Editor: DebsSweet
Graphic Editors: Ditziexx, LuvintheCountry,
CrispySue, Kittykab
??
Have you noticed that every year around this time through the Christmas
season that people start sending out emails (little stories) about something
very sad! I am happy this time of year so please don't send me those sad emails!
Thank you!
If you would like to SIGN UP or BE REMOVED from this mailing list,
please send an email
to me at AOL and your request will be handled promptly.
Kick up your feet and put your problems behind you cause darlin' it's
time to ROCK AND ROLL!
- and don't forget to buckle your seatbelts, cause it's going to be a
wild ride!
submitted by BADVETTE87
An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman were
sitting in a bar in Sydney. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and
the food exceptional. "But," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs
back home. Why in Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's.
Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that
when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink for you."
"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, the Red Lion, the barman there
will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahh, that's nothin'," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's
Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy
you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've
had enough to drink they'll take you upstairs and see that you get
laid. All on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the
Irishman's claims. He swears every word is true.
"Well," said the Englishman. "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not myself personally, no." said the Irishman. But it did happen to
my sister!"
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New York City Police today reported finding a body in the
Hudson River. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive
alcohol consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a
red garter belt, a strap-on dildo, and a New York Yankees jersey.
He also had a cucumber stuffed up his ass.
The police thoughtfully removed the Yankees jersey to spare the
family any unnecessary embarrassment.
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wow - an amazing landing with only one wing
submitted by indianagene
Color Photographs from the FSA and OWI Home Page
America from the Great Depression to WWII - tons of pictures!
2. THE BIGGEST SCAM IN HISTORY
As far as I know so far, this is true.
3. http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/o052.jpg
awww - they care!
submitted by pavanco1
CK Scrapbook Online Community - Free Downloads for Fast Holiday Projects
Make it easy, save yourself time and get creative during the holidays using your computer!
Quite simply, it’s just one awesome time-saver wrapped in a neat little package with a bow on top.
Your computer is the perfect present when you’re at your busiest.
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"I've good news
for you," said the psychiatrist. "You're a well man. It
won't be necessary for you to continue the analysis any longer."
"How wonderful, doctor," said the patient. "I'm so very pleased,
I wish
there were something special I could do for you in return."
"Oh, that's not necessary. You've paid your bill and that's
all that's expected."
"But really, doctor, I'm so elated I could kiss you!"
"No, don't do that. Actually, we shouldn't even be lying here
on the couch together."
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submitted by HOOSIER-HUNK
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The Top 16 Differences If the Election Were Run by
Dogs
16> Vote tabulation has to be restarted every time someone spots
a squirrel.
15> Lots of growling whenever someone mentions that Gore is a vet.
14> Although not on the ballot, Perot still lands 100% of "yappy
little dog vote."
13> "What's that, Lassie? You say Grandpa Tim might have
accidentally voted for Buchanan? Good catch, girl!"
12> Debates preceded by a few minutes sniffing Jim Lehrer's ass.
11> Entire election thrown into chaos when it's alleged that
thousands of voters *appeared* to throw ballots into box
but actually just hid them behind their backs.
10> Voters even more easily distracted by butterfly ballots.
9> Before the hand recount, Ralph Nader caught rubbing bacon
grease next to his name on all the ballots.
8> Spaying and neutering drastically reduces number of pregnant chads.
7> "Exit Polling" just a fancy name for butt sniffing.
6> In Pit Bull County, hand counts are taken literally.
5> "Mr. Candidate, please respond to the question: Do you wanna
go to the park? Huh? Huh? Wanna catch the
ball?"
4> No difference at all: Either way, you end up with a steaming
pile of democracy!
3> Looking for an edge, Al Gore changes his name to Al Po.
2> "And if you elect me president, I promise to execute Mariah
Carey."
and Topfive.com's Number 1
Difference
if the Election Were Run
by Dogs...
1> Palm Beach ballots confusing? Time to put grandma to sleep.
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submitted by HOOSIER-HUNK
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During court one day, Judge Claudia Jordan quietly passed her clerk a note:
"Blind on right
side," it read. "May be falling. Please call someone."
Understandably alarmed, the clerk called for help before whispering to the
judge that paramedics were on their way.
Puzzled, Judge Jordan
pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right side of the room and
explained,
"I wanted someone from maintenance."
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Definition of an elephant:
A mouse built to government specifications.
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Men are like...
Men are like ...
old car tires
Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.
Men are like .. plastic wrap
Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.
Men are like ... department stores
Their clothes should always be half off.
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Knowing
When to Bring Your Amphibian or Reptile to the Vet
Sometimes, being a herp owner seems to require more knowledge
upfront than you might have. You can discover a lot, however,
about what to expect from your herp by watching him as he feeds,
sleeps, moves about his cage, and interacts with you. More...
Related Articles
Getting
Acquainted with Amphibians
Feeding
Your Pet Amphibian or Reptile
Reptile
Reality Check
How to Pet Proof Your Home for the Holidays
The bright colors and intoxicating scents of the holiday season are enough to transform any moping mutt or
cranky cat from melancholy to downright jolly. Unfortunately, many of the delights and
decorations of the holidays pose significant risks to companion animals.
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*submitted by BADVETTE87
A young lady comes home from a date rather upset. She tells her mother,
"Lenny
proposed to me an hour ago."
"Then why are you sad?" her mother asks.
"Because he also told me he is an atheist," the girl responds.
"Mom, he doesn't even
believe there's a hell."
Her mother replies, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us,
we'll show him how wrong he is."
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The Top
8 Things Your Pet Regrets Having Sniffed
8> New Jersey, just like the rest of us.
7> Your laundry. It's so utterly, disgustingly clean.
6> The butt of that pit bull with the personal-space issues.
5> The pilot light.
4> That funny looking steamhole in the ground at Yellowstone
National Park.
3> The rabbit under the covers after Mexican buffet night.
2> Those roses in the garden. The ones infested with killer bees.
and the Number 1 Thing Your Pet Regrets Having Sniffed...
1> The white powder in the envelope you were about to mail to
your former employer.
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v
submitted by HOOSIER-HUNK
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submitted by indianagene
I just got a text message that said things are looking up.
Dick Cheney
invited Obama on a hunting trip.
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submitted by jacksinfla
A TYPICAL DAY IN RETIREMENT IN
FLORIDA
We get up at 5:00 am, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning
Walk and Talk Club. There are about 30 of us. Rain or shine we walk
around the streets, all talking at once. After a nimble walk
avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower
and change for the next activity.
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v
My wife goes directly to the pool for her under water Pilates
class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR.
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I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my mid-calf
shorts, my socks and
sandals and go to the club
house lobby for a nice nap.
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Before you know it it's time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake
of the many tasty samples
dispensed by ladies in white
hair nets. All free!
After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments, we might
go to the flea market to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.
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We're usually back home by 2 PM to get ready for dinner. People
start
lining up for the early bird about 3 PM, but we get there by 3:45
because we are late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the
large portions they serve. You can take home enough food for the next
day's lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, sweet-and-low
packets and mints.
At 5:30 pm we're home ready to watch the 6 o'clock news. By 6:30 we're fast
asleep. Then we get up and make 5 or 6 trips to the bathroom during the
night and it's time to get up and start a new day all over again.
Doctor related activities will eat up most of your retirement
time. I
enjoy reading old magazines in sub zero temperatures in the waiting room,
so I don't mind. Calling for test results also help the days fly by. It
takes at least half an hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu.
Then there is the hold time until you are connected to the right party.
Sometimes they forget you are holding, and the whole office goes to lunch.
Many of the receptionists are quite rude. They keep you standing
at that dopey little, closed glass window,
totally ignoring you.
After 1/2 an hour, I ignore the 'Do not tap on the window' sign and tap on the
window.
This always drives them nuts. If you do, they put down their Egg McMuffin
or their copy of the Enquirer,
and fling open the window,
ready for a fight. I lie, explaining I tapped on the window accidentally
because
I have Parkinson's.
They claim they are required to keep the window closed because of
the
privacy law but I don't
believe it. Are they afraid if I were to overhear
Sol Lipshitz has hemorrhoids, that I would blackmail him or sell the
information to a foreign government? In Florida everyone has hemorrhoids!
Choosing a development with suitable amenities is an important
decision.
The various clubs in these
communities provide most of the activities. Our
development has over 300 clubs. There's something for everyone. Clubs
like the kidney donating club, the East meets West club, not to be
confused with the West meets East club, etc. A truly active
community is one where the ambulance is there several times a day and is
part of the Travel Club.
Mostly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive
name. Italian names are
very popular in
Florida. They convey... world traveler, uppity sophistication and wealth.
Where
would you rather live... Murray's Condo's or the Lakes Of Venice?
There is no difference. They are both owned by Murray who happens to be a
cheap SOB.
I hope this material has been of some help to you future
retirees. If I can be
of any further assistance, please look me up when you're in Florida. I
live in 'The Leaning Condos of Pisa,' in Boynton Beach.
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submitted by KP1983
ButYouDontLookSick.com : 1-800-Toll Free Numbers for Health Information
ButYouDontLookSick.com magazine is about living life to the fullest with any disability, invisible disease,
or chronic pain and features a collection of articles, personal stories, book and product reviews,
health resources and an active message board for the disabled, or those living with chronic pain or illness.
A "Bad" Habit That Helps You Live Longer? - RealAge Tip of the Day
Some of us just can’t live without our morning coffee fix.
And some
of us may be feeling a little guilty about that.
Not to worry. Your morning cup of joe could actually be helping you live
longer.
A recent study has linked coffee drinking to a reduced risk of death, regardless of the cause
Women's Hands More Germy Than Men's
Wash your hands, folks, especially you ladies. A new study found that women have a greater variety of
bacteria on their hands than men do.
And everybody has more types of bacteria than the researchers expected to find.
Let the Vitamin D Shine | ThirdAge Articles
Soon, the sun will be merely a rumor for long stretches during waking hours,
and darkness will dominate our senses and moods.
As if that weren't depressing enough, here's another grim thought:
You most likely will become significantly deficient in vitamin D.
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submitted by HOOSIER-HUNK
The 23rd Psalm according to Obama.....
Obama Is My Shepherd,
I Shall Not Want.
He Leadeth Me Beside Still Factories,
He Restoreth My Faith In The Republican Party. He Guideth Me In The
Paths Of Unemployment. Yea, Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The
Bread Line, I Shall Not Go Hungry.
Obama Has Anointed My Income With Taxes, My Expenses Runneth Over My Income,
Surely, Poverty And Hard Living Will Follow Me All The Days Of My Life.
The Democrats And I Will Live Forever In a Rented Room. But I Am Glad I
Am an American,
I Am Glad That I Am Free.
But I Wish I Was A Dog
And Obama A Tree.
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Exe Wrapper allows you to protect any Exe-file with its own password from non-authorized execution.
And it can modify the main icon of the .exe file. Exe Wrapper can change the main icon of executable file.
Exe Wrapper can also bind special argument to an Exe-file. If you don't want to go on wrapping the exe-file,
you can unwrap the exe file to original exe-file with this software.
Version 2.3 may include unspecified updates, enhancements, or bug fixes.
Am I going to try this? You bet I am
Invisible Secrets 4 hides your private data into innocent looking files, like pictures, or web pages.
It also features: strong encryption algorithms; a locker that allows you to password protect certain applications;
a password management solution and a real-random password generator; a shredder that helps you destroy
beyond recovery files, folders and internet traces; the ability to create self-decrypting packages;
secured password transfer. Version 4.6 features: Windows Vista compatibility.
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v
Black-Eyed Pea Casserole
2 pkgs (6 oz each) long grain and wild rice mix
2 lbs ground beef
2 medium onions, chopped
2 small green peppers, chopped
2 cans (15 1/2 oz each) black-eyed peas with jalapenos, rinsed and drained
2 cans (10 3/4 oz each) condensed cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
Cook the rice mixes according to package directions. Meanwhile in a
large skillet, cook the beef, onions and green pepper over medium heat
until the meat is no longer pink. Drain.
Combine the peas, soup, rice and beef mixture. Pour into two greased
2 1/2 quart baking dishes. Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes
or until heated through. Uncover, sprinkle with cheese and bake 5 minutes longer
or until cheese is melted.
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submitted by HOOSIER-HUNK
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WILD RICE CASSEROLE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
FOR RICE
1 cup dry wild rice
2 cups chicken broth or water
1/2 tsp salt
1 TBL butter
1 small Jar marinated artichoke hearts, drained
1 small onion chopped
1 cup sliced white button mushrooms
1 TBL balsamic vinegar
1/2 lemon juice
1 TBL butter
splash Extra virgin olive oil
2 pinches dry orgeano
2 pinches dry thyme
1 pinch salt
ground pepper
1 can Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup shredded parmesan
1/2 cup shredded smoked gouda (or any white cheese)
1/3 cup sliced almonds
DIRECTIONS: Preheat oven to 350. Cook wild rice according
to package directions..or bring water/oil and salt to a
boil, stir in rice, cover and simmer for at least 25 -35
minutes. Let rice sit for 15 minutes before uncovering.
Saute onions, mushrooms in butter/oil, add balsamic,
lemon juice, spices and salt about 7 minutes or so - until
brown and tender. Set aside to cool. In a mixing bowl,
combine drained artichoke hearts, soup, sautéed onion/mushroom
mixture, cheeses and wild rice. Pour into casserole dish
that has been sprayed with cooking oil. Top rice dish with
sliced almonds. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.
Yield: Serves 4 - 6
Categories: Side Dishes
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
HELPFUL RICE HINTS
When cooking rice, always use a 2 to 1 ratio:
2 cups liquid
1 cup rice
Consider using any type of broth as a substitute for
water when cooking rice.
Make sure you let rice "set" without uncovering or
stirring for at least 15 minutes before serving.
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submitted by HOOSIER-HUNK
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submitted by indianagene
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a
special
effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for
a drive in the car for some bonding time.
Just he and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel
like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that
she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her
grandfather. 'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?' 'Oh yes,
PaPa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single
dumb bastard or lousy shit head anywhere we went today!'
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submitted by HOOSIER-HUNK
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There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, you're a tight 'n
She cried 'pon my soul
You're in the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one.
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This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a
problem with sex.
"Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
Well, Canadian beer," he replies quite bemused.
"Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly Canadian
beers..
you should try drinking American beer.
That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face.
He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink American beer??" asked the doctor.
"Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on
Canadian beer!"
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submitted by DeVulcano
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v
"Oprah Winfrey says she would not accept the role of an am-
bassador to a foreign country if it were offered to her by
Barack Obama. On the other hand, Obama did announce that
his new surgeon general is Dr. Phil."
Conan O'Brien
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There was this guy who was half Irish, half Scottish. He
wanted a drink in the worst way, but he couldn't bring
himself to buy one!
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Purple Yummy
Ingredients:
- 1 oz Blue Curacao (Bols)
- 1 oz Peach schnapps (De Kuyper)
- 1 oz Light rum (Bacardi)
- 1 oz Vodka (Ketel One)
- 1 oz Grenadine (Rose's)
- 3 oz Sprite or 7-Up
Mixing instructions:
Mix in cocktail shaker with ice cubes to chill. Strain into glass, adorn with cherries.
Mister Wu
Ingredients:
- 1 oz Vodka
- 2 oz Bourbon
- 3 oz Lemon-lime soda
- 1 dash Orange juice
Mixing instructions:
Pour two ounces of whiskey and ounce of vodka on ice into a regular glass.
Add three ounces of lemon-lime soda and a dash of orange juice.
Serve and enjoy
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The
over-65 crowd is the fastest growing
segment of the population, but med and
nursing
schools aren’t producing
nearly enough
geriatricians. Surgeons can make more
money,
and treating older folks just isn’t “sexy.”
But
we know there are benefits to working with
the
“Silver Tsunami” that’s coming
our way.
The Top 6 Reasons Geriatric Medicine Is Cooler Than Surgery
6> Surgeons keep titanium screws and rods for souvenirs.
Geriatricians get much cooler kidney and gall stones.
5> Surgeons never make house calls. Geriatrician house calls?
Pack sunblock and golf clubs, baby!
4> Early Bird Specials start at 4 pm, and they're in bed by 7, so
your last appointment starts by 3. We get on the golf course
*hours* before the surgeons do!
3> Old, wrinkly, naked bodies: slightly unappealing. Wide-open
old, wrinkly, naked bodies: smelly, slimy mess. No contest.
2> *Your* "frequent flyers" usually aren't covered in puke and
blood.
and the Number 1 Reason
Geriatric
Medicine Is Cooler Than
Surgery...
1> Fewer harassment complaints. Instead of *thinking* you're
trying to get them to disrobe for prurient reasons, they're
*hoping* you are.
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DOUBLE BAKED SWEET POTATOES
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
INGREDIENTS:
6 sweet potatoes (medium sized)
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
8 ounces softened cream cheese
1/3 cup brown sugar
4 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1/3 cup chopped walnuts
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Rub skins with oil wrap each
in aluminum foil. Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour, or
until soft when poked in the center. In a large bowl combine
cream cheese, brown sugar, butter, vanilla, salt and pepper.
Slice each baked potato in half lengthwise and scoop flesh
into the creamy mixture. Caution they will be very hot so
this works best using a clean towel to hold the potato.
Mix well and fold in walnuts. Spoon mixture evenly back
into each potato skin and bake for about 10-15 minutes more
at 350 degrees just to heat through.
Yield: 12 Servings
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submitted by indianagene
http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm153/rafa_cervas_2008/A6Flower.jpg
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In the space age, man will be able to go around the world in two
hours - one hour for flying and one hour to get to the airport.
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The first submarine sandwich was introduced in the late
1800's. Wouldn't you know it? The company went under.
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A pedestrian is someone who thought there
were a couple of gallons
left in the tank.
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v
A woman, who had been married and divorced twice, went on a hunting
trip to South Africa. In the course of the journey into the wilds,
her safari group came across some cannibals.
The balance of the crew told her, "You're ok, but we must leave
-- immediately!"
She inquired as to why she was ok, if the rest of them had
to run for their lives. The leader of the safari responded,
"Cannibals learned years ago not to eat divorced women. They are
always bitter!"
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Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems
and then campaign against them.
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submitted by
HOOSIER-HUNK
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Q: Why are batteries better than men?
A: Batteries have at least one positive side.
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A husband and wife, both seniors, are always teasing each other
about the symptoms of old age, needing stronger glasses, aches
and pains, forgetfulness.
One morning his wife was grumbling that she couldn't find one of
her socks, then there was a pause.
"You found it?" he asked.
"Yes," she replied sheepishly. "I put both of 'em on the same
foot."
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A recent study found that 35% of men have been injured while
undoing a woman's bra. That's correct. While unfastening a
woman's stabilizing devise, men have received strained tendons,
scratches, and other similar injuries.
Actually, I can vouch for that. I got injured today while trying
to undo a woman's bra. When I undid the woman in front of me in
the checkout line, she turned and hit me with a can of peas.
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14 Sneakiest Computer Viruses - Switched
As more computer users become wise to viruses, the criminals behind them are often a few steps ahead.
Some malware infects your computer without you ever realizing it and then can truly mess up your life.
Others arrive as a result of user mistakes, then do their dirty work undetected.