a way to tell which of the cookies on my PC are helping, and which ones  are
spying?  A cookie is merely a small file that a Web site puts on your  PC to identify you,
or to store information about you or your computer, such  as your IP address. The good
ones save you the trouble of logging on to the  site on return visits, a big help if you use subscription
news services such  as that of the New  York Times. More info at the site



v v v v v



Oscar Wilde was a poseur and what he said was never necessarily true. However, he
was visiting at a friend’s summer house and one morning he did
not show up till it was nearly lunchtime.

His friend said, “What have you been doing all morning, Oscar?”

“Working,” said Wilde.

“Accomplish anything?”

“Oh, yes, I inserted a comma in a poem I’m writing.”
He then disappeared all afternoon.

When he showed up for dinner, his friend said, “More work?”

“Yes,” said Oscar, “I removed that comma.”



v v v v v



It became increasingly difficult to buy gifts for my mother as she aged. As one unused
gift piled up on another, she took to giving the gift back to the giver, accompanied by
the same speech each time. “Here, Pru, you might as well have this back. I'll never wear/use it.”
A quick and simple rejection of the gift picked after hours of searching.  This performance
became so commonplace that on the occasion of Mom's 90th birthday, my sister, Rhonda,
showed up without a gift, but with her own little speech. “I would have bought
you something, Mom,” Rhonda said, “but there was nothing I really wanted!”



v v v v v






*submitted  by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
eCards - The Singing Groundhog - Soooo Cute ECard_ (http://card
fountain.com/ecards/snggrndhg01/index.php?pid=21348&enm=1&aid)  
http://cardfountain.com/ecards/snggrndhg01/index.php?pid=21348&enm=1&aid

*submitted  by*
Wdavisga
I~Grieve_ (http://www.tennhills.com/I-Grieve.html)
http://www.tennhills.com/I-Grieve.html

*submitted  by*
bigsam500@yahoo.com
My Friend  Forever, by Betty Jo Mings
http://www.smilesr4u.com/my_forever_friend.htm



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
 
 
On her 15th birthday, my daughter opened a package from her mom and her sisters. Out
came a beauty case containing many samples of makeup.

"Neat!" I exclaimed. "Your own tackle box!"

My wife calmly explained that it was NOT a tackle box; it was a beauty kit.
My daughter proceeded to open it up and show us all the mascara, eye
shadow, rouge, and other cosmetics.

At this point I leaned over to my wife and whispered,  "I told you it was
a tackle box. Just look at all those lures."



v v v v v



   The Top 10 Worst Moments in Sex History


10> 1,000,000 years B.C.: Ogg of West Flatrock has the bright
    idea to try to drag Bekk back to the cave by her pubic hair.

9> 1631: "Aye, McTavish, what if ye could take a wee bit of
    a bonnie sheep with ya when ye next have to do the wife?"

8> 1961: A teenage Bill Clinton's dad shouts "Dammit! They're
    soggy again! Who the hell's been getting into my cigars?"

7> 1945: Women discover men returning from the war actually
    *do* know how to wash dishes.

6> 1713: Baron Ricklefs von Frederick comes up with the idea for
    crotchless panties, but finds that most lotharios give up
    long before sorting through all those layers of petticoats.

5> Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho) notices a spider crawling along
    the floor of his bathroom stall, slowly making its way to the
    next stall over.

4> 1867: Jeremy Winkel pays a prostitute for a footjob, only to
    have her get him on the payroll at Ye Olde Shoe Carnival.

3> 1972: On the first day of school in Gary, Indiana, 6th-grader
    Michael Jackson stands transfixed in the shower after gym class.

2> 1956: Six-year-old Gene Simmons discovers he can lick his own eyebrows.


    and Topfive.com's Number 1 Worst Moment in Sex History...


1> 1536: Anne Boleyn invents the "I have a headache" excuse,
    which eventually gains greater acceptance than Henry's
    solution to the problem.



v v v v v





Video - Replacing your Car's Wiper Blades

(http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/1X]/Ym&sdn=autorepair&cdn=autos&tm=34&gps=
56_9_1193_850&f=00&tt=37&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http://video.about.
com/autorepair/Replacing-Wiper-Blades.htm)
Learn how and when to replace the wiper blades on your
car for maximum performance and safety.

America's Killer Roads - AOL Money & Finance
http://money.aol.com/forbes/general/canvas3/_a/americas-killer-roads/20070718113109990001
America's deadliest drives aren't big highways. They're small roads.
In 2005, 61% of those killed while driving died on rural, two-lane byways, according
to the U.S. General Accounting Office. In Arizona, two-lane roads have three times
the fatalities as four-lane roads. In California, more than half of all fatal accidents are on
two-lane roads. In both Texas and Connecticut, they account for two-thirds of
fatal accidents. Overall, rural roads account for less than half of the total miles in the
U.S., yet are bigger killers than the interstates or urban streets.



v v v v v



A cowboy is driving down a back road in Texas.

A sign in front of a restaurant reads,
"Happy Hour Special: Lobster Tail and Beer."

"Hot damn," the cowboy says to himself, "My three favorite things!"



v v v v v




Multi-screen Remote Desktop
http://ct.zdnet.com/clicks?t=37473240-806f0115a755e77dbd661609f3a0db00-bf&s=5&fs=0
Multi-screen  Remote Desktop (MSRD) is a remote control program that can display
screens of  other computers (via Internet or network) on your screen (up to 9 screens
simultaneously). The program allows you to use your mouse and keyboard
to  control other PCs remotely. It means that you can work on a remote computer,  as if you
were sitting in front of it, right from your current location. The  program allows you to work
with different remote computers simultaneously,  from anywhere via network. Besides,
MSRD is really beautiful. Version 1.2 is a  bug fixing release.

Free Animated Screensavers Collection
http://ct.zdnet.com/clicks?t=37473246-806f0115a755e77dbd661609f3a0db00-bf&s=5&fs=0
Free Animated Screensavers Collection - The Web's most popular screensavers
  all in one download. Includes 3d screensavers, nature, Christmas, aquarium, 
fire, the matrix, holiday, animals/pets, fish, and Santa. Download now to see
full catalogue of 100% totally free animated screensavers.

Hidden_Utilities
http://camtech2000.net/Pages/hidden_utilities.htm
HIDDEN UTILITIES XP  allows access to nearly 100 hidden utilities that are not
normally accessible  to the average user. System information, diagnostics, repair tools
and more in  both Windows and Command Line utilities are now easily opened.
Hidden  Utilities XP includes easy access to 53 Windows tools and...

Screen sharing
http://invitt.com/
INVITT. The free version at http://invitt.com allows one other person to share
screens with you provided you are both registered on the service and both logged
on the Internet. For $89 per year, you can share screen, mouse, and keyboard with
up to six and there are more options including added bandwidth.



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com

 
The auto auction I attended was selling cars to benefit charity. Vehicles were
classified as either "Running" or "No Start."  On the block was a No Starter. It had a shattered
windshield, two missing tires, a sagging front bumper, a cockeyed grille, a hood that was
sprung up at an angle, and dings and dents all over the body.

Before he started the bidding, the auctioneer announced the car's
year, make, and model, and then read the owner's comments:
"Please note - the radio does not work."
 
 

v v v v v



Two guys were out walking home from work one afternoon. "Man," the first guy said,
"as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's panties off!"

"What's the rush?" his buddy asked.

"The damn elastic in the legs is killing me!"



v v v v v



Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.



v v v v v





Top 10 Christian Wedding and Love Songs
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DC3
Weddings are full of love, life and promises. Music plays a special part in the day
and the quest for the perfect wedding song is something almost all brides go on.
Here are the Top 10 wedding songs from your Guide.For those who are already married,
or haven't gotten there yet, these love songs are also perfect for 
anniversaries or special, romantic occasions.

Top 10 Baroque Period Composers
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DC4
The music of the Baroque Period (http://classicalmusic.about.com/od/baroqueperiod/) is
  even more popular today than it was four hundred years ago. Its unique styles, textures,
and forms enchant and delight millions of listeners each year. From Bach to
Sammartini, each composer on this list greatly influenced the shape and course of
classical music. And though I would love to include the many other Baroque Period
composers, because they too, had a great impact on the music, there's
just not enough room in a Top 10 list.

Top 10 Pop Songs for Spring
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DC2
Spring is a great season to celebrate rebirth and new life. Pop music is the perfect
accompaniment.  This is an admittedly idiosyncratic list of spring favorites as few pop
songs speak about spring directly. These are the songs that bring to mind for me the
hope, joy, beauty, and carefree spirit of springtime.



v v v v v



Q: Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?

A: Who cares?



v v v v v



        The Top 16 Signs Your Wedding Day Isn't Going Well
    (Part I)


16> Writing your wedding vows in Klingon seemed like such a cool
    idea at the bachelor party.

15> During the toast, when the bride's father refers to his
    daughter as "pure and virtuous," you laugh and blow champagne
    out your nose.

14> Sure, it rains at some outdoor weddings, but hellfire
    and brimstone?

13> The bride figurine atop the wedding cake? A fluffy white sheep.
    Your pissed-off bride? A goat.

12> Getting married at Graceland seemed like a good idea, but
    you didn't count on that annoying spinning sound coming
    from Daddy's grave.

11> The ring bearer keeps dropping the bride's glass eye.

10> Your wedding planner convinced you to forgo a traditional
    reception in favor of a contemporary "flash-mob reception."

9> Traditional wedding: rice. 
    Your wedding: scorpions.

8> As soon as your vows are complete, Anna Nicole "accidentally"
    kicks over your ventilator.

7> Your bride keeps on telling you that it's unlucky to see
    her *after* the wedding.

6> Your vows are to love, honor, obey, remember to feed Bubbles
    and the llamas every night, and keep up the subscription to
    "NAMBLA Illustrated."

5> You can't get the ceremony started because the altar keeps
    bursting into flames whenever your fiancee approaches it.

4> Mid-ceremony, the priest whips out a chicken foot and begins
    to sprinkle yak urine on the bride.

3> "Do you, CuteBabe19, take BigGuy23-- damn, the server's
    down again!"

2> One hour before the big "I do," you suddenly realize there's
    a bridesmaid you haven't nailed.


                 and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign
               Your Wedding Day Isn't Going Well...


1> You broke three bones in your hand in an altercation with
    photographers, your bride split the seam of her Vera Wang
    when she sat down, and now that little turd Matt Damon
    can't find the friggin' ring.



v v v v v

 



Debsnewsletter  - Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml 



v v v v v



A gang member was holding his 8-month-old baby while his wife was in the
kitchen fixing lunch. The baby murmured "mother." The guy gets all excited
and hollered to his wife, "Hey, the baby just said half a word!"



v v v v v



    The Top 17 Things to Say at Home on Talk Like a Pirate Day


17> "Avast, ye bilge rats! Smartly remove yourselves off me lawn
     before I make ya's walk the plank!"

16> "Man the deck-swabbin' tools. This vessel's been boarded by
     baby vomit."

15> "Aye, Belinda, yer goldfish be sleepin' in Davey Jones' locker."

14> "Me pearl, I've got a mind to board ye and plunder yer many
     treasures after the youngens are abed."

13> "Sail ho, me hearties! I be seeing Mac 'n' Cheese on
     the horizon."

12> "There be starrrrvin' children in Africa with scurrrrvy who
     would give their right arrrrm for a bite o' asparrrragus."

11> "Arrrr, be not shuttin' off me BitTorrent before the new
     Metallica album be finished downloadin'!"

10> "Blast and bedamn it to the four winds! Which of ye scurvy
     parasites sent 1000 instant ahoys on their handheld
     semaphore device in the last billing moon?"

9> "Great Neptune on a mast! Not Arrrrrrrrrby's again!"

8> "Well tickle me with a cap feather! I've told ye many a time
     I'm not of a mind to be changing my long-distance!"

7> "Wench! Be fetching me another Grog Lite from the galley
     straightaway!"

6> "To the scurvy dog which uncorked that stench from
     Blackbeard's own colon: Announce yerself!"

5> "Now, lad, if'n all your young shipmates leapt to certain
     death from that great steel span at New Amsterdam, would
     ye feel obliged to follow suit?"

4> "Ahoy, ivory chamber pot! Prepare to be boarded and defiled
     as I drop anchor."

3> "Avast, ye scalawag, remove yer hook from my Eggo!"

2> "Here be our list for the market shoppin': Yoo-Hoo, Ho-Hos
     and a bottle of rum."


             and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing to Say
          Around the House on Talk Like a Pirate Day...


1> "Who be the very model of a well-behaved bonny wee
     housecritter, then? Be it ye? Be it? Be it?"



v v v v v






Windows Versions & Updates
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3Pl9
Learn about and  install the latest Windows updates. Review newer
versions of Windows and consider upgrading



v v v v v



Two old guys were arguing the merits of their doctors. The  
first one said, "I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated  
old Jake Waxman for kidney trouble for nearly a year, and  
then Jake died from liver trouble."  

"So what makes you think your doctor is any better?" asked  
his friend.  

"Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney trouble, you  
can bet your ass you'll die of a kidney trouble."  



v v v v v



"Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In  
the nineteenth century, it was a disease; in the twentieth,  
it is a cure."  



Thomas Szasz  



v v v v v







v v v v v



Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her
constant complaints about non existent illnesses, so he started
palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy.

One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed
his usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and
Mrs.Smith died of a heart attack.

On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died of
shock. Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in
the cemetery.

The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed
by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith.  Do you have
anything for worms?"



v v v v v



At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee.

The straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off
on the left. The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in
that direction. The ball went over the fence, and bounced off the
bike path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus,
and was knocked back on to the fairway.

As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him,
"How on earth did you do that?"

He shrugged his shoulders, and said, "You have to know the bus
schedule."



v v v v v






Beloit Daily News
http://www.beloitdailynews.com/articles/2007/07/26/news/news02.txt
In a crisis - cell phones can help find victims

The Shreveport Times
http://www.shreveporttimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/
20070726/LIVING/707260301/1004/LIVING
Old cell phones and iPods don't have to go to waste



v v v v v



*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com


 
The receptionist found some cash in the office, apparently mislaid by a co-worker. 
She sent the following email: "If anybody can say where they lost $70, please let me
know and it will be returned to  you."

Within minutes one employee replied, "Kentucky Derby, 2001."



v v v v v



"According to a new medical study, barbecuing is bad for your
prostate. Well, I'm glad they got this out in time.  I was going
to barbecue my prostate this weekend. I had no idea it's bad for you."


Jay Leno



v v v v v






10 Chic Party Hotels | ForbesTraveler.com
http://www.forbestraveler.com/2007/02/07021601_slide.html?partner=msnbc
Want to party when you are traveling?  Here are the places to stay!!

10 Best Spas in India
http://www.forbestraveler.com/2006/12/06121802_story.html
The Pehlwan Malish Warrior Massage is inspired by the fierce mustard-oil rubdowns
  traditionally given to battered Indian wrestlers. You'll find it at the Taj Spa in Mumbai,
India. For something kinder and gentler, you might try the Astroveda Treatment at the
Hotel Ashok in New Delhi--that one involves spending some time in a "floatarium."
If you're in the market for exotic treatments of the semi-masochistic variety, India will
happily provide. If you'd rather just loll around in an infinity pool on the grounds
of an 18th-century palace with clear views of the Himalayas, that can also be
arranged. The best spa destinations here are utterly unique experiences that 
combine ancient therapies with cutting-edge amenities.

Outrageous Guest Requests
http://www.forbestraveler.com/2006/09/18/06091802_slide.html?partner=msnbc
Extremely outrageous stories!

Test your travel IQ with the weekly quiz - Travel Quizzes & Votes - 
MSNBC.com_ (http://g.msn.com/0NL49287/8656)
http://g.msn.com/0NL49287/8656
If you are looking for The Pearl, the Fountain of Youth or even some famous covered
bridges, you can uncover them all with the weekly excursion exam.   



v v v v v



"Doctors and hospitals have gone back to literally the Middle
Ages for a cure they say works better than anything they have in
modern medicine for post-operative blood coagulation. They are
going back to flesh-eating maggots and blood-sucking leeches. Or
as most people know them, HMOs."



Bill Maher



v v v v v



The Top 15 Things Not to Say
Around Your Fantasy Football Buddies


15> "So who do you alleged heterosexuals think looks hotter, Eli or Peyton?"

14> "Now exactly how does Fantasy Malibu Barbie fit in with all this?"

12> "My next pick is to get a life."

11> "Am I ready for Fantasy Football? For the last week, I've
     been imagining myself getting spanked by Tony Romo!"

10> "Wow. And you guys call me and my Dungeons and Dragons
     group nerds?"

9> "This week I'm going with my 'All-Buns' lineup."

8> "Sure, the Bears defense is good, but I'm not convinced
     they're proactive enough in their community."

7> "Sorry I missed the draft, but hey, how often is 'Swan Lake'
     on PBS?"

6> "Wassuup? Waassuuuuuup? Waaaasssssuuuuuuuuuup?"

5> "I think maybe next year's draft should be held someplace
     that doesn't serve alcohol."

4> "Football?! Sunday is a day of REST, you Satan Buggerers!!"

3> "Donovan McNabb, I wish I could quit you."

2> "Sorry, guys, my E! Red Carpet Fashion Fantasy League takes
     up most of my energy these days."


             and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Not to
           Say Around Your Fantasy Football Buddies...


1> "Why is my team all cheerleaders? Because that's *my*
     fantasy, Couch-Boy."



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After our friend Tom had been a temporary bachelor for several
weeks, we stopped by his home to visit him. My wife asked if he was
eating properly. "Well, I do eat a lot of dog food," Tom told her.

"Dog food!" my wife exclaimed, horrified. "I can't believe you
would be eating anything like that!"

"Come to the kitchen and I'll show you," Tom replied.

Opening the refrigerator door, he waved his hand at a row of doggie
bags from half of the restaurants in town.



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Surgeons invited to dinner parties are often asked to carve the meat
-- or worse yet, to watch the host carve while commenting on the
surgeon's occupation. At one party, a surgeon friend was watching
the carving while Harry, his host, kept up a running commentary:
"How am I doing, doc? How do you like that technique?  I'd make a
pretty good surgeon, don't you think?"

When the host finished and the slices of meat lay neatly on the
serving platter, the surgeon spoke up: "Anybody can take them apart,
Harry. Now lets see you put them back together again."



v v v v v





People joke about how Santa only comes
once a  year. Maybe so, but on that one
night he comes about a billion times.
(Sebastian P.)

I used to write poetry. I never  was
very good at it, but I'm kinda proud
to be the first poet to ever  rhyme
"Christmas morn" and "Granny Porn."
(Anthony Myers)

Ironically, it's usually the butt-ugly
women I can coerce into anal sex.
(McSpeevey)

They say diamonds are a girl's best friend,
but everyone knows girls don't sleep with their
best friends. A diamond-covered vibrator, on
the other hand, probably sees plenty of action.
(Ron Arol)



v v v v v



The insurance salesman, trying to start up a conversation with
another fella said, "Who is the ugly lady over there?"

The second man said, "Why, that's my wife!"

Trying to get out of an embarrassing situation, the salesman said,
"No, not her, the other one!"

The second man said, "That's my daughter!"



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*submitted  by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
Games and Interactive Activities
http://www.philosophersnet.com/games/
Welcome to our games and interactive activities section. This has been developed as
part of an on-going commitment to make TPM Online more interactive. We are
going to be adding to this section consistently, so I suggest that you
bookmark the page and check back often

Private Eye: Greatest Unsolved Mysteries Game Download at Big Fish Games
http://sm.bigfishgames.com/track?type=click&mailingid=200704271025&messageid=
0000&databaseid=1234&serial=470155264&emailid=debssweet@aol.com&userid=450
133&extra=&&&PrivateEyeimg&&&http://www.bigfishgames.com/downloads/
privateeyegreatest/index.html?src=bfg12y0xenl0265
A  nefarious secret society known only as the Enigma Society has been causing 
trouble around the world; it's up to you to unravel the mystery surrounding
them. As the newest Private Eye recruit, you'll travel to exotic international  locations and find
hidden clues in order to solve some of the world's  strangest mysteries! Each new mystery
will put your perception skills, as well  as your reflexes, to the test! Welcome to
the world of Private Eye: Greatest  Unsolved Mysteries!

Word Shoot: Spell Fast or Die!
http://cognitivelabs.com/word_shoot.htm
Type the Word next to Your Enemies
as Fast as You Can. Sure beats typing tutor games
to make you faster!  Be Fast or Die



v v v v v



Elsie the Cow and Ferdinand the Bull were on either side of a
fence. Elsie the Cow gave him a wink and he leaped over the fence
to her side.

"Aren't you Ferdinand the Bull?" she asked.

"Just call me Ferdinand. The fence was a lot higher than I thought."



v v v v v



Just remember, it is better to have a lobster on your piano,
than a crab on your organ.



v v v v v



An authority on African leopards was giving a lecture.  When he
finished, he asked for questions.

One man stood up and asked, "Is it true that leopards in Africa
won't bother you if you carry a lighted torch?"

The speaker replied, "That depends on how fast you carry it."



v v v v v






Second date
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Is that a bad thing?
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...gave up the combination...!
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little tied up...
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Honey, I'm home early....
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If Women Controlled Medicine
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/011.htm
Here

...trapped alone....running out of air...Apollo 13?
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1861.html
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Trick or treat? UH HUH!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1862.html
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Pick a card!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1863.html
Here!

One Mouth, Two hands and she is your dream come true!!!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1864.html
Here!

New weed trimmer...
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1865.html
Here!



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  Rockin' and  Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
  to featured products or services.  Results may vary based on operating
  systems and other variables beyond our control
 

 
  v v v v v
 
 
 
  Another issue on it's way to YOU and another one already in the making!  So meet us back
  here next week, same time - same place
 
  but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
  never,
  ever,
  EVER
  forget to
 
  keep on rockin'
  it's a state of mind
 
 
 
  v v v v v
 
  ©1999 - 2007 - Deborah Austin -  All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
 
  v v v v v



 

 

 

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