Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab
T W I T T E R
Are you Twittering yet? I have to admit I didn't see any point to it for
a while but now I find myself Twittering quite often! I have made some pretty
neat friends there too! Let me know if you are or are going to join please.
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED (sure, remove yourself, break my heart
and force me into therapy for life) from this mailing list, please send an email
to me, DebsSweet and your request will be handled promptly - or whenever
I feel like it
[Unable to display image]
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's time to ROCK AND ROLL!
and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a wild ride!
Perhaps replacing eye drops with hot sauce
at the retirement home wasn't the most
intelligent decision, but as they say,
"hindsight is 20/20" -- unless you live in
room 138 at the Millridge Retirement Community.
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I sang a song of sixpence once, and all
I got was this lousy yeast infection.
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Cat Fancy! Meet the Top Breeds - Pawnation
Cats, on the other hand, don't get the same respect. Instead of being called out as loyal, lovable or clever,
kitties are most often described as aloof and independent. But don't dismiss pedigree!
Just as in dogs, breed can help determine a cat's personality. American shorthairs, for example, are affectionate;
sphynxes are known mischief makers. Top 10 breeds
http://www.doortosummer.com/door/civic/beachpts.htm
South Beaches of Florida and Pet Parks welcome dogs!
A Breed Apart - Pets - MarthaStewart.com
In her book, "A Breed Apart: A Celebration of the New American Mutt," photographer Amanda Jones
captures the beauty and spirit of mixed-breed dogs using a clean and simple style of portraiture.
Each photo in the book is complemented by a whimsical "breed" name she creates for her subjects --
a purely tongue-in-cheek take on the trend of "designer" dogs. Here, the photographer shares
color portraits from the same series included in her book.
Pedigree
Your Dog’s Primal Need to Be Walked
Walking your dog each day is Canine Care 101. A walk provides your pooch with exercise and, of course,
a potty break. But there's another reason why that daily stroll is so important—and it has to do with instinct
Got Lifejackets?
Veterinary Medicine @ About.com - information about pets, diseases, careers and vet school
All dogs know how to swim, don't they? No, they do not. Not all dogs like water, either. Some dogs
love the water and do just fine au naturel, but any dog can have trouble if they are elderly,
sick, or overweight and out of shape.
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I cried when I saw a man with no shoes.
But then I offered him my fuck-me pumps
and he said "No thanks," so I kicked him
in the crotch. Now he's the one crying.
Jilly G
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I cried because I had no penis, until
I met a *man* who didn't have one.
Then I laughed at him.
(Joli Johannsen)
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I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a girl
who had no feet, at which point I unzipped my fly
and said "Hey, as long as you're down there..."
James Knowles
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KP1983
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Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol.
The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it.
"I teach math there," I explained.
The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway
at 16 m.p.h. over the limit. At $12 for every mile, plus $40 court costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?"
I replied, "Taking that total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math,
then adding to that the fact that none of us would be anywhere without teachers, I'd say zero."
He handed me back my license.
"Math was never my favorite subject," he admitted. "Please slow down."
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ShaynaButtons
New Stock Market Terms
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investment banker to
mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock..
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who should be now locked
up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
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DeVulcano
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Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something "practical" for her
birthday."Suppose we open a savings account for you?" Mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," Mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank."
After a slight hesitation, she put down "Piggy."
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Sign on the outskirts of a small town: "Our speed limit is twenty-five
with a fine of three dollars per mile for faster driving.
Pick out a speed you can afford."
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Fan-TAB-ulous!
Multi-tab browsing in Firefox makes managing multiple web pages a breeze! Remember how Ctrl + T
opens a new tab? Well, what about Ctrl+ Page Up and Ctrl+Page Down to switch between those tabs?
Want to navigate between tabs even faster? Check these out:
Ctrl+1: Switch to the first tab
Ctrl+2: Switch to the second tab
Ctrl+3: Switch to the third tab
Ctrl+4: Switch to the fourth tab
Ctrl+5: Switch to the fifth tab
Ctrl+6: Switch to the sixth tab
Ctrl+7: Switch to the seventh tab
Ctrl+8: Switch to the eighth tab
Ctrl+9: Switch to the LAST tab
Even if you've got a ridiculous amount of tabs open, Ctrl+9 will always go to the farthest tab on the right.
But what about Ctrl+0? Well, because you can switch the size of the font with Ctrl+= or Ctrl+-,
there needs to be a way to set it all back to defaults, right? That's where Ctrl+0 comes in.
Use it to put the text in Firefox back to normal.
Wonderful!
Andrew - worldstart.com
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ShaynaButtons
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,
"YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE".
He stormed in to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on,
you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating
my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind
of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you
will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The fuckin' funeral director would be my first guess."
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The Top 9 Best Titles for a "Chick Flick" (Part II)
9> The Diamond, the Bitch, and the Wardrobe
8> Mute Hard-Bodied Men
7> Two Women Bond but Don't Make Out
6> How to Marry a Sexy Beast Millionaire Plastic Surgeon
5> Yes, Dear, You Are Always Right!
4> Cuddle: The Movie
3> Oprah Cosmo Fashion Chocolate Roses
2> The March of the Kittens
and the Number 1 Best Title for a "Chick Flick" ...
1> The Year of Living Fashionably
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Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting
goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little
perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she
happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today
before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar!
Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"
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DeVulcano
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What did the post card say from the blonde?
'Having a good time. Where am I?'
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A Jewish woman goes to see the rabbi; she complains about her heavy headaches.
She whines, cries, and talks about her poor living conditions for hours.
All of a sudden, she shouts, overjoyed: "Rabbi, your holy presence has
cured me! My headache is gone!"
To which the rabbi replies: "No madam, It is not gone. I have it now."
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Non-Creamy Cole Slaw
1 head cabbage, shredded
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/2 cup cider vinegar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
Mix oil, vinegar, sugar, salt and pepper. Pour over cabbage; marinate 12 hours.
This keeps and keeps and keeps! You can add chopped onion, if desired.
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ShaynaButtons
News from the Business World
1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the
building standing. Its called the stock market.
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now
being called Wal-Mart Street.
3. The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker.The pigeon
can still make a deposit on a BMW.
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas
and an investment banker? A tie!
5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left
side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria. if you get any emails from
Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it.
7. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my
checks is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know whether
that refers to mine or the bank's...
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There are so many reasons to join a fraternity:
The life-long relationships, the social prestige,
the parties. But for me, the thing I'll never forget
is those funny letters they branded into my ass.
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If these walls could talk, they'd probably say,
"No! Not the nails again! Not the hammer! NOT THE HAMMER!!!!"
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"There is something refreshingly ironic about people lying on the beach
contracting skin cancer in an attempt to acquire a purely illusory
appearance of good health, while germ-laden medical waste washes up on
the sand all around them." -- George Carlin
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ShaynaButtons
SharkBreak™ Relax. Take a Shark Break!™ Online Aquarium
Each fish will follow your mouse or pointer
DeVulcano
Closer You Cannot Be
A sweet site to send your far-away friend
2. ~*~ I Wish ~*~
Absolutely beautiful site and wish
~*~ Friendship ~*~
Friendship
Lunch Club Registration Page
To receive discounts offered by conveniently located restaurants, just
fill out the short form!
Photos by Blind Photographers - Photo Essays - TIME
A spectacular new exhibit at the University of California, Riverside raises extraordinary questions about the nature of sight
indianagene
http://www.webfun.co.uk/cartoons/2005/200503/nowhoney.jpg
'One at a time please' hehe
COLOURlovers :: Color Trends + Palettes
COLOURlovers™ is a resource that monitors and influences color trends. COLOURlovers gives the
people who use color - whether for ad campaigns, product design, or in architectural specification -
a place to check out a world of color, compare color palettes, submit news and comments,
and read color related articles and interviews.
See More
Add a Review about Your Favorite Site
Add a review of your favorite site *cough*
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The Top 13 Signs Your Pet is Losing Its Mind
(Part I)
13> "Redrum" scrawled on the walls in doggie-doo.
12> Then: "Polly wanna cracker!"
Now: "Kenneth, what's the frequency?"
11> Bets his doghouse on the Cubs winning the World Series.
10> Even if you sprinkle seasoned salt on his gonads, he still
won't lick 'em.
9> He borrows your razor to get rid of that unsightly back fur.
8> At mealtime, measures a pawful of Kibbles'n Bits with a
calorie scale, then whines about how he'll never fit into
a size-5 flea collar.
7> You find the corpses of all the other hamsters buried under
the floorboards of the Habitrail.
6> Fetches your harmonica, then eagerly awaits the soothing
sounds of your artistry.
5> Insists on adding Crystal Light to the toilet bowl before
drinking from it.
4> Previously content with chasing balls of yarn, Kitty has now
started chasing the sofa.
3> Opie Taylor's got a camera crew in your dining room, the Nobel
people are poking through your trash, and Russell Crowe's
perched on your windowsill, practicing sneers of disdain.
2> Your Jack Russell terrier is acting more like a Jack Nicholson terrier.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your Pet is Losing Its Mind...
1> Instead of chasing his tail, he follows it discreetly at
a distance.
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At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will
find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the
computer.
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I wish life had an UNDO function.
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If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be
resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
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"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to
build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying
to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
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As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
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Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
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A program is a device used to convert data into error messages.
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"You know you're old when...they've discontinued your blood type."
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DeVulcano
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What's the difference between the game of pool and a woman?
With pool you put all the balls in the holes and the stick stays
out, while with a woman you put the stick in and you leave the balls out.
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Two rather drunk gentlemen stood at the bar near closing time. "I've
got an idea," said one, "let's have one more drink and then go and
find us some girls."
"No," replied the other one, "I've got more than I can handle at home."
"Great," replied the idea man, "then let's have one more drink and go
up to your place."
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Lemon Shooter
1 shot Vodka Sugar 1 slice Lemon
Cover lemon slice with sugar. Shoot, then suck on the lemon
Mind Eraser
2 oz Vodka 2 oz Kahlua 2 oz Tonic waterIn a rocks glass pour vodka,
the Kahlua and then the tonic water. Serve with a straw.
Red Death
Absolut Vodka, Southern Comfort, Amaretto, Sloe Gin, Triple Sec,
Orange Juice. Pour all the ingredients in mixing glass with ice. Shake and
strain into shot glass
Tampon String
1 oz Vodka, 1 oz Cherry Liqueur, top with whipped cream, Cherry on top. Layer
the vodka and cherry liqueur and then the whipped cream on top and a cherry
on top of the cream.
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When one of the prostitutes passed away, the girls moped
disconsolately around the house.
"Good old Gloria," lamented one. "She could handle twenty men
a night, drink a fifth of whiskey and still have the strength
to roll five drunks."
Hearing this, one of the others burst into tears.
"Why is it," she sobbed, "that a girl has to die before
anyone says anything nice about her?"
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They say that love makes the world go around...
but then so does a good swallow of tobacco juice.
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"Caucasians do things differently at their weddings than Mexicans do.
Like, they send out invitations ahead of time. See, we pull up to the
corner, 'Hey Chuy! My cousin Carlos is getting married. Follow me!'"
-- Debi Gutierrez
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KP1983
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After watching a rather hot love scene on cable, the husband
looked over at his wife and said, "How come you never make love to me
like that?"
"Are you kidding me?? Do you have any idea how much they pay those
people to do that??"
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"But officer," protested the teenage boy from the
parked car. "We were only necking."
"OK," said the cop, "just put your neck back in your
pants and get outta here."
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by Jennifer McMahon
Forty-one-year-old school nurse Kate Cypher has returned home to rural Vermont to care for her
mother who's afflicted with Alzheimer's. On the night she arrives, a young girl is murdered—a horrific crime
that eerily mirrors another from Kate's childhood. Three decades earlier, her dirt-poor friend Del—shunned
and derided by classmates as "Potato Girl"—was brutally slain. Del's killer was...
Good book -- 4 stars out of 5
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Sure, it takes a hell of a salesman to
sell ice to an eskimo, but in my mind, it's
even more impressive to keep your live-in
girlfriend of five years without getting engaged.
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YOU might be a school employee if....
...you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick
...you want to slap the next person who says,
"Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off"
...it is difficult to name your own child because there's no name
you can come up with that doesn't bring high blood pressure as it is uttered
...you can tell it's a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail....
anything!!! Without ever looking outside
...you believe, "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on a report card
...you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says,
"Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
...when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at
children you do not know and correct their behavior
...you have no social life between August and June
...you think people should have a government permit before being
allowed to reproduce
...you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce
...you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools
or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes
should they decided to move out of district
...you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form
...meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is
this kid like this?"
...the words "I have college debt for this?" has ever come out of your mouth.
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What's the definition of a woman?
Life support for a vagina.
Dirty Johnny is walking down the street leading the giraffe.
A cop says, "Kid, where you going?"
Johnny says, "I'm taking this giraffe to get mated."
The cop says, "Where?"
Johnny lifts up the giraffe's tail, points to her snatch, and says,
"Right there."
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MALWAREBYTES' ANTI-MALWARE PRO claims to detect and remove malware that even the most
well-known antivirus and antimalware applications fail to detect. It offers quick scanning, a Threats Center
to keep up-to-date with the latest malware threats, daily database updates, and more.
Does it do what it promises?
To find out, read the latest report from the Neat Net Tricks Software Review Panel at
http://www.neatnettricks.com/SoftwareReviews
I can't vouch for this as I don't run this program
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What's the difference between a geneaologist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, and a gynecologist looks up the
family bush.
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Mr. and Mrs. Nearier come before the judge for their divorce hearing.
The judge says, "What are the grounds?"
Mrs. Nearier says, "Cruel and inhuman punishment.
He tied me to the bed and then forced me to sing the National Anthem
while he pissed all over me."
The judge says, "My God, that's horrible."
She says, "Yeah. He KNOWS how much I hate that song."
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DeVulcano
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"It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten.
They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane."
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"Surprisingly, my boss refuses to accept 'the early bird
catches the worm' as a valid excuse for leaving work every
day at 2:00 pm."
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Politicians are people who, before election, promise a car to every
garage. And after election they get busy putting up parking meters.
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Kewlbox - Roller Coaster Ride - free online and downloadable games
Make it to the end of the Always Roller Coaster Ride by collecting Always Tokens, Power Ups,
and by avoiding the monthly Baddies. Speed through the game, and be done with the Cramps,
Moody, Bloated, and PMS Baddies for good!
Spot the Difference - MSN Games - Free Online Games
Look closely – and then look again in a game that has you doubting what you see.
You’ll be presented with two images side-by-side. They look the same – or do they?
For each set of pictures, there are ten differences; in one, an item’s color might be different,
in another, there may be a missing button. How many can you find?
MSN Games - Free Download Games
Embark on a revolutionary puzzle adventure with a twist, where each match moves you
through new tropical habitats and brings a once-thriving paradise back to life. Use powerful forces
of nature to revive lush vegetation, restore a mighty animal kingdom, photograph its renewal,
and uncover the ancient artifacts of a lost Galapagos civilization.
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The Top 16 Bernie Madoff Pet Peeves
16> You have NO idea how uncomfortable it is to smuggle
collateralized mortgage obligations up your ass.
15> The senior numbers-running lifers keep calling him "fresh gefilte."
14> Would have made everybody's money back if they'd just have
let him make that Kentucky Derby bet.
13> When the inmates play "hide the sausage" on you, it's not
kosher. In fact, it's not really sausage.
12> For crying out loud, hasn't anyone around here heard of lubricant?!?
11> Still unable to make passable foie gras from mattress stuffing.
10> It's a rough transition from Palm Beach to "palm bitch."
9> It takes a while to pay $170 billion in restitution when you
earn 17 cents an hour stamping license plates.
8> That fugly new Facebook layout.
7> Smartass guards who greet you daily with "Ayyyyy! It's the Ponz!"
6> Prison cantine doesn't take third-party Cayman island checks.
5> When she moved out, Martha Stewart left the cell a complete *disaster*.
4> He's locked up, yet Spencer Pratt continues to roam free.
Where's the justice in THAT?
3> Thousands of people waiting patiently in the conjugal visit
line so they can do to Bernie what Bernie did to them.
2> Tim Robbins offers to do all the other inmates' taxes but his.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Bernie Madoff Pet Peeve...
1> After giving the 50 cartons of cigarettes he got from the
Aryan Brotherhood to the Crips, he's only got a week to
figure out how to get 60 cartons out of the Mexican Mafia.
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A sad Basset Hound was relating his troubles to his friend. "I'm really depressed all the time
and I think negative thoughts. I'm always bored, I feel listless and I am always tired."
"Why not go see a psychiatrist?" suggested the friend.
"Well, I would," said the Basset Hound, "except that I'm not allowed on the couch."
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I always thought the makers of Depend
undergarments missed the boat by not going
after the lazy-yet-impatient demographic
with the slogan, "When you absolutely,
positively have to take a shit *right now*!"
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The Top 16 Octomom Pet Peeves
16> All those kids underfoot keep nipples in constant jeopardy of being stepped on.
15> "Baby on Board" signs completely block the windows of her SUV.
14> You try to sell *one* kid, and those Nazis at Health and Human Services are all over you.
13> The patronizing looks she gets from Nonamom.
12> Real estate agent can't find any shoes that aren't fixers.
11> Those damn non-welfare-receiving Duggars and their 18 kids
are always hogging the media spotlight.
10> Her biological clock keeps setting off the smoke alarm.
9> Banned for life from Chuck E. Cheese!
8> Your kids have a filibuster-proof majority in Mrs. Davies' third grade class.
7> Douchebag newspaper editors who put her story below the fold.
6> Men and their commitment issues!
5> So much cocoa butter on her stretch marks that she keeps
sliding out of bed.
4> "Dammit! I was only two kids away from getting a free epidural!"
3> Illegal immigrants who drain the government of valuable resources!!!
2> OB-GYN never gets tired of screaming his name to hear the echo.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Octomom Pet Peeve...
1> Can't figure out what to do with the other two nozzles
on the dairy milker.
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Summer Classes for Men at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Friday, September 26th 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED
TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor,
Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures
and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And
Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
On-line Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other
Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and
to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!
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Why Caffeine Abstinence Causes Headaches | ThirdAge Articles
Acute caffeine abstinence increases brain blood flow, an effect that may account for
commonly reported withdrawal headaches, U.S. researchers say
Sunburn S.O.S. | Lifescript.com
Sunburns happen – especially if you’ve skipped the precautions to get a little color. What do you do
when your skin is overcooked? Learn how to diagnose the severity of your burn and
cool the sizzle with LifeScript’s sunburn S.O.S. guide at the site
10 Ways to Ruin Your Skin – Fast! | Lifescript.com
Smoking? Sunning? Staying out late and eating junk?
Those aren’t the only no-nos your skin has to deal with.
The truth is, there are many more bad habits that take a toll on your complexion.
Learn what they are and how to keep your skin looking fresh and young…
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I had this boyfriend who told me he thought I needed
to lose weight. He really hurt my feelings, but he was
right. I'm proud to say I lost 173 pounds, when I
dumped him. I can't tell you how much better I feel.
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My husband likes massages. I booked a masseuse to come
to the house. Wasn't that a good idea? I thought so,
until the doorbell rang, and there was an
eighteen-year-old gorgeous blonde girl standing there
saying, "I'm here to give your husband, a massage."
I said, "He's dead."
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StumbleUpon WebToolbar - Welcome to the Phoenix Freeze & Phoenix Freeze
Often the best ideas are the simplest. A laptop which locks itself as you walk away
with your Blackberry® or iPhone™ and unlocks as you return. Cool, easy, secure!
Great password recovery tools - Freeware, Software and Daily Downloads - The Kim Komando Radio Show
How many passwords do you have to remember? Well, for beginners,
there's your Windows log-on password.
Then, you need to remember the passwords for your banking sites.
And let's not forget about e-mail and shopping sites.
If you're a smart computer user, you've used unique passwords.
That means you'll have a lot of passwords to remember
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pavanco1
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel "pick up your shovel,
mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promise land".
Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses,
and light up a camel, this is the promised land".
Now Obama is going to steal your shovel, kick your asses, raise the price of camels,
and mortgage the promised land
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FOR SALE:
One Used Wife, 1989 Model
Needs muffler, as it is currently VERY LOUD.
Intake valve is stuck in the open position.
Rear end needs major overhaul.
A crack there has grown monstrously large.
Needs re-wiring: many wires are currently crossed.
Lots of little dings in the body, which have been covered
up with too much paint in a failed effort at camouflaging them.
Needs re-upholstering: carpet has turned a dingy gray.
Needs front-end work: headlights are too close to the
ground and fenders are too far apart.
May not pass emissions test, as it currently produces clouds
of foul, malodorous gases on a regular basis.
Heater works great. Hot air is never in short supply.
Asking $500 or trade for 2005 model.
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In honor of the 44th President of the United States of
America, Baskin-Robbins has issued a new flavor,
"Barocky Road".
Barocky Road is a blend of half
vanilla, half chocolate, and surrouded by nuts and flakes.
The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and
usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are
all very bitter and hard to swallow. The cost is $100.00
per scoop. When purchased it will be presented to you in a
large beautiful cone, but then the ice cream is taken away
and given to the person behind you. Thus you are left with
an empty wallet, no change, holding an empty cone, with no
hope of getting ice cream.
Aren't you feeling stimulated?
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The Top 9 Reasons to Shave Your Pubic Hair
chis white topfive.com
PART ONE
9> So the folks at the nudist colony don't notice your back hair.
8> Your renegade lifestyle dictates you sport more of a Fu Manchu'd clam.
7> "Okay, NOW can you find my clitoris?"
6> To match the top of your head, fortysomething.
5> Let's just say it was looking like a Hobbit's camel toe.
4> If you save it up, Chuck Heston can get a new rug.
3> Your cellmate likes his bitches' SlimJims clean.
2> Because lamb's wool can be just like Velcro.
and
Topfive.com's
Number 1 Reason
to
Shave Your Pubic Hair...
1> Your Internet research has shown there are hundreds of
Asian schoolgirls in need of a donation.
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Other Eject Options
I'm sure many of you have read our tips on how to eject a stuck CD from your computer,
but even after going through all those steps, are you still having trouble getting that stubborn
CD to come out? Sometimes those things can be so frustrating and after you mess with it for awhile,
you probably just feel like throwing your whole computer out the window. Am I right?
Well, before you go that far, give these alternative tricks a try.
They may be just what you've been waiting for!
First, try adding something to the CD.
If you put an extra file or another song on it, that might
be enough to coax it out. Also, when you're using a CD, make sure you eject it before
you start up another program. If you leave the CD in its tray while you use other programs,
it could cause some problems. Another thing to try is a simple reboot.
Sometimes when you shut down
your computer and then turn it back on, the CD will eject.
Now, while all of those are good suggestions, they still might not work for you.
So, if that's the case, you may want to try the other tips I mentioned in the first paragraph.
One of them tells you to try the traditional method of right clicking on your CD drive and choosing Eject.
I know that's the problem you're having, but if you try it more than once, it could finally open.
You never know! The other tip we have tells you how to use a paperclip to get your CD out.
You can read all about that here.
Either way you go, I hope you're finally able to get your
CD out so that you can enjoy your life in happy CD bliss once again!
Erin - worldstart.com
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HOOSIER-HUNK
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and
to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his penis.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd
lift your hat.."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."
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Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises
on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey?"
"No"
"Do you play soccer?"
"No"
"Do you play any other physical sport?"
"Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife."
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Someone famous said, "You can learn a lot
about people by what they carry in their
wallets." So true, famous person. Most
importantly, anyone dating or married to
one of our contribs would learn plenty.
And should be afraid. Very, very afraid.
The Top 9 Disturbing Things to Find in Your SO's Wallet
9> A photo signed "You were the best I ever had, Love, Ron Jeremy."
8> A "Buy 5, Get 1 Free" card from the VD clinic, with 4 holes
already punched.
7> Pictures of his previous four wives, each with an "X" through the face.
6> Nude photos of Rush Limbaugh.
5> Bill Clinton's home address and phone number.
4> It's not so much what is in the wallet, but that it is made
from the skin of his last girlfriend.
3> $150 cash. Only disturbing because it's what's left of his
sub-prime investment portfolio.
2> Pictures of your mother, taken with his upskirt shoe-cam.
and the Number 1 Disturbing Thing
to Find in Your SO's Wallet...
1> A ticket stub to last year's Ax Murderer's Convention in
Fresno. Cool people *never* go to Fresno.
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The Top 9 Things That Make a Parent Smile
9> Summer camp. Sweet, blessed summer camp.
8> The colicky baby drops in a heap, asleep from exhaustion, a
full 10 minutes before you do.
7> The serenity that comes with the knowledge: Those aren't MY children.
6> Um, how do you think we got to BE parents?
5> The Bidens are available to sit at a moment's notice.
4> The kid who suffers night terrors RSVP'ed to your daughter's
birthday sleepover party invitation, and can't make it.
3> The dog-eared copy of "Goodnight Moon" finally found its way
to last week's trash pickup. And the bookstore is presently
closed for the night.
2> A Barbie shoe can pass through a four-year old's digestive
tract with no apparent harm to either.
and the Number 1 Thing That Makes a Parent Smile...
1> It's Dad's weekend to have the boys. And they've all just been
given an arsenal of cap guns and a pitcher of sweetened cherry
Kool-Aid apiece.
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Click here: Debsnewsletter - Archives
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The Top 16 Quotes From Animal Mystery Novels
(Part II)
16> "Listen, babe, I don't care what kind of bitch you've been in
the past or what kind you are now," I answered, "And I don't
care what bone the two of you had to pick with one another.
I'm a bloodhound. It's what I do. I'll find him for you."
15> "All right, wise guy, time to talk. Who was the lookout? Who?
Who?! WHO?!?" demanded Chief Owl.
14> I knew the kind of dame: A bivalve, just out of her larval
stage, encrusted to the nearest hard surface substrate she
could find in the intertidal zone.
13> He was a slimy one, all right, and she could see him off in
the distance, some two feet away. It might take days, but
Samantha Snail was on his trail and would catch up to him --
eventually.
12> He crept quietly across the room like a herd of cockroaches
in the snow. Suddenly -- a noise! His head snapped to one
side like the business end of a locker-room towel. But it
was no use; nothing made sense, because he was a bad dog.
A bad metaphor dog.
11> Chief Inspector Rex, haunted by how his once-peaceful precinct
had become a dog-eat-dog neighborhood, maintained his steely
resolve to sniff out Labrador Lecter.
10> Was I dreaming, or just drunk? I could've *sworn* I saw a
puddy tat. I turned to leave, when suddenly a menacing figure
blocked the doorway! I did! I did! I did see a puddy tat!
9> "Expectoramus," he shouted, waving his wand. Well, he WOULD
have shouted and waved, if he'd had vocal chords and opposable
thumbs. As it was, Nick Newt couldn't do much to halt the
steady progress the wizard was making towards gouging out
his eyes.
8> The masked burglars tied up, tortured, then killed Mittens'
human family. Running out with their loot, one of them
stepped on Mittens' tail. Mittens yowled, then narrowed
her eyes. Now, it was personal.
7> Fido poked his head around the corner and saw Killer, digging
a hole to bury the bones. He decided not to reveal himself and
began to mentally record the scene so that later he could--
SQUIRREL!!!! OMG SQUIRRELSQUIRRELSQUIRRELSQUIRREL!!!!!!
6> As he swam about his office, a million questions ran through
Gilbert's head; questions like "Where's my food?", "When do
I get my food?" and "Hey! Is that my food?"
5> I was pondering the irony of a SWAT team surrounding the pad
of suspected fly killer Hoppy Hoover when across town, his
legless body was discovered in the alley behind Le Cafe
Saint Germain.
4> That cocktail dress set me to boiling, but I saw right through
her. After all, she was a brine shrimp.
3> Bessie smiled contently as she staked out the shadowy barn.
She had an iron-clad case against the suspects, and had been
tipped about their hideout. Though she'd prefer to make quick
work of this, she knew it was best to remain patient. She
could wait till the cows came home.
2> "So I put it to all 12 of you: This man could not be
responsible for the hit and run, because he did NOT, in
fact, throw the ball! It was in his hand THE ENTIRE TIME!"
and
Topfive.com's
Number 1
Quote From an
Animal Mystery Novel...
1> "How can I ever repay you?" she asked breathlessly, the slit
on the side of her skirt opening like a fresh wound. I may
be slow, but I'm not stupid. I stared her right in the eyes
and said with a steady voice, "Let me bill you." A little
intimacy was all I needed. That's all Duck Tracy ever needs.
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XXXX
Boobs on Bikes
Open Me
Amateur Screw
Curly Fan
She's In Charge
Sharing
Sizzling Hot
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Rockin' and Rollin'
makes no endorsement or warranty, expressed or implied, with regard
to featured products or services. Results may vary based on operating
systems and other variables beyond our control
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Another issue on it's way to YOU! and another one already in the making!
So meet us back
here next week, same time - same place
but remember, no matter where you are or what you are doing,
never,
ever,
EVER
forget to
keep on rockin'
it's a state of mind
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©1999 - 2009 - Deborah Austin - All rights reserved and held by Rockin' and Rollin'
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