Editor:
DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Guysbabi, Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, kittykab
Children's Book Editor: Amanda260
Internet Security Editor: DebsSweet
HELLO?
Excuse me - but the national news is now reporting that MURDER is the leading
cause of death in women! My God people!! I am speechless.
Somebody out there fill me
in on what it is about men that make them murder their wives/girlfriends?
Holy Hell, y'all
While I sit and ponder this for another hour, you'll find some memorable and
very funny
movie quotes in the SILLIES section!
Be careful when surfing the Internet. I have checked EACH link submitted
to you and they are in working
order as of this posting. Always be aware of the risks out there and keep
current with your
anti-virus and adware removal software!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my
heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, deb@debsnewsletter.com and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to
ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild
ride!
"Hi, I am a big fan of your Rockin n Rollin newsletter. I used to receive
regularly but had trouble with my computer,
ended up putting it in the shop & now I no longer receive it.
Are you still doing the newsletter? I hope you are, if so, can you please
send me
a link so I can re-sign up to receive your newsletter again?
Thank you
Sally"
SllAdms
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There once was a man named Mort
Whose dick was incredibly short
He climbed into bed
And his ladyfriend said,
"That's not a dick, it's a wart.
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An old Native Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking
a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two Government officials sent to
interview him. "Chief Two Eagles" asked one Official, "you have
observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and
his technological advances. You've seen his progress and the
damage he's done."
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The Official continued, "Considering all these events, in your
opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The Chief stared at the Government officials for over a minute
and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land,
Natives were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo,
plenty beaver, women did all the work, Medicine Man free,
Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, and all night
having sex."
Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb
enough to think he could improve system like that."
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Click
here: 4 Ways to Say “I Love You”
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/3469.asp?BID=39221&SID=17053750&EID=6108AB9D-21F
B-40F3-89FA-FF1083EB2DCB&utm_campaign=2006-08-24&utm_source=healthy-advantage
&utm_medium=email&utm_content=todays-headlines_4-ways-to-say-#147i-lov
Love letters are romantic and saying “I love you” when hanging up the phone
with your loved one is
always reassuring. But saying “I love you” doesn’t have to be “said” with words.
While these three little
words are powerful conveyors of emotion, showing your love through other words
and actions can be just as powerful, and possibly
even more effective, at keeping a relationship alive and healthy. We’re about
to offer you simple advice on ways
to say “I love you” that doesn’t involve words, at least not those three words.
These simple, daily actions will
show your lover just how much you care for him or her. Plus: Are you a good
kisser?
*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
Click here:
Just You and I
http://members.vpchat.com/chantilly.lace/JustYouAndI.html
Click
here: Amazon.com: It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken:
The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy: Books: Greg Behrendt,Amiir
http://www.amazon.com/gp/r.html?R=3LPSHV5HJAN0G&C=3VFVGUQA9UFEA&T=C&U=%2Fdp%2F076792
1968%2Fref%3Dpe%5F606%5F5368170%5Fpe%5Far%5Ft1&H=g8ixGs6FxqbaC5EeYwmClmbqA8cA
Amazon.com:
He Just Thinks He's Not That into You: The Insanely Determined
Girl's Guide to Getting the Man She Wants: Books:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/r.html?R=3LPSHV5HJAN0G&C=3VFVGUQA9UFEA&T=C&U=%2Fdp%2F076242964
X%2Fref%3Dpe%5F606%5F5368170%5Fpe%5Far%5Ft5&H=IYETqbvtML4IAxHD5zuARpD401oA
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CARAMEL APPLE SALAD
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 container (8-oz) frozen whipped topping, thawed
1 package dry instant butterscotch pudding
1 can (8-oz) crushed pineapple with juice
3 cups diced apples
1 cup dry roasted peanuts
1 cup marshmallows
DIRECTIONS:
Mix cool whip, butterscotch pudding and crushed pineapple
with juice. Add apples, roasted nuts and marshmallows. Keep
in refrigerator until ready to serve.
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The Top 14 Signs Your Celebrity Child Isn't Doing Well in Prison
14> Throwing up gross prison food takes all the fun out of bulimia.
13> "How am I supposed to reform my life when the feng shui here
is simply impossible?"
12> Just look at her. She's wearing orange... in the summer!
Can no one help her?
11> They're talking about early parole "just to stop all the crying."
10> The requirement of three square meals a day has pushed her
weight up to triple digits.
9> Regular inmates aren't respecting the velvet rope that limits
access to his cell.
8> Even his cellmate doesn't want his autograph.
7> Her antics forced E! to stretch her "True Hollywood Story"
into a 10-part miniseries.
6> There's no body double for the shower scenes.
5> He just sold the rights to his life story for a pack of smokes.
4> He sees dead people. In the next bunk.
3> Her mug shot crashed The Smoking Gun's Web servers.
2> He keeps accidentally shivving himself.
and Topfive.com's
Number 1 Sign Your
Celebrity Child Isn't Doing Well in Prison...
1> She wants you to smuggle in her Chihuahua, baked inside a cake.
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*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net
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"I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to
someone who will leave them alone"
Elayne Boosler
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The
Top 6 Relationship Self-Help Books for Guys
6> How to Avoid the Cuddling Stage
5> It's a Monologue, Don't Interrupt!
4> The One Minute Lover
3> Who Moved My Beer?
2> Turning Screw-Ups Into Screwing -- in 12 Easy Steps!
and the Number 1 Relationship Self-Help Book for Guys...
1> The Finger Not Pulled
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Aging
Computer?
Click
here: PC World - Useful Upgrades That Will Outlast Your Aging PC
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,128543/article.html?tk=nl_dmxhow
Often the best way to get an old system up to speed is to stay outside the box.
Spending a few extra dollars
now on an external hard drive or other outside-the-case component can save you
time and trouble--and maybe
a little money--when you finally do buy a new PC. Not only do external devices
offer quick and easy
upgrades, but they'll also work with your future PC, so you can subtract those
items from the new system's invoice.
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*submitted by*
oldwild@juno.com
Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them slices
her shot into a foursome of men.
To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony with both hands in his crotch.
She runs to him apologizing profusely, explaining that she is a physical
therapist and can help ease his pain.
"No thanks... just give me a few minutes... I'll be fine..." he replies quietly
with his hands still between his legs.
Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently undoes the front of
his
pant and starts massaging his genitals.
"Doesn't that feel better?" she asks.
"Well... yes... That feels pretty good," he admits. "But my thumb still hurts
like hell!"
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"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on
his deathbed, sold me this watch."
Woody Allen
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"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly
mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental
records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who
you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
Paul Merton
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Click
here: Thank You For Being My Friend
http://www.angelfire.com/ga/sweetgeorgiapeach/girlfriend.html
*submitted by*
Granny B 132
Click here:
To My Special Friends
http://www.angelfire.com/ga/sweetgeorgiapeach/special.html
*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
Click here: You're
The Best
http://asandboxgreeting.com/yourethebest2.html
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*submitted by*
STLLRNING7
REDNECK
CHALLENGE
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and
we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your
front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of
shine produced per hour,
how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the
pine trees in the plot to be
harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter
is 14 inches. How
many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field
rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and
the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When
the porch
collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average
slope of 15%. The man
has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the
man's land and still
have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7 A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope
on a secondary road at 45
MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what
is the
probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take
a town which has been
bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay
if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya...
There's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare
ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly
advice that may come in handy down the road a piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place
an order.
When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.
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*submitted by*
BillieJo50
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The
Top 7 Bad Ideas on Take Your Daughter to Work Day
7> "OK, honey, we call this a 'Y incision'... Honey? Are you OK?"
6> Taking out the whiskey bottle you smuggled in her backpack *before* lunch
5> Don't let her do your work for you. Chances are, she can do it
better, faster and more efficiently than you.
4> All the soda she can drink.
3> "Ummm... like 'Hi everybody!' This is totally your pilot, Brittany."
2> Let her decide if the convicted murderer gets life in prison
or a trip to ol' Sparky.
and the Number
1 Bad Idea on
Take Your Daughter to
Work Day...
1> Do they make exploding vests in a "Little Miss" size?
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*submitted by*
lg1@tampabay.rr.com
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old
man. When she returned to her daughter's house later that
night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?"
"No," she answered, "I thought he was dead."
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The
Top 9 Presidential Illnesses
9> Theodore Roosevelt: Bullymia
8> Grover Cleveland: Split Term Ends
7> Thomas Jefferson: Jungle fever
6> Ronald Reagan: ummm... ah... whatchamacallit
5> Richard M. Nixon: 18-minute long tapeworm
4> John Adams: Tammany Hall-itosis
3> Bill Clinton: Monoca Lewineucleosis
2> LBJ: Irritable Johnson Syndrome
and the Number 1 Presidential Illness...
1> Herbert Hoover: Depression
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*submitted by*
ron_stott@yahoo.com
Click here: AutoPuzzles - Home of the
Name That Car Puzzle
http://www.autopuzzles.com/
The newest, unsolved puzzles are directly below. Many more await you within
the site. Those that
have been solved by Name That Car sleuths are here
. Clicking on the puzzle pic takes you to our forum,
where you can review the pictures, clues, and ongoing guesses of other AutoPuzzlers,
yielding usually....
eventually.... the solution! While there, please post your own puzzles
and photos & check out all the other forum
topics as well. We are continually adding more pics, trivia questions,
riddles, and new puzzles
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*submitted by*
lg1@tampabay.rr.com
The new priest, born and raised in Texas, is nervous about hearing
Confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest
Asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest,
And rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and
'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'"
The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand
And repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.
The old priest says , ...
"Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee
And saying, "No shit... What happened next?"
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Mrs. Grednik, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her
weight-watchers meeting. "My husband insists I come to these
meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim
figure," she lamented to the woman next to her.
"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that? You’ll feel
better, too."
"You don’t understand. He likes to do it while I'm at these
damn meetings."
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Click
here: PC World - PC World Downloads - Google Toolbar
http://www.pcworld.com/downloads/file/fid,8113/description.html?tk=nl_hsxdwn
Click here: TypeFaster Typing Tutor
( free download )
http://typefaster.sourceforge.net/
This free typing tutor teaches you to touch-type. Free download!
Download this free tool, and use Google to search from any Web site without
having to return to the Google home page to begin another
search. You can customize your search to include just the site you're visiting
or just the page you're viewing. Use the toolbar to find
similar pages or to find sites that link back to that page. Google lifts some
of the load from you with Google Suggest query suggestions
(available in Firefox only), a pop-up blocker, and WordTranslator. Filling out
forms and shopping online become less arduous thanks to
the toolbar's SpellCheck and AutoFill functions.
Click here: Punk Software -
RocketDock
http://www.punksoftware.com/rocketdock
A program dock for Windows
Mac OS X is a beautiful operating system. It’s easy to see why owners are often
enamored with their
Macs.Of course, Windows Vista is also stunning. But it lacks a Mac feature I
really like: the program dock.
The program dock is similar to the taskbar in Windows. It sits at the bottom,
top or side of the screen.
Shortcuts and buttons for open windows are located there.But the program dock
is more interesting than Windows’ taskbar.
For one thing, it is more animated–mouse over it and it responds.Well, RocketDock
brings the program
dock to Windows. This free program is cool. Give it a try! kimkomando.com
Click
here: ProcessTamer - Mouser - Software - DonationCoder.com
http://www.donationcoder.com/Software/Mouser/proctamer/index.html
PROCESS TAMER runs in your system tray and constantly monitors the CPU usage
of other processes.
When it sees a process that is overloading your CPU, it reduces the priority
of that process temporarily, until its CPU
usage returns to a reasonable level.
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
HOW TO INSTALL A DO IT YOURSELF HOME SECURITY SYSTEM:
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots size
14-16.
2. Place them on your front porch along with several empty beer cans,
a
copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim,
I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back
in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman
this
morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it
but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
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The Top 16 Things That Don't Ease Your Fear of Flying
16> You recognize the pilot as the winner of the airport bar's
9:00 a.m. Jaeger Bomb contest.
15> As you're waiting to board you see your pilot buying extra
life insurance, a fifth of Scotch and the latest copy of
"Today's Jihadist."
14> Whenever someone gets up mid-flight to head to the lavatory,
the stewardess yells, "Dead man walkin'!"
13> You know your lunatic drunk of a former college roommate is
a pilot for a major airline.
12> Each passenger is being asked to bring a quart of oil in their carry-on.
11> Watching the flight attendants demonstrate how to attach your
seat belt, put on your oxygen mask, inflate your life vest,
treat whiplash, apply a tourniquet, settle a flight insurance
claim....
10> The first class seat next to you is reserved for the spare
tire changer -- and his spare tire.
9> In addition to being able to purchase drinks, snacks, pillow,
and entertainment options, the flight attendant offers an
array of parachutes and casualty insurance options.
8> "Er... this is your stewardess speaking. Are there any,
um, *other* pilots on board?"
7> "Hello, and we are thanking you for with you us flying Outsource Air!"
6> "Greetings: this is your pilot speaking. Since I know many
of you are seeing Manhattan for the first time, I'm going to
fly really low so you can get a great look at the buildings."
5> As passengers file onto the plane, you overhear the pilot
mutter, "Gosh, I guess we really are doing this, then."
4> You notice that the identification badge on your pilot's lapel is for
Taco Bell.
3> The stewardess makes "air quotes" with her fingers every time/ she says
"Captain."
2> Seeing other passengers go into a screaming mid-flight panic
-- especially when those passengers are on a different plane.
and Topfive.com's
Number 1 Thing
That Doesn't Ease Your Fear
of Flying...
1> The pilot's guide dog has a major attitude problem.
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Click
here: Rascal Flatts
http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/iclk?sa=l&ai=B8beYLt3SRcQSl5DFApfgvWbuia4b0tuVvgLAjbc
B4JgXEAIYAiC8pfcBKAgwADgAUMmBpqcDYMkGoAHOktP8A6oBDXByaW1lZGlhX2hvbWWyAQlhYm91dC5jb23IAQHa
AR9odHRwOi8vYWJvdXQuY29tL2VudGVydGFpbm1lbnQvgAIBqAMB&num=2&adurl=http://www.
hyfntrak.com/rascalgift/AFF31322/go.php&client=ca-primedia-basic_js
Very popular group - check out their new album
Click here: Atlantic
Records - matchbox twenty Returns to the Studio; Steve Lillywhite Producing
New Tracks for Upcoming Retro
http://www.marketwire.com/2.0/release.do?id=747537
Melisma/Atlantic recording group matchbox twenty have returned to the studio
to record their first new material in
five years. Grammy-winning producer Steve Lillywhite is overseeing the sessions
in L.A., marking the band's first
work with the renowned producer -- whose credits include the likes of U2, The
Rolling Stones, Dave Matthews Band,
Peter Gabriel, Talking Heads, and many others. The new matchbox twenty tracks
-- which also mark their first
recordings as a foursome -- will be included on a retrospective hits collection,
"EXILE ON
MAINSTREAM," slated for release on October 2nd.
Yay!!
Click here: Latin Music
http://latinmusic.about.com/
Los Lonely Boys Cottonfields and Crossroads is a heartfelt documentary full
of family, tradition, struggle and, finally,
success. It follows the three Garza brothers - Henry, Jojo and Ringo - from
their roots in the San Angelo, TX barrio through
the present day. The documentary is a story of a Mexican-American family that
captured that elusive, American dream.
But, most importantly, it is a documentary full of the wonderful, unique music
that has made Los Lonely Boys so popular.
*submitted by*
DeVulcano
Click
here: YouTube - Buddy Holly - The Day The Music Died
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmyGZ64J9yg&mode=related&search=
*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
Click here: YouTube - "Britains
Got Talent * Connie, 6, WOWs Simon Cowell !!!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWNoiVrJDsE
This is what an angel sounds like
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CONFETTI RICE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 tbsp. olive oil
1/2 cup asparagus, finely chopped
1/2 cup scallions, finely chopped
1/2 cup celery, finely chopped
1 cup fresh spinach, chopped
1 cup fresh or frozen peas
1 cup carrots, grated
3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
Juice of one lemon
2 tbsp. soy sauce
1/4 tsp. freshly ground pepper
4 cups cooked rice
DIRECTIONS:
In a large skillet, heat the oil until hot. Then add the
asparagus, scallions, celery, spinach, peas and carrots.
Stir quickly for 2 minutes. Add the garlic, lemon juice,
soy sauce and pepper. Continue stirring for 1 minute. Add
the rice, mixing well until heated through. Serve at once.
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Not all chemicals are bad.
For example, without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, there would be
no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
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My mother came home from the mall looking completely exhausted. Alarmed, I asked
what had happened.
Falling into a chair, she explained that after she had stepped on a down
escalator, she changed her mind
and tried to go back up. "I thought I was going to die!" she exclaimed. "And
my heavy purse was slowing me down,
so finally I threw it up ahead of me. Even so, it still took everything I had
in me to make it back up!"
"Mom," I said, "why didn't you just go all the way down and then take
the up escalator?"
She stared at me as though I were crazy. "And leave my purse?"
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Did you know that Moses had to make a third trip up to the top of Mount Sinai?
Well, on this third trip, Moses arrived
at the burning bush after much climbing, removed his sandals, kneeled
and prayed to God. "Oh mighty God, King of the
Universe, your people have sent me back here to ask you a question about the
Ten Commandments."
"What question do they have for me?" roared the voice of God.
"They want to know whether the commandments are listed according to priority."
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Click
here: Dummies::Changing Your Dog's Food
http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTip/id-4629,subcat-PETS.html
Whenever you change your dog's food, you need to do it gradually to avoid stomach
upsets. Start with 10 percent
of the new food and 90 percent of the old food on the first day. Each subsequent
day, increase the
new food by 10 percent and decrease the old food by 10 percent.
Click here: Buddhist Animal
Wisdom and Teaching Stories
http://littlelotushearts.com/stories.html
Human civilization has made use of animals in the form of story telling for
centuries. Some of these stories
came in the form of cave drawings, while others came in the form of Aesop’s
Fables, while still others came
in the form of fairy tales. In each case, these stories have been used to expose
and explore the various triumphs and
failings that we consider to be part of the “human condition.” These various
stories have taught on subjects
varying from, the importance of generosity, to constructive ways to deal with
grief and everything in between.
Here we offer you the opportunity to read some of the animal wisdom and teaching
stories that are popular in the Buddhist tradition.
Some will likely seem very familiar, while others will, perhaps, be quite new.
The wonderful thing about these stories
is that their lessons hold value for people of all ages and all cultures. We
hope you enjoy them.
Click here: Tips for Choosing Cat
Food - Learning the Basics about Cat Food Labels
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DRD
You are what you eat, and this is equally true for the cats that depend on us
for "room and board." Indeed,
cat food is one of the most important expenses of feline guardianship, next
to veterinary care. It is important
also to note that proper diet can eliminate or delay veterinary expense for
a number of serious medical
conditions. The ultimate purpose of this series is to help you learn how to
read cat food labels to make your decision
process easier in choosing the best foods for your cat, but first we
need to cover some of the basics.
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That vampire, at midnight will pounce
Drain blood from your veins, large amounts!
"Was that," You'll inquire
"A bloody vampire?"
That sucks! But this isn't what counts
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"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't
remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth"
George Burns
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Shortly before getting married a young Catholic couple was involved in a
fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for
St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they began to wonder: Could we possibly get married in
Heaven?
When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know.
This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out", and he left.
The couple sat and waited and waited. Two months passed and the couple was
still waiting.
As they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in
Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat
bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things
don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted,
"It took me three months to find a PRIEST up here!
Do you have ANY IDEA how long it will take me to find a LAWYER?"
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10
New Uses for Coffee Filters
About 100 years ago, a German housewife named Melitta Bentz punctured the bottom
of a brass pot, lined it with
blotting paper, and — voilà! — made the first coffee filter. Almost a century
later, a perfected version of Bentz’s
design is still used. “Coffee filters aren’t as likely to crumple or dissolve
in water as typical paper because they have
better ‘wet strength,’ thanks to longer fibers,” says Melinda McDonald, communications
manager for Bunn,
a beverage-equipment manufacturer. “Additionally, the fluted sides and cupcake
shape allow substances to
flow through the filter freely and prevent grains from flowing over the sides.”
Use Coffee Filters to:
1. Diffuse the flash on a camera. When you’re taking a close-up, soften
the brightness by placing a coffee filter over the flash.
2. Strain wine from a bottle with a broken cork. Place the filter over
a pitcher or a carafe and slowly pour the wine into it.
3. Serve popcorn or other snacks. The filters act as disposable bowls,
so there’s no dishwashing.
4. Make yogurt dip. Use a rubber band to secure a paper coffee filter
over the mouth of a deep cup or jar. Slowly pour
8 ounces of plain yogurt onto the filter. Let drain for one hour. In a bowl,
mix the thickened yogurt with 1 small minced
garlic clove, 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley, and salt and pepper to taste.
Serve with crackers.
5. Heat up leftovers in the microwave. Use a filter as the protective
covering over a bowl or a plate.
6. Prevent soil from draining out of flowerpots. When repotting, place
a filter at the bottom, over the drainage hole, then add the soil.
7. Prevent scuffs and scratches on fine china. Use flattened coffee filters
as spacers when you stack your dishes.
8. Protect hands from Popsicle drippage. Slide the wooden stick of an
ice pop through a coffee filter so your hands stay mess-free.
9. Serve pita sandwiches. A circular filter is the perfect size for carrying
a sandwich on the go.
10. Clean windows and glass when you’re out of paper towels. Coffee filters
leave no lint or other residue. real simple.com
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
He walked in. She turned and said, "You've got to make love to me
this very moment."
His eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it
his all, right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
v
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Why do men love blowjobs so much?
They love all jobs they can lay back and watch a woman do.
v
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When growing seeds in containers, use prepared potting soil, a seed-starting
mix or peat pots. You can make your
own seed starting mix by combining equal parts of peat moss, perlite, and vermiculite.
You can buy them in
separate bags at garden center and home supply stores. Peat pots, peat pellets,
plastic cell packs, trays, egg
cartons, and virtually clean container that will hold soil can be used to start
seeds. Make sure the container
has drainage holes.
Small seeds can be shattered over the soil mix and barely covered. Larger
seeds can be planted individually or in
groups of three and covered a little deeper. Later, the seedlings planted
in groups of three can be thinned to
leave the one most vigorous. When thinning seedlings, use a scissors to
cut them off; never pull them out!
Warm soil hastens seed germination. If your starting seeds indoors, set
them in a warm location. Special heating mats
are available from mail order garden catalogs. They increase soil temperatures
some 15 to 20 degrees.
Some vegetables grown from seed cannot be easily transplanted. Rather
that starting them in pots or flats, they
should be sown directly in the garden. They include; bean, corn, cucumber,
cantaloupe,
pumpkin, peas, squash, and watermelon
continued next week
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An important executive was telling friends at his country club
about some of his life experiences:
"So I bought this yacht that could carry fifty people and I took
it out for a maiden voyage and it hit a reef and sunk."
"Then I bought an airplane and on the first flight it hit another
plane on the field and burned up."
"Then I married this beautiful blonde and no sooner did I get home
than I found her fooling around with the chauffeur and I had to
divorce her."
"So what's the moral?" one of the others asked.
"Clear as a bell," said the old man. "If it swims, flies, or fucks,
....lease it, ...don't buy it."
v
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide
under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed.
A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen
a soldier?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,
"I can't thank
you enough Sister. You see, I don'twant to go to Iraq."
The nun said, "I understand completely."
The soldier added, I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great
pair of
balls.... I don't want to go to Iraq either."
v
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*submitted by*
FLR2D2
Click here:
Accessibility Tutorials
http://www.microsoft.com/enable/training/default.aspx
Accessibility
Tutorials for Microsoft Products
These step by step tutorials introduce you to some of the most commonly used
accessibility features.
The instructions show you how to use the mouse or keyboard to navigate, select
options, and change settings.
This information is presented in a side by side format so that you can see at
a glance how
to use the mouse, the keyboard, or a combination of both.
v
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The bank manager noticed the new clerk was an idiot at counting
money and adding up figures. "Where did you get your finance
education?" he asked.
"Yale," replied the lad.
"And what's your name?" barked the manager.
"Yim Yohnston," he replied
v
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Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that
both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the
reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and
when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage
as best as she could."
v
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Click here: Dealing
With Lightheadedness -- ThirdAge
http://www.thirdage.com/cc/?hash=1168848339400
"Lightheadedness" can mean different things to different people, including doctors.
In routine usage, it overlaps
with symptom descriptions such as dizziness, wooziness, vertigo and disequilibrium,
just to cite a few. My
own working definition of lightheadedness is "a feeling of impending faint."
In other words, you feel that if the symptom
worsens, you may pass out. Lightheadedness should be distinguished from vertigo
(a sense that you or your
surrounding environment is moving) or simply unsteadiness/imbalance on your
feet. Lightheadedness can result
from a drop in blood pressure, an insufficient output of blood from the heart,
or other factors that deprive the brain
of its needed blood supply. The symptom is a common side effect of certain classes
of drugs,
and it may also be caused by some medical conditions.
Click here: Drug Overdose - Drug
Overdose Deaths Double in Five Years
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5Bst
Unintentional fatal drug overdoses nearly doubled from 1999 to 2004 and were
the second leading cause of
accidental death in the United States in 2004, behind only automobile crashes,
according to the Centers for Disease
Control.Deaths from accidental overdoses increased to 19,838 in 2004, from 11,155
in 1999, according to
the CDC report, which was based on death certificate information (which does
not detail which drugs were used). However,
researchers believe the increasing misuse of prescription drugs by those ages
15 to 24
accounts for the majority of the statistic.Illegal Drugs Not to Blame
Click here: Obesity and Asthma:
Is There a Link? Does Obesity Cause Asthma?
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5Bsu
There have been a number of recent news reports suggesting some kind of link
between obesity and asthma.
Experts know that asthma patients are more likely than healthy individuals to
be overweight. The question,
though, is whether obesity led to asthma (or asthma-like symptoms), or whether
asthma led to excess
weight gain. Some medications used to treat asthma can cause weight gain.
v
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How do we know that fairy tales are fiction?
Because the prince is always smart, handsome, single, and straight.
v
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How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.
v
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It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief
if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old
secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was
going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was
indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should
collect firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went
to
the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the
coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at
the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it
still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going
to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect
every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are
you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is
going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
v
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*submitted by*
jacksinfla@earthlink.net
Click here: Ny sida 1
http://www.bentbay.dk/ring_of_Fire.htm
*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
Click here: 1-click Award by ???????????????????????
http://www.1-click.jp/
This won a webby award --- I can't imagine why?
Click here: Funny Movie Quotes
- Famous Funny Movie Quotes
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=15/3bg6
Get ready to clutch your sides and roll with laughter! These famous funny movie
quotes are guaranteed to
make you laugh. On this page, you can read my collection of famous funny movie
quotes. Have a good time
with this exclusive ensemble of famous funny movie quotes. And if your friends
are also fond of movies, do remember
to email these funny movie quotes. If you want me to include your favorite movie
quotes
on this site, please fill out the quotation
suggestion form.
v
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The Top 8 Epitaphs for Famous Animals
8> Flipper: Fin
7> Garfield: I hate Judgment Day
6> Mr. Ed: Say no more
5> Atom Ant: Gone Fission
4> Barbaro: Our Heart and Your Leg Are Broken
3> Astro: Ray Reorge, Rere Ram I?
2> Lassie: Timmy's in the well of despair
and the Number 1 Epitaph for Famous Animals...
1> Tweety: Here lies little Tweety Bird
as dead as dead can be.
'Twas not the tat he tawt he taw
but the tat he did not tee.
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Say," began Lucille one day over lunch, "didn't you go out with that guy who
played the French horn?"
"Yeah," said Diane, stirring her iced tea.
"You were really looking forward to it, I remember. How'd it go?" Lucille leaned
forward eagerly.
"Actually he was a pretty nice guy," volunteered Diane reluctantly. "But there
was one real problem..."
"Oh, really?"
"Every time he kissed me, he wanted to shove his fist up my ass."
v
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"Half of all people use the Internet, and the other half of
the people have sex with a live partner"
--Jay Leno
v
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Click
here: Men Dressing on a Budget
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15q/7&sdn=mensfashion&cdn=style&tm=23&gps=75_503_1193_850&f=00&su=p
284.8.150.ip_&tt=29&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//mensfashion.about.com/od/dressingonabudget/Dressing_on_a_Budget.htm
So you were browsing through a magazine and saw a jacket you liked, but had
to have a shot of tequila to recover
from the shock upon learning its price. That's okay, it happens to all of us.
We'll help you maximize your wardrobe dollar
by teaching you how to find online bargains and shop for a deal, and no one
will know that your great look cost less.
Click
here: Men's Underwear - Top Picks in T-shirts and Underwear for Men
http://clk.about.com/?zi=18/15r/2&sdn=mensfashion&cdn=style&tm=33&gps=71_121_1193_850&f=00&su=p284.8
.150.ip_&tt=14&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//mensfashion.about.com/od/wardrobebasics/a/TopUnderwear.htm
There was a time when guys didn't have many options when it came to their underwear
and what was available wasn't
all that exciting to boot. Times have changed though and men have the luxury
of choosing all kinds of styles, fabrics
and fits. You can very well have every day underwear, underwear for the gym,
underwear for hitting the town
in and underwear for other occassions or activities. Just know you have choices.
And a good rule of thumb when
buying a new style of underwear is to buy just one pair to make sure you like
the way they fit and look on you before
buying in quantities. Here you will find my top picks in t-shirts and underwear
for men.
v
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As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering,
he heard his
wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's
a car
going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
v
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Paris Hilton Prison Watch:
Prison Food + Workouts: Paris Balloons to 76 Pounds
v
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NOTE: Britney Spears is apparently asking her fans
to come up with names for her comeback album.
As HUGE fans, we consider it our doody to pitch in!
The Top 17 Names for Britney's Comeback Album
17> Oops!...I Need Attention Again
16> Hotel Skankifornia
15> Bride of Federline
14> Borin' in the USA
13> The White Trash Album
12> As Bald As I Wanna Be
11> The Blond Dumbition Tour
10> Smells Like Teen Vomit
9> Appetite for Self-Destruction
8> Rehabby Road
7> Dark Side of the Poon
6> Baby Got Fat
5> Revulva
4> Saturday Night Beaver
3> Tart Me Up
2> Never Mind the Knickers, Here's the Sex Portal
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Name for Britney's Comeback Album...
1> Shavin' All My Love for You
v
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Click here: Introduction to Shojo
Manga - Japanese Comics for Girls
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=15/3oFU
Shojo manga translates as “comics for girls” – but it’s much more than
that. Shojo manga stories can be sweet and
romantic or dark and dramatic. Beside romances of every flavor, there are girls
manga centered around sports, science
fiction or gothic horror themes. Their moods cover the spectrum from broad slapstick
humor to nuanced,
emotionally-complex stories that appeal to even the most sophisticated reader.
In Japan, girls are exposed to shojo manga almost as soon as they learn
how to read. There are comics for
every stage of their lives -- from childhood to their teen years, through college
and even well into their adult lives as mothers,
wives or career women. More than half of all Japanese women under the age of
40 read manga regularly,
and this figure shoots up to 75% if you only count teenage girls.
v
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*submitted by*
GuffieBaby
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
walking with his legs
spread apart. One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry
Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so... The old man surely has Zovitzki
Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.
They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students
and couldn't help but
notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.
Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you think."
One of the students said, "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought, but you are wrong."
Then the other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said: "You thought, but you are wrong.
So they asked him, "Well, what do you have?"
The old man said: "I thought it was GAS, but I was wrong."
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MEXICAN ROLL-UPS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
6 Large Flour Tortillas
8 ounces cream cheese
8 ounces sour cream
8 green onions chopped
16 ounces of salsa
DIRECTIONS:
Let cream cheese warm to room temperature. Mix cream
cheese with sour cream and chopped green onions. Spread
on flour tortillas evenly, avoiding the edges. Roll up
and refrigerate in large gallon size bags (won't take
up to much room in your refrigerator that way) for at
least two hours (may store overnight). Slice half of the
tortilla roll-ups into one-inch circles. Arrange on
platter. When your supply runs low slice the remaining
tortilla roll-ups and serve. It's best not to cut up the
roll-ups too far in advance, as they may dry out if left
on the serving table for over two hours.
Yield: 20 Appetizer portions
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Click here: Debsnewsletter
- Archives
http://www.debsnewsletter.com/archives.shtml
v
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"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an
airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team,
or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer."
Frank Zappa
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*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis
and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and
agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors' house each month.
Of course, the lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it came
time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their house, like
most women, Susie wanted to outdo all the others and prepare a meal that
was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over.
A few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decided to have
mushroom
smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some mushrooms, she
found the price for a
small can was more than she wanted to pay. She then told her husband, "We aren't
going to
have mushrooms because they are too expensive."
He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and
pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek
bed."
She said, "No, I don't want to do that, because I have heard that wild
mushrooms are poison."
He then said, "I don't think so. I see the varmints eating them all the
time and it never has affected them."
After thinking about this, Susie decided to give this a try and got in
the pickup and went down in the pasture and picked some. She brought the
wild mushrooms back home and washed them, sliced and diced them to get them
ready to go over
her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and got Ol' Spot's
(the yard dog) bowl
and gave him a double handfull. She even put some bacon grease on them to make
them tasty.
Ol' Spot didn't slow down until he had eaten every bite.
All morning long, Susie watched him and the wild mushrooms didn't seem
to affect him, so she decided to use them.
The meal was a great success, and Susie even hired a lady from town to
come out and help her serve. She had on a white apron and a little cap on
her head. It was first class.
After everyone had finished, they all began to kick back and relax and
socialize. The men were visiting and the women started to gossip a bit.
About this time, the lady from town came in from the kitchen and
whispered in Susie's ear. She said, "Mrs. Brown, Spot just died."
With this news, Susie went into hysterics. After she finally calmed
down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said, "It's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will
call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as I can get there.
We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach.
Everything will be fine. Just keep them all there and keep them calm."
It wasn't long until they could hear the wail of the siren as the
Ambulance was coming down the road. When they got there, the EMTs got
out with
their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump. The doctor arrived
shortly there after. One by one, they took each person into the master
bathroom, gave them an enema and pumped out their stomach.
After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think
everything will be fine now, and he left."
They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the living room, and
about this time, the town lady came in and said, "You know, that fellow
that ran over Ol' Spot never even stopped!!
v
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Why do blondes have more fun?
They're easier to amuse!
v
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It was the first time I had attended a shower for both the bride- and
groom-to-be. Lacy and Arthur took turns
opening the practical gifts: towels, cookware, and the like. Unfortunately one
guest hadn't been told it was to be
a joint shower, so when Arthur opened a box containing sexy lingerie meant for
Lacy, the embarrassed
woman exclaimed, "I didn't know Arthur was going to be here!"
But Arthur jumped up, ran over to the lady and enveloped her in an enthusiastic
hug. "Thank you,
thank you, thank you!" he exclaimed. "This is exactly what we needed!"
v
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Mike and Jason were playing their home course. Mike putted out and walked back
to the cart. As Jason sank
his putt, Mike suddenly jumped out of the cart and dropped his pants. He had
just sat on a bee and got
a nasty sting and desperately asked his partner to get the stinger out.
The scene of a man kneeling next to his playing partner's bare rear end, was
too much for the group playing
behind the twosome. The group raced up to the two golfers and asked a single
question: "Just exactly what was the bet?"
v
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Click here: Best Vista Feature
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3MI9
Check it out!
Are you a big computer gamer? Now, just so we're clear, I'm talking about the
more simple games that automatically
come with your computer. You know, games like solitaire and hearts. So, now
that you answered that question, tell
me this: Are you new to the operating system of Windows Vista? If so, are you
having trouble finding your favorite games?
Where are they? What happened to them? Well, let me tell you, so you can put
your mind at ease.
They're
pretty much in the same spot, but they're a little harder to find. Go to Start
and look for the Games option.
It's listed in the top right hand box. Click on that and the Games menu will
open. From there, you will see all the
games that you can choose from. Vista includes FreeCell, Hearts, Minesweeper,
Purble Place, Solitaire and Spider Solitaire.
To
play a game, just double click on the one you'd like and it will open up for
you. Most of the games ask
you if you want to play the Beginner, Intermediate or Advanced level. Click
the one you want and then you
can start playing the game just like you have in the past. If you want to change
any of your preferences, just go
to Game, Options and make your selections. So, yes, the games
are a little harder to spot, but
once you find them, you'll find everything is pretty much the same. Have fun
Erin
worldstart.com
v
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While Greeley was fucking Miss Klutz,
She said as he plunged in his putz,
"Do you love me dear Greeley?"
He answered, "Not really,
I just wanted to blow off my nuts"
v
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The
Top 15 Productive Things to Do With That Third Arm Growing Out of Your Back
15> Finally be able to give your hemorrhoids the 24/7 attention
they so richly deserve.
14> Work up a truly impressive juggling routine.
13> Really confuse the pilot when waving the aircraft into the gate.
12> Pat yourself on the ass when coming off the green after making a great
putt.
11> Tickle the person behind you in the restroom line.
10> While tenderly cradling the face of your loved one, you can scratch your
ass.
9> Hunker down safely in your foxhole and still lay out covering fire.
8> Play London Bridges featuring a cars-only underpass.
7> Thoroughly amaze the kids as you show them both hands and
still pull a rabbit out of your ass.
6> Give yourself "devil horns" during photographs.
5> Finally have a use for all those single gloves left over when
you lose one.
4> Mary Kate gets just as much attention as Ashley during those
Olsen Twin sandwiches.
3> Cross your fingers during that "be your loving and faithful
husband" part.
2> When things get dull, give yourself a wedgie.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Productive
Thing to
Do With That Third Arm Growing Out of Your Back...
1> Countergoose!
v
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Click here:
The Friday Flyer, April 6, 2007 - Article: Add this emergency number to cell
phones
http://www.thefridayflyer.com/FF-2007-4-6/FFS-6508.htm
Canyon Lakers using cell phones now have a direct line to Riverside County’s
9-1-1 emergency dispatch
Click here:
Yakima Herald Republic Online - Home Page - Yakima, Washington
News, Classifieds, Information, Advertising
http://www.yakima-herald.com/page/dis/350535464818671
It doesn't matter if you're a backpacker, mountain climber, cross country skier,
snowmobiler, hunter
or angler: If you spend enough time in the outdoors, there is a pretty good
chance that somewhere
along the line you'll find yourself in a less-than-safe situation.
Sometimes we end up in these situations because we push the limits,
and other times we end up there out of sheer bad luck.
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*submitted by*
WaltWiso
Doctors:
(A) The number of doctors in the U.S. Is 700,000
(B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14%
Statistics courtesy of the U.S. Dept.Of Health & Human Services
Guns:
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. Is 80,000,000
(yes that's 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year,
All age groups, is 1,500 (of course they don't speak of those that are NOT accidental)
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875%
Statistics courtesy of the FBI
So statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more
dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, guns don't kill people, doctors do.
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT
LEAST ONE DOCTOR
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*submitted by*
KP1983
This morning on the way to work, I rear-ended a car at a light, while
not
really paying attention.
Anyway, the guy driving got out... and was a dwarf!
He said "I'm not happy!"
I said "Well which one are you then?"
v
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Click
here: Caspian, the Friendly Coast - washingtonpost.com
http://letters.washingtonpost.com/W1RH0235AF074B8C4E87F30BE15580
For travel in Russia, the areas around the Caspian Sea might as well be in Siberia
-- in other words, they
are far off the tourist track. "It's not a popular area. Everyone seems to prefer
the more popular places
like Moscow, St. Petersburg, the Trans-Siberian Railway, the neighboring Baltic
states," says Tanya Jensen,
a travel consultant with Red Star Travel (800-215-4378, http://www.travel2russia.com/
), a Seattle company
that specializes in Russia. "There are not many things to see around the Caspian
Sea,
only smaller tourist attractions scattered around."
Click
here: Cruising Siberia: Beyond Permafrost
http://letters.washingtonpost.com/W1RH0235AF04AB8C4E87F30BE15580
Siberia, despite the dark reputation it shares among Westerners and Russians
alike, is more than
Dickensian factory towns, permafrost and gulag. Much of it is still pristine
wilderness, and all of it is far from
the well-trodden tourist trail. Outsiders who make the trip are assured a warm
welcome, and, unlike in
centuries past, round-trip journeys are not only possible, they are encouraged.
v
v v v v
ORANGE CHICKEN VERONIQUE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
3 bone-in whole chicken breasts (10 to 12 oz. each),
split in half, skin removed
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 teaspoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon dried marjoram leaves
1/8 teaspoon white pepper
1 teaspoon cornstarch mixed with 1 tablespoon water
1/2 cup halved seedless green grapes
1/2 cup halved seedless red grapes
1 teaspoon grated orange peel
DIRECTIONS:
Place oil in 12-inch nonstick skillet. Heat over medium-high
heat. Add chicken. Cook for 4 to 6 minutes, or just until
browned on both sides. Drain excess oil from skillet. Add
juice, wine, sugar, salt, marjoram and pepper to skillet.
Cover. Reduce heat to low. Let simmer for 12 to 15 minutes,
or until meat near bone is no longer pink and juices run
clear. Remove chicken from skillet and place on serving
platter. Cover to keep warm. Set aside. Using whisk, stir
cornstarch mixture into skillet. Add grapes and orange peel.
Cook for 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 minutes, or until sauce is thickened
and translucent, stirring constantly. Spoon over chicken.
Yield: 6 servings
v
v v v v
When I noticed my newborn son's deformity,
I said a silent prayer, gathered my strength
and vowed my little angel would grow up to enjoy
life no differently than people who have teeth.
(Debra
S. Makin)
The worst part about being a space
cadet is it doesn't look like I'm
up for a promotion any time soon.
(Phil
Garding)
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Al Gore and Bill and Hillary Clinton go to heaven, and God addresses Al first.
''Al, what do you believe in?''
Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your
will that I did not
serve. And I've come to understand that now.'
God thinks for a second and says: "Very good. Come and sit at my left.''
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?''
Bill Replies: "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held
a grudge against my
fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.''
God thinks for a second and says: "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at
my right.''
Then God addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?''
She replies: "I believe you're in my chair.''
v
v v v v
Click here: Games - AOL Games
http://games.aol.com/
I don't think you have to be a member of AOL to play
Click here: Top Ten Time Wasters
on the Web
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DQg
Got some extra time, or just feel like putting something off? Don't say I didn't
warn you, but these sites are
addictive! Here are the top ten time wasters on the Web. Oh, and if you really
have some
time to kill, try Free
Web Games or a few Free
Video Downloads.
Click
here: About.com: http://www.gamesforthebrain.com/
http://clk.about.com/?zi=1/XJ&sdn=websearch&zu=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.gamesforthebrain.com%2F
Games for the Brain!
v
v v v v
The
Top 8 Attractions at a Divorce Theme Park
8> Judge Rhode's Wild Ride
7> The Emasculator
6> The Custody Coaster
5> Spousal Maintenance Mountain
4> Guess Your Alimony
3> Comparative Rectitude Raceway
2> Honey, I'm Taking the Kids (plus the house, dog, 401(k) and
your dignity)!
and the Number 1 Attraction at a Divorce Theme Park...
1> Tilt-A-Whore
v
v v v v
Save the turltles!
Don't wax your car
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
Dadjr47
Click here: Tough
Little Boys
http://www.lightnen.net/videos/toughlittleboys.htm
Click here: Operation Komando:
Support Our Troops Web Site
http://www.komando.com/operationkomando/
Are you looking for a way to show your support for our troops in Iraq? Me, too.
So, for two hours this month,
I will take calls solely from our troops in the war zone. And I've found ways
for you to help, too. kimkomando
Click here: Helmet Liner Knitting
Pattern - How to Make a Helmet Liner
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/%5DGq
This pattern for helmet liners, also known as "wool pulleys" for soldiers was
provided by Linda Swinford of
Auburn, Illinois. The original pattern is by Bonnie Long and appears here along
with modifications
made at the request of soldiers who have received the liners.
Patterns for crochet and knitting machine are avialable at Swinford's
website. Patterns for scarves
and neck coolers to be sent to the troops are also available there.
v
v v v v
Tom leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to
piss his wife off for drinking after work. He gets home and finds
his boss in bed screwing his wife.
Later, back at the bar, Tom tells the bartender the story.
"Wow, that's awful, what did you do?"
"Well, I carefully snuck back out the door, and hi-tailed it back
here. Shoot, they were just getting started, so I figure I got
time for a couple more beers."
v
v v v v
Sometimes, when I'm in class, I dream that I'm on a tropical
island, with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me,
sitting under a huge palm tree, with some soft gentle music being
played on some traditional wood instruments of that region, and
a cool gentle breeze caressing my tanned body.
I do all this while trying to forget I'm in a classroom.
Of course, it would be so much easier without everyone yelling at
me to keep teaching.
v
v v v v
v
v v v v
George had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and
reads out his Last Will and Testament.
"To my dear wife Mary, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and
one million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my big Lexus and the
Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. To
my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better
than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."
v
v v v v
"My boyfriend and I had hardly finished one argument when I screwed
up and started another one." said Jill.
"How'd you do that?" asked Margaret.
"Well," says Jill "you know when you're done with a big fight and
your significant other suggests a little 'make-up sex'?"
"Yeah" says Margaret.
Jill replies, "I guess it wasn't the right time for me to ask,
'Does it have to be with you?'"
v
v v v v
Click here: Flash Earth ...satellite and
aerial imagery of the Earth in Flash
http://www.flashearth.com/
There are plenty of map and satellite imagery sites online. Google, Yahoo! and
Microsoft all have them.
Of course, not all sites offer the same features. Some may offer maps and not
satellite images. And the quality of images can vary from service to service.
And don’t forget that some sites have better images of certain areas. All this
is enough to give you a headache.
Well, if you’re tired of hopping from site to site to find what you need, visit
Flash Earth. This site includes maps and images from several other sites.
This means you can compare the quality of Google, Microsoft and NASA with the
click of your mouse. It’s great! kkomando.com
Click
here: AniBOOM Shapeshifter#shapeshifterswf#shapeshifterswf
http://www.aniboom.com/Pages/Application/Animachines/Shapeshifter/ShapeshifterAnimachine.aspx#shapeshifterswf
Studios like DreamWorks and Pixar are producing animation that is amazingly
true to life. No doubt, they’ve inspired many to pursue a career in animation.
Of course, this type of animation takes a lot of computing power – not to mention
talent. But maybe you just want to have some fun.
In that case, visit aniBOOM. It has a great online program to create animated
shorts. It’s easy and fun to use.
And you can create some detailed animations if you’re up to the task.
*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
Click here: The World - Video
Tour
http://www.theworld.ae/videotour.html
Take a tour of the world!
*submitted by*
starangel513@msn.com
Click here: http://www.procreo.jp/labo/flower_garden.swf
http://www.procreo.jp/labo/flower_garden.swf
Click! Here, there everywhere --- watch the flowers grow! OK I love
this stuff
*submitted by*
Granny B 132
Click here:
Message
http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/blessed.htm
You are blessed
Click here: Snipshot: Edit pictures online
http://snipshot.com/
New! Fit a picture
to your profile on Bebo, Facebook or other popular sites
New! Showcase of sites
using Snipshot
No download necessary—100% browser based, no plug-ins required
Our free API lets you use Snipshot
for your own website
One-click import from any webpage with one of our extensions
Save to a free permanent URL at WebShots
or to your Flickr account
Save as GIF, JPG, PDF, PNG or TIF
One-click enhance improves most images
Basic editing tools like crop, rotate, resize
Basic image adjustments like contrast, brightness, saturation, sharpness and
hue
Unlimited undo and redo (Ctrl+Z and Ctrl+Y, or ?Z and ?Y on your Mac)
Nondestructive editing—we always work from the original
Edit big pictures—up to 10 MB, or 25 megapixels (5000x5000 pixels)
Import PDF (first page only), EPS or SVG
Click
here: Google’s 56 forgotten (secret) pages, part two
http://www.seopedia.org/seo-news/google/googles-56-forgotten-secret-pages-part-two/
Check it out -- forgotten and secret pages
Click
here: The longest list of the most expensive stuff at the longest domain name
http://thelongestlistofthelongeststuffatthelongestdomainnameatlonglast.com/expensive.html
LONGEST
LIST | INTERESTING
TRIVIA | MOST
EXPENSIVE | SMALLEST
OLD
WIVE'S TALES | FAMOUS
FIRSTS | BANNER
AD MUSEUM | OLYMPIC
MEDALS
HAUNTED
HOUSES | LOST
TREASURES | FUN
SITES | WHO
WON? | THE
LONGEST ZOO
WHAT
ARE THE ODDS? | FAMOUS
LASTS | ANCIENT
MYTHS | WORLD'S
LARGEST
PIRATES
| WORLD'S
FASTEST | THE
MOST | COOL
COLLECTABLES
v
v v v v
A destitute lady named Laker
Accosted and fucked a lewd Quaker.
When she asked him for bread,
He smiled sagely and said,
"If thee wisheth bread, fuck a baker."
v
v v v v
The
Top 8 Secret Ways to Attract a Woman
8> Step 1: Move out of your mother's basement.
7> Find a way to *sound* like Barry White without *looking* like Barry White.
6> Sit around all day watching sports, collecting food crumbs
in the folds of your gut, and belching often. Hey, it worked for
Dad!
5> Be sensitive, caring, a good listener, and have a monstrous tool.
4> Quit your job, start doing meth and join NAMBLA. Chicks can't
resist a good "fixer-upper."
3> Enough body piercings to pull in the magnetic clasp on her purse.
2> Use a cologne based on a mixture of cocaine, freshly minted
money and George Clooney's sweat.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Secret Way to Attract a Woman...
1> Tear up a picture of a hot guy and tell her *she's* the one
who's finally turned you straight.
v
v v v v
"A little lemon and seltzer will remove those pesky ink stains
after you've been fingerprinted"
Martha Stewart
v
v v v v
Spring
Break
Bacardi
Rum,
Absolut Vodka,
Peach Schnaaps,
Orange juice,
Cranberry juice
Pour equal parts of all ingredients
into glass filled with ice. Add lemon,
lime or cherry for garnish.
Oreo
Speedwagon
2
ounces Kahlua
2 scoops Vanilla ice cream
3 Oreo Cookies
Combine 2 oz. of Kahlua, 2 scoops
of vanilla ice cream, and 3 crushed
oreo cookies.
Blend until smooth.
Broken
Down Golfcart
Melon
liqueur
Amaretto
Cranberry juice
Shake, strain and serve
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
BADVETTE87
Three Arkansas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries
they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas. In my favorite
case,a concert pianist lost seven
fingers in an accident, I reattached them,and 8 months later he performed a
private concert for the Queen of England.
The second surgeon said. "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs
in an accident, I
reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold Medal in
track and field events in the Olympics.
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs". Several years ago a woman was
high on cocaine and
marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.
All I had left to work with
was the woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them
together and now she's running for President.
v
v v v v
"My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He
prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working."
v
v v v v
v
v v v v
My wife took pictures of me naked and sent them to Playgirl.
They passed on them, but I AM going to be in Field & Stream.
v
v v v v
A hesitant driver, waiting for traffic to clear, came to a complete
stop on the freeway ramp.
Shortly, the traffic thinned out but the driver still waited.
Finally a furious voice from the vehicle behind him cried, "Hey,
you idiot! The sign says 'Yield', not surrender!"
v
v v v v
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put
them in the same room and let them fight it out.
v
v v v v
Click here: How to Read a Difficult
Book
http://slclk.about.com/?zi=1/a8d
Even if you have lots of experience in reading books, you sitll will come across
books that are just
difficult to get through. You may find the reading slow because of the subject
matter, the language, word usage,
or the convoluted plot and character elements. When you are just attempting
to get through the book, it may not
really matter to you why the book is difficult. You just want to finish the
work, so you can move
on to your next reading pick. Here are some tips...
v
v v v v
The
Top 14 Things Heard Backstage at a Recent Paul McCartney Concert
14> "I'm sorry, only venti pass holders are allowed backstage."
13> "It's time for Sir Paul to go on stage, Doc."
"Thanks. Okay, everyone -- CLEAR!!"
12> "It was just some crank caller offering to take part in a
reunion tour. I hung up on him since I knew there wasn't
anyone in Wings named 'Bingo' or 'Dingo' or whatever."
11> "MEDIC!"
10> "His doctors can't seem to identify it, so they're calling it
a 'magical mystery sore.'"
9> "There appears to be an octopus' garden growing from inside
Paul's ears."
8> "OK, boys, I just checked Paul's room. Matlock's starting
closing arguments, so be ready to go on in five minutes."
7> "If I understood the new lyrics correctly, you should probably
rename it 'Silly *Loathe* Songs.'"
6> "Y'know, if John were alive to see Paul's new album selling
at Starbucks, he'd probably shoot *himself*."
5> "Michael Jackson called and said he'll give you the library
back if you'll pay off all those meddling kids' parents!"
4> "Have Ringo bring the limo around."
3> "When I said I wanted no caffeine and lots of foam, they
handed me this CD."
2> "What is the sound of one leg dancing?"
and Topfive.com's Number 1
Thing Heard
Backstage at a Recent Paul McCartney Concert...
1> "Yoko, you grizzly old bitch! How *are* you, dear?"
v
v v v v
A doctor was awakened at four in the morning by a caller who
demanded to know how much he charged for a house call.
"Twenty-five dollars," muttered the sleepy physician.
"How much is an office visit?" demanded the caller.
"Fifteen dollars."
"Okay, Doc," said the caller. "I'll meet you in your office in
fifteen minutes."
v
v v v v
v
v v v v
And we are told in the Scriptures that at the beginning of time
the Lord said, "Let there be light."
But I've checked with a number of eminent Biblical scholors and
they say the Lord's complete statement was as follows:
"Let there be light. Well, maybe not all day."
Steve Allen
v
v v v v
I was going to throw the used batteries from my robot
dog into the trash. Then I realized that technically speaking,
they
were actually robot-dog poop. So instead,
I just tossed them over my neighbor's fence.
v
v v v v
Click
here: PC World - How to Remove Spyware From Your PC
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,129094/article.html?tk=nl_wbxhow
These days it may seem as though the short list of unavoidable perils ought
to be expanded to include death,
taxes, and spyware. But if you ever do get infected with some nasty piece
of malware, all you need
to get rid of it are the right free tools, some time, and a little know-how.
A couple of warnings first: Removing spyware is as much art as it is science.
The rogues who create spyware
make removing their malicious programs as difficult as they can. In addition,
some types of spyware download
and install additional components, often hiding pieces of code from Windows
to make removal even harder.
The instructions below will wipe out most forms of spyware, but your machine's
infestation may resist these
measures. If so, you may have to consult a professional PC repair person. Or
you can start afresh by reformatting
your hard drive and then reloading Windows, your apps, and your data files (browse
to
our article "Windows
Rejuvenated" for instructions).
Click
here: PC World - Watch Out for Online Ads That Watch You
Type Keywords or Web Addresses here
Online ads are not only booming--and scrolling, spinning, shaking, shouting,
and singing--they are also
watching you even as you are viewing them, capturing your click patterns to
create more detailed
profiles than traditional browser cookies do.
v
v v v v
It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to
learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other."
"Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher. "But you
only have two ears."
"You see, sir? I suck at math,too."
v
v v v v
The FDA has approved a new diet pill that only claims to work if it
is used in combination with eating less and exercising. Well, no
kidding. That’s like producing an erectile dysfunction pill that only
works if you’re in bed with Carmen Electra
v
v v v v
Click
here: Clean Home Journal™ - Recipe Corner
http://www.cleanhomejournal.com/recipe-corner/side-dishes/snap_peas.asp
Sugar snap peas are just fun to eat! They give a good crunch, you don't have
to de-string them, and you can
eat both the tender pod and the sweet little peas zipped inside. The ginger
here is pan-fried until golden crisp and
can be used as garnish for any number of vegetable dishes. Available throughout
the year, sugar snaps
peak from February through September. You can also substitute raw peas.
Click
here: Curried Cauliflower Soup with Parsley and Cream Recipe
http://www.lifescript.com/articles/5104.asp?BID=37948&SID=162964
12&EID=5C9A4C81-9E5E-4EB9-BC6E-53D879F1A884
v
v v v v
The
Top 15 Menu Items at the Porn Restaurant
15> Pie a la Moan
14> Sheesh Ka-boobs
13> Same burgers as anywhere else, but the "condoments" are
a little different
12> Rack of Silicon
11> Pud Thai
10> Keisha Lorraine
9> Bananas Faster... Faster... FASTER!
8> Crabs, Crabs and More Crabs
7> Pan-roasted salmon with zucchini cakes, grilled green onions,
wasabi-and-ginger mashed potatoes, foie gras and truffle
Madeira sauce. Then for dessert, a frankfurter and a donut.
6> General Wang's Choked Chicken
5> The John Holmes Foot-Long-Plus Hot Dog (serves 3-4)
4> Flan Jeremy
3> Penis, Butt & Jelly Sandwiches
2> Booty Lewdy Fresh and Nudie
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Menu Item at the Porn Restaurant...
1> Fisherman Splatter
v
v v v v
I've always contended that God loves women much more than he does men.
If this wasn't true, HE would NOT have given you ladies sole-custody of
that which we desire so much!
v
v v v v
Click here: Apple Macintosh OS X
- Adding a Password Hint to Your OS X Login
http://glclk.about.com/?zi=5/3OmM
If you sometimes forget your password to login to OS X, you may wish to add
a password hint to your login.
The password hint will display after the third unsuccessful login attempt.
v
v v v v
The teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing
his new checking account.
"The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," his
mother said.
"Oh good," he replied, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"
v
v v v v
Q: What is the similarity between a rattlesnake and a limp penis?
A: You don't fuck with either one
v
v v v v
The
Top 15 Surprise Features of the iPhone
(Part I)
15> iBank app tracks how many organs you'll need to sell
to pay off the cost of it.
14> Keeps popping up messages give you the address of someone
named Sara Conners.
13> Reassurance Generator application continually reminds you
that you are indeed smarter *and* cooler than a Windows user.
12> Continuous GPS monitoring of Paris Hilton.
11> When the new iPhone model comes out in six months, you
can put this one under the short leg of a table to make
it perfectly level.
10> Renders certain other hand-held devices inoperable with
"Blackberry Jam" feature.
9> Flipped upside down, it doubles as a Fleshlight.
8> Plus: Beatles ringtones put money in Paul McCartney's pocket.
Minus: Beatles ringtones put money in Yoko Ono's pocket.
7> Tghe toiuchsxcreenb keytpadf isd reaslklyt accuyraterf abnd
eadsy toi usre.
6> Comes pre-loaded with naked pictures of Peter Jackson, Kevin
Smith and the cast of "Star Trek: The Next Generation."
5> iEyeMe feature provides a separate hand-held mirror so you
can admire yourself using your iPhone, you groovy geek, you!
4> Everyone invited to come to Steve Jobs' compound for free
Kool-Aid. Or else.
3> For some reason, calls made with the new iVideoPhone feature
always show a close-up of the calling party's inner ear.
2> Comes with a trophy stand so it'll look great next to your CB
radio, quadrophonic 8-track and laser disc player next year.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Surprise Features of the iPhone...
1> Automatically dials 911 whenever those mean PC bullies
kick your dweeby ass.
v
v v v v
*submitted by*
SHAYNABUTTONS
Click here: glumbert.com
- Does size matter?
http://www.glumbert.com/media/sizematter
hahahaha
*submitted by*
GRANDPASAM56
Click here: YouTube - Get
into Paris Hilton
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fp9owG9sPcs
Not real naughty - but it's fun!
Click here: The best
free porn site ever!
http://drunkfriends.com/quickies/freesex.html
Click
here: Testing Temperature of Beach Water
http://www.toilette-humor.com/beach_cartoons/water_temperature.shtml
So much for lunch
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1411.html
Here!
Economy class....oh, crap!
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1412.html
Here!
Adds new meaning to drinking & driving! A GREAT idea
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1413.html
Here!
Twenty ways to have fun
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/adult/1414.html
Here!
Dream Clock
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/866.html
Here
My Name
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/867.html
Here
Any Luck?
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/868.html
Here
List For Today
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/869.html
Here
One Opposed
http://www.AikensLaughs.com/adult/870.html
Here
Construction Site Sign...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/047.htm
Here
v
v v v v
Rockin' and Rollin' makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied,
with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
v
v v v v
Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!
So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep
on rockin'
it's
a state of mind
v
v v v v
©1999
- 2007 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and
Rollin'
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